I am 21 years old and I have been bulimic for seven years. It started when I was 15 and my mom had cancer. I don't remember what made me want to try it. My family knows but they don't do anything about it. My mother approached me when I was 16 and said she knew I've been throwing up. Then she asked me if I wanted to know how she knew. Well of course I wanted to know! She said its because I didn't clean the bottom part of the toilet well enough. Needless to say I triple checked the bottom of the toilet from then on. My father has come up to me a couple of times asking if I've thrown up ( I always deny it), and then says "don't do it in my bathroom". Anyway, I feel really alone in this sometimes.
I told my boyfriend about it six months or so ago. He really pushed for me to see a counselor and talk with my family about it. He was really upset with how they reacted in the past. My my has cancer again and I didn't want her to have to deal with my issues and be ashamed of me, so I told him I wanted to do it on my own. I realize now that I can't. I did see a counselor who supposedly specialized in eating disorders. To me it was bullshit, she just had me talk about all my problems and offered absolutely no insight. I actually asked her what I could do to help with the bulimia and she recommended to just keep coming to the sessions. Obviously I haven't gone back.
For about 3 months I have been doing well. Throwing up maybe once a week. In the past moth or so, It's gotten very very bad with me throwing up twice a day! My knuckles on my right hand are swollen and blistered, I feel sick even when I eat a normal amount (good food), and I get intense urges. I felt so guilty and my boyfriend knew something was up. He again pushed me to get counseling and to tell my mother. Again I did't want to bother her with my problems when she's dealing with cancer. Eventually I got the courage. I told my mother and she said she was happy I confided in her. She said she was going to look for treatment.
Its been about two weeks since I've told her and nothing has happened, no mention of it. I am relieved and devastated. ↓
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