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Name: Cheryl
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Name: sketch | Date: Jan 27th, 2008 7:04 PM
my exwife has the same condition.. get a hitman.only way u will have peace 

Name: justalittlecrazy | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 1:02 AM
If I could say what I haev thought about my husbands ex wife I would go to jail. I think she was put on this earth to test my sanity!!! 

Name: ex wife | Date: Feb 12th, 2008 4:27 AM
you guys are all boxed! how can you say she is playing games by using the kids? it doesnt matter that they are no longer together but it does matter that they are still parents. and why on earth would the new wife take the ex-wifes children to buy a father's day card? he is still their father and obviously he and his ex-wife will always share that bond. do you honestly think that ALL ex-wives are dying to hang on to their ex-husbands!! i think these second (or third) wives should take a step back and realize that he is now with them and being a good dad doesn't mean he wants to be with the ex. and on the other side, wanting a peaceful relationship with your children's father is a lot more mature than the ditzy second wives who step in thinking they can erase all his history. maybe you should have thought of that before you married someone with "baggage" 

Name: SA | Date: Apr 25th, 2008 3:29 PM
You case is very clear, she still feel the guilt inside her for cheating on him, she is finding a way through father's day to forgiveness or at least for him not to talk to the kids about what hapened in the past. so in my point of view just be secure within yourself that she only satisfying her inner conscience ,her doing will never erase the bad image that she is carrying within her .let it be and do not be jealous at anything......Good lucktrust me 

Name: mari4him | Date: May 8th, 2008 10:09 PM
I was the new wife, became the ex-wife and am soon to be a new wife again. Having said that, I understand this from both sides of the spectrum. However, the way that I have always looked at this situation is as follows:

When I was the new wife... my now ex-husband had a daughter with his previous wife. I would always go (either with the daughter or with him and the daughter) and buy the ex-wife gifts for Mother's day, B'day and Christmas. This was regardless of the fact she never reciprocated doing the same for my ex for his b'day, father's day or christmas. To me, it was about teaching his daughter that you give a gift on these special days, nothing more, nothing less.

When I became the ex-wife, I always took my kids to by their father presents for his b'day, father's day and christmas. Again, its about teaching the kids. I have custody of them and feel it is my duty to teach them to honor their father. Now he has gotten remarried, and to my knowledge, this is not an issue. Just because he has a new wife, does not mean that I should stop taking my kids to get him something. She is more than welcomed to do the same as well if she likes. So he'll get 2 gifts instead of 1, but I feel as my kids mother, that it is my duty to instill this in my kids and therefore do so.

Now, I am getting married on 6/14/08 and my fiance has custody of his 3 children. The mother is in a relationship as well. However, as I am typing this, he is out with his kids buying their mother a mother's day present. I don't have a problem with this and in fact believe it is the right thing to do. If her boyfriend wants to take them to get something as well, thats great. She too will get 2 gifts instead of 1.

Having said that, I will have no problems whatsoever, and actually expect her, to take the kids to get my fiance (their father) something for his b'day, father's day and christmas. I too probably will be taking his kids and mine to get him something as well. It really is no big deal.

When there is divorce and children involved, there are enough power struggles that go on. Presents for special occassions really should not become one. Now if they divorced but had no children and the ex-wife was still buying him a b'day or christmas present.. now that I would have a problem with. But this is a gift from the kids. Look at it that way. Not from her. Take the gift, hug the kids, say thank you and move on. 

Name: Gwin | Date: May 9th, 2008 2:45 AM
So, alls well if your intentions are good? I'm sorry, but isn't really for each of us to decide what the other person should be comfortable with or not. And that lesson is more important than almost any other lesson we can teach our kids.

You have no idea what the husband has said or hasn't said about you, what happened, and if he's done a good job letting her know there is nothing to fret, the difficulties she's already had with an ex-husband or what not.

So, if you are a nice ex-wife, one who is truly thinking of their kids best interest (you know who you are one or not)...then you know that it is just as if not more important to your husband and your children and everyone's future together to include the new wife and make her feel comfortable with anything you would like to do.

And if that decision is contrary to what you'd like, but you still manage to say "hey, I've heard your step-mom would like to take you to get your dad something for father's day...now that I think about it she knows a lot better than I do what he really needs...So, if you have some ideas let her know...I think it should be fun for you guys to do together" I would absolutely respect you to no end. 

Name: mari4him | Date: May 9th, 2008 4:45 AM
Of course it is going to boil down to what works for each family. Not all families are the same. I just think sometimes new wives and ex wives tend to make big mountains out of molehills. This distrust that lies there always thinking the other is up to something. If it is not the new wife thinking the ex wife is interferring and overstepping bounds, its the ex-wife thinking the new wife is interferring and overstepping bounds. Sometimes things are just what they are, a simple gift from the kids, nothing more, nothing less, no hidden agenda behind it.

I know from my experience, I wanted the divorce. I asked for the seperation. I am totally over my ex. As far as I'm concerned, his new wife can have him and I honestly hope that they live a full, happy life. It is best for my kids that their father is happy. Plain and simple. Taking them to get a gift for their dad has little to do with any hidden agenda and everything to do with what I feel is the right thing to do. My son now has his own money being he works. It is up to him to get something for his dad now. I've instilled that in him. My daughter on the other had does not have her own money so until she does, I take her to get something.

There is a flip side to this. There are new wives that don't feel it is their duty to do this at all. They actually believe that it is the mother of the children's duty. Why? Because the gift is from the kids, so if the mother has custody, receives child support, a small part of that should be for gifts the kids have to make i.e. to parents, to grandparents etc. It's even in most financial affidavits that I have seen... gifts for kids, gifts from kids.

Now this doesn't mean that if a preference was vocalized, such as my ex saying that he would rather his new wife take the kids to get something that I would not say okay, no problem. Fact is I have done my job to teach them, point is that they get their dad something, whether I take them or she takes them. In all honesty, if she takes them, great... less money I have to spend, especially considering that he does not reciprocate this and ensure that the kids get me something knowing they don't have the money to do so.

But yes, each family should absolutely do what works best for them when it comes to these things. I just feel it is healthy for the kids to see that their parents do stuff like this because it is about the kids and not the adults. 

Name: irish Amy | Date: May 29th, 2008 10:31 PM
Well said ex wife!!!!!!! I thoroughly agree with you, dated 02/11/08. We are not all bitter and have gone on to have an even better relationship so no need to hang on to the ex, civility for the sake of our children is all we want, not too much to expect eh? or maybe it is for some!!!!! 

Name: wilbur | Date: Jun 1st, 2008 1:03 PM
i told my ex that i wanted the kids for the summer after the the date on the guidlies. she said that she didnt have a problem with what they say then got into it with me because of a confontation the previous day . i have been off work do to gall bladder surgery. and told her to buy them some damn clothes .

Name: wilber | Date: Jun 1st, 2008 1:08 PM
i got a text package on my phone now and she is quoting guidlines 2 me. if i dont let her know by april 1st she gets to pick which half of the summer. well now she tells me she wants 2 have them every other week. no way! they state she picks which Half of the summer. what is her problem!.

Name: mom25 | Date: Jun 2nd, 2008 8:37 PM
Don't worry about it. Don't let it bother you. If his ex is doing this not because it's the right thing for her children and only because it bother's you then stop letting it bother you. (Even if you just pretend it doesn't) Smile and tell her how thoughtful it was for the children to get their dad such a nice gift. She'll get board and stop. Be sure to continue to take all the children yourself for a gift also, your husband and all the kids will appreciate this.

I take my children to buy gifts for their dad, step-dad and step-mom, for any special occasion. I do this because I feel it's my responsibility because they're my children. My ex's wife also takes my children to buy gifts for me, their dad and their step-dad, on special occasions. We all understand these gifts are from the children not the adults.

I also take my husbands child to buy appropriate gifts for their mom and her other children for special occasions. I do this because their mom has made poor choices (drugs) and has nobody. I hope someday all the children involved will understand sympathy & compassion for those around them. 

Name: Chandra | Date: Jun 23rd, 2008 7:58 AM
I so get this! My story is very much like this one except she uses their daughter to keep in close contact with my husband's family and him. Every little thing their daughter does has to be turned into some major event with both sides of the family present to see it. I would think pics would be enough to send out to family members but no! Family events where she clearly would not be welcome she finds reason to make a showing in an attempt to "keep ties" with family and friends...again using daughter to do so. If all this is an attempt to get me out of the way then she needs to come up with a better plan! I'm here to stay! 

Name: Sarah | Date: Jun 26th, 2008 4:36 PM
She obviously knows this upsets you, and that is why she is doing it. She obviously gets pleasure from it. You can ignore her, which in the long run she would taper off her attitude, or you can did what I did with my husbands ex. You can thank her like she is doing YOU the favor, so you can save the money and now buy what you really wanted to get for him from your own child and not have to spend for her kids. May sound kind of mean, but if you let her think you believe she is doing a favor for YOU? She won't do it anymore....My husbands ex still tries once in a great while to pull something, but not at all as bad as she used to think she could. I sort of had to put her in her place a few times.... 

Name: amber | Date: Sep 7th, 2008 10:47 PM
My husband's ex-wife won't let me see my step daughter when he leaves for the army is there any thing I can do ?? 

Name: ann | Date: Sep 8th, 2008 3:39 PM
Just because she lets the kids buy their dad a gift does NOT mean she wants him!!! I let my kids buy their dad and step mom stuff, and their step sister. I am not going to tell them no they cannot buy their dad something!!! Maybe she is just trying to show her children that it is okay that they have a relationship with their dad! My husband's daughter gets him stuff for his birthday and fathers day and I don't think it has anything to do with his ex wanting him back. It could also be appreciation to him for still remaining an active father in their lives. It is not about US it is about them (the kids). Good luck! 

Name: Kimberly | Date: Mar 24th, 2009 1:28 PM
dear cheryl
Don't let her play the games. My fiance and I have been together 3.5 yrs and his ex wife which he also has 2 children with. We get his kids also every other weekend. Well she hasn't like me or even really had anything to say but civil hi how are you. But noe Im pregnant and due in May she has been acting very strangly. My fiance said she asked to do the BabyShower, which she hasnt asked me. But then she says she called me to go get my toes and nails with her and her daughter, and know she is asking for my cell number and wans to be there with me when I have the baby. NO NO!! Its not normal. And then my fiance has the nerve to say he thinks it would be okay to send our child over to her house with his other two kids to his ex's wifes house she is remarried.... But why would I let someonee like her take my child off by herself.

And my fiance says she is a crazy B****.. What his wrong with him. I'm worried about a lot. I wouldn't but anything past her... 

Name: #1StepMom | Date: Jun 4th, 2009 2:28 AM
you just have to ignore her...like TB said - just consider the gifts from the kids. you can still take the kids and get gifts with them as well. 

Name: Nicole | Date: Jun 18th, 2009 12:32 AM
you need to deal with your own insecurity. 

Name: killy | Date: Jan 28th, 2010 8:36 AM
I'm going through the same thing, I get really upset at his ex wife, I know she still wants him and hates that he moved on and we have a 7month baby boy, hey, the truth if your like me, that stresses you really bad, I suggest that you look at life as your time to love and not to let anyone distract you from being happy, PLEASE shes not worth it......its your man now and trust she hate the sound of that because it present not a past, PRESENT!! I SAID". 

Name: Eyre | Date: Feb 22nd, 2010 2:46 PM
I wouldn't necessarily take it as her trying to cause problems. I mean, who knows? Maybe she is. But I buy gifts "from the girls" for the ex and she buys gifts "from the girls" for me and my bf. It's more of a show we put on for the kids to pretend that we all get along and are a unified team. If she crosses the line (with, say a gift specifically from her or anything romantic), I would worry then. Maybe she just feels bad. 

Name: Jennifer | Date: May 6th, 2010 5:35 PM
Wait. She's buying gifts with the children FROM her children to give to their FATHER. That does not qualify as narcissism. Look up the definition :) 

Name: cc | Date: Jun 24th, 2010 8:45 PM
In our state it is laid out in the Parenting Guidelines that the exspouse purchase gifts FROM the children for special occasions. Birthday's, holidays, chritmas, etc. My ex-husband and I do this for our child. We pick out gifts from her to each other. I don't think my boyfriend should take my daughter to get me a mothers day gift. That is my ex's responsibility.

I also think you should choose your battles. This is about the kids. 

Name: vanillalime | Date: Aug 28th, 2010 10:10 PM
respect and all power to you my husbands exwife tells the kids he molested her and raped her but then send her over for a visit she does everything to let him look bad she spys my pages to track what we doing not enough she doesnt let him contact his kids that woman is fare from being a good mother i hate that bitch my husband is heart broken im on that edge and in between that i know the kids doing bad too 

Name: am | Date: Sep 13th, 2010 4:33 PM
The best thing to do to deal with a crazy ex wife { even when there are children involved) is do not react. If you do, you will feed the fire. She wants a reaction. You are witnessing a real nut who only a trained prfessional should deal with. Believe me. You will never get her to see any sense because she is already a lost cause. Too bad for the children, though. Not your problem!! You will never be able to fix a nutcase. All you can do in any situation like this is try to be happy in your own relationship. And don't blame your man because obviously he doesn't want her. That is why he's with you. Be good to yourself. Do not step down to her level because she is a whack job. Ask your self "would I act like her? Probably not. Life is hard enough without outside interfearance. Just be glad you are normal. If she stops getting a reaction from both of you, most likely she'll back off and find another victim. These people are not as scary as they would like you to believe. You have to look at them as very sick and disturbed people in a psychiatric hospital. 

Name: pat | Date: Oct 12th, 2010 6:00 PM
Can't she mind her own business? She just wants to stick her nose in your bisiness. Why? Who knows. I thought she was remarried. Some people just can't get on with their lives. It's an insecurity thing. She had kid(s) with someone and now she feels entitled to be forever entitled to interfere. Just ignore the nonsense. 

Name: sick and tired | Date: Oct 21st, 2010 5:10 PM
My husband's ex wife has bought gifts like super man bikini underwear for for my hubby for Christmas. She continually crosses the line and I just let it slide. The latest thing she has done is sent old snapshots of the kids and his family but in the middle was an picture index of snapshots of my husband and her before they had kids. I can't stand this woman but for the kids, I try to look the other way. She is just showing that she has absolutely NO PRIDE!!! 

Name: Now What? | Date: Dec 16th, 2010 9:59 PM
My boyfriend and I have lived together for nearly 18 months and his 16 year-old daughter lives with us, too. With the holidays approaching, I asked my bf if I should take his daughter to buy a Christmas gift for her mother, and he said yes. I spoke directly with his ex-wife to get some ideas what she would like from her daughter (which by the way was a $70 bottle of perfume). I found out later, even after I bought the gift, he called his ex-wife and asked if there was anything else he should get her for Christmas. Is it just me, or was he completely out of line and insensitive to me. I should mention that the ex is engaged to marry this June and her fianc has expressed to us that he would like to take his soon-to-be step-daughter gift shopping for her mother (aka his soon-to-be wife). Any thoughts would be appreciated? 

Name: nalah | Date: Mar 1st, 2011 8:43 PM
It is wierd that she would invest time in buying their father things now when she didn't give a rats ----- before. She has a new husband. Shouldn't she be concentrating on that? Maybe she does feel guilty for the past. But, please! What is she going to accomplish by doing this? I can't figure out what her motive for suddenly taking an interest because it really doesn't make much sense especially when your husband has told her that he doesn't appreciate it. Gifts should be out of love and good gestures. What she is doing is wierd. Crazy? Maybe she is a little bit. You shouldn't feel threatened because you have to remember what kind of person she is. She may be testing your patience. I think that the real reason for her sticking her nose in is insecurity. I think that some people have a hard time looking at themselves. Some people are children living in adult bodies. Can she not move on and keep her nose out of your relationship? Really! Buying gifts for an ex husband that you cheated on is a tad personal of a gesture. Gifts are gestures. She's using the kids as an excuse to get involved. It also sounds like by using the children like this she can keep tabs on your life. It is none of her business but she is making it her business. But with a person like this, you can never be sure what her next move will be. Just remember that she is not quite right in the head. You are not dealing with sense here. Don't let a disturbed person drag you down to her level. She has psychic problems that she'll probably never ever figure out or doesn't want to figure out. Life is hard enough sometimes just with the daily business of living, working, etc. Don't give her sick gestures any attention. 

Name: Mwa | Date: Jun 7th, 2012 1:46 AM
Ignore her but be sure that your husband knows how you feel, I am dealing with MAD woman( my hubands ex) the more she sees that it affects you the worse she will become... By the way in my case she has no shame. Unfortunately she lives right across from his parents ! I mean the woman is nuts.. Telling her to stop may not work .. Remember all she cares about is herself and she wants to control thy our husband and make no doubt SHE WANTS HIM BACK ! My husbands ex even asked him if he could divorce me so that he old marry her again! Remember to pray it helps me alot to deal with the witch 

Name: ihkc555 | Date: Jun 8th, 2012 12:25 PM
I am replying with a problem of my own, as I can relate. i could really use some logical input. I am engaged, but my husband to be has never been married. He has a daughter with someone who he was not even dating anymore when she told him she was pregnant. He tolerated her instability for tthe first few months then they split up for good. I didn't come into the picture until his daughter was 3 years old. We hit it off right away. And until them my fiance had never had a serious relationship since his daughter was born, let alone did he introduce her to any women. Her mother on the other hand had already lived with another man, left him, and is currently in the process of moving out with man #2. She is unstable and fake and worthless basically. Anyway - she has never ever ever bought him a father's day card, even before I was around. Well maybe one, but never liked to acknowledge him as a father. So for the last several years I have taken his daughter shopping for his birthday, father's day, and christmas. This has never been an issue. Yesterday I told my soon to be step daughter (we are getting married in 3 months) that we needed to go shopping for father's day soon. She told me that her mom already bought a card for her dad. Mind you, their daughter was not at the store with hr, she was not there ASKING to buy a card for her dad or picking it out herself. I was SO mad. I told him about it and his stance was that he doesn't care what she does, that it doesn't matter to him, that she doesn't phase him. I told him that I want him to make it clear to her that she is not to do things like that. It is not her place, she never stepped up and did things like that before, but now that we are getting married she feels the needd to do this? It is absolutley unacceptable and I want him to make that clear to her. Not to just smile and say thank you when she hands him a card. I believe she has two reasons for doing this and one of these reasons only. Either she wants him back or she wants to piss me off. He claims that neither of these are true.
I know that my best bet is to not let her know that it pisses me off but I feel that she needs to know this is not her place. I am going to be his wife, she is not his wife and she never was. She was a mistake in his life which resulted in a beautiful child who I adore. Please help me before I go insane. 

Name: Step mom | Date: Jun 30th, 2014 8:37 PM
Let the children give the gifts and involve yourself in the joy. My husbands ex was a narcissist and taught the children to not to acknowledge such occasions for their dad. You need not to deal with her, that is your husbands job. If you contact her you are feeding her narcissistic supply. I can tell you from experience that the kids will someday make their own decisions regarding the relationship they want or don't want with their dad. Remember her children are possessions to her and when she feels threatened she will attempt to alienate them. Do the best you can with what you have and hope for the best! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and that is when they are adults and responsible for their own decisions. 

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