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Name: That .01%
[ Original Post ]
Alright well I'll start off with saying I am a man who is bulimic and I've recently just done research to find out what's wrong with me and how to get rid of this terrible feeling. My story is, well to me seems like it's sort of different from most, and I tend to ramble on sometimes so just bear with me here;

Now I compete in a sport where you must make weight and I do realize that I have a problem that needs to be dealt with, In my mind my case isn't severe but it might as well should be if it's one of the disorders none the less, I realize what I need to change and pretty much all of my issues as well, seems to me like I'm maturing if I can pull this all out and share this with others.
Anyways so it's quite important to make weight in my sport for a certain time but me I'm a procrastinator and so I tend to push things off until the last minute, which includes running for long periods of time but the week before a competition/match along with dieting.

I can't do it as well as some others have and give you my average routine because I don't have one, usually it would be wake up usually eat 3-4 eggs however, drink water, head to work get home and this is where Some days it would start; there may be a day where I crave "forbidden foods" there may not, all depending on now, which is what I'm Thinking is solving it somewhat, going on those runs, if I do I tend not to binge and purge, if I don't some days I won't some days I do it's just usually a choice I make right there, but for a while I had gone to work then perhaps binge foods that I had bought or my family had bought in large amounts tasting the foods but eating passed the point of being full, Purge quickly before I go to train, which is an Everyday thing I tend to go more because one day I hope to become a professional at what I do, others in my family have so I dream to do so as well, train hard and if I hadn't gone on a run, which was the case a Long time ago where I would wait until 10 pm - 12:30 am even to go on a long run then shower and go to sleep to repeat the day.

For me, just typing this to you guys, I am quite aware of what I'm doing and for some time I have been making changes and it seems I've been getting better at saying no but there is the case where I gradually start healing then after a competition we would go to a buffet and eat a lot of foods not just bad but just a lot of food in general, which is what my team has wanted to change for a while because it has made the difference in making weight/more difficult.

Another case like, last Saturday that had just passed I had a competition, I had kept to my diet throughout the week as I usually do to make weight but I had purged on the Friday after I had eaten to much coleslaw, where mentally I had just thought "Oh well just eat some cereal and drink some diet pop then you'll be fine to get all that out, but I should Never do that this before a match.. this is going to change your effectiveness drastically tomorrow night" purged then we had gone to a buffet after the match and I had purged, almost twice but fell asleep and instead of waking up I felt I should have just dealt with the consequences of eating all that food because that's how I could cure it, just dealing with the actions. I didn't purge yesterday I just stuck to eating proper, which was very little, 2 salads, a chicken breast and quite a bit of water to keep myself hydrated after Saturday, knowing I would have to deal with making weight again this week for another competition and I had ran late to clear my head last night.
Then today I hadn't gone for a run, was going to but decided not to to ensure I don't over work myself and in the end I've purged twice tonight.
There have been times such as last year this time where I was able to not purge for a long period of time and I believe that it was because I was prepping for a big international tournament for my sport so I had done it once out of two months and decided not to during that period again up until the tournament was over. But when it was over we had binge ate, me and 3 other guys for 3 days eating crappy foods to congratulate ourselves after the tournament and the cycle of starting to make weight and binge and purging had started up, I can't recall when exactly after that it started again.

For me it seems like I understand all that needs to change, my issue with purging.
I understand my major issues, eating the bad foods, not having a routine at all times and unable to control or say when enough is while I'm eating something, or simply no.

I'm also the oldest of 3 children in a family of 5 and I'm 18 years of age, also this has been going on for about, a year and.. I'll over shoot it and say a year and 8-10 months? And my parents have brought it up saying they're pretty sure I'm bulimic but I had just denied it saying I just work harder to burn it off which is the case sometimes but not Always.

So yeah that's my story, for me this was more of a vent if anything like many others; I have all the tools to change it just like everything in life, I just don't know how to fix it mentally and prevent it from ever happening.
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