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Name: Kellie
[ Original Post ]
i really don't know what to do, my 16 year old daughter has started smoking. Ive tried persuading her to stop but she doesn't want to, she says shes addicted now and can't stop. Its also hard for me because i smoke so i'm hardly setting any kind of example. Should i just let her continue- she's old enough, mature enough. Its not liek she gets into trouble at school or anything. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did u do or what would you do in my situation?
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Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 4:16 PM
I would try quitting with her, do it as a team. Share the ups and downs....I know easier said than done.....good luck. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 6:30 PM
If she's too young to buy'em,she's too young to try'em! No she should NOT be smoking!!! You are the parent and you are the one who is supposed to take control of the situation! What if she was drinking and said she couldn't quit? would you just say she is mature enough and old enough and let her carry on because she isn't getting in any trouble at school?! Some of you parents just don't get it! 

Name: Nicola | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 9:18 PM
If she's 16 she's not too young to buy them. At least not in England. What's the age limit in US? It;s 16 over here. I personally hate smoking, It's a filthy and expensive habit. I agree with Winnmom, quit with her. Our old tutor at school decided to quit with the 9 smokers in our tutor group, they had a bet on who would last longest. Sir didn't last teh whole way but all 9 of the kids don't smoke anymore. 

Name: Kellie | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 2:50 PM
lizzi, what your saying is wrong, and in some ways hurtful. You make it sound like i don't care about my daughter, whereas nothing could be further from the truth. However she's 16 so if she wants to smoke she can- i can't stop her, but i'd obviously rather she didn't smoke. I know the dangers of it- i've smoked for 20 years, that itself makes it harder for me to tell her to quit cos she can put it straight back in my face by saying i smoke.
Quitting with her wouldn't work because i jsut don't want to quit at all, at least not at the moment. I can see why it would be a good idea but i just couldn't at the moment. 

Name: Nicola | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 2:57 PM
Well then the only advice I can offer you is just to let her be. Kids will be kids and all that. She's legal and obviously wants to do it, and although youd rather she didnt you can't stop her like you said. You could try offering her a 5ver a week extra if she prooves to you she isnt smoking. Or cut down her pocket money because she's wasting it on fags or something. I dont know really. My family dont smoke and as a result I never did, although I did try a couple, everybody does! 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 6:15 PM
Kellie,sorry I came on so strong but I just don't approve of kids smoking! In the U.S. you have to be 18 to buy cigarettes and 21 to drink. I don't think parents should ever buy cigarettes for their under age children or even let them share their cigarettes. If children want to smoke and they reach the required age by law that they can buy their own then they should also have to go to work to pay for their own,I do not believe a parent should make it easy for a child to smoke. 


Name: marija | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 7:36 PM
kellie
i dont think there is anything you can do, i think once someone starts smoking only they can quit.
it is one of my fears that my kids will pick up an addictive habit and i have been lucky so far, my kids hate the smell of cigarettes and although i have given them a glass of wine (my teen+ kids)when they were curious the teenagers have spat it out and my adult kids who also spat it out when they were teens, do drink but hopefully responsibly.
i wish you all the best 

Name: cyndi | Date: Nov 12th, 2006 5:10 PM
Kellie, I just had this situation arise in my household with my son who is 15. I am 35 and began smoking while I was deployed for Desert Shield and Desert Storm. I to this day cannot stand sand. Anyway, my husband and I both smoke. We continued to notice cigs missing. Not out of our packs already open but out of the freezer. Funny thing when we said if you want to smoke do it in front of us he wouldn't light up. I know what you all are thinking but just give me a minute. So when he wouldn't light up I guess I couldn't understand that. I do not feel that he should or will be smoking while living in my house. See as an adult I can make those decissions for myself, as I child he has no legal right to make that decision for himself. That is why I am the parent and he is the child. So when the conversation continued he said well so and so was doing it and I just tried it. I then proceeded to say well what are you going to do if so and so tried to give you marijuanna? He said well I won't try that. I knew he would say that. I used to be a cop in the military, yea that makes it alot worse. So I continued with well why not, he proceeded to tell me well that is illegal and could ruin my life. Then I had him. I said well you smoking a cig is illegal, he said no it is not. This is when I love the internet. I pulled up the law, let him read it, and explained if it is not illegal for you to smoke then why can't you go to the store and buy them. The young adults where we are now can be fined for $150 if caught smoking by the police department. We have a house directly across the street from the high school so at lunches I could only imagine where they went to smoke. Anyway, explaining this I am positive hasn't stopped him. The fact that I played the peer pressure card and him letting someone else decide what he is going to do has obviously worked in my favor. Kids today want control. They do not want other kids deciding things for them, even though they let them. Two days later I came home early, we warned him that this would happen, and found 4 boys sitting in my living room. I have to tell you that I felt impelled at that one moment to be the mean mom, made them all leave. I did not allow him to get rid of them I did that for him. Perhaps I was showing him that I have the power in my house to do what I wish. Then it was amazing, the discussion after that, the explaining that if someone is smoking and gets fined where we live what kind of outcome that could have on him legally and in his future. See one of those boys had cig papers on him. No one rolls their own cigarettes anymore. So our discussion got better. Explaining to him that if his "friend" get caught with him in the area that he will be assumed guilty which will be on his record and he will be held accountable forever. I then grounded him, not for smoking, but for not respecting my rules in my house and having people in my house without a parent home. Oh, I forgot that they had 28 candles burning when I got home. Hello, I smoke in my house. They must have just like the aroma. Yea, I did call each and every parent on the phone and explained the situation. I did probably ruin his social standings for about 1 minute but lets face it, 10 years from now these kids aren't going to even recognize eachother on the streets. So for 2 months he is grounded, no tv, no games, no computer, no telephone which rings all of the time. He is Mr. Popularity. I then gave him a book to read about being a leader without the influences around him and for every chapter he reads he can watch tv for 1 hour of my chosing. Because I make the rules. You have to catch them in the act. Cigarette in mouth attempting to smoke, smoke rolling out of their mouth. So I am not sure this has helped you but just so you know, my son at the age of 15 and I am sure for the next 2 years is still not mature enough to completely understand why, how to, and the consequences of smoking. When he can sit me down and scare me out of smoking I will believe that he understands the outcome of smoking. Not to mention it could stunt his complete growth and at the age of 15 what young good looking man wants that? I am unsure about the girls because my daughter is only 12. But let me know if you find something that works. And you do have the power to make her not smoke, she probably just like my son doesn't realize the complete consequences for continuing on the path his is leading himself to. 

Name: becky_22 | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 7:09 AM
sorry but u need to stop her from smoking as its not good for her and dont let her to continue and until she is old enough to smoke and mature enough SHE IS TO YOUNG T SMOKE AND HOW DO U KNOW SHE AINT DOIN IT AT SCHOOL WITH HER FRIENDS 

Name: becky_22 | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 7:11 AM
AND SET U RULES TO YOUR CHILD AS SHE IS THE KID AND UR THE ADULT AND SHE IS TO YOUNG TO SMOKE THEM SHE IS TO YOUNG TO BUY THEM 

Name: momof3dolls | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 3:38 AM
I am a smoker and both of my older girls had been smoking for a year before I found out. I was devistated, they still smoke without my approval, at first they didn't do it in front of me but now they do,,,,,,i feel very responsible as a parent . smoking is a drug and I played a big part in my children becoming addicted, it is a hard issue. I wish so much that my daughters did not smoke. I really would do anything if I could get them to quit as well as myself. good luck to you 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 8:08 PM
If my son ever picked up a cigarette i'd kick his ass and that would be the end of it gauranteed! 

Name: CutsBruises | Date: Dec 2nd, 2006 7:00 PM
Try quitting with her, only real advice i have 

Name: luann | Date: Feb 23rd, 2007 3:41 PM
I donít know if you are still struggling with your daughterís smoking, Kellie, but I can offer you a little of my own history. Iím a parent but my daughter doesnít smoke, but Iíve thought of how I might handle it. Like you, I smoke cigarettes, and I started when I was thirteen. My mother, bless her wisdom, chose not to get in a struggle over it with me, and I was allowed to smoke with her and at home. The world didnít fall apart because of it and we maintain a terrific relationship through the present. My friends, who started around the same time, whose parents objected, all smoked anyhow, and some got increasingly wild because of it. Sometimes a resolution is where you find it. I hope you have given it thought and time and found the solution which works for you. 

Name: Ally Mur | Date: Feb 23rd, 2007 4:03 PM
becky_22
In the UK you are allowed to smoke/buy fags from the age of 16 so she is allowed to if she chooses to.

I belive in what luann says it makes more difference if you say no she will only do it behind your back. 

Name: britanyhrei9 | Date: Apr 26th, 2007 2:59 AM
lizzi you're a tough mom 

Name: roseywosey | Date: Apr 26th, 2007 9:52 AM
Lizzi sounds like a bloody SMART parent to me. What she is saying is absolutely Right. 

Name: tattudemom | Date: Apr 27th, 2007 2:15 AM
LOL Lizzi. My son is 5' 11' and weighs 230. I can hardly kick his ass, so I just tell him I'm not buying them for him. I can't do anything about it when he's gone from the house. He's 17. 

Name: britanyhrei9 | Date: May 1st, 2007 5:36 AM
my mom lets me smoke im 15. she knows how stressed out i get. if i start smoking too much though, she cuts me back. you should try only giving her certain numbers of cigs. I only smoke 5 to 8 a day. thats not too bad 

Name: roseywosey | Date: May 1st, 2007 8:10 AM
Name: Lizzi ē Date: 11/30/2006 15:08:21
If my son ever picked up a cigarette i'd kick his ass and that would be the end of it gauranteed!

DOES NO ONE ELSE HAVE COMMON SENCE HERE LIKE LIZZI ?!?!?!
By your mother letting you smoke.. shes also letting you KILL YOURSELF slowly.. but its true.
wether you are stressed or NOT.. smoking is NOT the answer..
I'm telling you right now.. if my Son/ daughter started smoking.. I WILL NOT MAKE IT EASIER FOR THEM TO SMOKE.. its just rediculas! 

Name: roseywosey | Date: May 1st, 2007 8:12 AM
By buying cigarettes for your children.. you are telling them its OK. which it bloody isnt.. smoking is a horrible habit.. that turns into serious health problems.
i hope my children have enough common sence to not even TRY the stupid things. 

Name: DefendUs | Date: May 29th, 2007 12:09 AM
Welllll. If you smoke let her, or quit. You really should not be so worried though. Im 13 and i smoke. Sue me. 

Name: chris10184 | Date: Jun 2nd, 2007 6:03 AM
I don't know what the hell you expect if you smoke aswell, talk about influence!
Quit smoking with her! 

Name: dmt | Date: Jul 6th, 2007 1:52 PM
Make a big deal about it.She is probably no really addicted yet but, if she keeps on she will be. When I was a teen a friend of mine got caught smoking and her mother made her sit down and smoke a whole pack at one time. My friend never touched them again. If that doesn't work. I would show her pictures of smokers lungs I wouldn't make it easy for her to get started that is the worst thing you could do. You can even use yourself as an example that once you have been smoking for a while it is really hard to stop. I have been told it is addictive as cocaine. You could also show her people with tubes in their throat because of smoking. I am sure you can find it all on the internet. I was in the same position as your daughter when I was 15 and I gave my mother the same old line as she is giving you. So my mother condoned it and starting buying me cigarettes. I wasn't really addicted when I told my mother that but, after she started helping me I definitely became addicted and smoked for 20 years. I am finally quiting but it has been a long hard road. Fight for your daughter I wish my mother had fought for me. good luck.

Love,
Michelle 

Name: shelly | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 4:24 PM
I am looking for answers about teenage smoking as well. My situation is eating me alive. My step daughter is 13. She had recently came to live with her dad and I (only for about a week now) because her mother did not want to deal with her. This girl has been in trouble alot. Which is another story itself. ( I already have 2 boys the same age as my step daughter). One of my boys brought me a pack of cigeretts that they had found in a treehouse we have. I confronted all of the kids, and every one of them denied that they were theirs. I am 100% sure that they are not either one of my boys. We have never had to deal with anything like this before. When my boys butts are on the line for something, they will come clean with the truth. I am very strict, and I will bust some butt! I spoke with the girls mother about it, and the pack of cigeretts found are the type she smokes. Hum strange! Well, I don't know how to deal with this. I tried to talk to the girl about it and she just lies. If I don't put a stop to this now, lord knows what she'll do next. But I have already been told that she is not my child, and it is not place to do so. I feel if she is living in my home, she will live by my rules, and that is the way it is. I will not stand for a 13 year old child to smoke! I don't know what to do. How do I deal with this? I can't discipline her for this? Send her back home? That is the worst thing I could possibly do. Neither her dad or her mother are taking this as serious as I am. Am I over reacting? 

Name: CutsBruises | Date: Aug 30th, 2007 12:08 AM
buy a massive box and sit her and make her smoke them all non-stop and untill she says mercy, and then make her watch high school musical over and over and over 

Name: hateitall | Date: Aug 30th, 2007 6:51 AM
theres 2 ways you can go with this one, you can say, im her mother, i can control her, she cant control me, and you can MAKE her quit, mothers can do them sort of things, i think if you really care about her you will do your job ( not to be rude ) but you need to be her mom not her friend right now, andi think it would be an awsome example if you would quit or not smoke around her, because some teens think they can do whatever theyre parents do but its not true, if shes treating you like this over some cigaretts, then whats she gonna treat you like if she starts using drugs or drinking, shes gonna think you wont care about that either. I also think its a bad example your setting for yourself, whats her friends parents going to think about you letting you 16 year old daughter smoke.

the other way you could go with this is to just let her do it so she wont pull away, you 2 will be closer and she will like you a lot more. but it will also open up opprotunity for her to walk all over you next time something happens, I hope I helped, good luck with your daughter. 

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