My daughter is 16 and about a year ago she became a bulimic. As a parent I took her already to the several specialists, but nothing seems working. She is very easily stressed out and I just donít know how I can talk to her without stressing her out even more. And as you know as soon as bulimic person stressed, they eat obsessively uncontrollable amount of food and then get rid of it, by what it called binging and purging. Iíve seen her going to the bathroom many times and start running a shower, like pretending she in the shower. However Iím tired of pretending I know exactly what she is doing up there. All I want is to help her and she gets very angry if I try to confront her with it!!! Also Iím doing a very healthy grocery shopping and regardless what I buy she may eat what I planned for a week in couple of days. I donít want to lock up all the food in the house. How can I ask her to stop or to minimize her portions without being upset or frustrated with me , while she is putting a tons on food on her plate? For her is about a fit a certain jeans size and to be popular between boys. And for me itís a life threaten disease and I don't want to loose her. Unfortunately she doesnít seems to understand or gets how dangerous those consequences could be. However she wants to stop by she just canít help herself.
I feel very helpless in this point and Iíd like to get any of your suggestions or recommendations.
You can be a teen who is struggling with the same problem or a parent Iíd like to hear from you!
Thank you so much in advance!
PS: This coming Thursday I scheduled another appointment in the specialized clinic if youíll be interested in her progress I will update you on that. ↓
|Name: lani18 | Date: Oct 4th, 2006 1:59 AM
|hi my name is Lani and i am 18 years old. when i was 16 i had the same very problem. i would just like to say that she may not be doing it because she wants to be popular with boys and be a certain weight. you need to find out first if there is a deeper under lying issue. maybe she needs to go see a phsychiatrist. iwhen you find out what it is. i may be wrong she may ust want to do it for the reasons you said. either way once you find out you need to take her some where and show her what can happen from it. i myself am now teribbly sick from it and can't acually eat without being sick because of what i did. you need to be tough it will be hard and it may seem like she jhates you but i gaurentee she will appreciate it in the end. please send me an email and update me. and if there is anything i can do please let me know. ↑
|Name: mother_with_bulimic_daughter | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 4:43 AM
|Thank you Lani so much for your comments. I know that the real problem is hiding behind all of that distress behavior. And I don't know if I'd be able to get the truth out of her. But I really sure hope so, that specialist would be able to help her. What about you? Do you see a doctor? Does your parents know about your problem? I'll be definitely update u with more info after the appointment. Thanks again, Irina ↑
|Name: hailybaby_2000 | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 9:04 PM
|Hello, from the point of veiw of a 17 year old with the same problem...
To start I can garentee that your daughter is beating her self up about throwing her food up, and I can also say that she in no way shape or form gets any pleasure from it... At first it probably started out in wanting to lose a few pounds but gradually it became more than that, it is a habbit that you cant shake loose.. Let me clarify I am the type of Bulimic that doesnt eat and when I do it is small portions but it makes me sick and I force my self to trhow up, I DO NOT over eat, or 'BING' but the feeling of being anywere close to full, well it is a feeling i cant handle..
Your daughter has no self controll, when she eats it is the only thing she feels that she can controll, and then a sudden feeling of GUILT comes over her and she then throws everyhting back up another form of controll, deciding what stays and goes... I hate to be the one to break it to you, but she will ALWAYS be bulimic, even if she stops for 2-3 years there will always be some part of her that will think about throwing up... Also not that anyone has brought this to your attention if you try to tell her to stop, she will just get worse, again to her you will be trying to take away any controll she has in her life, and this will upset her and she will rebel.. I speak from experiance... The most you can do to help her is to support her , not the bulimia but her, DONT MENTION HER WEIGHT, OR HOW MUCH BETTER SHE LOOKS OR HOW HER CLOTHES LOOK GOOD.. This will oddly enogh just encorage her habbits... But let her know you love her, and healthy foods are a good start, limit the junk food, healthy foods will seem less fattening and it may actually help her... I hope that this has given you a little insight to your daughters head, if you have more questions feel free to ask
|Name: Ellie | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 4:58 PM
|I think the same as haily even if you get her to stop it won't be forever, there's always the fact that the girl over there is skinnier or that top looks better on her than me. What I think might help her is if perhaps you found someone that you know that is anorexic or bulimic or was and see if they can talk to her. ↑
|Name: irina | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 7:50 PM
|Thank you for your opinions hailybaby and ellie!
I agree with you 100% on the image thing, in life in general that how it is, there is always something or someone will be better or more attractive or richer or healthier or smarter or more successful and etc... I remember my teen years very vividly, because I'm relatively a young mother. I was only 19 when I was married and almost 20 when I gave a birth to my daughter. So when I was a teen girl I also was wishing to have more slender body and be more popular between the boys. And weirdly enough I always had some boys who had crush on me, but it was not good enough. So I think it's very typical and it's not a disease or sick mind. We always wish for what we can't have and everyone regardless of age doing it. However what comes with the experience - there is much less pressure to look certain way. Especially if your future boyfriend or husband would be very loving and supportive in every possible way to you. Also you will learn to love yourself and be appreciative for every little thing youíve got. You will learn about your personality and your character. You would find out why people want stay close to you and respect you for who you are. In high school kids for some reason could be soooo mean and crucial. Everyone seems like against of you, or wants to hurts you or pick on you. Itís a very tough time in your life and I understand it. But it is also a very short part of your life if youíd compare it to the bigger picture. There will be a light of that tunnel youíre trying to go trough I guarantee it. I want to support my daughter in every possible way and Iíd like to help if I can to girls like you, who also struggle with the same problem.
As I promise I want to let you all know that we went already to the ED doctor and she will start a very intensive treatment. The most what I like so far about this program that itís going to be a session with the same age and the same problems as a group meeting. So everyone can express their ups and downs and by talking and expressing your feeling in some way, that might also help to reduce some of stress level what you are trying to hind inside of yourself. So I put my hopes up and wish us good luck on that. If you want to talk to me personally for any reasons please email me: [email protected]. Again if I can help anyone I will! ↑
|Name: LivinWithED | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 6:53 AM
|Hi, i'm 18 and bulimic. i know what your daughter is going through and there's really no way to know exactly what to do. one thing i would like to mention is try to work out with her, like every morning or night, some type of schedule that you guys can both do. For a while, my mom made me work out with her and i felt better about myself. It sounds odd because isn't that aiding in the disorder, but she has those feelings anyway so it's better to try to lose weight the healthy way. Plus i know when i work out, i dont feel like binging. maybe go for a run before supper, just dont overdo it because you both will get burnt out and slack on it. Just like a lap or two around the block. it's worth a try. ↑
|Name: Littlelady14 | Date: Jul 19th, 2012 9:27 PM
|Hi, I'm 14 and I've had bulimia for the past three years although I only told my parents recently. What your daughter is going through sounds very similar to what I am experiencing. You should maybe consider bringing her to see both a counsellor and a dietician as it has really helped me make the first step. Your daughter is probably really hurting and feeling quite alone, if this is the case try to make sure she knows you are there if she needs you. What you have got to understand is that bulimia makes you feel so afraid and not at home in your own body, don't smother your daughter but please let her know your there for her. When things have been really tough,my mum has been fantastic! Best of luck;) ↑