|
|
|
|
| Name: HmH | Date: May 1st, 2007 4:55 AM |
| Been there, done allll of that. Thank you for sharing, I know it isn't easy to talk about sometimes... but if feels better to get off your chest! I know you're not proud of it, and you want to get better... it's just harder than anyone ever thinks. I believe that noone understands unless they have lived the awful day when they Plan everything around binging and purging... like you just explained. It's not that YOU DON"T want to come home from work... eat a healthy dinner and then take a nice walk outside and then come back and shower and sit and watch a good movie or something... but it's harder than that. Eating disorders are complex, we want stability and normalcy... but we "ruin" everyday with binging and purging. Keep your head up, Keep fighting and trying to get better :) One day, you're going to have a breakthrough and you're going to feel proud and relieved and alive! best of luck... but keep trying to work in the right direction ↑ |
| Name: Journey1 | Date: May 3rd, 2007 5:26 AM |
| Hi! Thanks for sharing part of your story. I have struggled with bulimia for 22 years and over the past year, going thru a divorce with a 3 year old and 4 year old, has only escalated my binging/purging. If I don't have a "babysitter" in my life, I can live alone with my food and no one knows what I am doing. I have rituals that are definitely not pretty and I think sharing it does provide some relief. They say we are purging our "feelings" so putting it down on paper and talking about it is kind of a form of purging. Up until recently, I did not have a purge free day for at least a year. I fell down and fractured my jaw and now have my jaw wired shut. I had 6 days and actually figured out a way to purge, even with my jaw wired shut. That is so sick! I put stuff in the blender and liquified it and then purged it up. It was so nasty. I can binge/purge for 8 hours straight, sleep for 2 and then get up and do it again. It is such an animal. I pray, go to 12 step meetings and just can not get it. I am hoping to get into a treatment center.....hopefully in September. That is my only hope. I need to be monitored to learn how to eat. I have a fear of eating something "normal" and keeping it down. I just understand, empathize with your situation and am in a similar predicament. There is recovery out there. I have met people that are free from this disease. I will continue to pray and will say a prayer for my fellow sufferers! God Bless and keep writing. ↑ |
| Name: imarhcp | Date: May 5th, 2007 9:21 PM |
| you are not disgusting AT ALL. ↑ |
| Name: DefendUs | Date: May 29th, 2007 12:42 AM |
| WELL, UH WOW. WERE THE SAME EXEPT I DONT STORE IT ANYWHEER NEAR MY CLOTHS! ↑ |
| Name: DefendUs | Date: May 29th, 2007 12:43 AM |
| Sorry for the caps it was a accident. ↑ |
| Name: gramma | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 12:18 AM |
| Hi Lucie, This may seem very strange to you...or not. My days are so similar to what you have described yours to be. I do so well all day long, it's when I get home when I go nuts with food. I seem to eat any BAD stuff that happens to be in the house. Just tonight I have eaten ALL the leftovers (and there were a lot) from a dinner party I had at my house last night. Vomitted twice to get to the bottom of it all. This is the second time that my nose has bled durring the act. It kind of scares me, but apparently not enough. I have NOT told any one about my illness. Looking back, I realize that I started all of this when my neice was born 23 years ago and have continued off and on since then and my weight has gone up and downall those years. I am 55 years old and quite ashamed of myself. I work, I exercise, I have lots of friends, I have a decent husband, three grown kids and 2 young grandchildren. What more could I possibly want in life????? To make myself so sick that My health is seriously threatened is so stupid, and I'm not a stupid person in general. For the past week the disease has had complete control over me but, I'm telling you Lucie, for you and for me, tomorrow I will not binge and purge. Thank you Lucie. Maybe we can help each other. I'm prepared to give you my email address if you'd like to try to buddy up. Any way Lucie, all the best to you and your health, Gramma ↑ |
| Name: Tadyaa | Date: Jun 16th, 2007 9:22 PM |
| Hello lucie! Your lifestyle sure reminds me of mine... I have the stupid need to be thin, and now I'm not, my weight is always changing, and I tired of purging myself by vomiting, I'm also tired of excessive workout, I'v tried to control myself but I just CAN'T! I talked to my mother and she made me go to a shrink, I absolutely hated it! But I stopped my sick behavior, I was always purging! I tried all i could and I started to think I was cured, and I was, till I fell in love again and the guy dumped me, then i felt worthless again, and now I'm using diet pills, laxatives and I have this binging episodes fallowed by the purging ones! I want to be thin again, I feel so fat!! I jus't don't think this is working, those stupid diet pills make me feel so bad... I really don't know what to do! I wan't to be thin so badly... ↑ |
| Name: gazoo | Date: Jul 16th, 2007 5:16 AM |
| It's funny that after 2 years of being a good girl and not binging/purging once, that I find myself starting to do it again! I used to be bulimic for about 7 years, and then i quit cold turkey when I found out i was pregnant. I started occaisionally doing after I finished breast feeding as I felt unhappy with my larger body. I wasn't doing it as frequently as before (when at my worst it was about 4x a day.) but maybe about 3x a week. 2 years ago, I made a conscious decision to just stop. It was like an alcohol that is struggling to become sober, and I was proud of my achievments! I actually thought I had it licked after my year anniversary. I am not sure why I am starting it up again. I feel so annoyed at myself when i actually plan throughout the day of how I am going to binge/purge. All the dancing around and lying and waiting to be alone, the right time to do it. IT is so exhausting! I feel so alone, because being bulimic is such a shameful thing. I just recently admitted to my counselour (sp) of my food issues. She gave me the number of an eating disorder specialist. I haven't called yet I guess because of vanity. I have to be somewhere in August where I know I will feel like a fat cow if I am not skinnier. I just wish I could be normal and quit catagorizing food as good or bad. I wish I could listen to my body's cues of hunger, instead of over-riding them. It's funny reading how similar some people's 'plan' is to mine. I 'line my stomach' too so I will know if I have gotten it all out too. I also have a certain time limit that I allow before I purge and if it get's delayed for some reason, than I always feel less satified that i haven't gotten it all. I find chocolate bars really hard to purge, while cheesecake is easy, so is ice cream. Writing this down is helpful, finding people like me to talk to is helpful too. ↑ |
| Name: Angel_Girl222 | Date: Jul 30th, 2007 9:27 AM |
| Hello everyone, I have begun a short story to relieve my feelings towards bulimia. Although a little confronting, Im sure many of you can relate to it. Here is the first few paragraphs: She leaned over the tub, gazing at the small puddle of vomitus that lay there. Examining its mixed contents with curiosity, she wondered how many calories had been purged. Still not enough, she thought, biting her lips. I know I have eaten more than that tonight. She leaned further forward, once more pressing her stomach against the rolled up towel which lay between her and the edge of the bathtub. This method, she knew, applied more pressure to her stomach and therefore ensured gravity would assist in the force of the next purge. If she could just get the remaining contents out… Why was it so hard tonight? It used to be so much easier. Her fingers made their way to the back of her throat and she scratched away desperately, urging on the sickly feeling she had induced countless times before. A rush of fluid, bile, ice-cream, mixed with cookie dough and traces of chocolate streamed through her oesophagus and spread itself throughout the preceding puddle, which was now beginning to obstruct the drain. An acid sting filled her mouth as her throat began to swell and throb. Despite the anguish, a strong sense of relief overwhelmed her as she lay back panting. The puddle now looked to her like a deranged Warshack test, a wild animal lost in a tangle of vines. As she stood up, her knees made a cracking sound and she carefully sipped a glass of water she had prepared earlier to fill her stomach - it seemed to help bring up the food more easily and flush away the acidic after-effect. She looked at herself in the mirror - cheeks swollen, glazed eyes, wild hair with traces of food particles dripping from the ends. This is the last time, her conscious mind repeated forcefully, while subconsciously she knew she would be back within the week to repeat the cycle of what had become a habitual cleansing ritual. Purging negated the guilt and provided a feeling of control, while inharmoniously leaving a feeling of emptiness both physically and emotionally. How did I get here? she thought as she made her way from the bathroom to her computer chair, where she would spend the next two hours planning calories for the following day and designing a new exercise regime, which would no doubt be much more viable and effective than the last. She wearily sat down, with the frustration and resentment almost tangible as the disgust and disappointment with herself ebbed back into her conscious. She had no food left in her pantry to numb their passage or to detach herself from the reality that she had now created for herself. Many times before, she had attempted to fight her demons by examining all the emotional triggers that had led her to each binge. She scrolled numerous websites on Bulimia Nervosa, and found herself in a fishbowl filled with women who had similar stories to her own. She was pigeonholed as a statistic who was predisposed to perfectionist tendencies, lacking self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-regard, self-respect - the list went on. And on. Her attempts at self-diagnosis only left her feeling more helpless as she realised that this would be a demon she would have to deal with and attempt to manage for the remainder of her life. The solace offered for those battling the same demon was to seek professional help. She quivered at the notion of exposing herself to a stranger who would only recommend deep-breathing techniques and aversion therapy. Surely she would eventually stumble over a miracle diagnosis, or an affirmation that would change her outlook, alter her perception and rekindle her zest for life - a life in which she would not be a slave to excessive exercise nor obsessed with her appearance. As she sat staring at the screen, which began to faze into a blur of white light, she wondered why her personal vanity had become the very essence of her existence. Although she was not a woman of spiritual faith, the word ‘vanity’ danced around her head as she correlated it to the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ and mused over how true that was in her own case. ↑ |
| Name: wannabee | Date: Aug 6th, 2007 10:46 PM |
| dnt eay, yhen try throw up- ull lose heaps more weight- have 1 meal a day then chuck dat up ↑ |
| Name: noOora | Date: Dec 13th, 2007 6:41 PM |
| ii would feel sry for u .. but am not.. i feell more miserable for the both of us.. it's like i cant stop anymore.. i thoght i was takin it to the extreme but i guss.. theres others.. hw did u have the strngth to speak out .. i tryed to but end up Xthe window... i cdnt confice that i have a probleme... its hard.. i keep hiding this from the others ...its like they dont feel that theres sumthin wrong?? the feeling that i gt wn am all .. finished vomiting.. like comfort but painful in the same time... hw wd sumthin so bad makes u feel so gd?? god it feels so gd to knw am not alone.. ↑ |
| Name: cyrus29 | Date: Mar 29th, 2008 11:26 AM |
| Your post sounds crazy familiar! I have started every day with 2 small apples for many years now and eat very little all day (mainly fruit) or my "safe" foods and I do love to binge and just recently started "your whole routine" daily. I hate it! ↑ |
| Name: nikkim2 | Date: Apr 1st, 2008 11:47 AM |
| Hi I am 37 years old and have been bulimic since I was 15 years old. I was just getting on the computer to search for how to help an eating disorder and I came across this sight. I dont know how to stop but over the years I have learned that I think part of my disorder stems from tring to make other people like who I am. I think I mold myself into what people want me to be inorder to get acceptance. When I look at back at it now I see how I molded myself into the person I thought my Dad would accept. Anyway its an awful disease. Its humilating and disgusting at least thats how I feel about it. Sometimes its how I feel about myself. I know how hard it is to talk to people about it. I have told people over the years and usually got the same outcome. I would tell and I'm not sure but maybe they were overwhelmed by my admission but usually the conversation never came up again. I have told every long term boyfriend including my husband. I have told my mom and although I'm sure she is very concerned about my well being she doesn't handle it very well. The first time I told her she said,"are you sure" and " I dont think you are bulimic". I dont know maybe it insulted her parenting skills in some way. Once I forgot to flush the toilet after purging. I was probably 25 or so and she called me and wanted to know what was going on. I replied that I was fine. Of course I was mortified that someone had seen my puke. The conversation never came up again. Anyway it is very hard to tell someone about this monster. There are times I feel like talking about it and times that I am ashamed of it and dont want to talk, therefor I think people get confused and dont know how to deal with it. I am here if you need to talk. I dont know how old you are but I hate wondering how much longer do I have to do this thing. Get help ↑ |
| Name: br33 | Date: Jul 9th, 2008 4:42 AM |
| Hi everyone. I have never tried a website chat room for my disorder before and am not sure if will help, but I am willing to try. I have been bulimic since I was 14. I am now 23. I know I have this disease, but am convinced it is not as bad as I see others. I feel like I know how little I can be before I start developing heart problems and what not. I know a lot of the things that could and will go wrong with my body, but can not stop forever. The only time I really stopped was when I got pregnant and was nursing. I then felt like I had a really good excuse to stop and if I did not... I was not only putting myself in danger, but my helpless child's life endanger. I gained SO much weight then! And I thought I had overcome this disease. That is until I went back to work and slowly started to loose my milk. When I completely dried up, I did not have a reason to be the size I was. Other people thought I was a good healthy weight, but I knew I was definitely not the size I wanted to be and wanted to wear my old clothes again! I figured I could diet. But we all know in today's society, it is so hard to diet! I saw food everywhere. It seemed like everyone wanted me to eat with them. Eating is a great way to socialize and food taste SO good! I always have these cravings and think to myself I will eat just a little bit and it would not be so bad, but then I eat and eat and eat. Then I get this hurting feeling that I am going to explode and did not realize how full I have gotten so quickly. Then I also start think... oh my gosh, I just ate all this crap and when I weigh myself I will be also much heavier. The food in my stomach starts to feel like it just wants to come up on it own and if I just went to the bathroom really quick I would feel SO much better! After that I felt better. But later I start to feel weak and dizzy and even start shaking sometimes. Like I really need to eat something.... then it might get back in the same cycle or I might make myself eat a little just to hold me over. It would depend on where I am at the time or how much money I have. I sometimes think to myself that I can stop! I will just start eating a little every few hours and it can only be healthy thing... but then the food is right there and I do it again and claim I will try again tomorrow. It never works! I have got to stop! I made the mistake... at least I feel like it is a mistake... of telling my boyfriend I had this problem. I think I was in a way looking for some kind of help and reaching out for it from someone I love and care about and that supposedly felt the same about me. Just to let everyone know... I have been in the hospital for this a couple of times, but I only got admitted because of my depression then they found out I was not only depressed, but was bulimic as well. They stuck me in these damn addiction classes with a bunch of damn drug addicts!!! I understand there concept of bulimia is an addiction, but putting me in a class with people that are addicted to drugs does not help me!!! I was the only one was NOT addicted to drugs! I could not relate to those people at ALL! Anyway... my boyfriend if the father of my child. We have been together on and off for the past 5 years or so. I told him about me about 1 1/2years into the relationship. He did not understand at all! I feel like he still does not understand. I know this might sound weird, but we have been broken up for about a year now. We decided to try o work things out, but he said we would not be a couple until I fix myself! Like I am damn broken or something! I am now desperate on trying to stop. Therapy really did not seem to help in the past, but I am giving it another chance... even though I am very skeptical about it! I feel like I am going to be wasting my money on sessions (I do not have insurance, so it is all coming out of pocket). I need so feedback tips, or something I can do to make me stop... for good! I keep telling myself I can stop on my own, but he keeps telling me I can not and that I need help. I am trying... it just takes time. I feel like I can gradually stop. This is not like when I found out I was pregnant and was putting someone else life endanger. It is only me and to tell you the truth my life is not that great and I feel like if I die from this then I die from this, but at least I will die the size I want to be and everyone will remember me skinny and not fat! Sorry this post was so long. ~Bree ↑ |
| Name: babyblue28 | Date: Jul 20th, 2008 6:05 PM |
| Try this on for size: I am a chronic bulimic and 30 weeks pregnant. Being pregnant has kept me from getting sick, it hasn't however, kept me from mentally beating myself down. I'm 5'61/2'' and used to way 115 pounds. When I met my boyfriend I started gaining weight, but at that time I was still able to 'control' it. Mostly with purging and a combination of caffiene, nicotine, and phetermine. But.... As soon as I became pregnant, well, I started blowing up like a balloon. Now, in my third trimester I am nearing 170 lbs. Yeah, it's been a hell of a ride, I know I have to keep myself healthy, for the sake of the baby, but it is a constant struggle. I can't stand the curves that now accompany me everywhere I go, and I fear they'll never go away. Don't get me wrong, having a baby is a wonderful thing. But it really takes a toll on a body who has battled with a sickness for so long. For all those living, and dying, with MIA, remember, you are not alone. ↑ |
| Name: lucie_ann | Date: Jul 22nd, 2008 10:36 PM |
| babyblue, 4 words 'HATS OFF TO YOU' when Mia is is control to become pregnant is one of the joys of the world. You are so so strong, really, im finding it hard to write it down but when you have mia and you are preg and your body is going to grow and grow, which you cant control it must be scary at times. Very brave well done, hope your doing ok. ↑ |
| Name: ApRil1987 | Date: Jul 31st, 2008 4:23 AM |
| Hi... I don't know how to talk to someone about my ED, and I kinda need i lately, I'm scared, and so lonely... sometimes I get really depressed... i would like someone to talk to about it... is someone interested in being my friend? and not being disgusted by my ED... i'm just so embarrased about it... well... hope someone answers.. thank u.. ↑ |
| Name: lucie_ann | Date: Aug 3rd, 2008 1:06 AM |
| Hi april im here you can talk to if you are ready. I laid all my cards on the table when i wrote my story at the top and it honestly lifted the weight off my shoulders. Hope to hear from you soon lucie ↑ |
| Name: lucie_ann | Date: Aug 21st, 2008 5:06 PM |
| Hi Shattered! Wow it must of taken alot of courage to write that down well done! I know what you mean bout when you feel that bad you feel like you going to die, so weak, and feeling pathetic. When i wrote this post all that time a go i was in a really really bad way, and would write on here like evryday. well i moved house the start of the year and since then it was like something clicked and it took me ages, lots of tears and frustration but i cut down how many times i was being sick. and the last approx 6 months have flew by. and case closed. I knew that bulimia was creeping inside of me and yes some days were very hard. But disaster struck the other night. I left my job then just felt really depressed. I had no 'junk' food in the house cus ive been eating so well the last few months, little bits but often! but the other night i just lost all control, reached for any food i could find even fruit and veggies and cereal, i started saying in my head 'no lucie no dont do it' and i even started saying it out loud but i couldnt control that force that was taking over. my head was saying no but my body was moving me to the fridge! well i felt disgusting afterwards like i knew i would but relieved as i threw most of it up, i then cried and cried and when i went to bed i just slept to the next afternoon, it worn me out. Then this week ive stayed at my friends a couple of nights. its been great. i got back last night, and i have had an ok day but i have had to post right know as i just got the uncontrollable urge to binge/purge. i keep no junk in the house just 'healthy food' i just went to make a salad then i had to throw the stuff down and post on here cus i didnt want that salad. I think its because i introduced bread back in to my eating to day, when i went to sainsburys i brought a ting little loaf so i could try and eat sandwiches but no i feel that cus i had 2 pieces of bread at lunch it feels like ive lost control as i had a food that has been in my eating habbit for like 6 months. im scared im sitting here tempted to just go to the shop and get food and get this over with. i cant keep affording to binge like this as i have to pay bills and mortgage myself. im scared that bullimia has returned like it used to be. im scared im thinking ahead to much. and im scared that this is all in my mind so much its freaking me out! well i will go and do the sin, i will pop back on here later lucie xx ↑ |
| Name: lucie_ann | Date: Aug 21st, 2008 5:13 PM |
| i know i just posted in a dilema but i just read my orignal post up the very top of page the one that started this thread 'bulimia in explicit detail' And you know i just thought fu*k bulimia i am not making myself sick tonight even if it means smoking twice as many ciggies than usual or even eating apples and grapes to pass the time there is no way i am letting this back it my life! i at now 21 years of age am not doing the walk of shame in the supermarket with a basket full of binge food i will not be disgraced by bulimia again. i will take sleeping tablets to distract me so i sleep instead, i WILL DO ANYTHING TONIGHT BUT BINGE i promise that. i wish this disorder will just leave me alone.......for ever. I hate bulimia. Lucie xx ↑ |
| Name: Becky | Date: Aug 31st, 2008 5:24 PM |
| this is the exact same thing i do. im at college with 8 dormmates so its a lot harder to do, but whenever im alone or go home for the weekend, something comes over me and i have to do it. my roommates are all gone this weekend, and yesterday i did well for half the day, then i binged and then threw up 4 times in a row. it amazed me how much came up each time i purged. i always feel so bad, i want to quit, and my boyfriend wants me to as well. theres just something out of my control that drives me to do it. so i know how youre feeling. its definitely something that you plan out. ↑ |
| Name: senstar | Date: Oct 13th, 2008 11:48 PM |
| hi lucie, are you still fighting it? i've had bulimia for 3 years now and i thought i was finally beating it. i hadn't made myself sick for about 3 months but then things went wrong and its back as bad as ever. i've had the worst day today but after reading all the entries on this site i'm determined to try to stop again. i don't want this to be my life anymore. but it feels like this is something i'm always going to be struggling with. does it ever really go away? if anyone feels that they have truly gotten over it please let me know. i could do with some support! good luck to anyone trying to beat it. xx ↑ |
| Name: sopranogirl4life | Date: Oct 15th, 2008 3:35 AM |
| Hi... i am 20 years old and i started being bulimic a year ago october. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome and i have to take birthcontrol pills to regulate my hormones. When you have this disorder it causes you to have alot of testosterone and you gain weight and don't get your period. When i started the birth control pills two years ago it helped dramatically. I was 195 pounds and now i am 125 pounds. At first i lost the weight from biking and the birthcontrol pills.. and was happy.. but then.. i didn't think i was skinny enough. As a kid i was under weight and very skinny.. and i was used to that. I didn't know i had the disease until the summer of 06 (the summer of the year i graduated) and thats when they perscribed the birth control pills. I went from 90 pounds my freshman year of highschool to 196 my senior year. So when i lost the weight to about 160 pounds i was still not happy. I kept riding my bike all the time, and i hardly ever ate.. but yet i still ate what i liked. Then at one point i hit 150 pounds and i didn't think i had lost the weight fast enough. So that October of 2007 I would throw up after i ate. I never ate alot. I would only eat like small amounts. Here is the average day... I would get up in the morning.. and i wouldn't eat anything.. I would take my birthcontrol pill and thats all. I was never hungry really. I knew that i had to eat something so i would go to the fridge at around 12pm (i would get up from sleeping like 11am) and look for anything that looked good. Usually i would grab some milk and grab a bowl and have 1 bowl of cereal. Then i would throw it up in the bathroom using only one finger. My boyfriend likes Mcdonalds.. and so do i.. and we would go and eat.. i would usually get a double cheesburger and a medium fry with a soda. I would usually drink more than i ate which got me full faster than usual cuz of all the fluid in my stomach, which made it easier to throw up. Then i would tell my boyfriend that i had to go to the bathroom. When i would get into the bathroom at mcdonalds i would make sure there was no one else in the bathroom with me.. then i would get on my knew and use my finger. It wouldn't take much. And when my stomach felt fully empty i would flush the toilet. Then i would go to the mirror.. splash my face with water..and then dry my face off. My boyfriend would see that my face was a little red sometimes when i would go to the bathroom in other fastfood restaraunts and i would tell him that i "wasn't feeling well". and he would leave it at that. But i knew that he would start to get suspicious. So then when he would offer to go out to eat i would tell him i wasn't hungry. Now i am still bulimic, but for some reason i have problems making myself throw up now. Now i have to use two fingers, which doesn't even work that well.. and i have actually gained weight.. I was at 110 pounds and now i am at 125. I hate my body. But i don't want to stop throwing up.. its addicting, and yet i hate it at the same time. I also find it harder to throw up cuz my parents know i am bulimic and so does my boyfriend now. I keep a black trash bag down in my room and when ever i get a chance i try to throw up.. And now i eat alot alot more.. It makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about it. I also can tell its affecting my teeth already, they are very sensitive, and my throat hurts and i am always depressed. I take meds now for depression, and they never stay down anyway. I am at a loss i suppose.. hope someone replies... ↑ |
| Name: grace_p | Date: May 15th, 2009 7:21 PM |
| well done for putting that up there, i have recently just admitted i am bulimic:/ its not nicee, but when i have made myself sick i fell so much better too. well done again, much luckxx ↑ |
| Name: sueness | Date: Jun 8th, 2009 10:49 PM |
| Hi guys, this is my first time writing, Im so xtremely greatful for the blunt honesty of how devestating bulimia is. Ive been in this ragging war since the age of 7, im now 35. hard to believe that with all the health problems, including 2 heart attacks,kidney and liver screwed, no teeth, and all other complications that arise. If anyone wants a real conversation but non judgemental,empathetic yak, id love to chat. Ive found that although its a secretive shame evoking demon, its helped me to not hide the truth, Anywho take care all of you, stay strong, arohanui sueness ↑ |
| Name: Carly-Ree | Date: Jul 14th, 2009 7:22 AM |
| Lucie, I just want to say thank-you so much for posting this on the site. I can strongly relate to every single thing you wrote as I am in the exact same position. It actaully scared me how much correlation I found between your life and mine when I was reading through each passage. My bulimic behavior started early last year and though I have tried and tried to end it, I cant. Each time I binge/ puge I tell myself 'this will be the last time'... sometimes I even overdose on laxatives so that I can rid all the left-overs and have that 'starting fresh' sense of feeling. Please know you are not alone. All the best with everything. Carly. ↑ |
| Name: somedaysoon | Date: Jul 20th, 2009 5:56 PM |
| Hey Lucie I still can't type that I'm bulimic as I guess I'm still in denial but I do know that I do have some sort of problem. I can't seem to stop eatin or feel full. Today for example I woke up at 6. I try to be a proactive person and though 'great, a chance to actually fill my day doing productive things as I feel so awake!!' so I got up and went downstairs. then I started my breakfast.. :(. ended up eatin a bowl of crunchy nut.. then muesli..then rhubarb crumble with ice cream... then another bowl of crunchy nut. like when you're eatin your brain doesn't tell you to stop or that you're full . in fact ya'v never felt hunger like it! so ya keep goin and then ya realise what you've just done and you feel crap. I think all that eatin made me tired so I went bak to bed and woke again at 11. then I had two cheese ,ham and tomato sandwiches and ANOTHER bowl of musli. so obviously even tho it is now 7 o clock I'm not hungy. would love to not eat dinner but then my mum wud get suspicious. so now am eatin to make sure she never finds out my problem. it's awful!! because i know ill be tempted to throw up after this feed... am goin downstairs now to the table... :( i want to talk to you more because you seem to be in a lot deeper than me. and i just want someone that knows how it feels to talk to me. I've never told anyone, ever ↑ |
| Name: somedaysoon | Date: Jul 20th, 2009 6:34 PM |
| ok I've just eaten and actually managed to not stuff myself to the brim. I feel alright. and i think ,even tho I ate home barbequed chicken kebabs with pitta bread and 6 squares of dairy milk afterwards, that I won't throw up. Am hopin that by not throwin up today then tomorro i will kno it's not an option and i won't overeat. am determined to be normal again (even tho no one knos anyways). that's why am called ''somedaysoon'' because some day soon I'm goin to be 100% . maybe it will be today!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Amyjf1217 | Date: Aug 13th, 2009 4:33 PM |
| Hello, I am 23 years old. When I was about 17, I wanted to lose weight and my friend told me she threw up her food and it worked. So I tried it too, and she was right. It made me feel so much better about myself. However, I do not get addicted to this and I can easily stop. I tend to find doing this is such an inconvenience and a hassle (always trying to hide it from people, it's messy, etc..) Now I am 23 and I have gained a lot of weight. I go to the gym about 3 times a week but I absolutely love food! It's all I think about. Since the gym wasn't really showing any results, I started throwing up my food again (just my dinner though, not breakfast or lunch). However, I have been having trouble throwing up certain things. I eat dinner and drink a lot of fluids in between bites but it still doesn't seem like everything comes out of me and it gets me so frustrating because I had just binged on all of this fattening food and now it's going to stay inside of me!! Any suggestions?? I know drinking lots of fluid helps, but does anyone else know what I am talking about? ↑ |
| Name: eleni_s | Date: Aug 25th, 2009 7:16 AM |
| well....i have been bulimic for 2 and a half years....some days i dont eat at all....nothing for breakfast...only luch ( a lot of it ) and then toothbrash in my throat to take it out.....somedays its so bad i make my self sick 20! times.....i feel death approaching me....my hands tremble....i am usually dizzy....i cant stand this anymore...and i cant do nything...its my addiction....my death,,,,i am 1.73 and 54 kg....i want to be 45 kg but i will never manage that... ↑ |
| Name: NotSoLuckyGirl | Date: Sep 7th, 2009 4:42 PM |
| Thanks for posting. I just found this site and hope that I find friends on here that can help. I have had thid disorder for 30 years and want to sop. counseling has not helped. Has anyone been successful. Your typical day has been mine for 20 years. It seems like such a waste all the time obseesing with food I would not wish this on anyone. Please if anyone has recovered any hints or help is appreciated. ↑ |
