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Okay, First off I am pregnant 39 and a half weeks. Ready to pop. And I am married. My husband is not the one in jail.I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. Her dad has been consistantly in and out of her life. She has never gone more then a month with out seeing him. Althought mentaly un stable. He has a relationship with her as I think he should. To her he is wonderful and perfict. So here is my delima. He just got a eight months to a year in jail. What am I suposed to tell my little angle? Do I take her to visit him? I am not sure what the right thing to do is for my daughter. And as her mother It is my desission. I Know this is a pregnancy forum And this may not be the appropiiate place to discuss this. I hope to not offend anyone. I know we are all mothers or mothers to be and I thought maybe this would be the best place for real feed back.If any suggestiong pleas let me know or if there is a better chat room I am open to checking that out. Ladies, Moms feedback please. Everyone in my life has oppinions. I need none sided (if that makes any sence) oppinions. ↓
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| Name: Cris. | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 2:50 PM |
| That I is supposed to be an In. ↑ |
| Name: Ashlie | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 4:01 PM |
| Honey I am sorry that you have to go through this it is really hard, I can imagine. I really don't think that they will let a 4 year old in for visitation, well here you have to be 18 at least to get in. Um really don't know how to give you any more advise I really haven't been through anything like this before. Sorry ↑ |
| Name: Cris | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 4:06 PM |
| Thanks ashlie I was begining to think no one would respond. i feel selfish kindof because I am not conserned about him really at all. I just want to know how to tell my daughter. Maybe the wont let her visit im not sure. that would be better because then I wouldnt have to make that desision. ↑ |
| Name: Angela | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 5:14 PM |
| You must decide if you think it's appropriate for your 4 year old to see her father in that kind of an environment. I can't say what I would do in that situation since I am not but I might consider holding off on letting her see him. Maybe she could draw him pictures and write him letters until he gets out? That way at least she can communicate with him. I might consider telling her that Daddy had to go away for a while but that he will be back. Not sure what to tell you exactly. ↑ |
| Name: Former Detention Cntr employee | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 9:45 PM |
You may want to consider calling ahead of time to find out what the regulations of the facility are. Or better yet, go there by yourself first.
Some places allow physical contact between children and their parents, others do not due to the fact that people use their children to transfer contraband (drugs, weapons, etc).
I would think that bringing a child to visit but them not able to touch would frustrate and hurt the child.
I used to work for a detention center, which is a bit different then a workhouse or correctional facility, but for the most part, I myself, after my experiences, would choose not to bring my child to visit.
It's ultimately up to you, but personally, with my knowledge and experience, I would not bring her. Most people who work in that environment would recommend other forms of contact. Fights break out quite often, (between visitors, for instance when a wife and girlfriend(s) come to visit at the same time, Or between the inmate and their visitor when an inmate and their visitor have an argument, Or if it is an open room, sometimes between different visiting parties and inmates etc etc), and the personnel have to come in and take control of the situation. Although they try to make visiting as safe as possible, due to the nature of the people who are detained in such facilities, it is very difficult to make it completely safe without stepping on the inmate's civil rights. A difficult balance has to be maintained.
It is not a place I would want my children exposed to.
At such a young age, regular phone calls and letters and pictures from daddy would be enough, in my opinion. After all children with parents in Iraq are dealing with even less contact.
If the child's father balks at this, I would remind him that it was his own behaviour that brought the situation about.
As her mother, it is your responsibility to protect her when she is young.
Ultimately it is your decision. But make an educated one. ↑ |
| Name: Cris | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 10:46 PM |
| Thank you soooo much. FDCe. That is what I needed to hear. I had a feeling someone could simplify what I thought hard choice to make. Your feed back is heard and appreciated. ↑ |
| Name: sally | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 11:17 PM |
| I would take my daughter to see her dad if he was in jail you have stated that they are close, but i would be catious about ever leaving them alone together when he gets out as you have said he is mentally unstable and he must have done something serious to have got put in jail in the first place. ↑ |
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