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Name: careforme1
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I'm a mom of three sons. My two oldest are 16 & 17. They come from a previous relationship. Therefore my husband now is there step dad. I don't feel he had done the best job with them and do blame him a lot for the things I deal with on a daily basis, as he works away most of the time.

My boys are the loves of my life but they have turned into complete strangers. Everything that I've feared for them (turning out like their biological father....pothead, alcoholic, lazy) seems to be happening. They are both still in school entering in grade 11 & 12, but one drinks on a regular basis and one smokes pot daily. It has become worse since summer vacation. In the beginning I would freak out about these things but it has become a losing battle...when I do try and put my foot down and get angry they say mean things to me. At one time I never believed that anything my child said to me could hurt me...was I wrong. Their disrespect is awful...I never grew up that way...we had a almost typical childhood...not without it's ups and downs..but we knew where the line was when it come to disrespecting our parents...and really would never have wanted to hurt them in those ways. I feel like I'm reliving the past with my ex...their father...it is almost exactly the same. They come and go as they please...don't call...sometimes don't come home at all. To anyone else you would think they were great kids...and sometimes they are....but they can be so mean when they are angry. I'm hurt and tired of worring...I'm to a point where I can't wait for them to leave home...and that will be as soon as they graduate...it breaks my heart to feel this way but I'm tired...and depressed. I just can't believe this....they were my whole life and I'm watching them piss their lives away...I don't care what people say..oh there kids they will outgrow it....I watched their father who is now almost 40 and he has done nothing...lives in a shack...wait s for money to come in....smokes pot and drinks...no car...no money...he doesn't hardly bother with these kids (we live 3000 kms away from him now because he would not stop harassing me or my husband). I feel like everything I've done in my life must have been wrong...all of the parenting must have been done wrong..I just don't know how I'm supposed to handle this and how I can keep it from putting into a depression as I have a third son that needs me (he has mild special needs).
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Name: yearwok | Date: Aug 29th, 2008 4:49 PM
I hear your pain and can relate. My 14 year old daughter is following in her father's foot steps and he has been dead for 5 years now. She cuts herself, is "in love" with a sociopath that does drugs. She cuts herself and I suspect she also does drugs. We are active in church and I take her to numerous counselors. It took me a long time to distance myself from the mistakes her father made and I had hoped that his death would keep her far, far away from people like that - it worked the oposite, She seems to run to these individuals and I can only assume it is deep down desire for a relationship with her father. Step dad is great but she completely rejects all rules and pushes the edge on rules and discipline. I am trying to distance myself in telling her SHE is responsbile for her actions and she will bear the consequences. She knows if she gets busted she goes to jail, and I will not run to get her out. She also knows that if she drops out of school and runs off that I will plan for her funeral as it will come with that type of lifestyle. Dont let this ruin YOU. take care of YOU first - they will do their own thing but hopefully if raised up with good values they should return to it. See a therapist, counselor, someone to help you work thru this - see if there is a local NA group in your area and see if they can offer some type of intervention. I know it is hard - I also have a special needs child and he got most of my attention when he was younger and I fear that's what lead my daughter to pull in there - Hang in there !! 

Name: Neverwed | Date: Nov 9th, 2008 12:56 AM
I really need to talk to someone who is going through something similar. My 16 year old took his belongings and left home today, thanks to his dad (we are not together). He is not attending school, and is smoking pot, and I am pretty sure selling pot as well. (all the things he dad did/does). I am angry, hurt, etc, but I have another child to be concerned about as well. She is well behaved, does well in school but is constantly upset by what her brother does.
Need someone who can relate. Help. 

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