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Name: georgina.miss
[ Original Post ]
Hi there i have been bulimic for around 3 years now and I cannot take it anymore - I feel that i can't go to the doctor as i don't know HOW i will possibly get the words out - ive only ever told my best friend and she said the same that she had done it for a while but now she is happy with her weight!!!
I have read sooo many stories about bulimic girls/women and mine is about the same except I go through stages/periods every month or few months where i cannot stop myself its not me - well it doesn't FEEL like me thats doing it...I have a boyfriend and am happy with my life I live in an isolated place and not many friends as i live abroad but back in UK I have lots of friends and family but i still find that when i visit and im on a high and v happy I still cannot stop myself. I really hate the fact that people are happy or confident to say oh im "bulimic" because i want to be skinny or im depressed so this is how i get it out because I think that its a choice you make yourself- YOU are the one that makes yourself sick for the first time and then continues to do it over and over again and then maybe it becomes an addiction but I feel so guilty in myself that i was the one - no one else that forced myself into this and now im stuck because i cannot stop.
I really don't know what to do because I think about it 24/7 what i should eat and if im "allowed" to eat it...the only time i ever stop myself being sick is if i for some reason can't - like my boyfriend is at home with me or im out with friends and im not in private - i will never go out of my way to go to the toilet and make it obvious as this is my worst nightmare - people knowing that i make myself sick - i never want anyone to know but now im starting to think howww else can i get help if i dont tell anyone :(
Sometimes I can get through a week without being sick - this is if im occupied doing other things and seeing people and dont have much time to eat but other times i can go say 5 days eating- being sick - eating - being sick and every time i do it i think i CANT do this agin, i cant but then i do - straight away or the day after ...I know it sounds CRAZY but after being sick sometimes i eat something healthy i.e a few oranges/vegetables etc so I feel better in myself that although i have just thrown everything up (sounds awful i know) I can still put something good inside my body that may help repair the damage :S Ive always wondered if anyone else does this !
I want to tell my boyfriend because he lives with me but he is never normally around and finishes work later than me so i have lots of free time to be able to make myself sick without him having a clue or even suspecting anything - how ive managed to do this for 2 years i don't know but as i said my worst fear is people finding out because i should imagine its hard for other people to understand what its like and they will automatically think its minging and disgusting!
Is there anyone/anywhere online that can help? Im soo sorry to blab on but ive never spoken to anyone about this and after so long now i feel that its getting ridiculous and i cant possibly keep doing this for the rest of my life- after all its not normal is it :( .... I have read some girls stories online and replies etc and lots of girls say they're sick once a week or occasionally or every few days and yet with me if im having a bad month i do it every day without fail and its constantly on my mind and not just if i eat something bad- even healthy meals i feel i have to get out of me sometimes...I used to be bulimic in a different form where as I would go to the gym excersize excessively 2 times and eat only carrots!! I didn't realize at the time and i never once thought i was skinny- never ever even though the scales were at 7 i never saw myself skinny in the mirror until everyone started saying i was horribly skinny and even then i didn't realize its only literally now that i know i must have been - now i dont go to the gym and im just making myself sick its even worse because at least before i was slightly healthy and active.......


o.k of course i don't expect everyone to read my silly long story but cut along story short can anyone advise me of any online help or phone numbers i can call for help or advise as i really can't cope with this anymore its driving me crazy!!! ANY help would be much appreciated

xx
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Name: laurajane | Date: Jan 11th, 2010 3:22 AM
heeey bub!
im bulimic too,
my gwash this brings a tear to my eye! lool
i completely hear what you mean
bulimia is a soul taker
my name is laurajane and im 15 (:
the most ive gone with out being sick is 4days i used to purge upto 8 times a day.
ive stopped breathing,blood in my puke,heart pains constantly ): enough about me! haha

i know it is so hard to stop on your own!
you need help bub,
it was the hardest thing telling my mum
i had to tell her twice,
i am still purging i havent received help yet.
but once you find that help it will be woth it :)
good luck,
if you wanna talk more
add me on msn or email me
[email protected] 

Name: xxwildjoeyxx | Date: Jan 14th, 2010 12:53 AM
[email protected] if you wanna talk, im the same, im 17, 18 this year and to be honest this year already isnt going well in the way i feel, and it makes me worse :( here if u wanna talk x 

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