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Name: ceci | Date: Dec 28th, 2007 9:33 PM
Why does this happen to us? I have been a good wife, and good mother to our 3 children. He has just fallen out of love, won't leave because of the children but has totally abandoned me emotionally. I am lost I love him so and don't know what to do. I am afraid of what a divorce would do to our kids and to me emotionally as well. He has said he does not love me but than takes it back, I am so hurt and confused, I don't know what's next. This has been the worse year of my life.......... 

Name: Dina | Date: Dec 29th, 2007 12:42 AM
Oh Ceci , I am so sorry!! I wish there were a magic potion that could make you feel instantly better... a potion that we could all take to boost our self esteem.. our self worth.. our sense of direction and purpose..unfortunately you are stuck with us here in the land of broken dreams and broken promises...understand that you are not alone.. that the pain you feel will get better.. You are in a situation that seems to have a few separate solutions.. you are teetering on the edge of a precipice... Jumping is incredibly scary .. that would mean a total change of your way of life... holding on is just as scary... because sometimes no matter how hard we hold on to the edge.. we slip sweety or someone releases us... I have been married 18 years ...3 months ago my husband told me that he didnt want to be with me anymore.. that he didnt love me the way a wife should be loved... not long after that he let me in the fact that he had a 3 different lovers and had been cheating on me for years... We had what I thought was a good marriage..We seldom fought.. usually over money issues.. which seems to be common in any marriage etc. I loved him.. still love him so much some days I feel as though I have been shattered into a million pieces. Not only do I hurt for myself but for my 5 year old son who is still suffering from my husbands decision to leave.. I am asked day after day.. Mommy why are you and daddy broken?? Mommy why wont daddy come home?? It is truly heartbreaking. My husband however sees none of this.. he is off working his way through mid-life crisis ... sleeping with many different women and oblivious to the pain he has caused...He tells me everything still... even when I dont wont to hear it... He says he has good days and bad days but isnt as "emotional" as I am. Oh Ceci I wish I could tell you everything will be fine.. I wish I could pull out some really perfect advice to give you.. however we on this page are all in the same boat... we just cant imagine why why why this has happened.. The only thing I can tell you sweety is prepare yourself.. sock a little money away in case things get worse... prepare yourself and your children.. and take care of yourself ... understand that this is his decision not yours ... You can make it through this.. Just believe in yourself.... if you need to talk my email is [email protected].. 

Name: Klo | Date: Dec 29th, 2007 4:08 AM
My husband said the same thing to me after he came home from Iraq...He is completely isolated and in denial about our marriage, and plus he has not called me in over two weeks..Any advise? 

Name: Dina | Date: Dec 30th, 2007 3:05 AM
Hi there Klo, my guess is that your husband has been through an immense amount of pressure and trauma... Give him time sweety.. Perhaps at this point he has some unresolved issues that he is not talking to you about.. there could be guilt , stress , post traumatic stress syndrome.. if he is isolating himself there must be a reason. For now sweety, try to take care of yourself.. Know that there is nothing you have done..and wait till you have further information..Take care sweety, if you need to talk just email me.. D 

Name: MLJM? | Date: Dec 30th, 2007 6:05 PM
Wow, let me start by saying that my thoughts and prayers are with you all. I am a single woman who is 30 and decided a long time ago to learn about me first before I got married. Unfortunately, I am having the harsh reality of accepting that in 2007, marriage is not based on the same precepts of yesteryear. I am reading these stories and I see strong women who are warriors and champions for their children and most importantly themselves first. I found this site because my little sister and brother are going through the same thing. I feel like I can only pray for her because I can't give her advice because I have not experienced such a thing. I want to know what can someone do in support of her while going through this time??I am praying, fasting and hopeful that things will work out. I guess the thing that baffles me is that they were the couple that has something special... it was so deep every time people saw them they commented on the connection. He was always very verbose about his love for her as well. Now he's spouting, "I dont want to be married anymore, my grandfather was wild, my dad was wild...it must be in me..." 5 days later she discovers she is pregnant with their 3rd child. Within three weeks before he made this declaration, they both lost their jobs, both cars were destroyed, had to take the kids out of day care and he was also a full time student. (Alot right??) I feel like he punked out because he felt he couldn't take care of them as a man. He just walked out . He said that his married lifestyle is not conducive with the life style he feels his missed out on because he married too young.... It's just too much... So ok??? Again, does anyone have any thoughts??? Again, I have no desire to preach or lend advice. I feel that praying for the best and being an ear is cool... but just for my own peace, I was wondering if anyone ever successfully gotten through this?? God Bless You All and keep your chin up!!! 

Name: vicki | Date: Dec 31st, 2007 8:20 PM
dina,, How are you!!!! I hope your days are getting better, I am not doing so well, its like I still feel completely lost and my depression is getting worse for me. It's been 3 months since he left, it seems like forever still. I thought of everyone during the holidays, mine was just ok, not as good as I would have liked. All we can do is one day at a time, for me anyway. I was doing better but lately I have feel back to pure sadness and feel so so lost!! My friends say everything is going to be ok, but I just can't seem to grasp the thought. I hope that you and Gail are moving faster than myself!! Have you heard from you husband at all. I hardly ever talk to mine. When I see him on the highway I get so upset and it ruins my whole day. I still do not sleep very well at all, maybe 2 or 3 hours a night, and that's on a good night, I am so tired but just can't sleep. Well take care and hope to hear from you soon, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!! V 

Name: Dina | Date: Jan 1st, 2008 11:44 PM
Hi there Vickie, I am so sorry you have been down sweety. I have too.. this was the worst holiday of my entire life. It has been 3 months for me also.. I went to the store a week before christmas and bought a bunch of baking stuff .. brought it home and sat in the Kitchen staring at it wondering why on earth I bought it.. I spent a good deal of the holiday season crying and wondering the same ole same ole.. why why why...then I came to the conclusion in the last few days that I need to use this time in my life as a stepping off point. Today is New Years and my resolution is basically not to make any resolutions.. to start my healing now.. I have terrible days and good days.. and my friends also are saying the same thing... you will get over this ..blah blah blah... it doesnt help that none of them have had a marriage last as long as mine ... or that they just dont seem to understand the extent of my grieving. Honey you are not alone.. that seems to me to be the single most important thing for you to understand.. You are NOT ALONE! Go to the store honey and buy yourself some unisom.. I have had to use it too and still most my nights are spent awake..even when I go to bed I lay awake.. the fact that you are sleep deprived doesnt help your sadness one little bit.. its not good for you.. focus on yourself honey...focus on fixing that sleeping problem first and treat yourself to something.. understand that you are deserving of love and compassion ... but you have to start with giving that to yourself as well.. I have faith that you will make it through honey.. and I have faith in myself too.. if you need to talk you know where I am.. email me..all my love sweety!

Name: vicki | Date: Jan 2nd, 2008 2:32 PM
dina, Just to hear your truewords helps me so much, I know you can't fix my problem but you kindness and your time to listen and response seems to help alot. I can just tell that you a warm person and truly think about other during your own pain and grief. Thanks for the sleeping advice, I'll try that!! I do hope to get the great opportinty to meet such a warm caring person like you. I have great friends that do care alot, but just don't know the extent of this horrible pain within. You have been there so I do know for a fact the you for sure understand the dept of this lost and sadness that I feel, thanks to all that really know this awful sadness within our good souls,because we all are great people, or we would care so much about what happened to us and the people around us. Take care and hope to hear from you again, or anyone else. vicki 

Name: vicki | Date: Jan 2nd, 2008 8:11 PM
dina, Look up the song by 3 doors down, landing in London. it is a great song. I listen to it everyday, I somehow relate to it. Let me know what you thing about it. Music is such a healer, and I can relate to it alot, its my best friend sometimes. Later, vicki 

Name: DINA | Date: Jan 4th, 2008 2:51 AM
Hi ya Vickie!
I just listened to that song , I have never heard it and I like it! I have one for you now .. Look this one up ...Its called
Miss Halfway .. its from Greys Anatomy.. Look it up
It is very very good !
Myspace address is http://www.myspace.com/whimsies_by_dina
ask to be added to friends.. You might like this site.. there are alot of people with like experiences..
Take care sweety!!
See ya soon!

Name: DINA | Date: Jan 7th, 2008 5:10 AM

I looked at my 5 year old in astonishment...I was at a complete loss for words...As my eyes teared up ...and spilled over... my little boy came over to me, put his hand in mine and said " IT'S OKAY MOMMY...SOMETIMES I CRY TOO...."

Ladies...sometimes I think our little ones are much more aware then we think they are. I have spent 3 1/2 months trying to hide my anguish from my little boy...and in the middle of a dinner conversation...he let me know that I was'nt fooling anyone.
I quickly dried my eyes ...and told him that mommy was fine... and that everyone cried once in awhile...He looked at me with those beautiful eyes and said..." I MISS HIM TOO MOMMY BUT WE WILL BE FINE...I PROMISE. "

Such wisdom from a young soul...after I put him down I had a very long cry..as a matter of fact I havent stopped yet...as much as I have tried to protect him, and shield him from the pain I feel... He still knows when mommy is hurting inside...but then again ......."everything will be alright "...ladies...we have to cry before we can heal...
Hope you guys had a better night then I did...
Take Care.

Name: can't believe | Date: Jan 7th, 2008 3:59 PM

I don't BELIEVE what I'm reading here....

OK, consider for a moment the simple platitude... "if the grass is greener on the other side, it's time to water your lawn"

Marriage is (or at least was, at one time) a sacred union. It's for better or worse, richer or poorer, till death do you part, right?

Nowhere in any vows that I've heard is it "...until something better comes along, or until I change my mind..."

While the feelings many of you have described are totally normal, the conclusion some have drawn from them is totally immature, irrresponsible and self-serving.

It's a sad comment on the state of marriage in this country that you can get out of a supposed life-long union better than you can a mortgage, business contract or car loan.

For anyone interested in another way at looking at this, go to marriagebuilders.com and look in the discussion forums, specifically in the infidelity section. You'll find many betrayed spouses who's waywards have said EXACTLY the kinds of things being spouted here.

OK, your spouse is a great husband, father, isn't abusive, loves you, etc., yet you are already feeding on the attention of someone else???

The problem is in YOU, not your spouse. I recommend you begin counseling and look into your OWN issues first. Having an affair - and that's what you're REALLY talking about - will almost surely lead to incredible pain and hurt for your husband, children and both families.

And what, again, is the reason? Oh yeah, you don't "WANT" to be married anymore...

PLEASE go the mentioned site and get some perspective on how to BUILD a marriage, not destroy it... 

Name: DINA | Date: Jan 7th, 2008 5:33 PM

Name: Dina | Date: Jan 7th, 2008 7:46 PM
My apologies Ladies, My language was not appropriate , however I lost my temper. The reason is self explanatory considering the fact that this person did not even bother to read anything anyone here has written..the forum is a wonderful place to meet people in like situations.. You guys mean the world to me ...The horrible blow I experienced due to my husband of 18 years leaving me for a 19 year old girl, has been lessoned due to you fantastic women out there who have cared enough to chime in and tell me your stories...I am here for each and every one of you during this difficult time...The person above has been reported...
Take care...

Name: vicki | Date: Jan 8th, 2008 3:31 PM
way to go girl, can't belive person is not right in my eyes either. We are not self-serving people, the man that left us is the self-serving person here.
we are the ones that stayed and tried to do the right thing here,their the ones that are not responsable for their actions, not us.
we did the right thing. I think the other person that made the comment has a guilty feeling in their life. I saw your picture and you are extremely buitiful young lady inside and out. We will stick together on what we believe and stand for no matter what. hope to hear from you soon. Oh, I loved the song. vicki 

Name: Gail | Date: Jan 8th, 2008 10:53 PM
It's me again (smile)... Well Dina; I had to comment after reading about your conversation with your son ... it is sad but true that we always think we are hiding what is going on but even the youngest children can sense when something is wrong ...

Okay now ... your husband was a ASS for leaving his wife of 18 years for a baby!!! Yes a baby ... 19 years old is still a baby ... but let's see how he feels in a few years when she leaves him ... he will feel the hurt he has caused you and you will by then have moved on to a happier better life.

I didn't really understand the comments of the guy you blasted ... it was obvious that he hadn't read what we were talking about all this time ... I ignore those comments (smile).

Just wanted to step in and tell you I am still thinking about you and praying for you and yours. 

Name: Dina | Date: Jan 9th, 2008 2:10 AM
Gail and Vicki, Thanks so much for the support ! I did lose my temper and you are right Gail I should ignore comments like that. However after that particular post... (I was in so much pain) I just kinda lost my temper! However there really is no call for that kind of language. Somedays I feel like I am living in a sea of possiblilities and other days like I can barely keep my head above the water. I hope that you are both fairing better than I am these days. I have started back to the gym and am slowly trying to box away the grief and move on with my life. I just wanted to say that I would never be able to get through this difficult time with out you guys. It really does help to have people to talk too who truly understand how you feel! You guys are the best!
I hope you had a great New Years!
Well see ya soon

Name: vicki | Date: Jan 9th, 2008 4:03 PM
Dear Dina and Gail, Gail, thank you so much for being there for us,your so considerate of others. There's a saying, My precious precious child, I love you and I would never leave you,
during your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you." Dina, I did cry when I read your words the other day, I feel your pain still, I am feeling the same, out at sea in a fog with no ores to get back. Please remember that I think of you often and continue to pray for us to be strong! My emotions still run high, and I loose my temper when not having a good day. It's because we are still not sure where to begin or let go. Always remember that I am here for you ANYTIME.... Talk to you soon, Vicki 

Name: lonely | Date: Jan 11th, 2008 3:44 AM
my husband for 3 years has decided that he is not atracted to me and doesnt want to have sex. I've asked him for a divorce and he says that he wants one and then in a couple of days changes his mind, now for the last year he has been sleeping on the coach, I was waiting for my daughter to graduate, now she has and i look at this man can i really do this anymore?
who an i hurting , i feel like i'm dieing inside i just want to be loved 

Name: DINA | Date: Jan 12th, 2008 2:15 AM

Name: DINA | Date: Jan 12th, 2008 4:36 AM
Hi There Lonely,
Look above for my email address and write me..

Name: missy | Date: Jan 13th, 2008 8:02 PM
my husband says he resents me for falling pregnant on our honeymoon and that i have put him in a corner - we have a just 2 year old and a 2 month old (he agreed with me about the second baby and it was planned) he says he scared of me cos he says im gonna be nasty - he says he cares for me, but wont say he loves me cos he dosent know any more - he dosent know if he wants to leave or not, then he says he has no sexual feelings towards me and has not done for at least 3 years, then in the next breath he says he dosent want to waste another 10 years - what do we do I love him so much 

Name: scott | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 1:13 AM
I feel for you, my wife of 17 years told me she doesn't love me anymore and is divorcing me. It hurts when you love someone and give so much of yourself, only to be dumped on. At least my two girls still love me and that is all that matters anymore. Hang in there. You are worth it. 

Name: candra | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 5:12 AM
my husband has recently told me he does not love me anymore after being married for 3 years and together for 5 and 1/2. he says it when he is mad and then different a few hours later. what do i do. he just turned 25 in decemeber and i am about to be 22 in march. 

Name: Susanunderwood | Date: Jan 26th, 2008 7:08 AM
I have been married for 18 years have four great kids, My husband and I are having alot of financial problems right now. My husband says he has done enough, he is tired and does not know wether he wants to be my husband anymore? I don't get this this, we have been through alot, but always managed to work it out. I feel unloved, unappreciated amd just down right hurt about it all. I do not know what I am going to do either. I thought that I would grow old with him and care for him when he is unable, My vows meant something to me, I love him dearly unable to make him happy, no matter what I do. 

Name: Susanunderwood | Date: Jan 26th, 2008 7:18 AM
Hey I would like to share a song for all the people here who have given thier heart to someone and feeling the pain and just trying to survive. The song is from the 90's but do give it a chance, Tina Turner "Silent wings". This song gives me strength and reminds me to be strong. Hope you all like :) 

Name: Mary | Date: Jan 26th, 2008 9:22 PM
Is that song the slogan for cheating? 

Name: Meg | Date: Jan 26th, 2008 10:31 PM
My husband told be 3 days after thanksgiving and after 3 years of marriage (been together 9) that is doesn't think he wants to be married to me. We tried counseling, but he won't go back, I think he is having an affair but will not admit it. I know the woman too. He says they are friends. We have no kids, but up until thanksgiving I thought we were trying? Guess not.....He wants me to just be patient and let him decide what to do. I love him and want our marriage to work, but this is breaking my heart. I am 28 and he is 30. Is it an affair or a mid-life crisis? Any advice? 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 26th, 2008 11:11 PM
Hi Meg,well just be glad you don't have kids as that would make the break-up process that much harder. If he's cheating you don't want him anyway. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 26th, 2008 11:12 PM
Meg my advice is work it out. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 26th, 2008 11:14 PM
Lizzi, who said he is cheating? Also, is it not possible that Meg may be cheating too? 

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