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So I am just looking for some support and helpful advice. I met a man and at the time in my life I was not looking for a traditional “relationship”. I was very busy working two jobs and attending college full time. I just wanted a male friend or in other words, a booty call as they say. Well we carried on a sexual relationship and it was great. We crossed certain lines and emotions were brought into play. We both were actually busy people and we would discuss our feelings but always come to a mutual decision that being together was just not something we wanted. We both had our own hang ups and I was always honest about mine. Well about 6 months into this I found out I was expecting my first child. He seemed excited although I was very upset. Having a child was not something I wanted at that time in my life. I had a lot of plans and knew a child would force me to change everything. Well, I kept my child. I don’t believe in abortion. He was around for the pregnancy and everything but when she was about 3 months old he fell off the face of the earth. I was dumbfounded. So I started looking for him, no luck. I mean, I couldn’t find a shred of anything on him based on what I knew. When my daughter was 8 months old I found him except it wasn’t him, exactly. He had lied to me about everything! His real name, his job, his marriage, his children….the whole nine yards. So I was able to put a lot together when I found this out. I filed a petition with family court. I have to start at paternity because he signed my child’s birth certificate with his fake name. So this happened in August and he has not appeared in court. It keeps getting delayed until he can be served face to face. Well I just got notified that he was served finally and court is this Monday. I have already gone through all the feelings that came with this discovery. I was hurt for about 10 minutes until it really hit me how much he lied and how far he took it. From then until now I find myself very angry. It’s been hard not to show up at his home or his job. He holds a very good job at a state university. I have restrained myself so much but I just don’t know how to deal with having to see him face to face again. I have been trying to forgive him so that I can heal but I can’t do it. Yes I can forgive him for what he did to me but when I think of how he did my daughter, the innocent one in all of this I just instantly get angry. She did not ask to be here and I tried my best at preventing pregnancy but she is here and deserved so much better. I just don’t know how I am going to get through this on Monday without losing myself in the anger. Any words of wisdom? ↓
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