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Name: SERINA
[ Original Post ]
Before we gor married I told my husband that he should not give his ex cash for child support.I siad once we get married he has to give her a check. He was not thrilled with it cause he knew she would not be happy about it... WE all decided it was ok to give her cash IF she signed a receit book. She was ok with it at first...Then see need to have the reciept book(she lost all her receists? ) so she could prove to a back what she was getting ( car loan) Well, it took us months to get it back. She said she signed everything & fill out for the months she had it. We got it back and she did not sign or do anything.So My hubbie filled it all out and gave it to her to signe ...It has been a month and she has not given it back.
To me The next child support has to be a check! If she has a problem with it then she should fill out the receipt book. I mean what is the big deal to her any way..unless she is going to screw us later ... Right???
My husband does not want to give her a check because she will get pissed off . ANd it will cause trouble and start fights.
I am trying to look out for us!!! I really do not give a SHIT!(sorry) WE have to be careful she is a wack job.
No he thinks because we did not give her the photos she will not sign??
I think it is not up to her so..she has to wait a few days for the check to clear what is the big problem!!
Every time I as where is the reciept book my hubbie gets pissed off???
What do you all think ??
I could use some sound advice.
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Name: Terri | Date: Apr 29th, 2006 1:26 PM
I think both of you should limit contact with her as much as possible. I send ex a check through on line banking. I have the receipt on line and we don't have to deal with her directly. It has helped me in so many ways. I don't have to write that check out, hand it to her or put a stamp on it. I have even scheduled it to come out automatically each month. I am aware of it but in a weird way, it has helped put distance between me, DH and that touchy subject. Let go of the receipt book as you will not win that tug-of-war. Even though DH probably doesn't express his frustration to her, body languauge and tone of voice speak volumes. She will probably give it back once she realizes this is not a point of contention between you and DH anymore. And quite frankly, if DH does not want to handle child support in such a way that shows a "paper trail" with ex, it is ultimately HIS butt on the line and not yours.
Good Luck 

Name: ToTerri From Serina | Date: Apr 29th, 2006 3:27 PM
Some great advice re the money transfer!! Thanks
Our money is pooled so if she says she never got that $ for all these years we all woud have ot pay for it since not proof is on file.it would be thousands of dollars. That we juts do not have. ANd should not have to pay for 2times.
Thank you so very much for your help!
You are great 

Name: Christy | Date: May 1st, 2006 12:17 PM
I think she should have to get a check! Man those ex wife's who use the kids to get their way- they are AWFUL!!!!! I KNOW!! I have one who does that too! 

Name: Serina | Date: May 2nd, 2006 3:49 PM
I just found out that she will not give us or our bak the info to send her the check by the online banking ..She is such a pill any other Ideas??? 

Name: Fiona | Date: May 4th, 2006 12:32 PM
Money transfer is the answer! 

Name: Fiona to Serina | Date: May 4th, 2006 12:42 PM
Oh, I'm sorry I just read your last post after answering!

Do you have some kind of collection agency in the US? We have the Child Support Agency who collect child support from the fathers and then pass it on to the mothers.

Has she got a lawyer? Perhaps you could send the money to them and get them to pass it on to her.

Tell her that she'll HAVE to accept a check or get no money from him at all! (she doesn't know how lucky she is - my son's father refuses to pay a penny)

If your husband won't go with any of these then I'd just keep out of it and let them sort it out between themselves.
She sounds nutz!!! Your husband shouldn't be afraid of upsetting her??? Is she very fragile or something??? 


Name: Jenny | Date: May 4th, 2006 6:28 PM
I do not blame you at all, my husband is the same way, he will kiss his ex's ass because he doesn't want to start fights. I don't care if it starts fights, I hate to be screwed!!!! Stick to your guns!!! 

Name: Terri | Date: May 5th, 2006 1:15 AM
With the online banking all you have to have is the address and the bank will send her a check. That is it. Ours has a place for a memo as well for her records and ours. No contact is necessary.
Good Luck, I hope it works out. 

Name: Srrina to Fiona | Date: May 5th, 2006 5:33 PM
Well she is nuts but by no means fragile!!! But she is Bipolar like her son. My husband loves peace anything to up set her apple cart he avoids!
Regarding the lawyer she had one that was court appointed to her for the divorce but I do not think she has one now.
It stops being between them when our life is going to be effected by what she might do. I know is very capable of lying about this. That is for sure!!!
My major concern is that since we can not provide proof of payment she could come after us at any time. All she has to do is say she never got it .The money he pays out each month effects both of us. We are struggling financially. So I worry that what little we have she can get if she lies about Not getting the cash.
This is why I am trying to get my hubby to create some sort of paper trail.
This has been a point of my fights. Every time I ask where is the receipt book my hubby gets pissed off??? I think the time has come for her to comply!!!
I really do think she has had this in mind the whole time so whenever she wants we will have to pay her again. God this makes me ill! 

Name: To Terri | Date: May 5th, 2006 5:36 PM
I will tell my husband about what you said re the bank .Thank you!!! I am just worried iof we do not get any proff we will be responsible for mony she has already recd. Thank you for your help . I will try to let things go . Youare correct it is hard!!! 

Name: Cheryl | Date: May 8th, 2006 12:26 AM
I am sorry for you this much suck!!! 

Name: Jen | Date: May 10th, 2006 4:47 PM
One word----- PROOF------No matter what the situation, if you have proof and are acused of whatever, proof wins and shows the other party to be lying!!! What about having child support automatically taken from his check and mailed directly to her? And also money is money. A check should be fine unless she is up to something 

Name: Wow | Date: May 12th, 2006 8:27 PM
This really sucks. He should just tell her sign or you get a check . He might trust her but he should make you feel comfortable not her Sorry for you!!! 

Name: Serina | Date: May 17th, 2006 7:02 PM
She said she would give him the book this friday...We will see... 

Name: Wow | Date: May 19th, 2006 5:58 AM
I hope you get the receipt book . She sound like a real pain!! Welcome to the club. 

Name: Serina | Date: May 23rd, 2006 3:19 AM
Still no receipt book GRRRRRRRRR 

Name: n.n. | Date: May 24th, 2006 1:08 AM
She may get welfare and want her cake and eat it too. Maybe she doesn't report to them she gets child support so she can get more from them plus what your husband gives her.See,if she reports his help to welfare then they will give her less and they would take it directly from his check and only give her $50 a month of it since they help her with medical and foodstamps and maybe even cash too. It would be a logical explanation for her wanting cash only!!!! 

Name: ?? | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 12:14 PM

Name: Serina S | Date: Jun 8th, 2006 10:51 PM
It took a long time but we have the receipt book but she did not sign all the pagesGRRRR. I am going to make copies and try again...
Thank you all so very much for you help God bless you!!! 

Name: Cindy | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 5:17 PM
Just tell her mno signed bok no cash. She is a real oain hon do not let this piece of crap upset you!! Stick with whay is just!
Much luck!! 

Name: Mell | Date: Jun 30th, 2006 10:58 AM
Have you gotten it yet??? 

Name: Serina S | Date: Jul 3rd, 2006 12:36 PM
I still have togotten the whole signed book My husband is still paying her cash . I cannot get thim to stop. I give up Gad!!! 

Name: Serina S | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 1:17 AM
Trying again tonight we will see.... 

Name: pj754 to Serina | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 1:24 PM
You are trying way too hard. If your husband wants to give her cash, you have no choice but to follow his rules. Although, you need to let him know that you disagree about giving her cash because of the consequences that may happen and if he wants the book signed, have him do it. Or try and if she doesn't sign just tell him you can force her to do it. Don't keep beating yourself up over it. He is making the decision on what to do. Let him handle it because it's between him and her. 

Name: Serina | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 5:33 PM
HI Oj
I wish it were just between the 2 of them but it effects me too. If she claims we did not pay her (since we will not have proof) we will have to pay again. Majorly effecting me and our finances.WE are so pay check to pay check it is not funny!
I do not trust her by any means.
To have our financial furture in her hand freeks me out...to say the least.This issue is going to have to be forced or we could lose the little we have.
My husband knows she is vendictive and lie & on top of it bipolar. He hates to cause waver but it would be a disaster if we do NOTHING to protect ourself.
I am pushing this because thiw does effect me and the finances if the ex claims ..just claims she was not paid. Very terrifing to me.
I have tried to explain to my husband ..he is tring.. but too gently!!!
I am going to hae to insist soon or from now on she will get a check. Since she can not bring her self to sign to recepit book.
Thank you for your thoughts 

Name: Terry | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 2:25 PM
HAVE YOUR HUSBAND MAKE HER DO IT. HE HAS TO REALIZE THAT MAKING WAVES IS NOT WHAT IT IS ABOU. IT IS ABOUT HIS NEW FAMILY NAD KEEPING IT SAFE.
BEST OF LUCK 

Name: moshecathy | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 2:20 AM
Pay her with a cashier's check. No matter what happens, make sure you get some sort of copy or recognition that she got paid. Some people are psycho, and will use money to get back at your husband cause she probably feels that he ruined her life. You may not see the problem now but it will come eventually. 

Name: pj to Serina | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 11:57 AM
Hey girl,
You guys have worked so hard to be where you are now. I completely understand about living paycheck to paycheck. However, you have to start paying with a cashier's check, money order or personal check. You both need to start a paper trail. This psycho ex will probably pitch a fit, but my guess is she won't be able to afford an attorney for herself. Especially, if she's hounding you all for the payments. Since you do have some signed receipts and you are a witness to the cash payments, she might not have a leg to stand on. However, I would stop giving her cash. You guys have to protect yourself and if you both don' t trust her because she will lie, then you need to do what's best for you all. Yes, this is waves you don't want to create but your future is at stake. With my ex, I tried letting him give me the support with a cancelled check but he would always forget and then just stopped paying. When we went back to court, I forced the issue of him paying to the court and they forwarded the payments to me. I went a year and half without any payments. When I would ask him for a payment, I would get the response of, "Oh, I'll get it to ya!" It never happened. Plus, he would never help to pay any medical bills on the children. My fiance has kicked out so much money on the children. Granted, he's a loving man willing to do what's best for them. You might want to go to the court house or call and inquire abott payments going through them. Explain your situation and you might be able to set it up without an attorney involved. Plus, there are public defenders that can help people, who don't have the money. Also, you and your hubby can defend yourselves, too. I'm sorry if I keep repeating my same advice to you but I don't want to see you all hurt. YOU are too good of person to let this woman ruin your lives. You not only have a good case on the support issue but you have the visitation issue, too. You two might come out a lot better than you think. Call around and inquire to see what you find out. 

Name: Serina | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 12:35 PM
Thank you Pj
You are so sweet ! I am having a hard time making my husband do this. I just do not understand his prblem with making her do it. All he has to do is have the money in hand and hand her the book first and wiat for her to sign it . I mean realy what is the big deal...Iknow he thinks she will get mad... but why should she whan he is giving her money??? THe other day he said I never give her extra money any more.Why the hell should he The ex finallly got a full time job. He \we have to pay 25% of everything hee make and give it to her.I may not sound like much but it is ...for sure.
Next moth for sure she will l have to signe ..she had already gotten a $300.oo advance.
I think I will talk to him about it annd explain ...which would you rather Me up set oh her! He better sy her & do it .
My husband is such a caring man but worries about everyone. I think I need to remind him to worry about how I feel/
Thank you all again!!!! 

Name: amazing | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 5:48 AM
DO NOT GIVE HER CASH!!! DO NOT EVEN GIVE HER A FREAKING CHECK! GO to the CSE office and make sure they send her the darn payments. My husband for the past 7 years paid directly to the ex...this year the ex decided to take him to court to increase CS...the CS office basically had him owing 7+ years of CS...even with him telling him he had proof, etc...they messed up his credit, put a lien on his properties and basically he had to kiss the ex's behind to have her sign a paper at the court stating he had paid...if she didn't sing, it did NOT matter what proof he had, he would've had to pay it back. Please DO not give these women cash. If she gets upset, she will eventually get upset at some point...that's what my husband's ex did...everything was to keep the peace, that's why he gave her money orders for 7+ years and as soon as he didn't do what she wanted, she still got mad and harrased him until she took him to court. 

Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 4:09 PM
BUMP 

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