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My ex wife is not treating my son well, she is constantly on him and is critical of everything the boy does. I don't know haow to help him I have tried talking to his mother and she gets nasty with me she's a know it all. I am trying to make my son more at ease since the divorce but she makes it hard. I am the same guy with the 13 year old does any mom have any advise????? The stress is awful. ↓
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| Name: Agnes | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 2:10 AM |
| Just be the best dad that you can be when he's with you and let mom be mom. She is trying to make him into a good man, chances are that you two differ on what that means, which may have led to the divorce to begin with. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, please don't get me wrong. So...just be a great dad, that's the best thing you can do. ↑ |
| Name: Julie | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 8:27 PM |
I feel for your son, Bill, and for the position you're in. There's not much you can do to change your ex's behavior, but you might make progress by teaching your son how to handle the situation himself.
Ask your son for examples of the difficulties he's having and help him with ways to reason with his mom on his own, and whatever you do, do not bash his mom in front of him. He'll only end up resenting you for it in the end.
Reinforce to him that she loves him, just as you do, and that it's time he learned how to start reasoning with her, just as you would like him to reason with you.
You could teach him to start a conversation with his mom when they are both in a good mood...along the lines of, "Mom, I love you. I know you want me to be the best person I can be. I try my best and I know that sometimes I make mistakes. When you criticize me I feel terrible, as if the things I do aren't good enough. When I make mistakes, I would really like it if you talked to me instead of getting angry right away. Like the other day, when you said_________, it made me feel__________. I ended up getting angry back at you and didn't want to talk about it at all. I want you to be happy with me, and it would really help me understand my mistakes better you talked to me first. It would also really make me feel good to know when you think I'm doing things well. I love you Mom, and I want to know when you're proud of me too." ↑ |
| Name: BILL | Date: Feb 6th, 2006 1:42 PM |
| Thanks for all your advice I just hope I didn't ruin my son's life I feel so guilty for leaving because that isn't what god wants for us. ↑ |
| Name: cat | Date: Mar 14th, 2006 10:54 PM |
| just make every time that you see him very enjoyable. he'll remember THESE times when he is older ↑ |
| Name: Donna | Date: Mar 25th, 2006 4:36 AM |
| Counseling! Call in all professionals so he understands his mother's behavior. I'm not suggesting trying to turn him against her at all. He just needs professionlas to help him cope with her behavior. ↑ |
| Name: Lorie | Date: Mar 29th, 2006 7:05 PM |
| I am also divorced and I have full custody of our 15 year old daughter. She sees her father approximately once a month. She at times elaborates on the way she is treated at home. Meaning I have rules and her father doesn't. Sometimes kids in divorced families can make the story sound much worse than it is, and its easy to play parents against each other after a failed marriage. I am not saying this is the case in your situation, but from my experiences so far I have had to clarify a few stories that I have been strung. Just love him and let him know that you have strong morals and he will decide for himself the type of person he grows up to be. We can only steer the ship for them for so long. If you truly believe though that it is that bad for your son then approach your ex about having him live with you, it may be in the best interest of your son. I am not sure where you live, but I am from Canada and here at 13 the decision of which parent the child lives with can be the decision of the child. Providing that it is in the best interest of the child your ex may have no say in the matter. ↑ |
| Name: Linda Stamm | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 11:47 AM |
| Name: jovan | Date: Apr 24th, 2006 3:18 PM |
| leave her because ur SON comes first!!!!!!!!!! forget her! ↑ |
| Name: damien | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 12:30 PM |
| Name: Tamora | Date: Jun 27th, 2006 9:20 AM |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Jun 27th, 2006 4:38 PM |
| I agree with Agnes and Julie! Always tell him you love him and be the best dad you can be to him, even though you feel guilty how things turned out. Make sure you tell him, the situation was not his fault. Although, his mom maybe angry with you and is taking things out on him. Reasure him that he is a special boy, no matter what. Let him know that he is old enough to see what is right and wrong and try to explain that he needs to see that for himself. Sometimes, children do need to work out their own battles but as parents, we are there to help guide them. I'm in the same sort of situation with my ex and 13 year old son. No matter how hard I try to make him be the responsible young man I want him to grow up to be, his father always steps in and tries to change his frame of mind. Now, my son has chosen to live with his dad, only because he doesn't like the rules in my home and there are no rules in his dad's home. Yet, I still have a 12 and 7 year old, who still want to live with me. The two out of three see exactly the kind of person their dad is and doesn't want to be anything like him. They don't want to spend hardly anytime at all with him for visitation. My 12 year old always makes plans to go to someone elses house or has someone come to her dad's house during his visitation. I know her dad sees it but he seems to be ok with it. I've tried to reason with their dad to help teach our children proper responsibilites but I don't think he will ever see the light of day on that subject. For now, it's all about him and not them which gets me upset because I am trying to give the children a chance at a good life that they deserve. Unfortunately, I realize, no matter what I do, I can't change their father's thinking, so I have learned to accept him for the kind of person he is. I explain to the children that there are a lot of people out there that are just like him and they have to learn how to deal with them. They will experience exactly what I am talking about when they go to high school and inside the workplace. That's why I tell them to ask themselves the question when they encouter negative people, Is that person elevating you or are you stooping to their level?" I want them to be able to stand up for themselves and see the difference between right and wrong. So, if your son complains to you about his mom, just tell him to hang in there and be the good responsible person he wants to be. Try to set the example for him if his mom doesn't seem to be doing so. I know exactly what you are going through and it's hard on us. Keep in mind, kids needs a role model to look up to and one day they will use your examples when they have families of their own. Cheer up, this time will pass on and hopefully things with get better for all of you. I keep hoping and praying it does for me. ↑ |
| Name: suz | Date: Jul 6th, 2006 2:46 AM |
| I am an ex-wife and I hate to hear that there is such a sad situation because it does not have to be like that. My ex-husband and I feel that our kids interest are what is important. It almost seems as if she might be taking the anger that she feels for you and directing it towards your son. My suggestion is let him know that you will be there for him always and that you know how hard it is with his Mother. Be honest, explain that you don't know why she is doing what she is doing but that you will be a shoulder for him or a venting place if needed. Maybe one day she will come to her senses but if not your son will see her for what she is but know that you were always there. Good luck ↑ |
| Name: freedom | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 1:30 AM |
| anyone dating a guy that has a ex wife from hell ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:45 AM |
| Bill,some women are so hurt by divorce that the only thing they know how to do is hurt back and the best way for them to do that sadly is by putting the kids in the middle. ↑ |
| Name: scr | Date: Jul 13th, 2006 4:10 PM |
| Hi, Freedom - I'm married to a wonderful man who has an extremely difficult ex-wife. Let me know if you want to talk...scr ↑ |
| Name: amazing | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 5:55 AM |
| BOYS NEED THEIR DADS! Bottom line...I would file for custody. I have a son and have numerous times told my husband if we EVER split up, he will either have primary custody or shared custody, but BOYS NEED their dads. ↑ |
| Name: TBad | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 5:56 PM |
| I would tell you to try counseling for all three of you. Your son needs to hear from some neutral person that it is not his fault and that his mother has a problem, maybe it will help there relationship in the long run. I know how you feel, my husband's x-wife does there daughter the same way. She even gets agressive with her. I get so tired of picking up the broken pieces of that child every time she comes home. She and I are very close and she tells me everything. She is 12. I love her dearly and all I can do is listen to her and be there for her. I just tell her I am so sorry she had to go through that. Be careful to not be negative about his mother. It is still his mother and he might want to vent about her but he doesn't want anyone else to say anything bad about her. Just be there for him and let him talk to you. It will really strengthen your relationship and he will eventually not want to live with his mother. He will trust you and he will realize that you listen to him. Children need to know that someone will just listen. He will get tired of the treatment. Check into your state laws about when a child can decide on their own where they want to live. In GA it is 14 but a judge will listen to the child at 13 if they are mature. ↑ |
| Name: horny(m)cop | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 5:55 PM |
| Name: Dodo | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 5:19 PM |
| Hello wanna find nice girl ↑ |
| Name: Pam | Date: Feb 19th, 2008 10:23 PM |
I know a man in your situation. He has a 13 year old son who he has full custody of. The mother has been somewhat Absent for the last 2 years. Sad thing is....after all the crap she has put those two through.. he still cares and will do anything for her.
When will he learn???? ↑ |
| Name: He will | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 10:39 PM |
| Have you ever fought that perhaps he really loves her? ↑ |
| Name: amy | Date: Apr 19th, 2008 6:03 PM |
| Name: carissa | Date: May 1st, 2009 4:39 AM |
| Name: Adam | Date: Jan 4th, 2010 1:07 AM |
| Name: Vic | Date: Jun 18th, 2010 7:14 PM |
| My soon to be ex wife has been keeping my boy away from me, she does not let me see him and claims that I need to see him only during my scheduled visitation!!!! THERE IS NO VISITATION because she is refusing to sign the divorce papers!!! legaly we still married so I should be able to see my boy anytime, should I call the cops on her??? ↑ |
| Name: kate | Date: Mar 25th, 2011 2:06 PM |
| Vic, hope you did call the cops and don't stop fighting for your rights. She is messed up and should not have custody until her brain is tested. ↑ |
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