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Name: misskity
[ Original Post ]
Hello all:

Just wanted to see if anyone else is going through the same thing I am going through.


Well, I married a wonderful man 6 years ago and he had two boys from a previous marriage. But the problem I am running into now or all along is my husband doesn't disaplain the children when they are at our house and I do. Their mother thinks it is not my place to do this, but I can't let them run over me and not do anything about it when their father doesn't. I know I am step mom, but I have had them since they were babies and they are like my own.

Anyways, I jsut had two babies myself and now the problem is that one of them is talking about hurting the new babies and I don't know what to do. I have approached their father about this, but it does no good. Anyway, I really don't want the step boys around the new babies for fear of the babies getting hurt. I really beleive they could hurt the babies. By the way the babies are two and a half months old and these are my first. Help if anyone has been there and knows what I am going through.

Thanks
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Name: Danan | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 9:20 PM
I hate that word STEP We dont use that in this family we think that only steps that there is are the ones that bring you up and down of each leavle of a house had to say that 

Name: misskity | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 9:54 PM
Well, that is how it has been in this family for years. My two step sons mother is why that is. I don't like it either. But that is what their mother wants it to be. I am called "the step parent" if you will. That is what their mother says to say. So it has been that way for years for us. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 1:01 AM
Lol... i think i need to just stop posting on this forum... it seems like everybody is having this issue and it's starting to get me all frazzled! 

Name: misskity | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 2:17 PM
Thank you Nicole. But what do I do about the new baby situation. I am so afraid they will hurt one of the babies. 

Name: pj754 | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 2:32 PM
Does your hubby help you with your new babies? You need to speak with him regarding the help with dicipline for everyone's sake. You both need to stand united in a structured environment as a family. If he is off to work, then you are the diciplinarian. Yet, if they get out of hand with you, he needs to explain to the children that you are in charge while he is gone. You and hubby have created a home together. It is just as much of your home as it is his. In my situation, my fiance moved in with me and my three children and treated my children like they were his own. He has willing supported them financially and gives them the love of a father figure they desperately needed We would discuss together in diciplining the children and then I would be the one to explain to the children. This way, it kept him as the neutral party. However, now that we have been together for 3 years, I have allowed him to step in as well. He's never too harsh with his words or lays a hand on them and doesn't do anything without discussing it with me first. Yet, I have granted him the authority to speak his mind if he sees something is wrong. Especially, if they are in his care while I am out running errands. If I happen to disagree with something he has said, then we discuss it privately and try to meet somewhere in the middle about the situation. The children call him by his name and sometimes call him their step-dad to their friends. It's whatever they are comfortable with. It wasn't until last year, we had a baby and we treat all the children equal. We have strongly emphasized to them that we are a family and we will do things together as a family. Even through, they go to their dad's for visitation and there is no discipline at his house. We explain to them that we are trying to teach them right from wrong and they need to be conscious of this while they are at their dad's house. Even though, their dad doesn't care what they do, their bad behavior still reflexs on me and that is not something I will tolerate. Granted, I can't control what their father does but I can control what my children do. For example, my daughter was allowed to ride her bike with her friend several blocks away from their father while at my oldest son's baseball practice. She and her friend decided to prank 911 on a payphone. Needless to say, the police caught them and took them back to my daughter's father and explained what the girls did. Well, my daughter explained to me what she did and she was punished at my home because I already had a serious talk with her two weeks prior to this incident about pranking on the phone. She knew she did wrong, yet she made a bad choice. Even though, she fessed up, she still made a bad choice after our discussion about it. So, despite what her dad lets her do, she knows exactly how I feel about bad behavior and I will not tolerate. Her father is very irresponsible. Among that and many other reasons is why I left him. I feel it is my job to make sure I establish a good foundation for the children to be able to become proper young adults. Especially since their father doesn't really care. So far, I've been successful in my thinking with two out of the three children. However, my oldest is rebellious towards any rules and has chose to live with his father because of it. Well, unfortunately, his father is sending him down the wrong path and there is nothing I can do about it. I've tried very hard to instill good qualities but he has made his decision with the influence of his father. So, my advice to you is keep establishing your rules in your home. If hubby doesn't do anything, then stand firm with what you say. You are trying to set a good example not only for the step children but for your new babies as well. I hope this help, divorce families are difficult and keep in mind you are not alone. 

Name: misskity | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 5:57 PM
thanks Pj. I do stand firmly on my beleives, but my husband will say one thing and then give in. I realize I am not their realy mother, but I have had those boys since the 7 year old was 10 months old. They may not be my bialogical children but they are my boys. My husband feels the same way. But thier mother doesn't see me as their other mom or step mom. They do call me by my name. That is ok. They called me mom when they were little, but their mother ran them under the coles for that. I do get along with her for the sake of the boys. My husband and myself do not say anything negative about their mother around them. I don't beleive in that at all. Their mother lets them playmature and violent video games and they are way too young for that. I do let them play things like spongebob or something of that sort, but I do try real hard to stand my ground on everything I do. 


Name: Johnny | Date: Apr 12th, 2010 7:06 AM
The name step means step on. Here I am midnight and I just cant take it anymore. The sad thing is my wife and I have a two year old that going to get the brunt of divorce. My step kids female 19 and male 16 have been sppoiled big time, trips abround and you name it they have it alone with own full batrooms which they are tashing in the new home we bought. I could type for hrs but to make a long story short I just cant take it. I cant look at them and when they speak its like nails on a chalkboard. I am trying to stay but something tells me they will milk living at home for all its worth. I cant even talk to moma bear as they are right and I am wrong. Period. God this sucks. 

Name: Lynn | Date: May 5th, 2010 6:37 PM
I have a question. My step son wrote some harsh words about me on an email to his father. His father has not called his children in a long while and their was a court case about futher support for the daugher. Hard feelings. After years of having them come to our home, where it was used as a hotel, and no respect shown to me or my son, I had another child and I found their presence upset my children. Now the step son wants to come for a visti, my husband has yelled at me and told me I am to blame and that he has not fault in this matter. Even though he never called them, he never spent time with them when they came, he is indiffernt to the two children here the list goes on. Do I have to suppress my feelings to suit his wants and their wants. Could they not just meet out for dinner or whatever? Is it not up to him to be there for them? 

Name: jay | Date: May 16th, 2010 5:44 PM
What is it about step kids? They show no respect for the step parent even though you do everything for them? 

Name: steve | Date: Jul 12th, 2010 3:02 AM
I am dealing with the problem, My step son is 9 and when his mother leaves us alone he runs wild and does not listen. He does things on purpose then lies to his mother and says I am making it up and I am mean to him. None of that is true I love him like he is my own. My wife believes him and is starting to hate me as well. what should I do? We have a 2 year old together. He already said he wants her to die. 

Name: arianit | Date: Jul 26th, 2010 8:45 PM
aaaaaaafffffffffffffffff 

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