So iv written on here before,
but didnt get many replys so i thought i would tell my story, as hard as it is.
So i am 16 years old, and as long as i can remember i have hated my body and always have lacked in self confidence and self respect.
I have tried many diets but nothing seems to work, so iv been litually cutting down on everything, some days going without food at all.
My day consists of eating nothing, and than having a tiny bit of dinner which is shortly purged up.
No i havent been doing this long, but already im beginning to feel so lost, i get scared when im invited round friends houses, knowing i will be offered dinner i come up with stupid excuses why i cant go, basically scared incase i give in and eat.
Some friends have noticed i am basically eating, and my mum heard me being sick a few nights ago, but i assured her i just felt ill, but i think she is starting to look more into it.
The feeling of being full from food makes me feel so discusting, but once iv purged it up i feel so much better and relieved that the food that i chose to put in my mouth is now gone.
I'm starting to push people away i love, espically my boyfriend who i love so much, we have gone from having a loving amazing relationship, to me now everytime he touches me just pushes him away, i feel i dont deserve any attenion let a lone love.
I scooped low the other night when i had a lovely day with him, (food free) to for some reason randomly saying to him i doubt we will be together much longer and that my feelings will probs change, of course i dont actually feel this but for some reason i said it, he sat there and cried ( he is not normally a emotional person at all) he said he feels he is loosing me and all this stuff, i know i hurt him with my bitchy comments and hurtful stuff, i dont understand why i hurt the one i love the most, i just always think he could do better than me and all this stuff.
I make plans with friends often, but once i start getting ready and put clothes on and than see how fat i look in them, i ring them up to say im ill or some other excuse.
Even though weight is litually dropping of of me, with every pound i loose i feel fatter, yes i know that dont even make sense to me.
I could do with someone who, well lets just say understands.
I dont want to feel this way anymore. ↓
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| Name: reximus | Date: Mar 16th, 2008 2:28 AM |
Hi Frankie -
Sorry to hear things aren't getting better. I haven't told my financee about my problem either but I'm not myself anymore and he asks me all the time if I'm happy and if it's something he's doing wrong but I tell him everything is fine I'm just stressed about school and exams (I'm a veterinary student in case I didn't mention that before). We have been together nearly 9 years and it tears me apart to keep lying to him - the binging and purging is bad enough but sometimes the lying feels even worse. I know that he'll be upset and disappointed in me but I also know he would do everything he could to help me but I am still to embarassed to tell him. If you can find the strength you really should tell him - at least then you'll have the support you need to help stop. And even if you can't tell him tell someone and get help - I am in counselling now and even though it hasn't stopped the behavior I understand better why I am doing this and feel like there is a chance that someday (even though it may take years) I can be normal again. ↑ |
| Name: lauren18 | Date: Mar 18th, 2008 1:47 PM |
hi frankie
i really can understand how u feel and relate to your story.in the same sort of situation..im 19 and i keep pushin every1 away too it makes u so lonely being like this.and dont know how im guna deal with easter this weekend yuuuk i know my mum wil b watchin my every move and c if i eat chocolate its not going to be good.hav u spoke 2 your bf about it atall?hav u got an email addy?would love to talk with someone who actually understands. ↑ |
| Name: Frankie_babey | Date: Mar 18th, 2008 11:18 PM |
Hi thankyou for answering.
i feel exactly the same i dont want to tell my bf cause i hate the thought of him being disappointed in me or looking at me in a different way, he cant understand, he has a great body, which makes me feel even more self cousious.
Oh and lauren i could do with someone to talk to to, who understands.
whats your email and il email you.
xx ↑ |
| Name: lauren18 | Date: Mar 19th, 2008 2:15 PM |
yeh i get u not wanting to be looked at in a diff way...ok email me so we can talk.its lauren_1303
xx ↑ |
| Name: lauren18 | Date: Mar 19th, 2008 2:15 PM |
[[
@hotmail.com soz forgot to write xx ↑ |
| Name: nicky168 | Date: May 29th, 2008 4:17 PM |
| Get help. Really participate too. It's a hell I completely understand. Instead of going at the disorder, consider there's something "eating you" to get at that is causing it. ↑ |
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