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Name: worried wife
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Name: girly29 | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 1:18 PM
Rebecca...I'm sorry but if I heard my husband tell his ex wife that he loved her on a couple different occasions I dont think I'd be as supportive as your being! Yes somethings wrong with this picture...You should be invovled in your step-son's school activities no matter how hard it is on the ex wife. I think your husband is playing to two of you's. You against the ex wife. Him telling his ex wife he loves her knowing she still loves him is wrong, its disrespect to you....If he truly loved you he wouldn't care how hard it was on his ex, he'd tell her to adapte to the situation because your his wife and you'll be here forever.....This kinds stuff went on with my ex and I, he would tell me he loved me on the phone and also kept his girlfriend away from school activities etc. knowing I'd be at our childrens events.He didnt want to rub it in and hurt me this was only because we were still sleeping together, he promised me he was going to leave his girlfriend and come back to me etc. Only for me to find out he was trying to have his cake and eat it too..I think you should sit your husband down and have a serious talk with him..because there is definitaly something wrong with this behaviour......take care I hope this helps :) 

Name: TBad | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 5:32 PM
I can totally understand your delima. My husband's X loves to make life miserable for us but she really enjoys making me miserable. Just rise above it and ignore her. She can only hurt you if you let her. Be nice to her and polite when you run into her, kindness kills. It is always better to be the bigger person. Besides, if she doesn't get a reaction out of you she will eventually stop. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she gets to you. Most of all, pray for God to come into her heart and change her. 

Name: Nikole | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 9:20 PM
Kill her with kindness. Just go with a smile on your face and have a great time. Don't let her ruin your memories. 

Name: wifie | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 5:58 PM
but what do i do about a husband who will not let me ever see his daugter .she is 6 he claims she will hate me my question is , if her daughter will hate me now she will hate me forever if we ever me.so , does that mean i will stay married to a man whom i can never see the daugter or even go anywhere they are? every time she visits i have to hide my stuff lest she gets mad.FOR HOW LONG!!!!! 

Name: drunk step mom | Date: Sep 23rd, 2006 4:14 AM
Really? You mean it never gets better???? My stepson is 7, my sons 7 & 9 and the our baby (girl--thank you God!) is 18 months and I HATE the complication in my life caused by my waste-of-oxygen husband's ex-wife. I keep thinking it can only get better . . . am I wrong??? 

Name: marie | Date: Sep 27th, 2007 12:38 PM
We live in a world that breeds ownership. All this "stuff" is insane. I've experienced all of the above. I've had my own "Share" of insanity as a mother w/ a son who has a step mother and being a step mother of a little girl. I've pretty much been on all sides of the fence, and at the end of the day.........I have a pretty good relationship w/ my son's step mother as well as my step daughters mother. This however; took a few years. I can relate. however; I feel really lucky, especially after reading all of the above
I don't know if it has anything to do with being a "better" person as much as being a wise person w/ a pure heart. When my son's step mother wrote me a 3 page email on how much she hated me and why.......I had compassion for her situation and kind of "got" that her husband (My ex-husband) was "behind" the hatred. Whatever he told her about me as well as her intuition that he wasn't over me as of yet. This got bottled up and bottled up until she finally exploded on me via email. I responded with compassion and kind words, however; I did that because it's what I felt and what was "true" for me. It came from an authentic real place. She is in my son's life, and the more people who love my son, the better his life will be, therefore; she is just as important as I am. She may do, be or teach him things that I can not and therefore; his life can "expand" from her contribution in his life. I love my son, I want and enjoy when people love my son and I don't think that I am such a "super" person that I am the only one who he can benefit from. I then met a man who was "freshly" divorced. He had been divorced 1 and half years w/ a 3 year old daughter. Wisdom in knowing that sometimes divorce "feels" like it happens so fast and with life happening as you go........people's ability to evolve emotionally "past" their marriage and their divorce, most men do not take the time to grieve, get complete and or resolve feelings they may have. There can be parenting out of guilt, fear of the power the mother has over them financially and emotionally in relation to the child/children as well as a sense of failure, therefore; ex husbands do not always set clear boundaries w/ their ex wives and due to their fears and guilt, will do and say things to have the ex "thinking" she may still have a chance, when really he isn't clear on what he thinks and feels....... My "entry" into this situation, it was clear to me that they had not "finished" their business.......When you get involved with a man who has unfinished business w/ an ex-it's not personal, it had nothing to do with me. I'm no less of a woman and I'm not less important. While I'm open and want harmony and peace, I do not for one minute believe that just because someone came first, they have more say or are more important........I don't believe this of my situation w/ my ex and I certainly don't believe that this woman, who came before me deserves any more respect than I do. In my mind we are all "equal" in importance. however; when you are in a situation where people have not moved forward in their lives.......and are unable to "let go".....if you don't grasp or understand that for some people, letting go takes time, and sometimes a long time........you'll get all caught up in things that if just left alone..........will disolve on their own. It took about 3 years for this woman (and my husband) to let their relationship "go". There was a point where no matter what was happening it was said that "we are doing or do that for our daughter" when upon closer inspection, it was for themselves having nothing to do w/ their daughter.......but that was something they had to realize, and again, had nothing to do w/ me. My point is, all things can change, evolve and heal, if given a chance. Focusing on problems, creates more problems. What saddens me the most, is women not honoring other women, if we don't "stick" together as women, no matter who our husbands are.......we are a part of the problem.......

so that's it,,,,, good luck to all 

Name: Trinity | Date: Oct 10th, 2007 1:44 PM
I can completely relate to these stories. My fiancee's ex-wife is very nasty. She always calls with new drama, talks about how she doesn't want me around the kids and how she will kick my butt etc. I am learning to ignore her and try to avoid her as much as possible. But I think my fiance is too nice too her she has put us through too much. I don't think he should be nasty just firm and not allow her to run our relationship. She drops the kids off and brings them when she wants without notification and he allows it. 

Name: patty | Date: Oct 10th, 2007 4:50 PM
BTDT/ Hold your head high and keep your mouth shut. 

Name: autumn_leaves | Date: Oct 11th, 2007 6:01 AM
Go to the activities, put your attention where it should be, on the grandbaby and the proud parents. Ignore her, she's nothing to you, you don't have to concern yourself with her. Dont' do this to yourself, obviously she is very ignorant to have done these things, and that speaks for who she really is, a person not worth your time! 

Name: LeeAnn | Date: Dec 18th, 2007 8:51 PM
I will eventually be in the same boat. My husband's ex constantly talks trash about me to his children. She has threatened to punish them if they call me mom or show any love toward me. When we got married, she instructed them to make "fart and burping noises" at our wedding. She has shown up at the theater when we take the children to see a movie and tells them to "come sit with mommy." We don't let them because it is our time with them, not hers. I really don't know how to handle this. So, can someone help us out there? Give me and this other woman some advice on what to do. 

Name: SGC | Date: Dec 19th, 2007 7:12 PM
Marie I loved your entry!! 

Name: Jacqueline | Date: Dec 22nd, 2007 7:14 PM
I deal with my husband's psychotic ex, as well. She is constantly putting him down and always bugging him for more money. She collects a lot of money from him every month--it just doesn't seem to be enough for her. It is supposed to "Child Support" money, but yet she seems to live quite the lavish lifestyle--treating herself to a personal trainer, a cleaning lady, trips to the Caribbean, etc. She is rude and bitter and just won't get over it, even after over five years! The funny thing is, she treated him like garbage throughout their marriage, so I can't figure out what she is so bitter about. One would think that she would have been happy about ending the marriage. There are two kids involved and they are too young to understand that their mother is a complete nutcase. Just last night, she left a nasty voice mail message where she started out by accusing us of ignoring the ringing phone and letting it go to voice mail. How paranoid is she? She apparently isn't smart enough to realize that maybe we just weren't home. (and we weren't!). I am always looking forward to the day that the kids are old enough that we won't have to deal with her, but after reading some of these entries, I am beginning to see that there will never be any end in sight. It will all just go on and on. I agree with everyone who says that being "nice" just drives the ex even more crazy. I think that is definitely true and I think that it is a perfect solution. 

Name: feeling guilty | Date: Jan 16th, 2008 5:01 PM
I have been in a relationship 2 years and he has 2 boys and I have 2 boys. Mine are 16 and 10 His are 8 and 11, the 11 year old has had all sorts of problems emotional it has caused alot of fights and me and my boyfriend saying thinghs to each other that we later regret. He has been put on meds for bipolar and they think he might also have personality problems.The mother has caused so many problems for me and always wants to make comments about when they were married all the bad things he did etc,
I do get made and made the mistake of letting it all hang out on several times in front of the kids,,, I feel like a fool and I know it is wrong, the x came over because the younger one called when we were fighting and know says the kids can't come over with me there. She has issues at her house as well ,what can I do to make this better, this has been so trying for me I want everyone to be able to get along.... 

Name: apes | Date: Feb 4th, 2008 1:40 AM
same boat here. I too am not that far down the road but she just can't stand it that i am part of her son's life and that his behaviors at home have gotten better since i stepped in again. she doesn't want me at any functions and she expects my husband to pay for extracurricular activities that he didn't even know about or agree to. she does what she wants and expects everyone to follow. my husband has been in court about 3-4 times a year so she can get more money and change the visitation which never actually changes. i often wonder how she has the time and energy to keep this up after 6 years. i guess my mom would tell me to ignore her. i usually take her advice because she is not a dramatic person. good luck! 

Name: Gail | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 7:28 PM
Molly, I am appalled by your response. Obviously both parties have something to do with a breakup, but the ex wife has NO RIGHT to treat anyone the way she is according to this woman. Put yourself in the new wife's shoes, dealing with an ex spouse is frustrating and too often causes so much strain on the new relationship that it can end in break up. The world has enough crap in it, if two people can find love in this world, then it shouldnt be hindered by a bitter ex wife. You need to move on Molly and let your ex go.... 

Name: Maria | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 7:38 PM
My husbands ex uses kindness with us....and it drives me nuts because I know she is fake and goes around town saying all kinds of nasty things about us. I have resolved to have absolutely no contact with her....I know many of you will think this is the wrong move due to the child and you may see it as selfish on my part....But for my sanity and if I want to stay with my husband, I cannot have any contact with her. She is so nice to your face and then you feel the knife in your back. She uses the child to manipulate us and is wicked to my husband.... so knowing we need to be civil for the child, where does our sanity come into play and how do we deal with that? 

Name: janice | Date: Mar 22nd, 2008 11:13 PM
tell her to be mature or you will get a restraining order taking into account of all her past behaviour. 

Name: jealous wife | Date: Apr 1st, 2008 12:41 AM
just reasonly my husband's ex-wife email him through myspace.com. they've been divorced for 30 years and they have a son together. last night i read her blog on myspace relating to my husband, saying she will never stop thinking of him and she holds him close to her heart, every now and then they be emailing each other. this is what really hursts me cuz my husband stop sending me message on myspace and tells me how much he loves me, he stops calling me at work just to check on me and said he loves me. should i talk to him about how i feel and to stop emailing hix ex-wife? 

Name: KittyKat | Date: May 1st, 2008 9:09 PM
I've been reading through everyone's replies. I am so glad that I am not the only person in this boat! My fiance' has a 2 yr old beautiful girl and her mom and entire family is completely crazy! I came along AFTER my fiance' decided to leave her. She was pregnant when he left and he denied that the child was his unti a parternity test was mandated by the state. He had been told by several people she was sleeping around and I now believe that is the total truth. She absolutely hates him and me. Her entire family has done everythign they can to make my life miserable. A year ago they had taken pictures of me trying on my wedding dress posting them on myspace calling me names and whatnot. Needless to say we have postponed the wedding until this summer and I did not handle all the drama and stress very well. I had never encountered such hateful people. A few months ago she turned around and wanted to be my best friend so I entertained her and became "friends." We mostly chatted on myspace and through messenger. I know her intentions were never true and never will be. I don't know if she is still in love with my fiance' or its that she doesn't want him but doesn't want anyone else to either. Last May she got married and a month later ran off with another guy. Then her husband took her back for a few months and then she cheated on him again with a MUCH older man. She is 21 he was 42. Needless to say her stupid husband took her back yet again. She has recently has tried getting me fired from my job. Her mother also still continues to harass me and sent me an email just recently threatening the future of my children with my fiance'. I have not always been an angel in this situation but I think my major problem was ever trying to get along with her for my stepdaughter's sake. She is possessive of her daughter and only wants to give my fiance' more time when it's convenient for her. This is a young dumb, scorned girl who continually try to make mine and my fiance's life hell. I am so happy because he is going to be taking her back to court so she has to be held more accountable for her actions. Her mind is that she can do what she wants whenever she wants with HER daughter. It's just all so frustrating and after reading the responses, I know that the best thing to do now even after all this crap is to take the high road and just always be nice. I am though going to get a no contact order against both her and her mom. I have them blocked through all emails and myspace but they always always find a way to get ahold of me. Nothing physically has happened yet, but this family continues to threaten ruining my wedding day. I don't think they will stop at anything...I guess when your 50 and don't have a job and 21 and don't have a job you have nothing better to do than meddle in other people's lives. 

Name: Going insane | Date: Jun 8th, 2008 5:33 PM
My husband has a 2 year old and I have a 9 and 12 year old. We have no kids together. Since we got together his ex-girlfriend which is the mother of the 2 years old has made our lives hell. We have only been married since January of this year and have been together since January of last year. His ex has made things so hard between us because she is constantly lying and using her kid as a bargaining token. We started the custody papers in Oct of last year and just now have finished them because she has drug it out so long now we are stuck with a laywer bill of $4,500 because of her. I thought things would get better after he got his rights on paper (since they were not married he had not rights at all, but still paid her $400 a month in child support since she was born. He has had to kiss her butt to even see his child because she would not let him see her on some occasions since the mediation. We tried to get custody of her, but according to GA law it is very hard to get custody from the mother who has a DUI and has no license to drive. Imagine that being fit? Any way, the papers are signed and my husband said he will still kiss her butt to get any extra time with his daughter. I wish you could see how he acts around her. Its like he always has to impress her and tell her everything. I have talk to him before about why he thinks he has to tell her everything and he said to keep a civil relationship with her. I keep a civil relationship with my ex, but I don't tell him half the crab my husband tells her. My husband has a picture of his ex and his little girl together on his filing cabinet at work and I ask him several time to take it down but he won't be cause he says it was up before we got together and that what we have means more than a picture. A friend of mine mentioned to me that people only put pictures of people they love or care about on there desk. He doen't even have a picture of his mom on his desk. I told him he has plenty of pictures of his daughter that he could put up there and still does not take it down. I told him I am not coming to his office anymore because I am sure to other people who see it are thinking why does he have that up there? Now that the papers are signed she is supposed to send clothes, pull ups and everything she needs, but he will not make her send it. The girl is 21/2 and is still not potty trained because her sorry mama doesn't have a job and runs all over the place all day long and quit potty training (she was wearing underwear) her after she had a miscarriage. Now that that papers are signed he has to pay $557 for one child and carry insurance on her. I figured it out if she had a job doing what she is qualified to do Medical Coding, then he would only have to pay $360 a month. The ex was living with her boyfriend and her lawyer advised her to move back home with her parent since we might go to court. Her boyfriend lives in apartment with her brother who has been in jail for meth 10 times. I don't understand why they wouldn't take her parents or boyfriends income into consideration when figuring out childsupport since she doesn't want to work because daycare is the devil for her child. Now my husband has to pick up the slack for her laziness. How fair is that? I just don't know what to do about him kissing her butt? 

Name: LeeAnn | Date: Jul 3rd, 2008 6:47 PM
My stepson and daughter are 12 years old and 9 years old respectively. My husband and his ex have joint custody - one week he has them, the next week, she has them. The children and I get along very well and there have never been any "you're not my mom" struggles between us. However, we do have a problem with the ex. Since their divorce, she has allowed the 9-year-old daughter to sleep with her. At our house, the daughter shares a bedroom with her stepsister (my daughter), but they have separate beds. However, we have found out, through my stepdaughter, that her 12-year-old brother has been sleeping with them also. He either sleeps between mom and daughter, or he sleeps at the foot of the bed!!! Their mother treats them very differently. The daughter has new clothes almost every time we see her, while the son is wearing pants that look like capris, they're so short. If the daughter wants something, the son is required to get it for her. It seems to me that the ex has such a bitterness against men that she is treating her son like a second class citizen and teaching her daughter to do the same. ((Oh, I do need to mention that the mother lives in the same house as her brother which is next door to their mother (who pays for the house that they live in). Grandma fixes all meals for the family, even though the mother is 46-years-old and is capable of cooking dinner for her own children.)) Now, the daughter, at my house, is a sweet girl who does chores when she's asked, and has never really had a princess attitude about things when she is with us. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm afraid that the sleeping arrangements and subtle male bashing by the mother is going to jeopardize his emotional health. Also, my stepson has started puberty, and I'm afraid this will put even more confusion into the mess. 

Name: amy | Date: Jul 20th, 2008 1:39 AM

Name: Spuzy | Date: Aug 2nd, 2008 7:22 PM
Think of your stepchildren first.....be cordial and polite....and be the better person.....be proud of your actions and yourself....i have been there! 

Name: ann | Date: Aug 4th, 2008 4:13 PM
Treat her and him both with the common "respect" you would any other STRANGER. If it comes a time and place that you are near them, speak and be polite....YOU cannot and WILL NOT ever be best friends so don't expect too. But for the sake of the kids and grand kids be civil no matter what the EX does...You will look better in the end for it!! 

Name: sally sue | Date: Aug 7th, 2008 8:34 PM
I just finished reading some of these tales of horror. My husband shares 4 children with his ex. Three of the children are adults and the last one is 11 (an insurance policy on her part that if the marriage wouldn't hold together, she'd still have her hand in his wallet).
We have the young son visit us for 4-5 weeks during the summer. The ex uses this as a chance to have a spy in our home. This year she sent along a cellphone (calls and texts over a dozen times a day from the ex and 2 of the older children). She also sent 7 framed photos of herself and her new boyfriend, herself and this younger son and herself and the other 2 older children). One child, an adult daughter, she has nothing to do with (specifically because she's as narcissistic as her mother). I don't know what she tells these 3 children, but they believe that if the younger son is left alone with me, She claims I would try to kill him. This year she sent her other adult son up to visit for a week. He treated me just as his younger brother does.
What I'm trying to say is that during these summertime visits my husband defends the son's (and both sons) actions towards me. I was excluded from almost everything they did. I was made to feel uncomfortable in my own home, and even stayed at my sister's just to get away from the way I was treated. I went to my medical doctor, who advised me that my husband and I should get counseling and that my husband should not be trying to hold onto those other children if they only side with their mother. The dr. said my husband should be supportive of me and my feelings. Any advice? 

Name: kelley | Date: Aug 14th, 2008 1:25 AM
one way darling to always show them is to never make eye contact, smile often kiss your husband act as if she never made it to the function.REMEMBER only you can make them feel there important by paying attention, dont give any satisfaction! You have your family show you are proud and most of all not intimidated. You as a women are aware of what we pay attention to. Good luck may the best women win and it shall be you!

Name: nice2008 | Date: Aug 14th, 2008 7:18 AM
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Name: angel | Date: Aug 20th, 2008 4:47 PM
Hi, we have been married almost 3 years and have been through hell and back and now all of a sudden the kids want to come live with us becausee the mom is unstable, the only thing she cares about is the child support, so we are still waiting to have that talk with the ex wife, which will probably never happen. The girls are 12 & 16. Now she tells the girls that dad is trying to get custody and told them if he wanted to do that he would of done that in the beginning. They are old enough to make choices, the mom treats them like babies.l can't wait till the support ends, and then what will she do with the girls then? Hubby has paid over $75,000 in CS and the girls have nothing. Makes me sick. 

Name: JANET | Date: Sep 5th, 2008 4:23 PM

Name: newlywed and newly pissed | Date: Oct 1st, 2008 7:26 PM
I am looking for some advice with the same problems as you all have.. except that mine are in their very infantile stage.. i have only been married to my husband for 10 days!!
He has 2 exes and 3 kids between them.. but he was never married. We are in our mid twenties and he has a 5 year old daughter ( had a paternity test), a 2 year old son ( has a different father, but my husband cares for him as his own.. is even on the birth certificate) and then from a different woman he has a 9 month old daughter ( paternity test will be in the works soon!)
I love him so much and I want to make things work with all of us, but I never would have thought that by marrying the man of my dreams I was also marrying 2 clearly psychotic women and 2 kids that are his and 1 that he is only financially and legally responsible for.. not biologically.
It's a huge mess to say the least, and these two women are only 20 and 21.. and they act as though they are 10. The older of the 2 has the 2 kids, and she lives across the state.. and denies any visitation. They have court agreements but they are vague and it has to be on her terms.. which are never since he met me.
His other ex lives in the same town as us, and he moved out from living with her and her father to be with me. They had broken up when -oopsy!- she found out she was pregnant. So he continued to live there until he couldn't take it anymore and then he met me and I let him move in within 2 weeks. So of course it is all my fault.
She calls him 7-10x a day.. most of the time conseculatively within a few minutes. He has a work phone which she also calls constantly while he's at work, and his employer doesn't much care for that. When we decided to get married i got him a new personal phone and didn't give her the number but his employer yelled at him because of his work phone ringing off the hook and he broke down and gave her the new number.
she texts him over 20x a day some times.. at least once an hour at the least. I have looked at his messages and some are about their daughter, but some are about how she changed and he should give her another chance. One was about what she would do to get him back so they could be a happy family again.
He swears that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore but he still pays her car insurance and lets her drive his truck while he has no vehicle and has to share my car.

The first ex will not contact him or let him contact her at all, he hasn't even seen or heard from his children in 4 months.
The second ex showed up at our wedding uninvited, goes to his moms house to visit with her and calls her every day. She calls him constantly and texts him all day every day and all hours of the day and night. She threatens to call the police if i am around their daughter and so right now we are refusing to have any visitation until we have court orders.
This crazy woman works full time on weekdays from 11pm to 7 am and has classes from 8am to 4pm.
she wants us to take the baby every week day, but she wants her from 5pm to 10pm while she sleeps.
She wants to have the baby every other weekend on fridays and saturdays.. but we have the baby all day every day other than that. Yet she wants full custody even though she can't afford a sitter and has no car and lives with her disabled father.

I have been married for 10 days and I am already at the end of my chain. She threatens to come to the house and she actually showed up the day of our wedding.. She calls and texts and leaves nasty messages and when he ignores her she calls hysterical about the baby and takes the kid to the ER even tho she's fine.
My husband will not let me get a restraining order against her, and he will not change his phone number again. He doesn't do anything about the calls and texts except ignore them.. and deal with them when i am not around.
We have started fighting about this and it isn't getting resolved at all.
Any imput? Any suggestions? At first I was a friend to her and ignored that she was stalkerish and psycho.. but then when i read the texts from her I snapped and I was mean and spiteful toward her a few days ago and she has been even worse about the calls and texts since then.

I can ignore her like he does, but its still hurtful that she calls and texts him more than I do. I can act like it doesn't bother me but it really does. And when i bring it up to my new husband he just says that i should be mad at her not him because it's not his fault she doesn't get the clue and leave him alone. 

Name: Diana | Date: Oct 16th, 2008 4:35 PM
Molly is most likely an angry ex that seeks to blame the person now with her ex for his leaving and thus lacks sympathy for you. I am not married to my beau and his ex has done the full gamut of terrible things from calling me a whore, to encouraging her children to make things difficult discipline wise, making sexual remarks in front of my and her children and in my absence to my beau. I guess they have to have someone to blame and at times it really feels unbearable. I try to remind myself not to take things personally as women tend to do. I always try to keep in mind "what she is" because she also likes to fake niceness occasionally but then quickly reverts to her typical nasty self. Her problem is that she knows that she could have saved her marriage but felt "TOO RIGHT" much of the time. I feel that way too but remind myself that I still have a lot to learn. Give and take. Hang in there. 

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