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Name: hls38
[ Original Post ]
So my BF's exwife shows up at my house ringing my doorbell and calling me from her cell phone at 9 am on Sunday. I did not answer the door or the phone, I was home alone & have nothing to say to her. She woke me out of a sound sleep. I was not married to her so I have nothing to say to her. My BF has 3 children with the ex. We had our 1st outing together, went into NY for the day, we had a great time. Of course when he dropped the kids off at night, she went crazy on them. I feel bad for the kids, after a wonderful day with their dad and myself they wound up crying because of her. They've been divorced for 11 months now and separated for a year before that, when is she going to get over it already?
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Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 13th, 2006 8:15 PM
Some people just have a really hard time,(getting over it). I feel for the kids,they're the ones feeling the brunt of it,but what can you do? Not much! Except treat them well when you see them,that's about it,sorry! 

Name: hls38 | Date: Nov 13th, 2006 8:31 PM
She threatened my BF with supervised visitation. Can she get that with no proof? He's an amazing father, does so much with them when he has them, loves them more than anything in the world. She is the one who never does anything with them and when it's her weekend with them gives them to a babysitter to go out on a date. He would never even think to do something like that. There is plenty of time for her to date when he's got the kids and vice verse. Once again she is only hurting those kids if she tries to pursue that. 

Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 10:00 PM
No, I don't believe she can get supervised visits. She would have to have something really serious to be able to push the issues. There would have to be several charges against him for physcial abuse towards the children. You really can't control what the ex does with her life. But as long as your bf is following the divorce decree and does his best in the care of the children, there really isn't much you can do. The ex can rant and rave all she wants about what he does with his life but she really can't do a thing about it. So, you did good by not answering the door or the phone. You don't owe her anything. As long as you and your bf are having a good time and enjoying the children like you say you do, keep up the good work. Like you said, she's only hurting the kids which is vey sad. 

Name: JESSE | Date: Dec 2nd, 2006 4:26 AM
Hang in there. I have learned that ex's hate seeing their children having fun with another woman. I was hated for taking my step son to the park one day because she had to work. I feel bad for the kids too. She is sending a message to them that they are not allowed to have fun unless it is with her. They will resent her for that and they while they don't want to upset mommy, they will resent mommy for making them choose. It is a shame to say, but there is nothing you can do to change her. I would not be discouraged from taking the kids out and having fun though. Hopefully she will realize that she is hurting the children and back off. I always felt that the ex should be thankful that the woman that her children's father brings into thier lives is caring and takes interest in the children. 

Name: driving me crazy | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 12:18 PM
Not likely, not until she has someone is her life will she back ff a bit, Im in Australia, my husband has 2 kids 10 and 12 from his previous marriage, they have been seperated 7 years and legally divorced for 4 , she makes his life miserable where ever possible and after talking to so many people in this situation it is so clear that unless she is completely happy in her own life is she going to back off from yours, trust me been doing it for 3 years now and evennow some of the things she does freak me right out hence why im here, my best soluton to you is try to stay calm even if she rants and raves at you, maintain that your not here to be the mother of HER children, as they already have a mum, but as you love your partner it also includes loving his children, as they are after all his children too, Ive tried the tough love thing but they melt my heart, I love them to muh to take a step back so, I fight I fight for them and for him because it's her thats incuded in your future happiness it's him, she is the past and as your now the future you diserve respect, you never know you guys might go the extra mile and get married one day, save the stress till then focus on the now be strong and remeber she can only affect you if you let her, good luck!! 

Name: maria1987 | Date: Dec 6th, 2006 5:44 PM
she may never get over because she still in love in when u run into woman like that if they want something they will do whatever it take to get they love one back trust in believe i know because u got a lot of them woman out here i wouldn't say she crazy its just she in love that all. 

Name: Lynne n | Date: Dec 7th, 2006 11:46 PM
What ever has happened she should not be bringing the children into the fight! 

Name: Courtwinner | Date: Dec 15th, 2006 7:06 AM
Sounds like it's time for a restraining order 

Name: dcinfw | Date: Jan 11th, 2007 7:25 PM
I don't know if you've heard the term "parent alienation", but that is what is happening. It has happened to me and my wife from my ex. I've been married to my current wife for 7 years now and the alienation still hasn't stopped. I suggest that you get a court certified counselor to identify that "parent alienation" is indeed occuring, hire an attorney that has experience with this kind of case, and take custody of the children and limit her to supervised visitation. The irrational behavior you're experiencing may not stop even after she has met someone else. Mine didn't. Until this last summer, I had not seen my children, ages 16 and 13, for more than a day or two a year for over 2 years. The ex just ignored the visitation that was ordered in the divorce decree. All of this due to "parent alienation". Until she, the ex, learns to fear this term through the consequences of losing her children, she will more than likely not relent. If you're thinking that it will hurt the children, it will, but if your BF is a loving Father who doesn't alienate the children from their Mom, he is the only parent qualified to raise those children. I wish I could have had someone give me this advice years ago. It could have saved my relationship with my children. 

Name: Burn4Me, | Date: Jan 13th, 2007 10:47 PM
kids r the ones that suffer the most during divorce and stuff i no its hard on em 

Name: IHaveOne2 | Date: Dec 30th, 2007 3:40 AM

Name: Revenge | Date: Jan 2nd, 2008 7:19 PM
Do yourself a favor, just poison the bitch or hire someone. 

Name: up2u | Date: Jan 11th, 2008 5:42 AM
I recommend reading "Toxic Divorce." It addresses the parent alienation issue. Very good read and valid point. Good luck and stay strong. Don't tit for tat. You can't reason with a crazy person. 

Name: pas | Date: Nov 22nd, 2010 7:25 PM
Making them cry for having a great day with their father? She's punishing them for showing love to their father. Was your boyfriend abusive toward them? If not, why would she be so mad? Those poor kids! Their mother punished them for, basically, being happy. Check out parental allienation and fathers rights. While the kids are still young enough you may have a fighting chance if you find a lawyer who is willing to care. The kids shoudn't be made to feel guilty. They are not the ones who got divorced. All they want is the love and support of both parents. It's what any kid wants, right? Why does she make all the decisions? Does she really care about the kids or are they just used as weapons of revenge? She should learn to control her temper and not infect her children with the bitterness that is inside her. She should have to take responsability in her part of the divorce and be mature about it and act accordingly where the children are involved. Good luck with that. 

Name: hi | Date: Nov 22nd, 2010 7:45 PM

Name: lulu | Date: Jan 19th, 2011 11:18 PM
Sounds like someone should advance from the sandbox into adulthood. She hasn't developed the maturity level yet. Unfortunately, these types of people are the last to admit they have a problem. Some people can't take responsability for their actions, marriage, divorce, etc. That would mean facing their insecurities. So, if you expect this girl/woman to go from grade 2 behavior to adult behavior, you'll be waiting a long time. Just don't take the bait. She's sounds like a train wreck and that is sad. But, if you see her as a sick person, your viewpoint might change. The kids' don't want adults fighting. They want answers and guidance. This woman is only teaching them to hate and feel guilty. Who wants to grow up like that. ? She is stunting their mental growth and either she doesn't care or doesn't even realize what she is doing. I don't think that she'll ever get over it. But, I hope she does for the kids' sake. The "nut" in my situation will never stop. But, good luck. It takes a good woman to stand by your man like that. I hope he appreciates it. 

Name: sarah | Date: Feb 2nd, 2011 8:29 PM
Get over it? She's just getting started. Keep notes. Time, date, witnesses, details. When you need the reference, you'll have it. It's hard to remember details in the heat of things. And she will. Stay neutral . Don't react to her complaints, insults, blowups or what have you. She'd like that. That's her style. Write it all down. It's ugly but she's irrational and she has the control because she's the MOM and she'll try anything she can get away with to cause friction. Tell your BF that it is really his battle but you will be supportive. Don't bash the mom in front of the kids. Even if it's tempting. It doesn't work. Don't get the mad dog madder. She thinks she has entitlement to know exactly what's going on in your life. I'm sorry. You didn't know what you were getting into. Go easy on your bf. I'm sure he's no expert either on dealing with psychotic behavior . He didn't ask for a nut for an ex wife either. 

Name: . | Date: Mar 15th, 2011 5:03 PM
She made a mikstake and things she still owns him. Typical. 

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