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Name: Juanita Romo
[ Original Post ]
I am 29 years old & I think I have always had a eating disorder when I was younger I starved my self. I think I was really wishing I could just die from not eating but I was never so lucky. Now I eat as little as possible
I do have a fear of getting fat but I think I do it because that is all I have control over. My husband does not give me the attention I need & I have been told & dumped in the past before because I am to clingy. I think I have several problems and I can't get control of my life I don't want to be around people & I don't trust anyone. I told my husband that I need help but he denies I have a problem. I was raised by my grandmother, step grandfather & 2 uncles because my father did not want me & my mother was "too young" so she could not take care of a child. When I was 7 months pregnant my best friend in the whole world died leaving me in a tailspin of emotions. Now that I am 29 with 2 kids I can't understand why she could not take care of me, until I had my own & she constantly dissapoints my kids so now we are not talking. She has been through several none lasting relationships & most of the men don't like me the current one is so hignstrung I can not let my kids go there he yells alot. I don't want my kids around that.
I feel so helpless & hopeless. I have faith in god but I think he wants me a figure this out on my own. I used to have dreams now I have nightmares. I don't have any friends that I can completely trust I have no one to talk to I can not even talk to my mom because she don't listen to me she has her own problems. Growing up I did not have a mom I had a best friend now I don't even have that. I did not get to know my mom until I was on my own. And she needed somewhere to stay. My husband & I have been dating for 9 years & my mother lived with us for about 5 years with her live in boyfriend while I cooked, cleaned & raised my family & supported her most of the time.
But it finally got to me that I have done so much for her
and she could not give me good reason why she never came back for me. She would say I will come & get you saturday that day never came as I waited & waited she loved her men more than she loved me but I did not understand. Now all I can think of is why did I have to born. Oh yeah she also told me that she wanted to have an abortion but it was too late. I feel like my family would be better without me because I am so messed up. I feel no connection with my kids, husband, mom, in-laws. I feel like an outcast because I have no control.Please help me I need someone this is my last hope to connect with someone anyone.
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Name: newinneryou | Date: Sep 22nd, 2006 6:02 PM
Hi, my name is Adam. I can not completely understand what your going through, no one can fully understand but you, but I have gone though and am going through the same sort of things you are. I had a recent major car accident that was my fault and a couple of people got hurt. Ever since then I have been an outcast to my family and friends ... it was a mistake but it was still my mistake ... my wife is a recovering anorexic and she has gone through a lot in the past as well. So we sometimes joke that between the two of us, we cover every disorder in the book. We decided to that because we had some wonderful people that worked hard to help us, that we should do the same for others. We are putting together a website called newinneryou.com with a forum and a live chat where we have counsellors answering questions and people sharing experiences like you are here... I would love to invite you to come and chat with us. We don’t even have to talk about problems and sad stuff either ... we are trying to make a place to meet new friends too. Well, I hope to see you there sometime. The site is still being developed so if you don’t see me there and you want to chat, you can email me at [email protected]. Hope to talk to you soon... Adam. 

Name: irina | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 9:26 PM
hi Juanita,

I was crying while I was reading your story. Its a shame that life has to be that hard for some people. I know that you don't feel you can connect to someone right now, however there are some wonderful people in this world who will care about you and try to help. The question is where to find them?
Well, a little bit about myself... I'm 36 years old was divorced and I have a 16 years old daughter. Now I live with her and my bf. My life in the begging was perfect compared to yours. I had two loving parents and I had safe and secure childhood. But when I got married at age 19 everything went down the hill. Even though I was not prepared emotionally to became a parent, but I knew I have no choice but to raise my child. It was very hard being a single parent and moving from the different country, leaving my friends behind and starting a new life. But somehow I managed through the years and learned not to be too pessimistic and especially not to feel sorry for yourself regardless of the situation. Recently I was diagnosed with cancer at age of 33.. Now All I do is thanking God for every single day I've got to enjoy with my loves one. Now I'm facing another challenge with my daughter right now. She is bulimic. I don't even know how did that started with her and it scares me. I want to help her and I don't know how. I know that you went through that yourself. Do you think you may have a suggestion for me? I'd love to hear from you. Irina 

Name: Juanita Romo | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 7:19 PM
Hi, Irina
It is great to here from someone. Now about your daughter maybe there is a boy involved, maybe she was rejected. I know for a fact that is what started it for me. You should probably take her out on a one on one with you go to a spa do some mother daughter bonding find out what is really bothering her. I know that somethings things come back to haunt you later in life although her life is fairly short other teenagers can be very hurtful maybe someone said something to her along the way. You also need to stress to her that she is killing herself slowly she can go into a comma and die a slow death and be brain dead. Do a little research on Terry Schavo she had an eatting disorder that put her in comma for over ten years. I don't want to scare you but it is true. Maybe you could have her eat healthy food. Go to a health food store. Try not to demand anything from her just tell her how it makes you feel & you are scared for her.
Sincerely,
Juanita 

Name: malki | Date: Nov 12th, 2006 8:46 AM
i agree with what you wrote for irina
what the girl really needs is more love and attention understanding and ecceptence from her parents even if its just one parent 

Name: malki | Date: Nov 12th, 2006 8:59 AM
as for what you wrote juanita well you sound a lot like me well what i mean is it sounds like you feel very similar to what i feel
although i am yonger then you i too grw up with no parents really. my parents were like distent friends always take but never know how to give back all they do is talk but never are trully there for me anyway i am a binge eater and now i have a little girl and she is so sweet and beautiful that i cant imagin ever neglecting or ignoring or leaving her and it hurts me to think of why my mother didnt feel the same way for me and i also go through times where if i have a bad day and im tired and i dont play with her as much or give her as much attention as i should i feel like im a horrible mother and im turning into my parents and that scares me more then anything. i am so scared that she will grow up and have an eating disorder like me i just want her to have a normal childhood and grow up to be normal and not have the problems i have. my husbend doesnt understand me and he makes fun and never takes me seriously when i talk about my problems and try to fix them or get help and sometimes i just feel like i am a waste of space and they would be better off without me
but even though i feel that way to be honest with you i would never do that to my little girl i would never leave her like that i want her to have what i didnt
anyway i just told you a little bit about me to show you that your not alone and your not crazy or bad or anything like that and that others do have the same problems too
have you tried talking to a spycologist? i started going to one and i dont know if it will help or not i just know that it feels good to talk to someone and let things out 

Name: elisabethxx | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 12:55 AM
hello, i'm hannah
first i would like to say that i am so sorry, your story is very upsetting and my heart goes out to you. while i may not be as old, or as experienced as you, i can definitely sympathize with the feelings of being unloved. i have never fit in, and i think that that is one of the reason that i started with eating disorders because i thought that being skinny would get me the love that i wanted. i think that i might be pregnant, and i am very concerned about the baby. while i still deal with these problems, i have come to realize that God does want me to find my way, but i thank Him because i am still alive, even though sometimes i don't want to be. i would love to talk to you, and will always be a good listener. my email is [email protected] 


Name: Brittany | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 12:14 PM
Hi, my name is Brittany.. i am 20 years old.. ive been both ana/bulimic sense i was 13.. i am about 5'4 and weighed anywhere from 100 pounds to around 130.. so ive never really been big.. to me tho, i am huge. i cant say what made me start.. but i do know that my mother is my best friend, she was also anerexic at the age of 20. my mother knows everything.. everyone knows everything, i was about 100 pounds a month ago, everyone could look at me and tell. i can tell you one thing tho, tho my mother is my best friend and she knows.. last nite and 2day i have still throwin up.. i cry a lot also. she is there 4 me and i can talk 2 her about it whenever i want, but i am scared 2 go 2 her.. i know i haveno reason, but it breaks her heart every time i tell her that im doing it again. she asks me every day if i am throwing up, and i just cant bring myself to tell her that i am. so just remember that ur daughter may be lying, trust her.. but if she ever is locked away 4 a long time, just listen.. i wish i knew what made me this way.. ive had horriable boyfriends my entire life.. they have hit me.. they would tell me tthat im depressing and that no one wants 2 be around me.. horriable things, but now.. now i have fallen in love iwth my best friend, he knows i have a problem and tells me 2 come 2 him, but i am horrified that now hes my BOYFRIEND he will find me depressing also.. and i will lose him.. so i cant find it in myself to go 2 him all the time like he asks me 2. i just started 2 sleep again, i get chest pains, and for a long time i would lose feeling in my legs... i was so scared.. i still am... i seem like i do awesome for days, but than i fall back down and cant get back up for days. i am around a size 3/4... it fits my body well, and i know i look good.. at least some days i think i do... ive been like this for so many years... idk if ill ever get over it.. im so scared.. i just want to cry, i just want 2 get better.. and that is why im here.. b~cuz i live to help other people.. and maybe if someone also listens 2 me, that understands a lil cuz they are going through it RITE NOW.. just maybe i can help someone else.. and get help for myself. 2morrow is another day.. and i pray that i have the power to stand up 2morrow again.. instead of stain on the ground, which is where ive been for the last couple days. if someone reads this.. thank u,, 4 just taking the time.. it means more 2 me than ull prolly ever know. 

Name: lucie | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 12:58 PM
hey Brittany, i have just read your post.

I have been Bulimic for years, since my earlt teens, I am now 19 and can't believe that I am still on the same path that I was years ago.

I can't talk to my parents bout my ED even though they have found out about it, and I am scared to tell my friends cus god knows what they would think.

xx 

Name: Brittany | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 1:50 PM
Hey Lucie.. trust me, i completely understand how you feel... well maybe we both just need someone 2 talk 2 that understands but we dont know? if you ever would like 2 talk.. you can email me at [email protected] . i can tell you tho, telling someone you love and actually talking 2 them helps... i know it has helped me... i just cant stand 2 see me breaking the hearts of everyone i love when i tell them that i fell again... and if youve done this 4 years, you have 2 try 2 do something you havent tried yet... cuz the things you are doin now obviously arent working... thats why im here. ya know? best wishes, iim always here 2 talk. xoxo. 

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