|Name: JAY | Date: Aug 15th, 2010 5:36 AM
|My wife is actually pregnant with our third child and told me the same thing several times throughout our marriage. Thank goodness she has not let left me. For some reason women find that being in love is the end all and be all criteria of whether a marriage should last. It does not matter when in the marriage this occurs or the impact that a divorce will have on the family. Whereas most men have other more serious criteria such as adultry as a barometer as to whether the marriage should be saved. |
This is probably why in Orthodox Judaism and in Islam women cannot file for a divorce. Because if it were up to women their "emotions" and "feelings" would determine whether they should stay in a marriage not other considerations such as saving the family. It is truly disturbing. ↑
|Name: cletus t | Date: Aug 22nd, 2010 6:43 AM
|all those feelings of love you have for this woman, direct them to your daughter. if your a good man someone will come along someday. always remember the good lord wont give you anymore than you can handle ↑|
|Name: dadwithtwins | Date: Sep 1st, 2010 3:28 PM
|I have been married now for 7 years we have two beautiful twin boys they almost six, suddently my wife left last month she doesnt want see me or here kids, she doesnt even want to answer her dad calls, i was thinking she will come the first day of her kids school but she did not even show up, she keep saying i love my kids but she doesnt even want see theme, all she say is that im not a good husband and we dont see eye to eye but im a great father thats why she left the kids with me, |
Its been a month now, i cry to her and for her struggling with my two kids and she doesnt want give me a hand in anything. ↑
|Name: pari | Date: Sep 4th, 2010 12:43 PM
|If u really love her set her free if she loves u she will come back. And if she does not love u then she will nt come back. And she should not. ↑|
|Name: eddie | Date: Sep 16th, 2010 5:39 PM
|hey my name is eddie and my problem was not given her enough time fighting alot and just working to much at times on my days off i felt so tired that i would sleep most of the day and wake up to play a video game which now i think its not worth it she told me she doesnt love me anymore and thats shes happy and it hurts so much after seven years being together 2 kids one is 3 and the other one is 10 months right now i feel like dying but its not worth your life specially having 2 kids so iam just gonna give it time and hopefully people are praying for me its a rough situation i know i could make her happy if i had another chance but she says she doesnt want to ↑|
|Name: Hady Adam | Date: Oct 3rd, 2010 10:36 PM
|Name: Tran | Date: Oct 5th, 2010 8:27 PM
|Dude never let go if she is that important. I can't advise how to get her to talk to you but always fight man. ↑|
|Name: brenda | Date: Oct 16th, 2010 11:33 PM
It is my pleasure to contact you, Am searching for a sincere man for true love and i believe i have found you.You can get back to me through my email address.([email protected]) Looking forward to your reply soonest ↑
|Name: wayne | Date: Oct 21st, 2010 4:20 PM
|dont matter what you try. ime having same problem will only do whatthey want to do ↑|
|Name: Mark | Date: Nov 6th, 2010 1:25 PM
|I have 2 kinds with her n I am at work all the time she sed she dont love me no more n I liy to her but I dont I love her with all my heart she cant c it no more ↑|
|Name: rg | Date: Nov 12th, 2010 2:00 AM
|Your mind is all over the place at the moment. this is the hardest time.. Yeh it's ok for someone to say.. be strong, be this be that. The only thing that I can say is... all this in time will feel a whole lot better than how you're feeling now. You will get through this.... ↑|
|Name: Erik | Date: Nov 13th, 2010 4:36 AM
|My wiffe does not love me anymore!! What do i do ↑|
|Name: TED | Date: Nov 16th, 2010 6:24 PM
|I AM A DIVORCED 46 YEAR OLD MALE I RESIDE IN SAN JOSE CA AND I HAVE A DISABLED EX-WIFE WHO IS CURRENTLY SEEING A 26 YEAR OLD SHE SAYS SHE'S IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY AND THAT SHE HAS A HISTORY WITH THIS GUY I STILL LOVE HER AND I ALWAYS TELL HER THAT SHE AND I TALKED ABOUT RE-MARRYING BUT SINCE SHE'S BEEN WITH THIS GUY SHE HAS TOLD ME THAT SHE CANNOT MARRY ME THAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HER FIRST NOT I CAN YOU HELP ME WITH SOME ADVICE, MY E-MAIL IS [email protected] ↑|
|Name: arn | Date: Nov 22nd, 2010 1:41 AM
|hello all. im going through a similar situation with my girlfriend of 4 years. we have 2 kids. a 2 year old son which is mine and a 6 year old daughter which is another mans. im a person who worries alot and analyzes everything and i can't help that nor will it ever change its just in my blood. but me and my girlffriend take spells where everything seems fine then out of the blue she acts all moody and pissed off. when this happens it tells me shes talking to another man...and she does then lies to me about it. she tells me to take a hint and leave but its so hard for me to just give up on our relationship and kids and throw everything away. i always said i would be with the person i had kids with forever and this is so hard on me because i dont know if i should just leave or not. everytime this happens im the one trying to talk about it...and she usually stops talking to the person and everything is fine again for a while...then it happens again with someone else. its like she can talk to someone new for 1 day then shes ready for us to be done. its hard for me to just leave i kind of feel like i need to but at the same time i love her with all my heart and want my family together and im not sure what to do. she cant ever tell me the truth about the other people...but when i find out on my own then she goes off on me and it seems this has happened about 6-7 times thruout our relationship. she hasnt actually cheated on me that i know of but its still just as hurtful to know shes willing to throw everything we've been thru together down the drain after talking to another man for 1 day. i know she talks bad about me to them and other people but lies to me about that also. it may sound bad but i do believe im smarter than her and it kills me when she treats me like a fool knowing that i know better and always find out some how. every time this stuff happens i tell myself 'ok im going to be strong and just leave' but when it comes down to it i cant do it because i love her and because of my child. i really need to figure out how to handle this situation in a positive manner. i know i need to focus on myself and my future for me and my son but ive been with her this long and put everything into it. i dont really have any friends anymore or anything to do besides going to school to be an electrician. and leaving will also force me to move back in with my parents which has its ups and downs but im a 25 year old man and wont have a good job for about another year til i get out of school. sometimes i think i should just stop showing my care and just leave and do me for a while and see if things fall into place, but ive told myself if i actually do leave then im not coming back so its hard to know what i need or want. i dont want to be away from my kid and that hurts the most and i dont want to pay child support or go thru any of that mess that 90% of relationships face at one point or another...but i know if i prolong it like this over and over than the inevitable will happen and be worse years down the road. i really need some advice on this because being the worrier that i am this constantly bothers me...even when me and my girl are doing just fine and dandy. im a pretty smart man and feel like i could have done so much better in my life but also feel that now that i have commited to this and had a child than leaving might hurt me more anyway...considering i have nothing to do other than school (which isnt really the best get away or the best crowd) and no way to spend my time positively besides sitting around staring at the walls thinking. and i definately wouldnt be looking for another relationship any time soon if this one ended. im truly stuck between a rock and a hard place and i just dont know how to handle the situation anymore. the stress is overwhelming me and i know its unhealthy...but i feel that i will stress in either situation. i have been in a serious relationship before but not this serious. i do know time heals but its different when your older and have kids and alot of things on the line. sometimes i feel like the decisions i have made in the past few years are going to haunt me for a long time into the future and see no resolve. im sorry i have talked so long but i have so much on my chest i could probly write a book. thank you for reading.|
and please no responses involving religion and god. im looking for realism. ↑
|Name: Jayson | Date: Nov 24th, 2010 10:02 AM
|My wife and I have been together for 11years and I recently found out within the last 2 months that she reconnecting with her ex boyfriend. It has been a very difficult time because she has been a different person after admitting those chain of events to me. Since then she continues claiming that i was the one that made her do those thing and even though she has not admit that she has recently and sexual relations with him i find very hard to believe. Since those chain of events she has been very different with me and pushes me away and continues to tell me that she loves me but she doesn't feel the spark any more. It has been a very emotional roller-coaster for me and have been trying really hard to really show her how much i really love her but she continues to claim it's to late. My wife has been very confused with herself since those chain of events and as much as I tried to work things out with her she kept pushing me away and refusing me. She has asked me for space and has been doing so for several days now it is killing me to be apart from her and I have not been able to sleep since we have parted but I feel like there was no reason to stick around and keep feeling like i was her friend and not her husband. For now we have parted and i have given her space so that she can see if there is anything there in her heart and if she really loves me. She claims she is empty and needs to find herself before she can love anyone else or me after 11 years.I feel that we should have been able to work things out being together and working on issues she claims we had problems with but I still don't understand why she has this huge wall up and is not the person that i never married total 360. We still remain apart while she takes time to see if she will allow me back into her life. This has ruined our holidays but I see that I am not the only one going through issues and I can say to everyone else you can never force anyone to love you it must come natural. I feel that love works in strange ways and people are just natural to find an easy way out to cheat or have an affair to feel good about themselves for the moment but in the end every relationship and marriage really is the same it's all about how you treat each other together through the course of time. If any one has thoughts about my experience please give me your feedback i would love to hear it. ↑|
|Name: tony | Date: Nov 25th, 2010 9:13 AM
|Me and my wife have been together for almost 7yrs and been married for almost 2yrs and we fight a lota and its small things she;s been asking me to do and i refused . Now she says her feelings for me have changed and she doesnt love me anymore and its too late for me to try now ↑|
|Name: Doug | Date: Dec 2nd, 2010 3:37 PM
|Last week my wife of 14 years told me that she was no longer in love with me and is not attracted to me at all. She says there is no other person which is the reason and I believe her. Our kids are 5 and 7. |
We have had arguments before about differing sexual appetites, but never in my wildest thoughts this could or would happen. Needless to say I am depressed. I can't eat, sleep well, and constantly think about her and it. I want no one else but her.
Our life is stable and our kids good. We make a good living and have loads in common. We have always seen eye to eye on most everything, rarely fighting.
Now I realize she simply was not being honest with herself and did not know how to share her feelings. Even now she feels awful but really doesn't want to talk about it. She does not want to go to counseling in that it is too private and she is not comfortable with it.
I wonder if she has already made up in her mind it cannot or will not work, and we just have to live like this. She says lets give it time. She says she is not going anywhere and let's see how things go.
Other than some minor things lately that she mentioned such as not much in common and me not having as much fun with the kids in the last month, I really had no idea she was not happy. I wish she would have shared her feelings and concerns over time so as not o have it get to this point.
I am needy and clingy. She has said this in the past and I know it is a turn off. I just need more than anything for her to love me and need me. Now, when I need to turn around and be my most confident, and strong, is when I am at my weakest and emotionally needy time. I must be strong.
We both agree we want to not affect the kids (too late for that maybe). She said during our discussion that no matter what ever happens she want to coparent with me. This scares the crap out of me because she has obviously thought of this possibility in the future.
So now I am obsessed with her and our relationship, but must not show it. I can't stop thinking about her. BUT I MUST NOT SHOW ANY OF THIS.
I always thought a marriage was supposed to be between people who love each other and hopefully have the same goals, and are willing to support each other and share everything about them. Now I feel like a successful marriage is not talking about your wants needs or feelings, but behaving in a certain way so your spouse will love you. That doesn't seem right to me but I will do it if I have to because I want her.
I invested now my entire life and being into this one woman only to be spat upon. She has everything and wanting for nothing, so how is it so hard for my dear wife who took vows to love me back.
So now I will spend more quality time (not forced, but this is a wake up to change my behavior, even when work is busy) with the kids, do more as a family often, and do more things alone with my wife that I know she likes and wants. Things like getting out to theater, or going to a bar with a band, or anything either in or out. I don't plan to smother her, but give her distance while being there. She thinks I am not letting her be her own person outside of us which she has always had with work, but recently does not work, so I think this is the big change. So how am I supposed to grow closer back to her by letting her be more free?
I FEAR to death that she will find an independant lifestyle where she does not need or want me. I also fear to death she will find someone that she wants to be with more than me, especially if she has written us off but not told me. We always agreed (again last week) that if we ever had outside interests we would talk to each other first. I have never been tempted and would NEVER do that.
She has been very honest with me which is good but why not years before? She said she knows she could have those feelings just not for me and not sure if could ever be for me.
What if I take her out to the bar hanging out and she meets lots of people, and finds one of them more interesting. Am I out then? I want her to go out with her friend (none of them are too crazy), but I worry about her getting drunk and flirty with a guy. When she is drunk she has always been all over me, and I have always feared (even long ago) for her behavior when she is really drunk. I must not think about that and think to the positive.
I want to be strong, confident, give her space, and be there. I will do more things which I know she has wanted, and I will not be clingy or needy. I must find the balance and do this for the best hope for success.
I was always convinced that we were meant to be, but now my reality is crashing down and I am lost. I don't know what to do with myself. My work is suffering but I am not letting her onto that.
I DO NOT want to be weak in front of her in any way but it is so hard. Things sometimes are a bit weird between us but it is only a week old. I hope we can at least settle into a situation which is good and hope for the best.
That's all for now.
We do still sleep in the same bed, hug, kiss (small pecks), and spoon in bed. I rub her feet when she wants when we are in front of the TV. ↑
|Name: Doug | Date: Dec 2nd, 2010 3:49 PM
|To finish my post....|
I will be confident.
I will give her space and independance
I WILL trust her
I will never check her email or look over he shoulder.
I will not be stupid, I will be aware
I will go out with my friends once a week
I will be happy on my own
I will try to find my own happiness which includes her but is not based on her.
I will not be too sensitive
I will do even more small things like clean her car and bring flowers.
I will not be needy or smother her
I will probably drink a bit more
I will spend more family time every weeknight and on weekends.
I will do more things with her at home in evenings, and out on dates.
I will be utterly destroyed on the inside.
I will need emotional support but not get it.
I will need to find someone to talk to (I don't have now)
I will not ask for sex at all. I will accept if she wants it.
I will be horny often
It will not be forced.
I will not do that poor me, puppy dog thing with her, I will fake it.
I will become stronger
I will start to work out for my own sanity
Nothing else matters now more than family. Work is second. No hobbies will take my time unless it's my quiet private time.
I will want to talk about her feelings with her after a few months.
I love her so much. I just want my wife to love me back, is this too much to ask? ↑
|Name: jay | Date: Dec 3rd, 2010 11:48 PM
|Ok last year November my wife told me she didn't love me anymore .for the past year its been up and down .we don't kiss anymore nothing .now she said she doesn't know what she's wants to do .shes not sure .but I noticed she has apartment book and writeing down apartments for rent . Then she also had one wrote down appointment next Friday .that was today . ↑|
|Name: Sage | Date: Dec 10th, 2010 4:17 AM
|I find it amazing how many people are out there with the same issues. I can relate to Doug's position. My wife of 19 years and I have been living in a drifted state for the past 10 years. We have much in common - then and now. But now we are just roommates. No kissing - rare sex - this year was a big one (3 times), We both can point out problems with each other from the past. She had difficulty letting go of her prior boyfriend (whom we also worked with) when we were dating - not physical relationship, but didn't want to hurt him - or so she said. We had worked together. She picked me up one night when we were each out with our own group of friends and happened to meet each other. Had a great night, but when I tried to kiss her good night, she said she couldn't - had a boyfriend. We then started dating and fell in love really fast. Still, she couldn't completely get over him. Couple years later, after we had picked out an engagement ring, I proposed - she couldn't answer, as if she could not decide. I left that night thinking that maybe my proposing actually pushed her back over the fence and away from me. I told her to 'make a decision' as Ieft that night. Couple days later, she called and said she'd marry me. I had moved on to another job. She kept our "news" a secret at her workplace. We were planning on going to a dinner dance at her workplace for a few months prior to our becoming engaged. When it came time to go, she was very hesitant - I assume she didn't want people to find out - tell her old boyfriend. We did go - she wore her wring upside down and hid her hand. Finally told some co-worker friends at the end of the night. I never worried about her having an affair with him or anyone else. I really believe she is too good of a person for that to happen. She still sat next to him at work for several years. Never gave me any signs of any issues - somehow I just could not get over it - that's on me. 10 years ago, she joined a project and worked again with her old boyfriend - he was happily married with kids at the time and I'm guessing still now. It was a very stressful job. We started to drift. She then became addicted to exercise (and remains so today). She has many signs of bulemia - exercises to purge her calories. We drifted. I missed her - couldn't say that I was somewhat jealous of her working relationship with her old boyfriend. I probably should have to have stopped all concern at the time. Anyway, now we are in the same position as Doug - I have tried hard to show her my love - she shows no feelings toward me. We both love our kids - 12 & 16 and are great parents. $$$ is not an issue - both have good jobs - had great parents and good families. She wants space - says she is not going anywher. I want her - I tell her that I love her. She rarely says that. On vacation this summer, we were able to find some private time - she got drunk - we made love. Happened again the next night even though she was not drunk. I though things had taken a great turn for the better. She even repeated what I had told her in the past - "we need to be close without the influence of alcohol". Hasn't been anywhere close in the past four months. It is very lonely - I have always wanted to just come home from work and get a big hug. Now, I'm allowed to hug her once or maybe twice a day - it's like hugging a pole - her arms just dangle and it is quite obvious she is not comfortable. But things have been a little better - I wasn't able to hug her at all until a few months ago. She does not want to talk too much. SAys I "interrogate" her when we first see each other at dinner each night - I would like to have a conversation but she won't willingly talk to me. I ask her questions to start a dialogue - will get one word answers. Then later when I ask her why she won't talk I get the interrogation criticism - she'll tell me that I can tell her things. When I do that, I get no response - she shows no interest, asks no questions about what I talk to her about. It is very frustrating. I look at these chat rooms - contemplate what it would be like to be in love with someone that loves me back. I want it to be with her - but then think maybe she'll never want to be with me again. I know I can't force her hand. I find it very difficult to provide that space she says she needs. I will go on hoping - will try to review Doug's list of things to do and not to do. I went to a counselor several times - my wife came twice and says she did not want to dig up the past. She says she wants to move forward. I do too, but it seems like she won't let herself move get by the issues we've had. I've never cheated on her - come home every day and help out around the house. I haven't been perfect - just have felt apart. It really hurts to be so lonely - seems we have misunderstandings about the causes of our drift. Best wishes to all going through this. ↑|
|Name: Doug | Date: Dec 15th, 2010 8:25 PM
|Don't ever give up! Don't push and pressure her, but never give up. EVER!!! ↑|
|Name: antonio | Date: Dec 20th, 2010 4:45 AM
|My my situation is similar I have been in this 12 years my first mistake was I broke my no.1 rule I got with a woman with a kid already no matter what you do that child feels that you not my daddy now me and my wife dated for 8 years before we got married and we been married 4 years with a four year old daughter now I tried to do the right thing by this woman let her pick a house I got us in it furnished the whole house changed every bad habit I had she disliked and she still says her feelings has changed I am like this is not a sweater you just can't return me to the shelf we took vows I have changed my whole life around and my person for her doing counseling and everything its never enough I even stop cursing and started going to church so I will take the advice and backup thanks one thing I have learned if your money change their feelings change ↑|
|Name: Richard | Date: Dec 30th, 2010 11:23 AM
|Mate, I am in the same position with three children under 10!, we have to be strong and go with it, we will survive. ↑|
|Name: Sean B | Date: Jan 2nd, 2011 2:04 AM
|Im currently going through the same situation. Me and my wife have been together for 7 years on january 21st and married for 2 and 1/2 years. A week ago she said she loves me but is not in love with me and wants a divorce. It is my fault i have been a bad husband the whole time. Im very jealous because she is very gorgeous and has nothing but guy friends. She also works at a bar and i treat her bad because of my own problems. We have 2 kids 5 and almost 3 plus one on the way. Im truley in love with her and cant stand not loving her everyday. I am now currently going to church and doing as much as possible to win her back. I doubt it will happen cause she just does not want it to. I have been saying i will change for years, i do for like 2 weeks then back to my good old self. I need all the help i can get but the thing i need most is my wife. I am hoping she can see the change and can rekindle the feeling she used to have. I will be moving out soon and when i do i know it will be over but dont want it to be. ↑|
|Name: Jonathan | Date: Jan 7th, 2011 3:34 AM
|@Sean B |
You and I are in the same boat. But I caught my wife chatting with another guy on facebook calling him her love and how she can't wait to see him. She has also told me she does not love me the way she did when we first were together. She has 2 daughters from a two other fathers and we have a son together who just turned 2. She is at work now at a club. I can say she was not like this until I let her get a job. After that all went down hill. Don't beat your self up because I am not letting her have that power to see that I am in pain. So I am just moving out. Who is going to take care of the kids then? I think she will see how much I really meant to her after I am gone. If not then guess she really never loved me. I hurt as well but I need to stop showing it because she just acts differently knowing I am hurt she acts like she don't care. I remember when the shoe was on the other foot she begged for me to stay when I acted all happy she was crazy about that and did anything for me. Guess what they say is true treat them bad and they will keep coming for more. I will be seeking a place to stay as well. And when I leave it will hurt more then I know but some day I will get over it. But just not rite now. I don't want to loose her ether but if that is what is in her hart then guess there is no use for me to push the issue. Love You Always Judith ↑
|Name: Paul | Date: Jan 10th, 2011 10:44 PM
|I am just about to go through all these same problems.I do still love my wife dearly but I know she doesn't feel the same anymore.We have been married 17 years and she had an affair some years ago.I can honestly say that if it wasn't for my two boys (14 &11) I may have had more courage to leave before.The sad thing is that we never argue and we still do stuff together as a family but my wife and I are in a sexless marriage.I also believe that she may be starting another affair.I feel so stupid sometimes that I haven't been man enough to walk away but the love I have for my boys makes the thought unbearable. I feel so selfish thinking that I may break the family up but I know I will not be made a fool of again.I am however dreading every moment of it ↑|
|Name: Jimmy | Date: Jan 12th, 2011 12:48 PM
|We been married 1 and a half years and she dosent want me anymore. We had our problems but I thought we were trying to work it out. I just moved to Pittsburg and have no friends or family here so Im very bored and lonely. Dont know what to do!! ↑|
|Name: Losing Wena | Date: Jan 21st, 2011 6:49 AM
|After 23 years of marriage, my wife wanted to call it quits. She admitted to me that her sexual preference and I found out that she has a long distance relationship with a lesbian. They would speak and exchange sometimes each month would accumulate for more than 900 minutes and 1,500 text messages (wow!). when i confronted her, she said that there's nothing wrong with it since she was with me and she is only talking to a "girl" . For some reason, my kids thinks i am not understanding her. They're saying nothing gonna happen because my wife is talking to her lady friend. I would not want to tell the whole story to my kids of course because of the negative impression it'll create to her. Despite all the efforts I've done to save our marriage, my wife aggressively still exchanges e-mails and facebook messages to this person. I am still trying my best to address the problems but lately have been getting weaker. Hopefully, we would be able to provide the true love she needs and she'll come back to us 100%. ↑|
|Name: john | Date: Jan 24th, 2011 1:26 PM
|Why is it that the man has to change the women whent through changes she can change again ↑|
|Name: sage | Date: Feb 3rd, 2011 5:26 PM
|If staying in your marriage for kids sake and still trying to improve the marriage itself, there were some words in the book Imperfect Harmony that have helped me out for the past month or so. Although the book says that your happy life will be made happy through friends, hobbies & activities, your liking your work and other things outside marriage, then you probably should not be looking to your marriage to make you happy and should rely on these other areas. That part about not looking to your marriage is pretty difficult to accept and I haven't accepted that as yet (although my wife seems to be doing ok with it). The book ends by saying: "Staying together for the sake of your children isn't just for them. It's also something that you do for yourself. Your children won't live with you forever. But your memories of your life with them will." ↑|
|Name: john | Date: Feb 6th, 2011 7:30 AM
|so there was like nothing that made you think that it was not working till she said she was spitting ↑|