Home » Pick Your Crowd » Divorced Family » Why am I torturing myself about his ex-wife?

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Name: Laura

[ Original Post ]

So I've been married to my husband for 2 years and we have a baby girl that's 1 year old. He has 2 children from a previous marriage and I have a daughter from a previous relationship. He doesn't see his children anymore because we moved to another state. My problem is I can't stop thinking about his ex-marriage. He doesn't talk to his ex-wife. He doesn't want anything to do with her. But for some reason I am obsessed with the thought of him having loved her one day. I'm constantly comparing our marriage to theirs. Was she prettier? Was she better in bed? Did he love her as much as he loves me? Did she keep her home better than I keep mine? HELP.... I'm ruining my marriage by bringing her up all the time. I can't get ove it. ↓

Name: patty | Date: Jul 17th, 2007 4:53 PM

If she is going to live in your head you need to charge her rent. Evidently he didn't care because he divorced her. LET IT GO! ↑

Name: Laura | Date: Jul 17th, 2007 11:16 PM

Thanks, Patty. You're right. Just wondering if anyone else ever felt like this. ↑

Name: patty | Date: Jul 18th, 2007 12:28 PM

I used to feel like that until someone told me the same thing that I told you. ↑

Name: Laura | Date: Jul 20th, 2007 9:23 PM

Patty, it's funny, but your comment really helped. Not only because it's so true but because I get a good laugh every single time I think about it. How long after you were married did you stop feeling like this? ↑

Name: Veronica | Date: Jul 25th, 2007 10:30 PM

I am going through the same thing myself. I'll let it go for a few months but something always happens and I start obsessing again. I'm considering therapy. ↑

Name: bluenight | Date: Jul 27th, 2007 4:49 AM

seek help you are obbessing over someone in his past how do you think he feels with you taunting him about her ↑

Name: jammers80 | Date: Jul 27th, 2007 10:01 PM

Laura,
You have to stop it hun! I know exactly what you are going through. My fiancee has 3 kids with his ex-wife and he hates her etc etc. when we first started dating i would obsess about that too, but guess what, it did no good except me constantly questioning him. He loves you, he is with you not her and remember it did not last for a reason it was not suppose to be. you are lucky you never have to see or deal with her. it is o.k. it is completely normal what you feel, but you have to learn to accept it and get over it. yeah she was the first, but you will be the last. his ex-wife is soo jealous of me because i have him and once we get married we are going to try to get pregant and she is jealous of that. and SHE is the one who left. then she wanted him back. Too bad girl, he is mine now. Laura, he loves you and gave you a daughter. i know what you are going through, but guess what i am very happy and i dont want anyone especially his ex-witch ruin my life. HE IS ALL YOURS. dont think about the ex-marriage. it sucked anyway. she is probably jealous of you. quit wasting good energy. if you need to talk you can always talk to me. Jamie ↑

Name: Laura | Date: Jul 28th, 2007 3:26 AM

Thanks Jaime, but I feel just like Veronica. I try to forget about it but something always happens and I have to bring it up. I have one question though. When we first started dating, he told me he hadn't been with his ex-wife for 2 years. I believed him. We were married 6 months after we started dating. After we were married I find out that he had "officially" gotten a separation 9 months before and his divorce wasn't finalized until 3 months before we started dating. I feel like he literally rushed me through everything. Why did he lie to me about it? Don't I seem like the rebound "wife"? ↑