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Name: wendie
[ Original Post ]
My fifteen year old son has just told me that he is gay. I am having a lot of trouble dealing with this. I didn't think i ever would, so I am kind of surprised at myself. I think of myself as an open-minded, accepting person. But my little boy is only 15. How can he possibly know that he is gay? He hasn't even had any sexual experiences or relationships (that I know of). I'm just kind of scared, and don't really know how to deal. anyone else out there with a gay teenager? Please talk to me.
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Name: gemmi | Date: Jul 5th, 2005 8:56 PM
I don't have a gay teenager but your comment of "my little boy is only 15. How can he possibly know that he is gay?" kind of struck me. If your son came to at 15, or even younger, and said "I'm heterosexual" would you think anything of it? No, probably not. But if a 15 year-old can know that they are heterosexual, then they can know just as well that they are gay.
As for how to deal, just deal with it the same way that you would if he had a girlfriend. He will have all the same emotions it'll just be towards Christopher instead of Christine. 

Name: sandy | Date: Jul 23rd, 2005 12:17 AM
just accept your son for who he is and the choices he makes- you don't have to like all of them, but it is his life, and if he is happy- then you should be happy for him 

Name: key mom | Date: Jul 26th, 2005 12:49 AM
kids now days know more then you think, and its a feeling that a child has for a long time and just has a hard time figuering it out,experince gay way of people , meat gay people, gay men are graet shopers,and lov eto talk. just be proud of your son for talking to you and being honest with him self, if you work on it together because he is still trying to get his feeling together you will learn together, find a gay suport group in you area. 

Name: YourHelp | Date: Jul 29th, 2005 6:09 AM
You need to accecpt the fact that he is gay and love him no matter what. 

Name: sabrina | Date: Aug 21st, 2005 11:41 PM
im so sad 

Name: Piano Man | Date: Aug 22nd, 2005 3:12 AM
I think I agree wtih gemmi. If he'd come to you and said he's straight, you'd probably have said "of course you are". 


Name: Mom of 3 | Date: Aug 23rd, 2005 4:13 AM
Give him a lot of support, tell him you love him anyway and will be there for him. Kids who are gay,or think they are are at higher risk for suicide. There is a support group for parents of gay children. I can't remember the name, dear abby had it listed, but maybe a search will reveal it. I think it is a large support group. 

Name: Carole | Date: Nov 4th, 2005 2:21 PM
Hon i have a 27 yr old son that is gay i have known for few yrs now but he has told me hes allways felt this way about himself its hard to take in i know i luv my son even more hes so wonderfull just because hes gay dosent change the person on the inside luv your son and stand by him no matter what good luck .... 

Name: Miccah Lewis | Date: Nov 4th, 2005 6:23 PM
he cant help who he loves, everything will be allright, just chill out
-------miccah Lewis 

Name: sandral | Date: Nov 10th, 2005 6:20 PM
hi, i have a gay teen son also. i knew he was gay since he was about 7 years old..mom's intuition i guess. you have to support him and love him and know that he can only be happy by being himself. he's gay. so what. support him. love him. he's still the same son. 

Name: Nikki | Date: Nov 17th, 2005 9:53 AM
I don't know if this is totally eclispsing the issue, but

1. Congratulations on raising a brave young man! It takes guts to come out to your parents.
2. You have amazing communication. He felt safe enough to tell you, his mom.

The issue of his sexual orientation aside it sounds like you have wondeful parenting. 

Name: Greg | Date: Dec 2nd, 2005 4:21 PM
I am 14 and gay, I recently came out to my mother, so I know it is hard for you, being raised in a heterosexual community and and being told that gay is not normal but it is his life , just cherish your time with him, if you push him away you might never see him again when he turns 18, coming out is very hard for teenagers, and what he needs is your acceptance 

Name: kelly | Date: Dec 11th, 2005 11:11 PM
well, think about back to when you were 15. you knew what you were attracted to by then. you sound like a supporting parent, just keep that up and he'll know he can trust you.
and don't feel too weird about having trouble dealing with it. I think of myself as openminded as well, and I am not a lesbian, but I developed feelings for a girl and felt very strange, even a little scared of it. it's nothing more than attraction, and there's nothing wrong with any of it 

Name: dance mom | Date: Dec 24th, 2005 9:22 PM
Wendie, Adolescence can be a confusing time for teens. Their bodies are changing and hormones are going everywhere. Boys especially have a huge sex drive that begins with puberty. Many boys are sexually arroused by anything that indicates 'sex' to them. It can be a naked male body or a donut. Please try to explain to your son that his body is going through changes. Just because he finds a hot looking male guy attractive, doesn't mean he is gay. He just likes sex. For most men a hot female body with smooth skin that smells good is appealling also. You can also try a test. Take him to the beach park yourselves next to an attractive woman and ask him, if she caressed his skin, in a sensual way, wouldn't he be sexually aroused? In our society there is a lot of confusion about sexuality. And I'm sorry to say a lot of brainwashing being attempted by the misguided left. Don't believe them. Mother nature intended sex to be between a male and a female not between two people of the same sex. That's how you get offspring to continue the species. 

Name: JEANNE | Date: Jan 6th, 2006 2:04 AM
MY SON IS 26 AND JUST TOLD ME HE IS GAY. HE HAS DATED GIRLS SINCE HE WAS 16 AND HAS HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THEM. I;M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND HOW THIS COULD BE. WHEN I ASKED HIM HE SAID HE DIDN;T KNOW HE WAS GAY TILL NOW. HE HAS TOLD OTHER PEOPLE SINCE JUNE OF 2005 IM SAD HURT CONFUSED. 

Name: scary thought | Date: Jan 7th, 2006 7:49 PM
I hope none of my children turn out to be gay it would kill me. Its just not right, I dont care what anyone says. Unfortunatly though, if they do realize that they are gay what can we do? We cant stop loving them. I dont know how I would deal with that but I do know they will always be my children and I will love them and support them no matter what. 

Name: cammy | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 4:12 AM
I found out my son was gay about a year ago. I told him I love him for who he is and that I would always be proud of him. I honestly accept his orientation and understand it is not a choice he is making, it is who he is.I meant every word of what I said to him,but I have to admit I am left with a lot of anxiety about how people will treat him. Years ago I had a gay neighbor who was beaten as he walked home from work. A group of kids chased him down and cornered him. He was a kind conciderate person who never hurt anyone. When my good friend found out my son was gay she was fine with it, but her husband who had always been close to my son will no longer accept him in their house. I refuse to keep a friendship that doesn't support my son but it was a loss for me. The pain of my son comming out isn't that he is gay, It is that my fine, gentle son will suffer ignorance and abuse from a society that never fully accept him. 

Name: karen | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 3:04 PM
my son listed that on kids profile board that how i found out and after talking to him he says he is my heart wants so bably this to be not true can he really know 

Name: Martin | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 11:42 PM
Hello Wendie,

Im 19 and gay, I told my Parents i was gay at 17. I told both of them at the same time. It was a huge thinking to tell them as i was worried how they may react and even worse the possiblity of having no where to live. However i couldn't kep lying to them any longer so i had to tell them. I Knew i was gay from the age 13 and 14. So your son telling you 15 was huge risk he was happy to take and happy with his sexuality. I have told all my work mates and they are not bothered at all. They still look at me as the same lad.

My parents don't fully like the idea of having a gay son, They have basis told me this. But they are getting to know my lifestyle more and starting to get on with the fact im gay and it will never change. To be honest i feel that its started to bring us closer together.

So my advice to you is to try and learn a little more about your sons lifestyle and ask him questions. Don't be worried about asking as he will be more than happy to answer and by doing this it gives him a better feeling that his parents support him.

Also don't let the people who posted below saying nasty things about gay people not like your sons choice of sexuality.

All you can do is love and accpet him for who he is and im sure he will do the same.

Martin 

Name: Fla. Mom | Date: Jan 25th, 2006 2:20 PM
My 15 yr old son also just told my husband and me he is gay. We're also very open-minded, but I guess it's hard when it actually happens within your immediate family. He says he's known for a long time but just hoped it would go away. As far as we know, he hasn't told anyone else and hasn't had any sexual experiences either. We're scared for his future happiness and safety. It's hard adjusting our vision of what his life will be like. He also doesn't seem interested in talking about it , so it's hard to follow Martin's advice. (he doesn't really have a gay "lifestyle" or other gay friends, as far as we know. 

Name: Jake | Date: Jan 27th, 2006 10:56 AM
All,

I have been reading your comments and thought I would weigh in. I am 26 years old, gay as can be and as closeted as much as I am gay. The last bunch of years have been tough on me at times. I know in my heart that my parents are wonderful people and would understand and love me no matter what. Unfortunately I believe that the no matter what worst case scenario that they are referring to is “even if you are gay”. I hate to give them that worst case scenario.

In reading you comments I have noticed a lot of concern for you gay sons. Not knowing them, I can only say that you should trust that these young men are strong enough to play the hand God has dealt them. All successful adults do this, gay and straight alike. If you want your kids to grow up to be successful, encourage them to take this challenge head on. Do this because you love them and believe in them. The vast majority of you will be happily surprised.

I hope that when I come out to my mom and dad they take the time to find information the way your guys have. I hope that they see me as the well educated, financially successful, happy adult that I am. Best of luck to each of you. Be strong and encourage your sons to do the same. Help them become the strong, independent, happy men that they have the potential to be.

Best…
Jake 

Name: ANN | Date: Jan 30th, 2006 9:30 PM
Let me tell you this is not an easy road, especially since us Moms seem to be alot more accepting. Mine came out about 10 years go, dad hit the roof, siblings turned cold, so there was just me. He left home, turned to God only knows what along the way, and I ended up getting myself about 83,000 bucks in debt to keep him off the street and fed. He has turned his life around( still gay) but no drugs and had held a job for the past 2 years at the same place. I never told his dad about helping him, so now amd trying to dig my self out of this hole so I can leave and start a new life. I am tired of living with the gay bashing at my house every day. If anyone has any great ideas on how to come up with funds to pay off these credit card bils let me know. I sell everything I can on Ebay, and use every other spare cent I have to pay on them. You all who have a supporting mate should be thankful. 

Name: mellow | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 12:55 AM
yo 

Name: kim | Date: Feb 4th, 2006 11:11 AM
hi amkim 

Name: Anon | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 9:52 PM
Go to drThrockmorton.com.....he'll answer email questions. 

Name: to wendie | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 9:59 PM
from Clinical/Therapeutic Issues

Homosexuality: The Untold Story
Causes of Same-Sex Attraction
By Susan Brinkmann
http://www.narth.com/docs/fitz2.html 

Name: don | Date: Feb 15th, 2006 3:50 PM
im not sure if im gay but i know im confused. let him be his self 

Name: To ppl | Date: Feb 15th, 2006 10:02 PM
Hello.... 

Name: kaz | Date: Feb 16th, 2006 3:14 PM
hello wendie, i think u should b there for ur son if he is gay or not.. im 15 my self and think he is older noth 2 no if he is gay or not. plz dont make him feel alone talk 2 him abt it let him no ur there no matter wot. hope every thing works out luv kaz x x x x x x 

Name: rj | Date: Feb 16th, 2006 7:33 PM
my son need help he told me he gay 

Name: HOMO | Date: Feb 16th, 2006 7:47 PM
if he says he'sgay he's gay, i think you would know i \f you were attracted to woman 

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