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Name: ellie1
[ Original Post ]
We found out about 2 yrs ago that my step-son doesn't belong to my husband and it's been hard. My husband has 50 - 50 custoday of his child but it just seems that we are asked to do a lot of things for her. For ex. we pay for all the medical, everyday expense (shoes, clothes, sports, etc.,) and then we also end up watching him 4 out of 7 days a week. Not to mention we used to watch him for her to go out. That has stopped because my husband and I would fight about it too much. I have a lot of problem with the ex but i don't want to go on because she's not our real issue she just makes things 10x's worse. You have to love the guy because he is willing to accept this child as his own but sometimes I wonder "what about your own family"? We have a little baby ourself and I feel like she is being negelcted sometimes. I know some fathers don't perticularly interact with babies that much becasue they don't want to break them but that's not the case with my husband. When he was still married he was a very involved father. He even took care of the son when she left for a month to be with someone else. He always did things with his son by himself. I feel like he is 1) guilt parenting 2) making sure his son loves if just in case he ever finds out that he's not the real dad. For example my husband went out and bought his son a few presents for x-mas and none for our daughter's 1st x-mass. Also my husband will offer to take his son to practice on the weeks his ex has him and forego the hour he gets to spend with his daughter before she goes to bed. I can go on and on for hours about all the little things trying to vent but I just don't know how to make things better. We've both did individual counseling and couples couseling but it's still really bad. The counselor for our couples counseling even told my husband a lot of things he could change and why he thinks I'm being resonable but that didn't work. We soon stopped going to him because he wants to find a counselor who will tell me I'm wrong (those are his own words). He ended up telling me he never like the guy to begin with but he was the counselor my husband was going with first and then I joined in. With everything that has happened I've started building a resentment for my husand and that whole relationship. Not to mention that my step-son has started talking back to me. He's getting older now and he picks up on the fact that his dad will scold me for disciplining him. Once my husband says anything to me my step-son will chim in saying "your wrong I agree with dad". He is nine I don't think he should have a say so like that, but then my husband always says that he has an opionion just like everyone else. It's like that a lot. I'm starting to be afraid of what my daughter will pick up. I constantly think about leaving but I have to think about my daughter who is less than a year old. I see the parent he can be and I just hope that one day he'll be that same parent to his daughter. Sorry everything is so scattered but I'm upset, hurt, and confussed as to what to do next.
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