Hello, guest
Name: supernoob
[ Original Post ]
hello, i am a stay at home dad due to medical reasons(i grow tumors in my right foot), my wife is a asst.manager of her company, so she is the bread winner in ther family, we also have 2 daughters(4&1). we are going on 5 yrs of marriage. i just appraoched her monday night (5-14-07), about why she is staying out late and not coming home and about us, then she told me the unthinkable, she said that she kinda loves me, but she does not love me in the way of holding hands and kissing and sex. she says that she is not looking for for another mate and thinks she does not want one right now. now i know i have not been the best housekeeper cuz i have my views about when the house should be clean and she has said we have nothing in common but i know this is wrong. (sry i'm just jumbling whats in my mind right now), but i have been smoking alot more now and eating way less than i usually do. i have sent her a dozen roses and a card about how much i love her, i have told her that i love her and i sorry, i have change the way i clean the house, the house has been clean for a week now, and i have taken her out, and doing little things to express my love and that i am sorry. at the time when approached our discussion on monday she was not wearing my wedding rings i gave her, she said her hands were ichy, she has since then put her rings back on, she has addressed that she does not want to conseling. she told me that she does not love me in the affaction way, (no hugging kissing or sex anymore). we have household arragements that i think , no i know would affect her if we seperated, and she is afraid of our kids, she thinks if i'm home atleast the kids will have there father. i love my kids and i attend there needs but right now i'm concerned about keeping my marriage cuz i still love my wife. i am also confused because i hold her at night now and she says it is nice, but she does not show it ( as in holding my arm or anything) and if i hold her to close she moves away. i have to ask her for a hug or a kiss anymore. i am scared right now that i am losing my marrige and i will be back at my mom's house and i 27 yrs. old and i have no trait to get back on my feet. i pray now and i hope that my wife will come to love me again, but i feel that it is a lost hope bcuz i do know my wife atleast i think i do. i am just curious what you think? is my marriage lost or should i stick in there?
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Name: S.H. | Date: May 20th, 2007 6:57 PM
You aren't alone on this one. I just had this happen to me also. Almost the exact same situation. At this point it is really her call. I would say don't give up just yet if you still love her. Oh by the way i would suggest keeping up on everything you have been doing if you fall back into your old ways it will just remind her of why she wants to leave. 

Name: Genie | Date: Jul 16th, 2007 12:42 AM
stick in there, if she ends up leaving, you will be ok. It happened to me & I'm ok. It sucks & is hard, but life does go on. Hang in there. ; ) 

Name: ranjeet | Date: Oct 16th, 2007 2:11 AM

Name: joe | Date: Nov 4th, 2007 2:48 PM
Yes, you are truly amongst the masses on this one. Now is the time to find something to improve yourself. As soon as she sees that you aren't 100% dependent on her even for your personal escape (gym, exercize, entertainment, etc...) she will get interested. You must not forget to eat well, exercize is the best friend during these trying times. Quit the smoking, you should know better, There is no bigger turn on than a man improving his health and his mind. So, exercise, quit smoking and eat well...how can you go wrong? Remember, you need to look forward and if you are not a worthy partner you will be alone for a while. 

Name: MH | Date: Nov 19th, 2007 11:35 PM
I am going through the same thing it is so depressing that I cant focus on things right now I go to work and cry at least 12 times a day I think I am bipolor or something I want to work out to releave the stress but i am so depressed it hard to find a way out. everytime I see thing ring finger with no ring i am broken all over again. if you find some good advise please pass it on [email protected] 

Name: celestine | Date: Dec 11th, 2007 5:44 AM
Julien Henley is the man that does that girls Ė ask Brenda Fahie a.ka. Brenda Abraham. 

Name: Same boat, Different Oar | Date: Jan 12th, 2008 5:26 PM
Take Care of each other! not for the kids but because love and the vows we once swore to each other are to rare to go out and seek again in one lifetime. Dig deep to find the trust. Discover one thing that you trust about each other undeniably, and if that exists all nessescesary trust can be built arund it with work and time. But that is the Key. Both have to accept the problem maturely and both have to want to work towards a common goal. Any break in that chain is your answer, noob. If she is no longer willing to work towards a common goal (intimacy and a loving caring relationship included) than I fear that it may be time to make other arangements. Thanx 

Name: Jaivon | Date: Feb 23rd, 2008 5:20 AM
right there when u said ''she said that she kinda loves me'',shes doesent,i had the same problem with my girlfriend!rgith there,kinda is a nice way of saying NO. 

Name: Bill | Date: Mar 23rd, 2008 12:03 AM
I hope all is well for you i'm going threw the same thing. I moved to tx. with my wife so she could be with her dad i bin ther for 4 mounth and she told me she dos not love me anymore and she wants me to go back to pa. and we have a ten mount old.. It will be ok. 

Name: Stan | Date: Jun 5th, 2008 9:43 PM
wife wife told me she dosnt love me any more last month I know it hurts! we have been married for 24 yrs I dont understand it. I have no fight what so ever shes expecting me to leave in july 08. I am very upset. if you want email me @ [email protected]. It would be great If we could talk its up to you.

Name: loseyou | Date: Aug 22nd, 2008 3:17 AM
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Name: ah..life | Date: Oct 4th, 2008 9:31 PM
Same boat! Her work, her office, is her world. I am not anymore what I used to be. It hurts! but I am convinced that I had only one choice. To give her up. I cannot force her to love me. I tried it all even begging and suicide. I tried so hard but I could not compete against millionaires working around her. She encountered a new word and likes it. It is promising. I am a good man and I deserve to live a happy life too. I am not looking for another women. I just want to be calmed and in peace. No more hate, no more jealousy, no more comparing, no more toughs, no more past, no more future, no more crying, no more beautiful memories. She is not mine anymore. I need to calm down and encounter peace again. 

Name: jenney131 | Date: Oct 8th, 2008 9:25 AM
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Name: mansouri | Date: Oct 15th, 2008 8:46 PM
hi there how is everything
i am just try to find somebody to talk to please let me know please

neve by chat.

Thank you


Name: Ausgrl | Date: Nov 9th, 2008 3:55 AM
to ah..life.... [post above] while probably no consolation, I am in the reverse of your position.
I work in a world where there is an abundance of money, client functions and prestige. I focused on my career - the lovely house, BMW etc - but neglected my marriage.

Now, I am 6 mnths pregnant and my husband has just told me he is not in love with me anymore and he is leaving. I am devastated and after much soul searching I have come to understand that I am not blameless - I neglected him for so long, imposed on him my views of what success was about and even tried to push him to achieve at the same level.... now, sitting in my lovely home, alone, driving my lovely car, alone, I truly understand what things in life really hold value and what ones are just accessories that can never replace true love.
[ps. I still think he is a cad for waiting with his decision until I was pregnant & for not giving us a chance to resolve things but maybe in time] 

Name: ibbe1773 | Date: Nov 14th, 2008 8:56 AM
i am so alone 

Name: Rich | Date: Nov 26th, 2008 2:26 AM
The very first thing you should realize is that you are a strong, independant role model for your children. This is true with or without their mom. You are an independant person before you are a husband. Abuse has many forms. You chose not to see the blatent abuse in this situation because it seems like you have low self-esteem. Because you are disabled does NOT make you any less of a man, husband and ABSOLUTELY not less of a GREAT DAD!

You have an opportunity to make a horrible situation into a great chance for YOU! Remeber that you are deserving of love, respect, honesty, and someone who honestly needs you as you are, not as they need you to be. It's a life lesson, but please take the time to really learn the gifts you have to offer. Don't change anything. Be yourself. Be honest. 

Name: ah..life - Response | Date: Nov 26th, 2008 2:33 AM
You rock.

Set a goal. Make it happen. You seem like a strong, independant, emotionally-connected man. Your women will find you. You've been cheated out of what you deserve. I truely believe in taking a 2nd shot at life, NO MATTER WHAT! I'm divorced - didn't cheat! found my soul-mate. it happens! She does not deserve you brother! :)

Make yourself available spiritually and your angel will find you! 

Name: ditched_in_colorado | Date: Nov 30th, 2008 12:23 AM
I am going through the same thing email me at [email protected]

My wife and I have been married 11 years and we have two young boys ages 8 and 10. She told me she wasn't happy in our relationship, in fact, she has felt this way for a couple of years. I do attribute the tension to several factors: the deaths of her mother and grandmother in the last 2 years, her success at losing 65 pounds, the strain of growing a successful business. I on the other hand have replaced my career with raising our kids, affording her the confidence to go out and partake in her own goals. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself; I lost my ambition, drive, goals, motivation. I am a great father, even my wife will vouch for that, she even admits to love me but that she is ďnot in loveĒ with me, to her I became more of the father to our kids which is great, but less of the kind of man she can look up to intimately. I am rebuilding my career as a photographer, and becoming more independent, it is a bit difficult to understand why my wife, with whom I am very much in love, has a desire to be rid of the relationship. She has mentioned that she would like to date (basically have sex with) other people and encourages me to do the same. This notion drives me crazy since her work requires her to travel a lot, and who knows whatís happening at those hotels.

I think the difficult part for me is I feel this burning sense of entitlement; I accepted her when she was over weight and not terribly happy with herself at times nonetheless, I loved her and supported her with all my heart. I was there through thick or thin as she grew her business by insuring a well rounded home life for our boys. The late nights the times when she travelled for days even weeks at a time, while I took care of the kids even as I attempted to deal with my own clients and having limited time losing a few along the way. Now she's hotter than ever and she does not want to share that part of who she is with me. Let alone be a part of my own successes; I feel like I was there for her during a remarkable transition in her life and she is not willing to do the same! I feel this shameful feeling that ďshe owes meĒ. It simply hurts.

I think what angers me most is the amount of will she is placing on the demise of the relationship! Sure, Iíve seen her motivated about a great many things, but the sheer will and devotion to make it clear she ďdoesnít love meĒ and her ability to be distant even while Iím in her presence is not only shocking itís infuriating. The very same energy placed in being so decidedly distant can be changed into something that brings our relationship to a more positive level.

Recently we've begun the process of marriage counseling with an emphasis on individual work. My wife admits, she cannot exactly pin-point her detachment from our marriage, only that itís "real" for her and what she is "feeling right now". All I can do is focus on myself and evolve into a better me my old tools no longer work, my counselor and I are going to forge better ones so that I can grow and become the best I can. I donít do this to save the marriage but to save myself. I have given her more space, although she wants me to move out (and eventually move on). The notion of getting an apartment, to me, makes no sense and frankly feels as if I am putting one foot in the grave of this relationship.
We have planned nights out together and alone with friends in order to have time away, I donít have nearly the number of friend as she due to my many years as a stay at home dad.
I wonít give up so easily. I want to continue being married to my beautiful wife, and I will make every effort to do so but I have to make some changes within myself. 

Name: tony | Date: Dec 16th, 2008 4:22 AM
same thing happing here i have been with my partner 9 years it was grate at the start until we had children. she went back to work and i was a stay at home dad *see the pattern?* "stay at home dad" women want a man who they can show off my man soes this or he does that they dont look at the fact you gave up your job to look after the children so shecould carry on working. i was happy in work, but she was addiment she would not give up here job.

last night we had a fight and the thing that hurt me the most was here saying " you are jelous of me because i have a life, job and frends, and you have nothing. i dont love you and you cant have me thats why we always argue"

after that i saw a differant side to her and now think to my self f*** her.


Name: ks | Date: Dec 18th, 2008 3:36 PM
my wife is doing the same thing she just came back from iraq and has her whole new life figure out with another man it hurts so much to be in the same house with the one you still love more tham anything but she doesnt love you back im afraid i will loss my family we hav been together for 8 years iv known nothing els besides her i want so much for her to lovew me back 

Name: bren.ruane | Date: Jan 15th, 2009 2:05 PM
i am in exactly the same boat as you ,even down to the medical condition,but as i read these post something inside me stirred and i wrote this ...i hope it helps you as much as it helped me

Pain ,destroys
it lies and it cheats
it rips and it tears

when it is pushed on to you by some one that you care
pain ,hurts
its not wanted ,
its not needed,

i would feel better without it
love is pain,it embeds itself ,
it fills you ,
it eats at you ,

words are deadly weapons
they cause hurt,
they destroy lives,

but pain works
i will be stronger,
i will be better ,
i am not alone

we will do it alone
but we are together,
but we are strong,

i am alive
i have no boundaries,
i have no limits,

eyes open wide
everything is mine to be had ,
shackles realized,
body empowered,
feelings reinforced,

i now realize
it is your problem not mine,
it is you not me,

for i am alive .....

and again its makes me feel a little better knowing im not alone 

Name: louie | Date: Jan 25th, 2009 12:12 AM
we had our up and downs, now i love her more then ever and she saids she do love me no more and we need time apart . iam on day 3 at my moms 

Name: IAMAHUSKER | Date: Feb 17th, 2009 4:55 AM
Dump that nasty ole bitch. She has made up her mind and that is nothing you can do about it. I would not spend another second on a women like that. You must have gotten a real good one. Sorry to be so forward but it is what it is. 

Name: IAMAHUSKER | Date: Feb 17th, 2009 4:57 AM
PS....Grow a set of balls while you are at it. For the love of Pete..... You are a man not some teenage punk!!! I think????? 

Name: abood taher | Date: Feb 24th, 2009 3:16 PM
man u have childreen now and u should keep ur marrge and do the best not for her for ur childreen
any way i have the same problem with my wife she change her mind and yesterday she told me i do not love but i like u i have never got made from the truth but this killed my heart any way keep it for ur babys 

Name: joshua | Date: May 30th, 2009 3:49 AM
i need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Name: joshua | Date: May 30th, 2009 3:51 AM
i need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for realy i have been doing it for 4 yrs and cant take it please please please 

Name: joshua | Date: May 30th, 2009 3:54 AM
if u thank you can help me e3mail me at [email protected] not a jock 

Name: jefrrey hawthorne | Date: Jun 11th, 2009 7:01 PM
I can say that i know how you feel but the world is Love. If you love like you said you do stay put its a very lonely world out there. I have been seperated for about three months now and it hurts everyday that i can't spend time with them i'm in the same boat like you but you are at home and that is good be strong and dont you feel sorry for yourself your still a man and the man of the house and right now your wife is going through a very difficult time being the bread winner and that hard for a women to do and adjust to. Dont push it is the worst think that you can do just continue to let her know that you are their for her dont ask for sex repect her needs clean the house and take care of the kids and dont push i repeat but still love with telling her show her that you are there for her run the bath water for her massage her feet do the thing you once did for her and trust god if you havent allready and pray for her and yourself every chance you get and it will work out be strong and be there for her and i will pray for you also and God loves you and you must love her and yourself. 

Name: Wills | Date: Jul 17th, 2009 6:33 PM
Hi all been reading your posts and there is good advice out there, see if you guys can give some to me help, I am really desperate.

My wife is 42 and very pretty, I am 49 and not frightening the kids off yet, in the very distant past we have both had affairs that caused a lot of heart ache, then 15 years ago we moved house and had a daughter and have never look at another person since (I truly believe this of us both) and I love her so very, very much. She has never been a lovey-dovey kind but does show some affection, sheíll hold hands and we have some good nights out, our main problem is in bed, I have always had much higher sex drive than her and sometimes in the past sex has been good.

One thing I have always found difficult to accept is the fact I have always had to make the first move and if I don't we just don't have sex, I have tried holding out, pretending not to be interested, once lasting 3 weeks without sex, my wife never even noticed 3 weeks had past.

Now some 20 years on and I find she doesn't like to kiss passionately, always turning away after 10 seconds, I try to kiss her neck and she crunches her head to shoulder (even during sex), when I ask what is the matter she says it tickles or it goes through her!!

She loves me giving oral sex but absolutely hates giving it back yet early in our relationship she used to love doing this and often boasted about the number of boyfriends she had done it to.

Sex is such hard work I always have to take the lead; she won't go on top or take any other position other than the missionary apart from the doggy and even groans about doing that as though is just to much hard work. Even though we have sex about 2 to 4 times a week I believe she does it just to please me and really she hates having sex with me, when I ask are we having an early night she says what for!!

I think I have tried almost everything I know to make her more passionate and nothing works, when I confront her she says I am talking rubbish that I have loads of sex, probably much more than my friends.

But its not sex I want its passion, when I have her naked on top of the bed I try to be so passionate I give her favourite oral sex for upto 1 hour but not once does she do anything back, she donít grab hold of me, kiss me, stroke me, touch my penis, she does nothing and no matter what time of day it is she just lies there as if going to sleep.

Though I donít show it I get so angry in side, I just feel like getting up going for a long walk, in fact I have done that a few times. I truly believe she would stick by me for life but I also donít think she loves me in a passionate way.

I work hard, we both work hard and we have both joined the gym, we arenít masculine but are quite fit for our age. So how can I inject some passion into her, how can I make her say come on lets have an early night?

I sometimes think, if I could get her interested in having sex with another guy and I knew about it or I was even there when they had sex then maybe that would light her fire and she would suddenly become passionate her thoughts would keep going back to that moment that was sooo sexy for her, but then I think how could I stand that, how would I feel after it happened. I once asked her if she would like sex with another guy and she said she had bloody enough with my todger.

Please someone give me the advice I desperately seek - Wills

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