Hello, guest
Name: kevco
[ Original Post ]
first things first:
heres a little info about me:
-closeted homosexual
-been overweight for most of my life, so when i actually started to lose weight, i wanted to keep it off.
-trying to be a good muslim, but am finding that super difficult when my religion says i should be killed.

now i haven't been "purging" for a long time now.
only about 4-5 months.
for 3 of those months i'd throw up everyday.
i would actually look forward to coming home from school, eating up a storm, go take a shower and then throw up while the water pounding onto the tub floor covered up the sounds of my retching.

in january, my mother told me i was going to be getting braces (yay!)
but then i got nervous. i already knew all about how, when i throw up, the stomach acid slowly burns through my teeth, but how would braces be affected by it?
so i looked it up and the acid quite obviously isn't peaches and cream for the braces.

on january 26 i promised that i wouldn't throw up purposefully again, so that i would be weaned of it before i got my braces (april 24, a day after my birthday! :D)

i kept this promise ohhhh about a day.
because let me tell ya, i ATE.
I just couldn't stop, it was so weird..

and then i promised myself again.
that held for maybe about 3 weeks.
and so on and so forth untill we come to last week.
i've been slowly slipping back to that evil temptation, so that in the space of 2 days, i threw up 5 times.
which really wasn't good.

so here i am.
i need to stop, and i need help with stopping. despite my waste of food, im actually quite poor. i think the reason i dont care about food is that i've been on food stamps all my life.
i've tried the visual thing, where i looked up pictures of emaciated children and those were just awful, that i couldn't throw up without burstin into tears for days!

what else can i do?
i dont like throwing up,
i dont like that im messing up my already messed up teeth.
but really
the thing i hate the most is being addicted to this.
actualy LIKENG throwing up.

so, yeah..
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