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Name: ann
[ Original Post ]
Okay I am a mom and a step mom and when I read all of these comments I appreciate some but am floored by others. As a mom it would honestly break my heart to know that my babies that I have hand sewn halloween costums, held their hand all night while they threw up all over the place, coached soccer teams, helped at the school...gave birth to, and everything in between, but it would BREAK MY HEART to think of them calling someone else mom! I don't like my ex I clearly admit it WITH GOOD REASON but my son wanted to call his step dad "dad" and I would not let him. I look at the title of mom and dad as a very precious one! I also have a step daughter and I know there are things her mom does that I would not do, but that does not make me a better mom than her. So many people think they can do a better job being a parent when the truth is GOD gave these kids the parents he chose for them. You don't have to like it.. You just have to deal with it. I love my step daughter but I am not her parent....I just try to love her and be her friend. She does not need me trying to fill her mom's shoes. In fact last year she wanted to come live with us...and no matter how happy it made me, it still hurt because I knew her mom would HURT! I guess the thing I want to know is WHY would you want someone else's kid to call you mom or dad, and WHY is it so wrong for a dad or mom to help support their kids as long as they are also expected to support them emotionally? I know there are alot of druggies out there that don't take care of their kids and alot of women that are out to break their ex but I am not that woman, I just expect people to do the right things and raise their kids the best they can
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Name: girli_bird | Date: Aug 2nd, 2008 9:08 PM
I have to agree with you so much. There are many things about my husbands ex that I just don't like or agree with. But in the end she is their mom. So I always try to be respectful, and try not to step over the boundaries of step parent vs. parent. At times it gets hard because she isn't always in their lives, but the bond between a parent and a child is so special. Usually, children donít see their parents as anything but wonderful; and it would be horrible to make them think other wise. Yes, it hurts to know that I do 90% of the work and get 10% of the credit. But then I think, if it wasnít for this women, I would not get to have these wonderful children in my life at all, and what they do for my life is far greater than what I do for theirs. 

Name: Happily Married | Date: Mar 1st, 2009 1:15 AM
I am so glad someone else feels the same way! My ex's new wife just told my kids that they had to call her mom. I of course objected so now she is making life very unpleasant for all of us. I also believe that it is disrespectful to the biological parents to try to force that on a child. 

Name: ann | Date: Apr 15th, 2009 4:27 PM
My kids step mom is very disrespectful to me and I cannot stand her no matter how hard I try...she put my dauther in an advertisement and listed her self as the mom..she has not apologized so I just basically look through her when she is around...she lies and manipulates so I have no use for her...my ex....I don't like him but he is their dad and there is nothing I can do about it...I have no choice but to include him in their lives, but she is not part of the deal in my eyes....had she choose to be civil it would be different......but my kids are all that matters in life. 

Name: #1StepMom | Date: Jun 4th, 2009 2:25 AM
i can see how it might hurt your feelings - but i disagree. if the child CHOOSES to call the step-mother MOM then that should be respected. there are great stepmothers out there who love their step children as their own. and - i don't feel that the child should be forced to say it but if they choose to then how is that bad, really??? 

Name: Zebra111 | Date: Aug 23rd, 2009 3:57 AM
I love my Step daughter so much. She chooses to call me mom too. I do much of the work the mom does not want to do. I wish her mom would take more respomsability. My hubby has 80% custody 

Name: Nic | Date: Aug 23rd, 2009 7:23 PM
I believe the child should call the step parent whatever they feel comfortable with. As a stepmom in a blended family, my stepson whom I see as my own child because he lives with us and I have accepted him as my own, calls me mom. I think its mostly because his brothers and sisters who also live with us do, and he doesn't want to feel different from them, which he should not. I don't force him, and if he calls me by my first name, that is acceptable to me, I will love him just the same. I don't believe a parent should not allow their child the freedom to bond with the step parent. My children from my first marriage are about to inherit a step mom and I pray she loves them as I do my som thorugh marriage, and if they want to call her mom, I don't feel that takes away from my relationship with them at all. 

Name: Tede | Date: Nov 15th, 2009 3:22 AM
I need help searched the web over and over looking for advice, and books, and chatrooms. I'm tired of being upset over this situation. I'm not even sure if there is one, or its just me being an over protective father.My sons stepmother doesn't treat him anything like she use to when we were dating. I thought there is no way another woman could treat him as good as she did. Thats why I married her of course. ^ months later and it seems as if she is annoyed by his presents all the time. Barely speaks to him, he loves her some much he tries to play and she just blows him off. I have my son 6 days every other week, and the change in her personality when he is here is just wierd. All week when its me, her, and her daughter its wonderful, playful, and fun. The minute I pick my son up from school her attitude changes. We have a great relationship but this is killing us. Please help! My son is very respectful, never talks back, does what he is told. she should consider herself lucky. He doesn't desrve this. 

Name: Ula | Date: Jul 16th, 2010 11:35 PM
I have been in two relationships now with step-children. In neither case did I ask the children to call me Mom. The children were of different ages but none of them felt comfortable calling me anything other than my first name. This did not change the way that I related to them or cared for them. I can understand how the birth mother or father would be bothered by their child calling another person Mom or Dad but at the same time I would think that the more important issue would be that their child was receiving consistently good care.
I also have 2 of my own children who have had step parents and my issues were always about whether or not my children felt safe and good when with the step parent. My children always chose to call their step parent by their first names as well but one of the step parents wanted them to call her Mom. 

Name: Ula | Date: Jul 16th, 2010 11:48 PM
Maybe someone can help and relate to this situation. I am a mother of 2 grown children ( 31 and 28 years old) but am now married to a man with 2 children ( 13 and 17 ) who live with us for several months at a time and with their mother for the additional months. We live 14 hours apart from the mother.
My problem is this - the 17 year old boy is very angry, aggressive, nasty - has a drinking problem and is a heavy pot user - his father, my husband, goes along with the drinking and pot use and makes constant excuses for his sons behaviour. Mostly the excuses are to do with his sons past which was very volatile - in and out of rehab, arrested a couple of times etc... My husband says that compared to before meeting me, his son is doing well.
I am very stressed out and unable to talk to my husband at all about his son as he takes it as an attack on his son. No matter what happens there is no consideration given to me and all of the placating and calming actions go to his son.
Even the birth mother, who loves her sons and is good with them, has very big difficulties with this son. Yet, where I am concerned, it is always my fault for mentioning anything about this son.
I am at a loss as to how to deal with my husband in this situation. 

Name: selma | Date: Mar 25th, 2011 2:02 PM
That is to say all exes are women who have a general respect for their children. There are a lot of jealousy out there and some mom's, exes are only concerned about the $$$$$ and not for the best interest of the child. 

Name: Step-Mum #1 | Date: Oct 9th, 2012 7:48 PM
My SS is 3 years old and me and my husband have full custody because his so called "mum" couldnt/wouldnt take care of him properly because she was more interested in the latest boyfriends that she used to allow to hit the child(who was only 2 at this point). There are loads more reasons as to why he was removed from her. But why should he miss out on calling someone mum because of her mistakes? For months he did call me by my name which i was fine with and he decided on his own to start calling me mum, no-one pressured him or told him to do so. I love the fact he calls me mummy i do everything his mother should be doing. He is under no illusion as to whom his biological mother is. However being able to carry or make a baby does not make u a parent its your actions and love that prove it, why should a child going to nursery/school hear all their friends talking about their mums not get to do the same just because of simple biology? 

Name: Weda36 | Date: Apr 22nd, 2013 7:42 AM
I can't even call myself a step mom because I'm not married but I have actively been involved with my fiances children for 9 years. These children are my life! Never have I expected/wanted them to call me by anything but my name. They have a mother. The only thing is that their mother has never given me a chance, and totally refuses to see what I do for her children. She has never even met me personally but yet she feels she knows me. She as created a monster out of me because that's who she wants me to be. She has threatened the children when they even mention my name. The funny thing is she was once in my shoes, and she had her step children call her mom, and she was a big part of their lives. Now that I'm where she used to be she believes her children shouldn't even be allowed to stay not even a minute alone with me. Suddenly she believes there's only a mom and a dad and no one else. The children are so afraid to even tell her about something I did for them because she gets upset with them. It's so sad and pathetic that she has made her children fear her due to liking me. It's actually very heart breaking!!!!! 

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