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Name: lucky-star
[ Original Post ]
hi
i am 15 . on monday 22 nd may 2006 @ 12:06am i gave birth to a healthy baby boy dean-paul, my pregnancy wasn't excactly easy i threatened miscarriage twice he was breech and i had terrible morning sickness. then on monday (37 weeks pregnant)my waters broke so i went to hospital and they addmitted and i started to give birth naturally when he got stuck and started to get stressed so they took me down to theartre and i had a c-section tuesday morning i started to heamorrage and i was discharged wednesday night . i havent been able to bond with him or even bring myself to hold him my mum says that i will start to bond with him soon enough. but when i look at him i feel nothing but hate . and yesterday my mum went out and he started screaming i couldnt pick him and comfort him i started to get frustrarted i yelled at him that i hate him and wish he was never born that its all his dads fault that he is her and i through his carseat across the room (he wasnt in it i would never harm him) he looked terrified ever since then i have thought about killing myself for his sake because i cant trust myself around him just incase next time it is him i throw across the room. no one knows why i feel this way becaue i cant tell any one but i no it is not his fault but he just opens up old wounds and brings back memories that i would rather forget
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Name: lucky-star | Date: May 26th, 2006 12:07 PM
if any of u guys have msn i would love to chat thanks xxxxx 

Name: Fiona | Date: May 26th, 2006 12:08 PM
I'm sorry, but you need to tell somebody about how you feel. Your son is at risk and you need some support right away. Please tell your midwife or your mum.
I know that you wouldn't mean to hurt him, but wait until you've been up all night for a few nights and you're sleep deprived. The best of us find it hard to keep a grip sometimes.
If you really hate him and wish that you didn't have him then perhaps you could look at having him adopted. Being a mum is the hardest job in the world and is very rewarding, but very difficult and if you feel like this now then you're not going to cope when your son is a toddler/young child. When they get older they are very, very demanding.

Please get some help - they won't judge you - you've had a very bad time and you need someone to help you through it. 

Name: angel of mine 2006 | Date: May 26th, 2006 12:13 PM
maybe you are ACTUALLY upset at the father of the baby and taking it out on your son! I have had the same feelings towards my daughter when I get mad at her father but I have to back away from the situation and take a couple of deep breaths...it is NOT THE BABIES FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!! remind yourself of this and I promise after a good cry and rocking your little one you will feel better...you really need to tell someone about your feelings! my email is "[email protected]" Feel free to write anytime...let me know how things are going! By the way I am 19 

Name: mustang_flash | Date: May 26th, 2006 12:17 PM
okay take a deep breath and get someone to watch little dean while you go for a walk and take a breather. It wont always be this way little dean will smike at you, take his first steps towards you, one of his first words in all his life will likely be "mommy" he will hug and kiss you and cry because he misses you. The first couple of weeks are the hardest most mom's wont admitt this but it takes time to love your baby just like as soon as you get a pet you like it and it looks cute but over time you grow to love it, this is the same thing it takes time to love your baby. It sounds like you have postpardum depression there is lots of help around for this even just calling a nurse and talking can help. Please get help and just step back and take a breather and if you ever have the erge to harm your son, leave the room and call for help. 

Name: lucky-star | Date: May 26th, 2006 12:28 PM
thanks guys xxxxxxxxxx 

Name: Serina S | Date: May 26th, 2006 1:26 PM
Hi Lucky- Star'
Thousands of women have had this happen to them GET HELP!! Even Brook Shields had this. She was on Operha about it.
Please go to the Dr and tell them how you feel! A lot of women feel this way .It is call post partuim depression. It sometimes has to do with you hormon levels. Your rage is harmimg him so you need to help yourself and in turn help him. Also do your best ..(when your Mum Is there) to pick up Dean! This so very important that the child bonds with you even if you do not feel connected (in a loving way) .
Breating & going for a walk is fine but you need help!!!! bThis is NOT something you JUST GET OVER!!!
Let me know How it is going .
Please take care & God Bless!! 


Name: AnnD | Date: May 26th, 2006 2:59 PM
Sweetie, it sounds like you had a harder than normal pregnancy. Between that, being a young mom and the raging hormones; it might be an extra difficult transition for you. I would encourage you to talk to your doctor about your feelings; perhaps there is an anti-depressant they can put you on that will help. I would also try to seek personal therapy for yourself, just so you have a place where you can vent your feelings and not be judged by anyone. Also, therapy would help you get over your feelings about Dean Paul's father. Feelings of harming yourself are never a good sign and it might be a sign of post partum depression. Hurting yourself would do nothing but hurt your son, he'll always feel as though it was his fault.
I commend your courage for speaking up and asking for your help, that tells me you are brave and want nothing but to do the right thing. 

Name: Sarah M | Date: May 26th, 2006 3:34 PM
My MSN is [email protected] I will try and help you as much as possible. I am a teen mother myself but my daughter is 2 now and I am pregnant with my second. I never had those type of feelings but everyone is different and im not one to judge. I would rather try and help you before you do something you might regret for the rest of your life. Just pm me anytime 

Name: lucky-star | Date: May 26th, 2006 4:43 PM
what is post partum deppressoion ? 

Name: AnnD | Date: May 26th, 2006 5:39 PM
Post Partum depression is a type of depression that occurs after a woman gives birth. Sometimes there can be a history of depression in the mother before the birth, but often the mom's are hit with the new stress and fluctuating hormones and it can absolutely mess with your brain chemistry, thus creating post partum depression. I am a psychotherapist and have worked with some women with post-partum depression. Post partum depression can turn into post partum psychosis if left untreated and these are the women you hear about on the news that actually harm their babies. For the majority of women with this, their babies will suffer no harm. However, it is important to get help and get it treated. It is very real and there is nothing to be ashamed about I promise you. It is also very treatable. Please call your doctor and talk with him/her about this. You should be able to do this without your mom finding out. However, if your mom is a supportive person, I would consider telling her so she can be even more supportive and try to understand what you're going through. Hang in there sweetie, things will get better! 

Name: jenn | Date: May 26th, 2006 6:32 PM
actually i am very scared of getting post partum too i have been taking paxil for 2 weeks to try and avoid it, i am 1 week overdue. dont feel bad if you need to take meds cause they will help you. 

Name: littleangel | Date: May 26th, 2006 10:38 PM
Hi Lucky-star,
I would love to talk to you. Feel free to email me at [email protected] 

Name: Karla | Date: May 27th, 2006 3:56 PM
Lucky-Star,
Please email me so that we can talk. My email is [email protected] I am hoping to hear from you VERY soon! 

Name: a_little_country_04 | Date: May 28th, 2006 3:49 AM
Hey lucky star i am sorry to hear how upset you are. i know how the rage feels, i havent felt any twards my baby (on the way) but i am bi polar or manic depressive if you know what that is. i use to rage out abnormally and tell the whole world i hated them but about 20 mins later i wondered why everyone was mad at me and i didnt understand i felt sorry for what i said and i ment it. your son may not know you are sorry but i am sure you are. The best thing for you to do is do what the other women say, talk to someone, not just a friend (they help too) but a professional maybe there might be something out there to not only help you but help your relationship with Dean. you can e mail me any time [email protected] best wishes
Heather 

Name: Jess | Date: May 28th, 2006 6:05 AM
hey lucky-star whats your email adress? 

Name: Lizzi | Date: May 28th, 2006 6:55 AM
I'm sorry to hear this. You could be experienceing post partum depression. You should talk to your doctor right away. In the meantime,You should probably have someone with you and the baby at all times while you are feeling this way just to be sure nothing happens. 

Name: nora | Date: May 29th, 2006 2:05 PM
how have you been doing since you posted this lucky?

I think everyone pretty much covered the bases.. but let us know how you are doing and keep us updated. ok?

just remember that this baby is a blessing, and you can raise him to be a good and loving person, and not some low life jerk 

Name: young mummy | Date: May 29th, 2006 2:27 PM
this is from another forum by lucky-star see how much the writing looks alike on here and the the stories about the same? this grl lyes.

Name: lucky-star | Date: May 22, 2006, 12:26
Answer: hi i am 14 and 7 months pregnant with twins a boy and girl i am petrified [email protected]

Name: jade1991 Title of Question: rape..................pregnanc-
y.......................BABY!!-

Question: hi i am 14 i was raped nine months ago i then found out i was pregnant (i know the baby is the result of rape cos i was a virgin) and i decided to keep the baby after all its not the babys fault her fathers a rapist so i told my parents but i didnt tell them that i was raped i just said it was a one night stand i thought it would be easier to get over the rape if i forgot it ever happened and all the way through the pregnancy i loved the baby she was everything t me i would have died for her and 3 days ago i gave birth to her 2/5/06 at 1.24am and when the midwife hande her to me all i felt was sudden rush of hate and resentment and now i am at home with her alone during the day am scared i am gonna hurt her every time( i dont wanna )i look at her i see her dad and remember what happened that night i want to love her but i cant and i cant talk to my parents cos they dont no i was raped and all my mates ave left me cos they think am some slut i am so angry and scared lonely i ave no one to talk to

Name: jade1991 Title of Question: any teen mums/mums 2 b with msn wanna chat
Question: hiya i am 12 weeks pregnant and would like to talk to other teen mums about babies ect by the way i'm 14 and live in england i ave msn so eres my addy [email protected] congrats to everyone on the births of their of beautifull babies or pregnancy 

Name: young mummy | Date: May 31st, 2006 2:02 PM
why do u have to come on here and lie lucky-star? no one thinks that its cool to lie about hating your kids its wrong and sad. u need seriousd help! 

Name: sexymamacitaangel | Date: May 31st, 2006 5:21 PM
ok sweetie.... you know i went through depression where i would just scream and scream and scream and then just cry and i threw things also.... it didn't get better for me until i actually told someone... i found out i was going through post pardom depression and that what i was going through was ok and they help me through it... having a baby does the most incredible things to a womans body and hormon levels... it is unbelievable what can happen... talk to your mom sweetie get some help... take care and God bless 

Name: Sammi_J | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 2:06 AM
who the hell are you? Why did you bring a child into the world when you now as a mother have an attitude towards that boy.
he is knew to the world and the only thing he will want is his mum and you at 15 decided to get pregnant so grow up and take some responsibility and be a parent.
You have family there to support you but dont ever take your anger out on that child, he knows nothing and he will only learn from you, so set a good example, give him the best possible life you can, you owe that to him! 

Name: Peach | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 2:12 AM
ok Sammi_j. yea its not right to take your anger out on a child, but who are you to tell her that she shouldnt be a mother and that she chose to be. maybe she was raped or something, you dont know that. and like sexymamacitaangel says, maybe shes going through post partum depression. lay off and quit being a wench. how about you try and help instead of making things worse?....think about it. just because youre a mom doesnt mean that you have the right to tell someone that theyre not fit to be. maybe she just needs to talk to someone. jeeze! 

Name: young mummy | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 7:12 AM
this is from another forum by lucky-star see how much the writing looks alike on here and the the stories about the same? this grl lyes.

Name: lucky-star | Date: May 22, 2006, 12:26
Answer: hi i am 14 and 7 months pregnant with twins a boy and girl i am petrified [email protected]

Name: jade1991 Title of Question: rape..................pregnanc-
y....
...................BABY!!-

Question
:
hi i am 14 i was raped nine months ago i then found out i was pregnant (i know the baby is the result of rape cos i was a virgin) and i decided to keep the baby after all its not the babys fault her fathers a rapist so i told my parents but i didnt tell them that i was raped i just said it was a one night stand i thought it would be easier to get over the rape if i forgot it ever happened and all the way through the pregnancy i loved the baby she was everything t me i would have died for her and 3 days ago i gave birth to her 2/5/06 at 1.24am and when the midwife hande her to me all i felt was sudden rush of hate and resentment and now i am at home with her alone during the day am scared i am gonna hurt her every time( i dont wanna )i look at her i see her dad and remember what happened that night i want to love her but i cant and i cant talk to my parents cos they dont no i was raped and all my mates ave left me cos they think am some slut i am so angry and scared lonely i ave no one to talk to

Name: jade1991 Title of Question: any teen mums/mums 2 b with msn wanna chat
Question: hiya i am 12 weeks pregnant and would like to talk to other teen mums about babies ect by the way i'm 14 and live in england i ave msn so eres my addy [email protected] congrats to everyone on the births of their of beautifull babies or pregnancy. this girl is lying you guys! SHE IS ON ANOTHER FORUM SAYING THE SAME THING BUT SLLIGHTLY DIFFEREMT. LOOK AT THE WRITING STYLE AND YOU CAN TELL. 

Name: Ami-NZ | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 9:29 AM
on the other forum she also uses the nickname lucky-star 

Name: krystinakoleen | Date: Jun 5th, 2006 7:03 PM
when i had my sons in 2003 i had post partum depression really bad... and i don't know your situation but you sound like you might have it..you should talk to your Dr or mom about it, b/c it can be a very dangerous thing if left untreated....i hope things get better for you! 

Name: Sammi_J | Date: Jun 6th, 2006 2:31 AM
Re: Peach
Dont be calling me a wench! That girl is putting her sons life in danger, yeah fair enuf she might have post partum depression, but its not the childs fault. She decided to get pregnant at 15 so she should take responsibility of being a mother to that child.
I never said she was an unfit mother but tell me that child maybe only a few weeks old but how do you think it feels when the person its is supposed to be so attached to is screaming and yelling at him. He doesnt know any different, a child learns the most in the first 3 years of their life, her rubbing off her anger onto him isnt going to do him so good is it. 

Name: Alethea | Date: Jun 6th, 2006 5:21 PM
I hate to tell you all, but Lucky-star is just a liar. On www.pregnancy-info.net she writes a lot of different crap claiming to be 4 different ages, 4 different babies and such. So don't pity her, she only wants attention. 

Name: momat14 | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 9:35 PM
i aint trynna judge u but i am 14 and pregnant have my babi in jan butt umm u need serious help even tho i am 14 and i haven't tod my parents yet i no i want be like that cause i had to take care of my baby bro from the tyme he wuz 3 months to the tyme he wuz 7 cause my mom had to work at night so i don't no wats wrong wit u 

Name: aliaa | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 9:44 PM
hi,,,,my msn is [email protected] 

Name: lbarnwell | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 1:44 AM
You are probably suffering from post partum depression. That sounds like it to a T. I would talk to your doctor about it and get some help. They can put you on some meds for it to help control it. Lots of women go through post partum depression. It won't last forever. 

Name: ARMANISMOM | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 6:18 AM
Please give this baby up for adoption IMMEDIATELY 

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