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Name: lucie
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Name: lucie | Date: Dec 6th, 2006 9:28 AM
Yeah I do eat in the day but very limited. When i wrote this post i had just an apple for lunch, sandwich for lunch and my dinner i would throw up.

Now i have cereal with alpro soya milk for breakfast and a salad for my lunch and now i snack on apples throughout the day. in the past week i have made myself sick just once and that was sunday.

The only thing that stops me is when i am busy busy busy. like when i finished work last nite i just had tine to go home and get ready to go to the pub, then straight after i went to the cinema with my other mate, i didnt get home till half 12 so even if i wanted to, i just did not have the time. 

Name: MadelineRose | Date: Dec 6th, 2006 1:23 PM
I can relate to you on some levels. I don't binge to this degree, but I try to purge everything I put in my mouth. I am so hypervigilant about eating. I try but don't always succeed to rid myself of everything I have eaten before it is digested and becomes pounds. I hate this. When I think of all the money wasted...it is awful! I don't know why I don't think I deserve to eat like a "normal' person. My doctors don't know about my current behavior. I told one of my doctors a long time ago. But, now that I am 42, I feel so much more ashamed of myself. I'm a grown-up...like that other string says...."I should grow up."
My husband is a mental health professional (PhD), I have some training in this area from my college days. Yet, here I am in the midst of this unhealthy self-abusive behavior! My husband knows somewhat my behaviors...I know it worries him. But, he is not fully aware, of the extent of my purging. I really want to get better. I want help! 

Name: lucie | Date: Dec 6th, 2006 2:22 PM

the last thing you need to do is feel ashamed that you have an ED and compare it to your age, as i am sure you are aware, ED's are stereotyped for teenage girls want to be thin.

Do not feel ashamed chik, i know what you mean about the money situation. we are literally throwing money away. I have lost track of the amount of new things i have deprived myself of like new c-d's i would rather spend the money on food and this is wrong!


Name: ally murphy | Date: Dec 14th, 2006 1:08 PM
Hey shae

Well done you must be really pleased that you have gone so long with out making yourself be sick.

I haven't done it for almost 2 weeks im really scared will slip i hope i dont.

It is nice to know that people are going through the same thing.

If you need support or anything we are all her for you.


Name: lucie | Date: Dec 15th, 2006 7:33 AM

Shae, thanks for posting your story, it's comforting to know that there are many people going through what I am.

It sounds like it was difficult for you, growing up with all those pressures and expectations that others put on you.

It was a month ago that i posted my story, feels great doesn't it to get it off your chest?!?!?

In a month Shae i have changed completly. Over 2 weeks ago now i decided that i was seriously going to try and stop and in those 2 weeks i have only let myself down a couple of times so i am doing really well. I had the day off work yesterday and didn't binge or make myself sick- that is the first day i have had off Bulimia free for as long as i can remember!

Like i say, i am on my way to recovery, and if someone told me 2 weeks ago that in two weeks i would be hardly binging or making myself sick, i wouldn't of believed them.

How are you now with your Bulimia / Anorexia if you don't mind me asking?!?!?


Name: lucie | Date: Dec 19th, 2006 7:46 AM

well done for getting that off you chest- i bet you feel better for it don't you?!??!?!

it sounds like you experienced so many pressures whilst you were younger.

How is your Bulimia now?



Name: Sara L | Date: Dec 31st, 2006 6:28 AM
How Old Are You, When did you start? 

Name: Sara L | Date: Dec 31st, 2006 7:05 AM
I am bulimic also it started when I was 15 now 12 years later, still bulimic, married and my husband does not know about it. I have no one to talk to about it that i trust. 

Name: danni | Date: Jan 2nd, 2007 6:14 PM
I too have been struggling with bulimia for about ten years. I started out just trying to shed some weight because I had always been about 20 pounds overweight. I have now reached a point where I feel that I will lose all control if I am unable to purge. Going out to dinner has been a real challenge. It is not always accessible to purge so I resort to making excuses not to eat my meal.

However, my real concern now is that I am married and about five months pregnant. Even my unyielding wish for a healthy baby has not been enough to make me stop purging. My husband has no idea that this problem even exists in my life. As a matter of fact, no one knows. I have successfully managed to keep this my secret for all these years. Because I never really fell to an alarming low weight, no one ever suspected a thing. But now being five months pregnant, I have only gained a total of 1 pound. I fear that my secret will be revealed through this pregnancy and I will be unable to return to my 'habit' after the baby is born. I don't understand my love for what I do to myself and worry that I will no longer be able to protect it. I am so ashamed! 

Name: lucie | Date: Jan 3rd, 2007 2:52 PM
Hi dani,

my ED was hidden also because i stayed at a 'normal' weight aswell.

if any of you wanna talk im here!

i am now recovering and doing really really well!


Name: danni | Date: Jan 3rd, 2007 3:46 PM
Hi Lucie, have you ever sought treatment for your ED? I know that I am not ready to give it up. I can't understand it. I want help, but I don't want to be told that I can't do it any longer. Does that make sense? How long have you been purging?

Its comforting to talk about this.... thanks. 

Name: lucie | Date: Jan 4th, 2007 9:49 AM
Hi Danni,

my ED started when i was 13 then dissapeared for a couple of years.
The last couple of years i have been going through the daily struggle of making myself sick.

I have not been brave enough or had the strength to talk about it to my doctor.
This will sound really weird now but at the mo i haven't really purged for a couple of weeks and now cus i am in control of stopping, i would now have the courage to go to the docs, but not while i was still purging because then my control would of been taken away.

how long have you been Bulimic?


Name: danni | Date: Jan 4th, 2007 4:37 PM
Hi Lucie,
I think that's great that you just stopped on your own. Was there something momentous that occured to give you that extra strength to do it? This may sound corny, but I am so proud of you!

I started purging when I was about 22 years old. I don't know how it started... I really don't remember the very first time. I just remember my age at that time. I am 38 years old now. I have had some problems with fillings in my teeth as a result of the bulimia. I am sure my dentist suspects but has never asked me or mentioned anything. Its my husband that I am worried about. Since I became pregnant, I have not put on any weight. I am 5 months now and he went out and bought a scale for the bathroom. He has asked me a few times already to get on and I have refused. I just laughed it off saying that he was being ridiculous and the baby is just fine. I NEVER want him to know about my bulimia. I am worried! What are your thoughts?

Name: lucie | Date: Jan 5th, 2007 1:58 PM
hi danni, thanx 4 replying!

the only reason i honestly saw sense to stop was because my mom confronted me! that kinda pulled me back into reality and slowly but surely i am breaking the ED up bit by bit.

I would not have had the strength to just stop. Like i say it was only cus my mom found out. My mom has kept her distance, she hasn't interferred but i would never have stopped if she hadn't caught me!

You are in a hard situation, which i feel for you and will always be here to help or chat!

So 5 months pregnant, is it your first child? and are you still purging or has it eased off?

If you are not ready to stop then you can't be forced to because the outcome will be much worse if you get my drift?!!

Just bear in mind that the baby needs nutrition.


Name: danni | Date: Jan 5th, 2007 3:38 PM
Hi Lucie!

Thanks for being here. Its great to have someone to talk to about this. Yes, this is my first child and I am very excited. The purging has been more difficult acheive I think because my body wants to keep the food in for nutrition for the baby. So, instead I have been eating less to compensate for being unsuccessful in my purging attempts. I know how this sounds believe me. I should be putting the baby first. I really am trying! I love this baby and would just die if it weren't healthy. Your words of encouragement really help!

Are you married or have any children? How long did your mother know about your bulimia?

Looking forward to hearing from you :-) Danni 

Name: deja vu18 | Date: Jan 5th, 2007 5:50 PM
I only wish I could do that. I do something similar, but not quite the same. I make myself about 4 cups of green tea and then I go out and buy myself all the junk food I can eat, while my tea is cooling. when I get home I eat all the junk food combined with the tea i made, which then makes me sick and most of the time I can get the food out one way or the other, but sometimes it takes a while. I just keep drinking tea and then in about a half an hour I get most of the food out. Most of the time though I have to wait until morning to get my stomach absolutely empty. I must be doing something wrong. 

Name: lucie | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 10:18 AM
Hi didn't realise green tea gives that effect! 

Name: mercury | Date: Jan 10th, 2007 11:22 AM
it's not disgusting, it's human. it's a compulsion. i do the same thing. it's a hard thing to live with. hope you're ok. 

Name: lucie | Date: Feb 8th, 2007 3:28 PM
this is my life again i am totally back to my old ways.


Name: erenaa | Date: Feb 19th, 2007 10:20 AM
i think that its really good youve posted this on here.
ive tried throwing up before but i cant. i really dont like the way i look.. 

Name: lucie | Date: Feb 19th, 2007 1:49 PM
HI Erenaa.

sounds like you are going through this awful stage of an ED yes?

why don't you like the way you look?

Name: Lyns | Date: Feb 19th, 2007 7:29 PM

you be good and take care you have been a star i cant take nomore xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Name: erenaa | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 6:20 AM
hi lucie. :]
i want to be skinny. im not fat but i realy want to be skinny..

erena x 

Name: lucie | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 10:20 AM
lyns stick around on here. whats happend? hope you are ok.
i am here if you nees me.



Name: lucie | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 10:21 AM
if you have programmed in you mind that you are gonna have an ED then let it be. no one can stop you and if they tried it would probably make you want to do it even more.

just bare in mind about all the complications ED's can cause.


Name: Heatherb28 | Date: Mar 13th, 2007 11:47 PM
I love to eat cookies and cake but often have trouble getting it all up. My best binge is done with pizza. Always get it up 

Name: summadaiz | Date: Mar 14th, 2007 7:54 PM
For all of you who are thinking of being bulimic try not to start!!! it's not good for you... Those of you who are, I know it's hard and you want to stop but it's satisfiying for you... But you know the risks and the pain so why would you encourage others to do it? Lucie and Ally I am (proud) of both of you for putting it out there and making a connection with each other... That is really touching, I hope one day you will find the strength to stop. And have you ever thought of the strength and control it takes to stop? I think that would show even more control then doing it... you would show control over yourself... Now you have given control to society and media image... Anywho I encourage you both to talk with each other and even if you don't stop... try to slow down... this is bad to encourage doing it at all but maybe just do it once or twice a week... or Lucie only do it once not twice... just some suggestions... but best of luck to all!!! 

Name: sairzwb | Date: Mar 16th, 2007 1:18 PM
i am sorry to ask you this but i am a 17 year old student and i am doing a paper on bulimia nervosa for my psychlogicalpart of health and social care and wondere if you wud be able to tell what you think are the cognitive, biological, soial influence and behaviorism perspectives as i cannot find them at all soory again xx 

Name: push | Date: Mar 17th, 2007 1:04 AM
thats similar to my day lucie .. apart from i have someone to talk to .. i have a very kind tutor .. am sorry that thats your life but i feel the same when ritten on paper it is disgusting but it our lives .. bless you chick

Name: sgt86 | Date: Mar 27th, 2007 7:38 AM
Wooow I cant believe there are so many other that do the same things that i do....Im from the US and i feel like im the only one on the earth that does this (binging and purging) reading your story was like thinking about my day.....im a little worse but im trying to get better.thank you lucie!!

Name: HmH | Date: May 1st, 2007 4:55 AM
Been there, done allll of that. Thank you for sharing, I know it isn't easy to talk about sometimes... but if feels better to get off your chest! I know you're not proud of it, and you want to get better... it's just harder than anyone ever thinks. I believe that noone understands unless they have lived the awful day when they Plan everything around binging and purging... like you just explained. It's not that YOU DON"T want to come home from work... eat a healthy dinner and then take a nice walk outside and then come back and shower and sit and watch a good movie or something... but it's harder than that. Eating disorders are complex, we want stability and normalcy... but we "ruin" everyday with binging and purging. Keep your head up, Keep fighting and trying to get better :) One day, you're going to have a breakthrough and you're going to feel proud and relieved and alive! best of luck... but keep trying to work in the right direction 

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