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Name: Married and Alone

[ Original Post ]

This is my first time here and I thought I would post for some advice. My life is stable yet - I am unhappy a lot. I don't know whether this is partially my fault or whether my situation lends itself to it. I have been married for 9 years now. My husband is very stern and just plain mean with his words a lot. He also has a very busy work schedule that keeps him away late 3 to 4 nights a week and most weekends. When he is around, I get hurt by his comments and almost wish he wasn't there. When he is gone, I have feel alone. However, he is really a great dad. We have alternating schedules where he sees the kids off to the bus stop in the morning and I pick them up early. I feel alone because he is not giving me the kind of relationship I want. He, however, is content - because he doesn't realize that his comments are harsh and mean and he enjoys the time with his kids. I feel like I will never have the loving relationship that I long for, but don't want to break up my kids home. ↓

Name: May | Date: May 23rd, 2006 6:07 PM

I'm sorry you are hurting! If your husbamd is content then he probably doesn't care how you feel or what you think. I know you don't want to break up your home but what kind of home is it really with it being this way? Your kids have to sense that things aren't o.k. What you need to do is have a serious talk with your husband and tell him exactly how he hurts you. Maybe there's a chance he doesn't realize it and will be apologetic. On the other hand,if he acts as if you are making a mountain out of a mole hill and doesn't care what you have to say then I think you should ask him if he wants a divorce,that will certainly get his attention. If he becomes irrational and mean about it rather than comforting and wanting to work things out,then I think the ONLY solution for you to do then is follow through with a divorce. You don't want to be miserable forever do you? Some men you just can't change. At what point in your marriage did your relationship change? (I'm sure you couldn't have been treated this way all along were you?)Maybe your husband wants out but doesn't want to have to pay you support (child or alimony). So instead he keeps you there but isn't very nice to you. If your children are small,it's a long way to 18,can you really live like this for that long? Talk to your husband,if he doesn't think theres anything wrong with the way he is and refuses to treat you better then you know what you need to do,divorce him. That is unless you just want to get used to the way things are? Let me know how it goes. He doesn't hit you does he? I hope not! Although verbal abuse is just as bad because it destroys you mentally. I think your husband is out for control. ↑

Name: Serina to Married | Date: May 23rd, 2006 6:58 PM

Could youtalk to him and tell him how you feel and that youknow he workd hard to support the family as you do BUT yuare worried about the relationship because you are hurt?? Try every thing before youget divorced or you will feel like youcould have tried harder. He need to understnad that his words hurt you and You need some one on one time .
Make a date with him (NO KIDS) .He may feel unappreciated too & alone???
Good luck !!! I will pray for you! ↑

Name: sonia | Date: May 24th, 2006 1:49 AM

I have felt the same way many times. You just have to work it the best you can and pray a lot or even try counceling. ↑