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Name: jh
[ Original Post ]
my ex husband new wife has caused alot of trouble for me she wont tolorate My kids to call ME mom SHe demands to be called mom and I am called my my actual name there I wonder if anyone else has this issue as well
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Name: TOMMY | Date: Sep 8th, 2005 3:30 AM

Name: DB | Date: Sep 13th, 2005 3:41 AM
Hi! I have a sort of similar situation. My ex-husband's girlfriend has been around my 2 year old son since he was 7 months old. My ex-husband and her had an affair which was one of many reasons for my divorce. Anyways, my son has started calling her Mommy and I'm Mama Danielle. This absolutely kills me because I feel as if they don't understand just how hurtful it is. We share 50% custody so he is with them every 4 days. How do I move beyond this? 

Name: miranda | Date: Sep 15th, 2005 9:38 PM
I feel so bad for both of you!! IT WOULD EAT ME UP ALIVE IF MY DAUGHTER CALLED SOMEONE ELSE *MOMMY*!!!! You need to have a serious talk with your ex husbands new wife and explain to her how hurtful it is..maybe once she has her own children she will realize how wrong she is. But like the previous post said, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!! good luck and keep us posted 

Name: Oni | Date: Sep 22nd, 2005 4:15 PM
I have a sorta simular situation...I have 5 year old step daughter, and my own 5 year old daugter ( they are half sisters 3 mos apart) I just call them my "gals" and I never make a differance between them...my step daughter calls my mom granny too....she calls me mommy ( I never asked or told her to) and her bio-mom mama...Her real mom doesn't like it but, I want her to feel comfortable, and if she wants to call me mommy then I will let her. I never try to take her mother's place either, we send cards and pictures etc... am I in the wrong? 

Name: to oni | Date: Dec 14th, 2005 8:35 PM
i beleive you are in the wrong to let her call you mommy. She has a mommy and thats the only one she should be calling mommy. I come from a divorced family with 2 children and I would be appalled if they called my ex's new wife mommy. Its crossing the line in my opinion. 

Name: JS | Date: Dec 22nd, 2005 6:35 AM
I think it's only crossing the line if the step mother is forcing the children to call her that. My BIL was raised by his mother and stepfather but also went and saw his real father regularly. He called his stepfather Dad as well. It was his choice and his choice alone and everyone got along great. But I guess it also depends on how the biological parent feels about their child calling someone else Mommy or Daddy....so ......idunno now I'm confused...lol

There are a lot of factors to consider I guess. If everyone is happy with the situation then it's ok. But if someone is uncomfortable with the situation..then try to think of a nickname that the children can call the step parents and have the step parents remind the children that they are ____(nickname) and that their mommy is their real mommy.

Ahh perhaps I'm just rambling now..but I hoped that made sense. Good luck everyone :) 

Name: Oni | Date: Dec 22nd, 2005 7:38 PM
I guess, I don't want my step daughter to feel ostercised...She started this all on her own, I have been in her life since she was a baby....My husband and I are her primary parent figures, her mother lives 2,000 miles away, she doesn'y call her, didn't send her anything for x-mas, or her birthday last year, let alone call her so, SHE recognizes me as mommy, however, I do encourage the relationship between her and her natural mom. And I never refer to her as my "step" daughter in fron of her, only when I am explaining situations to outsiders. I had a step mother growing up and I thought she was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and i know that I wouldn't want to be that kind of person. 

Name: lonely | Date: Dec 22nd, 2005 8:28 PM
well my situation is not exactly the same but similar, i live with my inlaws, and in their family the previous generation (who stayed in the same house) used to (and still do) call their mom and dad by name, and their grandmom and older auntie(divorced no children) mom and their grandad dad. And they r trying to do the same with my kids, they tell my son to call me by my name, and them by mom, it really gets on my nerves i have a step daughter and she just calls me auntie, i cant replace her mom for her, she stays with her, and we know each other and our relationship is ok. But if this goes on why dont u sue her? she has no moral right to be doing that. You can refer to many things in the trial, like emotional, psychological and etc. 

Name: Oni to lonely | Date: Dec 22nd, 2005 11:54 PM
Sue her for what? she has nothing no diploma no GED, hardley works, she lives with her mom, her mother ex-con boyfriend, her little brother and oh yeah she has another daughter too! all of this in a one bedroom 1 bath apt! she is suppose to pay $65 bucks a month in child support, but she can't even do that! 

Name: lonely | Date: Dec 26th, 2005 8:53 AM
she's got to be strong then, and make things clear, she's the mom, bad or good, they r her kids, but i wonder why they were taken away?? maybe she caused it all? 

Name: bianca | Date: Jan 5th, 2006 3:00 AM
you are the mother and thats that. you need to sit down and talk to your kids and the father. i havent been in that situation but i can feel your pain. that situation needs to be dealt with immediately 

Name: Raina | Date: Jan 6th, 2006 8:43 PM
I am in a similar situation to Oni's. I have two middle school aged children and one step daughter who has been in our life since she was 6 months old - she's now 4. We had always referred to me as Raina with her, but as she grew older, and with the other kids calling me mom, she adopted the term as well (we share 50% custody and our kids are on the same schedule with their respective parents, so she hears me called mom every moment she's with us). When her mother learned of this my step daughter started telling us that 'mommy yells at me and says I don't love her when I call you mom'. We checked with a child psychologist and learned that is is normal for children, especially young ones, to adopt 'mom or dad' with step parents, or even regular care givers when other children also use the term. With that knowledge we didn't dissuade her from calling me mom and suggested to her mother that she stop berating her for it, as this is certainly more harmful to her emotional well-being than using terms of endearment for multiple loving parents. I don't take offense when I hear my ex-husbands wife referred to as 'my other mom'; in fact I am happy to know that she has made the effort to love and nurture them as her own. That they call her mom tells me that my kids feel part of an intact family regardless of which household they are in. 

Name: to Raina | Date: Jan 10th, 2006 6:08 PM
I dont think its right for children to call their step parents mom or dad especially when their real mom's and dad's are still in the picture. Although I dont agree with the little girls mother making her child feel bad for calling you mom. I do believe your step daughter should have it explained to her why she shouldnt call you mom, after all, your not. 

Name: them's fightin' words | Date: Jan 10th, 2006 8:54 PM
My man better pray to God right after he bends over and kisses his own ass goodbye if my kids EVER call anyone else MOMMY... He's be one dead effer... 

Name: Oni | Date: Jan 12th, 2006 4:36 PM
2 Raina - I wouldn't worry what other people think, it shouls be the child's well being that should be put first....I learned that, and I really dn't care what people think...my step daughter is with me more than she is with her dad ( he is in the airforce) and she hardley ever sees her mom, and her mom doesn't call or answer the phone when we try to call her....more power to you girl friend !!!!!!! 

Name: To oni | Date: Jan 12th, 2006 6:07 PM
Yah more power to you for trying to take her mothers place. yipee 

Name: Oni 2 yipee | Date: Jan 13th, 2006 7:12 PM
If her mother was concerned at all about being a mother, she would take an interest in her daughter's life....if it wasn't for me then she wouldn't have a mother at all....we have tried to get her other to be more involved but she woudl rather smoke weed and club every night of the week end....so if YOU think that having a Trifling mother rather than a loving, caring, mother figure is more important, then maybe you should get your priorities in check. 

Name: to Oni | Date: Jan 13th, 2006 10:57 PM
A child only has one mother regardless of what she does, she is still her mother and by no means should this little girl call you mom. Plain and simple, YOUR NOT. Get your priorities in check. 

Name: Raina | Date: Jan 17th, 2006 11:33 PM
This seems to have turned into quite a heated topic. 2 questions to consider. Does calling a primary care giver mom or dad have a negative affect on the well being of the child, or simply the ego of the birth parent? How many of you who believe a child should never call a step parent mom or dad encourage your children to call your close friends auntie or uncle? 

Name: Oni 2 Raina | Date: Jan 18th, 2006 9:22 PM
you make a very good point....I guess that each particular situation should be judge case by case.....I don't feel I am doing anything wrong.....but appearantely there are people out there that think otherwise...I wonder, however, if I were to adopt a child, would he/she get to call me mommy since "technically" they would have a birth mother "somewhere" in the world....just wondering. 

Name: AB | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 12:52 AM
I agree its a case by case situation.For example, if all a child has is a stepmom in place of a real mom, then its probably comforting to the child to call that person mom or refer to that person as their mother.Usually if a child has a biological mom or dad actively in their lives, the step parent would be refered to by their actual names.That way everyone is comfortable. A child doesnt have to call their stepparent mom or dad to know they can have a special relationship with them or to feel more comfortable.I have a son from a previous marriage and expecting a baby this summer with my significant other whom Ive been with for 4 years, though my son rarely sees his dad and consider my boyfriend a wonderfull father figure, It would make us both feel uncomfortable if my son were to call him dad.I think the most important part of any relationship when kids are involved is for the stepparent or significant other to have a close relationship with the child. But for the child to know who their "parents" are. 

Name: Nikki | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 1:27 PM
If a stepparent has taken the place of a parent there is nothing wrong with the child refering to him or her as Mom or Dad.

My real father has only been in my life for a total of about 3 years.

My stepfather raised me as his own child. Not only did I call him Dad on my own, I even took his last name over my real fathers'.

It may be hurtful to some parents but if a child wants to call someone Mom or Dad then they should be allowed to without coaching and without guilt. 

Name: Laurels | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 4:24 PM

It's not about YOU! It's about what the children want to do. If they didn't want to call your "former" husband's wife "mom" they wouldn't but they do. What they do at the other house is NONE of your business.

All you guys are saying is POOR ME! It's not about you! It's your problem. You and your former husband are not together. This happens. Isn't the underlining point her -- how do the children feel -- more important? Are you so blinded by your bitterness that you can't allow the children to call whomever "mom".

How many of you allow your children to call someone who is not a relative "grandma"? I adopted a couple as my parents when I lived in another country. It didn't bother my family. In fact, when I got married this elderly couple came to my country for my wedding.

BE THE BETTER PERSON. LOVE YOUR CHILDREN let go of the issues you have with your former spouse because you are only hurting your children in the end. 

Name: Sara | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 6:15 PM
My children will never call another woman mom. Its called respect and only one woman deserves the title and thats the one who gave birth to that child, not some new spouse or girlfriend. 

Name: Sylvia Taylor | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 10:42 PM
new wife to put her shoes into my shoes as a mom and trying hard to compete with me 

Name: Nikki | Date: Jan 24th, 2006 2:41 PM
Sara - you believe the only person worthy of the title 'Mom' or 'Dad' is the biological parent?

Tell that to the man that's been in my life for maybe 3 years total.

I don't call him Dad, but you say I should.

Then try telling that to the man that raised me since my earliest memories. He taught me everything I know about life, put every meal in my mouth, raised me through my good times and still claimed me through the bad.

He's not my biological father, but I call him Dad.

You can't box every relationship up into a perfect little system of black and white. Well, I guess you can, because you obviously do...

But I find it extremely closeminded and an insult to 'real' parents everywhere to insist that genetics is what makes Mommies and Daddies. 

Name: oni | Date: Jan 24th, 2006 5:30 PM
Nikki, You made an extremely wonderful point....I would be concerned with fact that person that is goingto be a part of m child's life is a good person, and is goingt otreat them fairly, and love them, and care for them when in their prescence.....end the end it SHOULD be about the child, I would never force my step daughter to call me mommy, but since she chose to I don't mind, I am giving her something she never had with her biological mother, and that is unconditional love and lots and lots of attention...after all there must be a problem when you loose custody of your kids..... 

Name: Sara | Date: Jan 24th, 2006 6:13 PM
Nikki I really dont care about you or your up bringing and who your dad is. All I'm saying is my children know that they never call another woman mom. What you do in your family is your business and really none of my concern. I was just voicing my opinion. You dont have to like it. 

Name: elistabeth | Date: Jan 24th, 2006 6:31 PM
Some people can be so stupid. My husbands ex wife decided to change their sons last name to that of her next husband without even discussing it! Even after she had the guy prosecuted for rape and assault on her she wanted to keep his name as it was - just incase! 

Name: Nikki | Date: Jan 26th, 2006 3:32 PM
Sara - you don't have to care about me and I don't expect you to.
You have the right to raise your children the way you feel best and that's what you should do.

I was merely making the point that to say things should always be one way no matter what , ie blanket statements like

"only one woman deserves the title and thats the one who gave birth to that child, not some new spouse or girlfriend"

are closeminded blanket statements. But you sound like a really thoughtful, openhearted, accepting woman anyways, so I'm sure your children are delighted to have a mother like you, and will grow up to always appreciate the lessons of acceptance you have taught them. 

Name: Sara | Date: Jan 26th, 2006 3:38 PM
Dont worry nikki my children will grow up just fine so shove your sarcastic little two cent up uo your ****. jk 

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