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Name: SHAN
[ Original Post ]
I'm hoping that there is someone else that is going through this problems that can shed some light at the end of the tunnel.
A year and a half ago i was admitted to the hospital for being bulimic. I was eating about 200 cal a day and burning about 1200 in exercise.
Growing up i was always the fat kid in my family always being teased by close relatives including my brother and father. Highschool I was the girl that was always considered just the friend that was a girl and never really had the opportunity to be the girl friend. College I only got bigger because I turned to drinking.
When i turned 26 I decided to start working out and within a year when from weighing 200 pds to 135. Then I met a great guy and things starting looking a lot better for me but then things started to take a turn. I noticed that I was compulsivley worried about what went into my mouth and how many cal I burned for the day, I started baking away from family and friends and that nice guy I was seeing ended up lying and cheating on me. My weight dived under 85 pds at 5'5 which landed me in the hospital.
After only being there for a week and no treatment I was released and started the cycle of binge eating. My parents threatened me that if the weight was not put on then they would admit me into a program that was far away and I new for sure that I would end up losing my job. So all of this started me to binge eat. Now my weight has rien to 170 pds again and I hate myself more now then I did before. I'm back to just being another fat girl but this time i dont have any friends because I already lost them.
I have to work 2 jobs sometimes 19 hr days because my insurance dropped me and I have large med bills. I'm beyong stressed out and I hate my life so much that I have thought about starting to make myself vomit after eating and if that doesnt start to reduce the weight the I would rather just die then worry about dealing with this anymore.
Everything I have worked so hard for is gone, friends, family, faith, my chances to ever become a mother myself, and all my confidence is shot strait to hell.
Is there light at the end of the tunnel?? Please help...
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