Hello, guest
Name: jimmy
[ Original Post ]
ok I give you the long story short,,known my wife for 10 years just got married last april,,we were expecting a baby and so excited about it ,,we lost the baby in early may,, we never spoke of the miscarriage again,,things started getting real up and down,,fighting over everything,,continued even harder to try to have a baby thou untill xmas,,we got into a fight i went my way she went hers,, i have been living were ever i can stay,,and she is at our house,,(her choice) she asked me to not come home ,,,she always asked me to go to therapy just to talk about things and learn how to communicate better,,so i startd therapy and have trully been learning a lot about my self and life ,,i have been staying in touch with my wife and trying so hard to get her back,,but she says now that she is afraid that i am gonna just hurt her again,, she says she still loves me more then anything in the world,,but she wants aa divorce,, she is neglecting all her regular girlfriends and not talking to any one ,,even her mom has to drag info out of her,,she just is not being herself,,,she says the craziest things,,i asked if there was another guy and she admitted that she madee afriend and told her that isnt fair and she says there is nothing wrong with seeing another guy,,she says she is gonna move out but she still lives at our house and hasnt packed a thing and all out wedding pictures all over the house still,, she told her one friend that she misses me ,,but when i ask her to talk she says she doesnt want to deal with this and its easier to just get a divorce,,,,her parents are scared to say anything to her,but they know ther is somethng wrong too,,i have talked to doctors about miscarriage depression, therapist,and they say its possible she is depressed,,,i dont know if she is just stringing me along untill she finds something new or if she really is depressed and just needs me to be strong for her,,, I will do anything for her but I am starting to be depressed my self ,,doc says i gave myself a ulcer and i am only 28,, somebody please give me some direction,,, I dont want to lose my wife especially before our 1 year ann.
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Name: Bill | Date: Mar 26th, 2009 3:38 PM
Man, I'm going thru alsmost the same thing. We were married only 2 weeks ago though. She came to me and told me she doesn't know if she loves me like a friend or a husband. I'm devistated.

First I think that as men we could never understand the pain a woman feels when she has a miscarrige. It takes an unbelievable toll on them, I'm sure.

I have told myself, and you may want to try the same thind, that I can only fix myself. We can't force someone to love us. I think many of the root causes of our issues were things that I did (Short temper, not helping enough w/ our 2 children, etc.). I need to fix them first and if that helps us get back together, great, if not, I will be a better man in the future.

Good luck, my heart goes out to you. 

Name: jimmy | Date: Mar 26th, 2009 8:53 PM
Bill you are right ,,i have gotten so much info on miscarriages but i will still never know the sadness and pain she felt and still feels, I can admit i was a crummy husband , but i know that now and i am getting prof. help to deal with my issuees of communication and she see that i am changeing but she says she is so scared that i will resort back to my old ways ,, i know its gonna take time for her to forgive me ,,but she is just gonna jump the gun and get a divorce,, she says she still loves me but its easier to just get a divorce,,,i just dont know if i should cooperate with a divorce if that is what she wants or should i keep fighting to keep this marriage alive so she will see that i am changinf for the better,,, i know onl i can answeer this but ,,,,any advice does help a guy out 

Name: Bill | Date: Mar 26th, 2009 9:21 PM
Man, I am amazed at how much our lives seem to parallel right now Jimmy. I am a little more lucky in that my wife is speaking openly and were still living together.

My advice is to take it SLOW. I feel that her mentioning 'hurting her AGAIN' is pretty big because it means she has left the door open to there being an AGAIN. I just think you need to find your faults in what seperated the 2 of you in the first place and work on them, honestly WORK. We can't change thier feelings, only our actions. If you truly change, not just change for her, I think you have a shot (I say this from 2 paragraphs of info! lol)

I would give her space, work on yourself for a little while, then court her again. Do the things you used to do when you dated, bring flowers, leave her a note on her windshield telling her how much you love her, etc. But letting her sort her feelings w/out feeling pressure is soooooo important. As men we want to control situations, fix problems. This is something that is out of our control, we can't just grab a tool and 'fix' it.

Keep me posted! Good luck. 

Name: jimmy | Date: Jun 3rd, 2009 3:03 AM
Hey bill you sound like a smart rational guy with positive outlooks on this stuff,i would sure like to chat more with you if you ever want to chat let me know I would like that,you can contact me at [email protected] 

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