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Name: nikit-marie
[ Original Post ]
me and my husband have been together for 10 years married 2 of them.anyway he,s a alcoholic i,m only 24 one night he had a drink as usual but he started being very aggressive accusing me of having an affair with my couson i know sad ain,t it. well we argued next thing he turned around and said he was going and he wanted the car keys i wouldn,t give them as he had to much to drink.so he started smashing the house up tryed taking car keys off me.threw me to the floor my little boy came down screaming crying shouting daddy leave mammy alone he,s only 6 so i gave up and gave him the keys.anyway i haven,t a clue what to do next do i take him back or try and find away of getting on with my life. I left all my friends for him i have no friends left i feel very lonely and depresed. please help me.
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Name: pattyl | Date: Apr 1st, 2007 10:10 PM
Your friends will take you back. All you got to do is tell them the truth about what is going on and that you made a mistake. You're only 24, do you want to live like that the rest of your life. Is there any way that you can get away from him and start fresh? An alcoholic is an alcoholic and he is not going to change. The most important question is this[ Do you want your son to grow up and be just like him?
I would try to make plans for your future with out him. Forever is a long time with someone with his kind of problems. Always remember, someday, sometime he may go to far and then it will be to late to think about starting fresh. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Apr 2nd, 2007 1:53 AM
My husbands an alcoholic too. He's had 2 DUI's and can't drive anymore,well he could but it would take forever to get his license back and it would cost a fortune for insurance so I drive him to work and back. We've been together for 18 years and have a 15 year old son. He's been to rehab 3 times in his life,(he's 37). It didn't work because he didn't really want it to I guess.
I know my son doesn't care for the way his dad has chosen to live and neither do I for that matter,but leaving is easier said than done,although we did separate for a year once but then got back together.
Please know you cannot change him. If he is an alcoholic he will be one forever. That doesn't mean he can't stop drinking,it just means that he will forever battle this problem weather he fights it or gives into it for the rest of his life.
As for you and your son,you have to decide what's best for you and what you can live with and how much you are willing to take.I'll be the first to tell you that living with an alcoholic isn't pretty or easy by any means.
I think if you truly love the person enough to stay in the relationship than you have to pretty much decide to accept their drinking and behavior,because if you don't then you just end up setting yourself up for repeated fights.
Your son doesn't need this in his life but the choice of if you stay or go is in YOUR hands for the both of you,(you and your son).
I would recommend talking to your husband (when he's sober) about his drinking and ask him if he would be willing to try rehab.But then again,rehab only works for those who truly WANT to quit. If he isn't ready to quit then you need to decide what's best for you and your son and making that decision is no easy task I know but it's one that only YOU can make because you better than anyone know how you really feel about the situation and what you want/need to do about it. I wish you MUCH luck in whatever you decide,I truly do! 

Name: nikit-marie | Date: Apr 2nd, 2007 9:51 AM
thanks everybody, i know i can,t handle it anymore,he,s been gone for 4 days know hasn,t bothered to phone or anything to see how the children are. i feel very depressed can,t eat can,t do anything really but at leased i,ll lose a few pounds lol.
he,s been to rehab 4 times he,s now34 years old. i don,t think he,ll ever give up drinking so i think i should get on with my life without him and meet some new friends.i just hope it all works out that way. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Apr 2nd, 2007 5:40 PM
Hi nikit-marie,I feel for you,i really do. If I may,can I ask,does he do other things to other than just drink? I know my husband has been known to dabble in drugs too from time to time. Alcoholics are selfish people. They tend to only think of themselves and no on else. Not to mention the financial strain it causes for the family too! In my situation I ultimately chose to stay with my husband,probably because i have a very low self esteem about myself and I don't really want to be alone. But if you have the strength,I'd advise you to leave with your kids and never look back. Him going to rehab 4 times,tells me ALOT. It tells me that your husband is very much like my husband. And I don't advise you to stay like I have. Staying is the WRONG choice,believe me!!!!! The sooner you get out the better off you and your kids will be. The key though is once you're out,don't look back. That's the mistake I made and all that did was suck me back in. 

Name: nikit-marie | Date: Apr 2nd, 2007 8:16 PM
to lizzi my life has been one hell of a mess the only good thing to come out of our relationship is the kids i love them to bits.right i,ll start from the beginning .i was 14 when i first started seeing my now husband you know what it,s like at that age you fall in love .when i was pregnant with my first child who is now 6 he had a one night stand with one of my friends i didn,t find out until 2 years later. He wets the bed smashes things up in the house photos oniments whatevers near him. it has been the first time he was violent but what i seem to think next time it could be worse it could be one of my children .i,m scared of being on my own but it must be better than living with someone like that.i have no friends i don,t get out. inother words my life is just me and my 3 children who are 2 6 and 7 if i was you get out while you can i don,t know if he,s been violent towards you but if not it,s still hard hearing all the promises( i,m going to stop drinking yes it stop for a day or two then back drinking) are you happy with your situation because i know i wasn,t i hated my life with him i,m not happier now but once i get my life back on track i,m sure i will be.anyway what ever you decide to do i hope you and your son the best of luck. 

Name: AivenorBB? | Date: Apr 4th, 2007 2:59 AM
I'm in almost the exact same boat. My husband of less than a year isn't an alcoholic, he just has extreme anger problems from years of foster homes and other crap. But we got in a fight a couple weeks ago and he threw me to the ground and threatened to cut this baby out of me and blah blah blah. Someone called the cops and he got arrested. But yeah, here I am with baby in the belly and a no contact order with hubby. I am not taking him back until he goes through anger management and gets some help. I can handle him, but I will not put my kid through that. I love him, don't doubt that, but as soon as I got pregnant, that was my first priority. It's hard to not call him and not go see him(he's at his parents) but I have to so othat he knows he can't do this. 

Name: nikit-marie | Date: Apr 4th, 2007 7:49 AM
hi aivenorbb. yeah i know its a nightmare hes living with his parents and they only live down the road i want to contact him but i know in my hearts of hearts if i do he,ll think its right to do what he done and i,m not putting my kids through that again. i feel for you being pregnant to.good luck whatever you do 

Name: june-clever | Date: May 8th, 2007 12:55 AM
I must say it was very sad to read your comments lizzi about why you stay with your husband. If you do not love him I think you are making way too much of a sacrifice. Is your life really worth giving up for him? Basically, that is what you are doing to yourself. 

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