|Name: Amy | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 5:18 AM
|you can't do anything. i'm 14 and i cut. it's not a big deal. it gets rid of stress and anger fast, so i do it. therapy and hospitals made me do it more. my parents finally learned that the more they tried to help, the worse it got. i'm sure i'll stop some day, as will your daughter, but you have NO IDEA what it's lke to be a teen in 2006. so let her vent. let her cut. when you say no, it makes her wanna do it more. trust me. ↑|
|Name: blanca | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 6:01 AM
|my boyfriend ignores me all the time and i cry i know hes not worth it ↑|
|Name: me | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 2:39 PM
|Name: Ashley cooper | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 7:09 PM
|you simply have to talk to her ask her wats wrong and if she walks away stop her because the cutting could lead to death ↑|
|Name: babey_g_311 | Date: Aug 2nd, 2006 4:08 AM
|Im 19 and a mom to be and I started cutting when I was about your daughters age, I did it all the way up until now cuz Im pregnant and will never do it again because I love my baby too much, but anways I did it whenever I was depressed, its weird but it made me feel better, when my mom would hit me i would do it and feel better, than when I got with my current husband when we would fight I would go in the bathroom and do it cuz it made me feel better....I havent done it for about a year now but my advice would be to find out why shes doing it because something must be triggering it....try to stop the trigger and if nothing else try to teach her a new way to deal with the pain, like writing a poem*which helped me* or even a diary.....hope it gets better ↑|
|Name: madmadi | Date: Aug 7th, 2006 5:42 AM
|as a cutter myself i would sit her down and tell her that the way she is acting is horrible...cutting is something that is serious and dangerous and its not something that makes you "cool" its not something to be ashamed of but she shouldnt be proud either i am 13 and i have been struggling with this problem also. her all black probably is just a phase but her cuts could become a huge problem..-madmadi age 13 tx ↑|
|Name: bright lights | Date: Aug 14th, 2006 5:04 AM
|i am a fifteen year old ex cutter and my advice to you as a parent is to not push the issue with your daughter. If she is shying away from councelling i suggest you take her out of it. She will come to you when she feels it's gotten out of control or she needs help. In the meantime you need to tell her that you love her and that you are there to talk to if she needs anything, Ask her to please try to commicate and possibly talk of alternitaves maybe keep a journal of her feelings and why she feels that way. asses the situation and if it gets worse take her to a doctor and possibly give anti depressants a try ↑|
|Name: Melody | Date: Aug 17th, 2006 5:02 AM
|I am 16yrs old and i have been cutting for 6yrs now and my mom got me help and i thank her everyday. but what helped me was God ↑|
|Name: Melody | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 5:20 AM
|I lied God help me for a little bit and then i went back to cutting my family was breaking apart and i thought it was my fault. my mom tells me everyday that its not but i cant help to feel like it is can any one help me stop feeling like this and to help me stop cutting. Thank you if you can help and thanks for listening. ↑|
|Name: Miss.Punk | Date: Sep 21st, 2006 4:57 PM
|Ok I think I can help you i am the same age and when I was discovering who I was i thought about cutting yes i did I am a straight a student and no one wuold heve ever thought i would do something like that. But anyways. professional help will not work. She is trying out different lifes so to speak right now she is in the gothic kinda life. But she can do that without cutting herself and it looks like she doesn't want to admit she is doing something to harm herself life is a precious thing anyways i would talk to her and don't tell her it is bad to cut or wrong cause she know taht and she doesn't want it pointed out that she is wrong really i know so I wuld say just that, she can find out who she is and walk inas many different pairs of shoes as she wants and she may like this one right now but in the end it isn't the one for her and leave it at that she will stop and if she ever needs to talk here is my e-mail [email protected]|
and my name is Samantha ↑
|Name: momof3dolls | Date: Oct 4th, 2006 11:55 PM
|I am new to this forum and I too have a daughter that is cutting herself. I really don't have any advice but hope to find some support and answers to this problem. My daughter is soon to be 16 in January. She has been acting out since around the end of 7th grade. She went from a prissy happy girly girl with loads of friends over all of the time to a lonely depressed young lady wearing all black. She is mad at the world and is refusing to go to school. We've put her on medication, Zoloft, she was on it for a small amount of time and expressed to me that she didn't want to take it so I did'nt refill it. I feel like I"ve failed her and I am worried about the long term, I just want my child back I know she is in that angry person that I see I just have to figure out a way to get her back. Good luck to you and your daughter I hope that you too will find some answers. ↑|
|Name: paulus | Date: Oct 10th, 2006 4:10 PM
|Try deverting her from her behavior. Offer activities she might enjoy. Horse ridding lessions, gymnastics, dance, etc. Give her different options of defining herself. Since the cuts are minor and she shows them off, it seems to me that she is doing it for attention and as a way of fitting in. At school she is known as the girl who cuts herself. This gets her noticed. Try switching schools and find her activities that she takes pride in. Just putting her in a new environment could make a big change. ↑|
|Name: marciah | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 3:12 AM
My name is Marcia and I am a child and youth care student. I am doing a paper on self-harming adolescents and I came across your forum. I have a book that would be extremely helpful to most parents and professionals that work with youth and children, it’s called working with self-harming adolescents by Matthew d. Selekman.
There are several reasons why youth cut themselves. One of the biggest reasons is that the cutting releases all the emotional pain that they cannot express any other way. Anyways in his book he has several different techniques that are solution based that can help teens and families deal with the self harming behavior. And you can buy the book on the internet but it would be a great read and give you a lot of information into self-harm.
Marcia H ↑
|Name: the mom | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 2:01 AM
I don't have an answer for you. And up until this week, I could not have even related to your pain.I know this is a site for moms with teens, but I honestly have no where else to go. I have been on the computer for hours---just trying to find someanswers. I have a 26 year old daughter who is the light of my life. She is happy, loves animals and is always the life of any get together. She is getting ready to marry a guy who is 7 years older than her and neither her father nor I approve of it simply because he does not have a job and he is a bum. He says that he loves her but does nothing to show it. I know it is not our place to make this decision for her, but she and I have always been very close. Recently, after charging up her phone bill 400 one month, 570 the next and now 1300 this month (it is in my name and she came to me to tell me that she could not pay it), I found out that it was the boyfriend who needed to talk to her so much (he plays in a band and was gone for a month and needed to talk to her every day sometimes 5 and 6 times a day---hours at a time).
What I found out recently was that my precious daughter used to be a cutter. What kind of mother am I that I never knew that about my own child? She won't talk to me about it and I am so terrified of what might have happened to her as a child to cause this.
I divorced her father at the ripe age of 19 (it was a typical shot gun wedding that neither of us wanted). He was a complete jerk who physically abused me whenever he had the chance.
After the divorce, part of the settlement was his visitation every two weeks for the weekend.
I worked two jobs so that I could afford a private investigator to follow them for the whole weekend. I ate grilled cheese and tomato soup because I had no money---but God it was so worth it because I was terrified that he was even allowed to take her. The courts wouldn't listen to me---about the physical abuse I endured, so I had to spend money to hire someone who would watch his every move. It was money I didn't mind spending. I was sick every time he pulled out of the driveway with her.
A year and a half later I married my jr high school sweetheart and HE worked an extra job to pay for better legal help to get the visitation stopped. We continued paying the PI to follow them and BINGO, her father was caught sellign drugs with her standing beside him---her precious little hand holding his.
Anyway, I know that we did everything we could, as far as paying for this PI but let's face it, the guy could not go in the house with her. I am sick to think of what might have happened to her.
The reason I am telling you all this is that she is really going downhill lately---irresponsible, no motivation to do anything---completely out of character. When I was talking to her, she said, "you know---I used to cut myself"---and then---then she showed me. My heart just broke. She said it happened when she was in elementary school and middle school. I thought her life had been so happy!
Then she said that she did not want to talk about it and that she just didn't want to talk to anyone.
I went on line to try to find some information but everything is for people who are cutters now. There is nothing for what to do for people who cut themselves 20 years ago (she's 26).
I need someone to please help me.
I don't know what to do for her.
She has no medical insurance and I don't have much money. How does she get help? And how in the world do I tell her what she can do? ↑
|Name: stacie7924 | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 8:55 AM
|hi my name is stacie and i am not a mom but i am a cutter i have been cutting for five years i am not a doctor or anyting but ill give you some helpful tips first of all trying to take her cutting things away will make it worse it will make her want to do it more try and respect her privicy and if she feels she needs to do let her for now if she is showing them off in school she may be doing it for attention but maybe not there may have been something she is not telling you that triggered her to start cutting like a rape or molestation usually that is the case some major event and just the feeling of i cant handle it i can tell you she is most likly doing it because it is a release for her it makes her feel better especally if she dosent talk to u all that much i would try taking her somewhere like the harbor where they will work with u so if u cant afford all that much they can help with that but she can get a complete phych eveluation done and find out if maybe she is manic depressive or bipolor or has an aniexty disorder in which case i have all three of these but any one can make u cut or feel like u need to to get that release let alone if she has more than one condition she may need to go inpatient if she has insurance she can go anywhere but only take her to an inpatient place if she is willing other wise it may make it worse on her because she will probably not cooroporate with them they will giver her meds and get her set up with a counsler and she has to stick with it not just intill she feels better i know all of this because i have been through it i hope it helps just no that once a cutter u are always a cutter just like an alcholic u cant just have a drink and stop u need more its an addiction a very dangerious and bad addiction and it will only get worse if she dosent get the help she needs i hope this has helped u if u want to know any more about cutting and why people do it from the perspective of a cutter u can email me at [email protected] ill be happy to share with u what ever u would like to know ↑|
|Name: broken-emo-girl | Date: Dec 3rd, 2006 1:27 AM
|ok ...i am a cutter my self and yes my mom does know she is trying to get me help, but not one person has asked me if i want to stop...peronaly at this time i do not want to....and i was the same as ur doughter(and i am 13) happy and everything now were almost allblack all the time and i do show some ppl my cuts at schoo (i have only bin cutting for 2 months). and wen she first started cutting did somthin realy bad happen? fight with a friend, death, devorse, ex....? because i started wen my friend and i got into a fight and it helped so i cept cutting every time i felt relitivly the same way (angry , sad, depressed , frustrated, ex...) so mayb thats wat happin mayb u should hide all the sharp objects in the house including plastic because u can brake it, nail clipers, KNIFES, RAZERS, pencile sharpeners, ex.... put them under lock and key....|
|Name: kb3lzh13 | Date: Dec 3rd, 2006 11:59 PM
|I learned kids do that stuff to relive stress and anger be nice totry to resovle and family issues or problems and if you are spltting up with your spouse explaain to yout daughter ↑|
|Name: degrassigal121 | Date: Dec 8th, 2006 5:57 PM
I am 16, and a cutter. Now, don't picture me as some gothic chic, I am actually a cheerleader. Diffrent people cut for diffrent reasons. your daughter may be one of the types who just doesn't want to quit. But, she will soon. The coolness of it all wears off and her friends will get tired of indulging her. Make sure you talk to her, if you fight don't leave her alone. Keep track of you knives, scissors, etc... But don't over analyse the whole thing, or stress about whose fault it is. It's not your fault. A study showed that the average american teen has tried to cutt, burn, or otherwise hurt themselves once, it just does get everybody hooked. your daughter will be fine with time. Just breath. My mom is a nut case because she stressed over me so much. But, I haven't cut in over 7 months, with her help.
P.S- kids today hate shrinks, so avoid them if possible. ↑
|Name: janetmarie | Date: Dec 8th, 2006 6:19 PM
|What to do next? I am just beginning. Last week my daughter of 15yrs old decided to take a bottle of Ibuprofen close to 100 tabs of 200mgs. She also cut her shoulder. Got 5 one inch long cuttings stitched up. On top of what looked like a waffle weave of previous cuttings(scares) that we were unaware of until that night. Went to emerg and she stayed in hospital for a couple of days. We have set up phychologist appointments for once a week. I dont know what else to do or what to say or what to think or how to act or even what to say to my other children. |
Anyone with some feed back ↑
|Name: hanna lynn | Date: Dec 11th, 2006 2:24 AM
|oooooh where to begin. how about a bit about myself: im 16. i used to cut and i hated people like your daughter. she doesnt cut for any reason that you will find in a book or on the internet. she cuts because now-a-days its actually the thing to do. Im sure that right now you don't believe me but why else would she show everyone her cuts and why else would they be just catscratches? she wants attention, nothing more, so by sending her to theropy and what-not youre giving her what she wants. its like shes being rewarded for cutting, that's, first off, where you went wrong. people who cut because it relieves emotional tension hide thier wounds very very carefully, cutting usually on their heels (to be covered by shoes and to feel the pain over and over again without having to cut so much) or on their inner thigh (as young teenagers, no one sees there unless they happen to be walking in while they are changing). she IS going through a stage, quit questioning it, she'll move on, there will be no scars and she'll simply look back and say "i was really stupid but no one had to know about it". She won't have scars like the rest of us who cut because we liked it. what got me to stop cutting was people caring. not people sending me to theropy (which they did) the shrink didnt do anything for me, i was too scared to tell her anything because i knew that the stuff i had to tell her would go straight to my parents. your daughter, however, was probably pretty cocky with the shrinks and only frustrated them. I'm not trying to anger you. people caring by TELLING me i was being stupid and yelling at me. i know you think your daughter is in a very vonerable possition right now, but if she can put up with her cutting herself, then i'm thinking that you yelling at her won't do any damage. That's what you have to do though, yell at her. get her into a position that she can't get out of, get into a giant fight where you both yell and get everything out. tell her that she is scaring you but that you know she's being very stupid. considering she's doing it for attention, i don't think there is an underlining problem other than she feels that people don't listen to her enough. you say that she's 13? i have a sister that age who's going through the same thing right now. her cuts are a tiny bit more than cat scratches, but it's the same thing, she does it in very obvious places and will tell people about it. So i know it's scary. when i first found out that she did it i was about ready to cry. i thought something had gone terribly wrong in her life as it had in mine, but that wasnt the case. i tried to talk to her, i tried to be friends with her, i tried everything i could think of. nothing worked with her either. so finally i said fine, you wont listen to me, i might as well get my feelings out anyway, so i yelled at her. i wouldnt talk to her, i told her she was stupid for doing those things and that her life wasnt that bad. she hasnt done it since. don't give your daughter attention. DON'T. i know you want to so badly, but don't. get into the big fight and then don't talk about it again. don't send her to theropy, don't bring it up again unless you see more cuts, in which case you should then tell her you are really disappointed in her and explain to her that theres nothing you can do about it and if she wants to make herself feel useless, that's on her. guilt trip her, but only if the fight doesnt work. Fighting with your daughter will be hard, i'm not going to lie, it will be long and you will both cry and think about it for days on end. but trust me, it helps. That's my advice, believe me or don't, it's all on you now. ↑|
|Name: hanna lynn | Date: Dec 11th, 2006 2:42 AM
|so i was reading through some of the other comments after posting mine and i have noticed a lot of talk about anti-depressants. i just wanted to say that if you want your daughter to depend on a pill to control her emotions, then thats your choice, she'll learn to be stronger without them though ↑|
|Name: atrophie | Date: Dec 14th, 2006 3:34 PM
|it will pass. it might take a number of years. just let her do it, it's not a big deal. it's not a suicide attempt. it's a coping mechanism. she obviously can't deal with whatever emotions she's experiencing in a "healthy" way, so she's cutting and it's working for her (which is why she's continuing to do it).|
it doesn't mean she's got borderline personality disorder. it doesn't mean she's psychotic. it means you're probably inhibiting her from expressing herself and so she's resorting to the only method of relief she knows how--self-injury.
it will pass. leave her alone. stop making her feel like she's broken. ↑
|Name: xsarahdx | Date: Jan 5th, 2007 6:53 AM
|I am 13 and trust me we have all dune some form of that when u take her to someone for help it really doesnt help it just makes her want to cut even more. She just feals a lack of importance just love her and it will all go away ↑|
|Name: IwantToBeAdoptedPlease | Date: Jan 6th, 2007 5:30 PM
|I'm 13 so I can help you...alot. Its called a emo, and kids do it when they fell they are nothing when one person starts and another is talking to them they kind of want to do it too, its kind of like a fitting in thing, or it could be something happened recently and they think they want to die. I used to be that way, tell my grandma sat down and talked to me about it. really you just need to sit her down talk to her dont yell or get angry she will never trust you again if you do and ask her what is going on and if shes upset with something that has happened.|
Sincerely Jacqueline ↑
|Name: tpeters | Date: Jan 10th, 2007 7:06 PM
|This is a very sensitive subject for me. I am the parent of a daughter 15 years old. She started cutting, talked about and tried suicide and had major depression. On the outside she seemed happy to those around her. She was able to disguise it well. I, through a long process, found help and I want everyone to know.|
Jan. 3,4,5/07 we were in California at the Amen clinic http://www.brainplace.com/ or http://amenclinics.com/ Before we left we put her on mood stabilizer Lamictal. It started to do wonders. Glad we did not go on Prosac, the psychiatrists here in CO were guessing, no thanks.
They were actually able to see into her brain at amen Clinic and figure out what was wrong with a new type of procedure called SPECT. They diagnosed her with Mood disorder, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), and ADHD. The doctor we saw explained everything. They are very thorough. She is already improving on the Lamictal and they gave her a prescription for some wafers that are fast acting to put under her tongue for anxiety if she needs something right away.
The reason for the CUTTING!!! The Doctor there explained that when a person cuts, it causes the body to release chemicals in the brain that actually cool down the hot spots on the brain that are responsible for racing thoughts, anxiety, etc. It has a physiological reason. They are not crazy! It is a way to self medicate! Get help now.
So get help now. There is good help available. Dr. Clements is the doctor we saw there. He is excellent with teens and it doesn’t hurt as my daughter put it that “he is hot” (good looking for any parent reading this that is not familiar with that term .LOL Tell him I recommended him.
Also, talk to your counselor or principal at school and get her (easier after diagnosis) a 504 plan. It will take so much stress off.
Let me know if I can help further. Prayer works, that is what led me to the path that has been the answer.
[email protected] ↑
|Name: yet_another_tear | Date: Jan 19th, 2007 3:33 PM
|Okay 1st off I cut myself...I am 12 going on 13....there are many reason we, emo's, do it. I do it because I feel like it's the only pain I can control. I started out with the little "cat scarches"...yes it is serous!! You need to just stand your ground, dont send her to a psychtrist, my mom did that. It just made the "cat scraches" go to DEEP cuts!!!!! And one day she's gonna deicide she wonts to stop, and she wont beable to. I have tryed quiting many times!! I can't...it's like an addiction!! But please, dont make the same mistakes me mom did....dont put her through counseling...my mom has sent me to 3 different ones and everytime it only gets worse. He questions me and if she starts thinking about it...she'll only get worse. Don't try to isalate her from her friends. My mom also did that, I attmepted suicide over that. I loaded the gun, and wrote a suicide note...the gun jamed...if it hadn't I wouldn't be here to day. Just dont question her...if she begins to talk to you...dont question just listen, be her crying sholder. If she wonts to be with her friends, let her be, my friends are the only thing that can keep me from cutting. When you cut it's like a release of pain. If you feel like she is pussing you away dont try to get close to her. It'll only make it worse. She may just wont to be alone. When I'm upset all i wont to do is be alone. And it doesn't help when people ask about your actions. If you have any questions you can contact me through email...my email is...|
I hope you take my advise...
.:*Fallen Angel*:. ↑
|Name: yoke | Date: Jan 21st, 2007 8:36 AM
|wat you have to do?|
YOU talk to her for pete's sake!
most of the time it's a call far attention from the parents, but instead you let her go to doktors and other people who claim them crazy and or abnormal, although they don't say that, you can see it clearly in their eyes. (ive been through the same thing as your doughter at 13)
the doctors know what it is.... but they're just plain scary, a young girl isn't gonna open up to some odl guy/lady who get paid by some paranoid parents!!!!!!
i know this is hard to hear but the truth is hard and people should learn to live with it.
so pleas, for your doughter's sake, you talk to her, letting other people handle it is a cowards way out! c'mon! i saw someone who wanted you to talk to dr phill!!!! he sucks ass!!!
it's gonna be a looong and painfull yourney, but eventualy it's al going to pass, and your daughter wil thank you even if it doesnt looks like it now. and don't compare her to her sister ok?
that's a mayor mistake some parents make.
well... that's all i have to say , i hope my life expiriense and advice is gonna help you out.
with love yooke ↑
|Name: Mr_kfd2291 | Date: Feb 23rd, 2007 2:43 AM
|Not sure how much help I can be for you but I am also a cutter so if you have any questions that she wont answer. I might be able to answer them for you, but I can't make any promises. I can tell you right now my mom thinks the same way. She keeps telling me to stop and get over it, but there is much more to it and not to affend any one but you adults just don't understand. I was hospitalized on November 1st and did not get out until November 22. I'm now going through outpatiant theropy and it's all ok to a point but it's not all that good. I still do it and everyone flips out on me and that just makes it worse. I'm just going to tell you I feel more comfortable talking to other people that have the same problem, for one reason, and that's because they can relate to me and I them. Now as far as I can say about her. She's most likly not doing it because of you or something you did I can pritty much garantee it. Now I don't know exactly why she does it but I can give you some of the reasons I do and others I've met do. 1. this might sound like a wrong answer to you but see it from our point of view ok, it helps to relieve pain that we have inside and gives us the feeling of being able to controle our own pain. 2. it's a way for us to "say" things that we just cant say. 3. it helps to relieve stress that we just can't bare anymore. 4. it helps us to deal with our feelings. Now i can only tell you some of the reasons that triggered me to do it she might have same ones or could be diff, there is no one reason y we do what we do it all depends on what happens in the day. so here are some of the triggers i've had in the past. 1. I lost the one person I truly loved and cared about. now you adults think that we don't feel true love cause we are just kids, but you are so wrong yes we are kids but we are also human and we do feel. And sometimes we get hurt more than you adults do. well i got to get going like i said if you have any questions you can e-mail me at [email protected] |
oh and one more thing just let her know that she can talk to you but don't get mad if she don't cause i can tell you from personal expereance, when you fell that bad you don't want to talk to anyone espesally you parents. So don't take it the wrong way. when she is ready to talk she will tell, until then just wach her. look for signs, and there will be some trust me on that one. just make sure she don't try anything further. i did and well i don't want to talk bout it anymore. sry i gtg good luck.
|Name: degrassigal121 | Date: Feb 24th, 2007 2:04 AM
|your daugter wont quit till she WANTS to. that day may never come but in most cases she'll grow up and realize she wants more from life ↑|
|Name: LovesBeingAMommy | Date: Feb 27th, 2007 6:43 AM
|If she isn't cutting very deep and they look like cat scratches then she is probably doing it for attention. Maybe if she likes coffee you could take her to Starbucks and talk to her. Do the Mom and daughter thing get behind why she is doing it.|
It could just be she wants attention and love from you. that doesn't mean you have done anything wrong. She's at the age where she needs her Mom the most. The akward years you could say.
And, if she watches Degrassi- they had a show on cutting. She might have seen it on there. Cause the girl who plays ellie wears all black and cuts herself because of her mothers problems. So you might want to moniter what she watches also. I hope this helps :) Take care. I'm praying for ya'll!! ↑
|Name: LovesBeingAMommy | Date: Feb 27th, 2007 6:46 AM
found this webdite too. Gotta love Jeeves! ↑