Hello, guest
Name: gramma
[ Original Post ]
Yep, I'm finally reaching out after 23 years of hiding this ED from EVERYONE. Still can't tell anyone close to me but, I'd like to think this is a good place to start.
I'm having a pretty active week in the binge and purge department and I figue, as long as I'm on this computer, I'm not actively involved in the physical acts of this disease.
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Name: faith91 | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 7:06 AM
i didnt want to hide myself for too long and then ruin my life b/c i hid my ed . so i told my mom . but it seems like she cared at first but im still purging and she has no idea and i cant talk to her about it . i just cant . right now i feel hopeless. 

Name: milkoginger94 | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 9:18 AM
heya hunny, Welldone for finally reaching out after all these years, i can beileve that you have had your ed for this long, cos you dont realise how much time you are spending in to do you?
do you have anything else like depression or ocd or anything like that?
if you wana have chats that would be nice, how old are you then hun?

Name: milkoginger94 | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 9:19 AM
hi faith91, yeah i know what you mean its like the people around you know what your doing, but i dont think they wanna take it in to be honest with you.
well i understand the feeling of feeling hopeless everyday.
if you wanna talk, i am here, and if you want you can have my email addy and we can have a chat about it yeah?
[email protected]

Name: gramma | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 11:14 AM
Hi again, Yes I am medication for depression. But it's like I'm 2 people. One very happy, helpful and caring person out there in the big bad world...then I come home and I can't help myself. I am 55. And I have to go right now because my sone and his wife own a B&B downtown and needed help with , of all things, BREAKFAST! She just had h3 wisdom teeth out and is down for the count. I said I'd be there at 7:30. Gotta run, but look for me here. I really need you all. I suffer from bulimia. 

Name: milkoginger94 | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 7:12 PM
hiya honey.
sorry to hear that you are feeling this way at the moment.
i am here for you if you ever need to chat like i said.
ahh right i see breakfast a tricky subject, so how did your ed start then?
how long have u been on medication for?

Name: gramma | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 7:43 PM
Hi milkoginger, Breakfast at the B&B actually went well, then I did some errands and now I'm home alone in the afternoon, my worst time, so here I sit writing. How did my ED start? I wish I could remember exactly. I remember, I was moderately over weight, my sister had just had her 1st baby (Ihad 3 children) and I was going to visit her at her appartment, my parents would be there too. I had been eating sweets all morning and I knew that we were going to send out for fried clams. I took a very un busy route to her house and pulled over in a woodsy spot and made myself puke. Went to her house and pigged out on fried food. From there I just dabbled in bulimia, thinking it was not going to become a problem for me, I knew that I could stop whenever I wanted. Since then it gradually got worse and worse to where I get in these 'circles' of binging and purging. Sometime for a day or two, sometimes for much longer stretches. I've been at it for over a week this time. I try to figure out exactly why I began. I went to a 'talk therapist' under the guise of marital problems for a little over a year and NEVER got up enough guts to tell him of my real problem (although I think the two are probably connected somehow). My therapist went on to really let me down by playing head games, coming on to me but telling me that he wasn't. What does "can I sit next to you on the couch? and can I hug you ?and let's go for a walk?" mean when a therapist asks? I told him I couln't see him any more, he said let's keep trying, I did, then that got worse and worse too. I don't see him now but I carry a lot of guilt. I've been on depression medication off and on for 10 years. I work, I exercise, I have lots of friends, all of which would NEVER EVER believe what I am confessing here. NEVER! Enough about me, what's your story? 

Name: milkoginger94 | Date: Jun 10th, 2007 7:19 AM
hiya hun thanks for replying.
and for sharing your story. Mine? well where do i begin?
Bascially ever since i can remeber i have had a low self esteem.
I hate myself, I disgust myself ever since i can remember, i used to get bullied quite a bit people said i was fat and ugly and because i am ginger i get a lot of stick for that too.
I have always been on diets ever since i was about 10 they never seemed to work for me, then on the 23rd October 2005, 2 months after turning 14, i decided to diet and count my calories.
I remeber telling my mum that day that i had only had 800. I felt a sense of achievement and i was proud of myself.
After that i kept dieting for ages, counting calories and keeping a diary. My calories got lower and lower, as did my mood and i quickly fell into a sea of depression, which i am still in now. I began cutting myself to cope, I began thinking (and still do) that i wanted to kill myself, and things got out of control, nearly 2 years on things are no different i am still fat and i am still depressed and determinded on loosing more.
I do have councellers, but they dont help me, they dont even know the full story.
My current weight is about 89 pounds and i am 5ft 2.
Things are really hard at the moment. How much do you weigh and how tall are you hun?
How are things right now?

Name: asilv27 | Date: Oct 20th, 2008 1:49 AM
Hi Gramma,

I'm not sure if you're still on this post or not, but I've had my ED for almost 30 yrs. I've told a few people close to me, but most (for some reason) don't take me too seriously about it. It's strange - my ability to be so controling with myself must come off as being "in control" to those around me. It can be quite lonely feeling like two people. I feel like I'm wearing a costume, that I can't believe everyone can't see through. 

Name: hotchip | Date: Oct 23rd, 2008 6:00 PM
Wow . i forgot that i commented here. now that i look back on that post its surprising how far i have come.

I am dong so much better now . I haven't purged for 5 months.
Yes, I do think about it but i never feel the urge to actually do it. 

Name: hotchip | Date: Oct 23rd, 2008 6:00 PM
btw Im faith91. haha 

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