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Name: Laura

[ Original Post ]

Hi there.
I'm 21 and recently separated from my babys daddy.
We were dating for 5 years but ever since our son was born, he changed for the worse. He spend nights out alone, smoke a lot of weed and just wouldn't be around his son unless he was forced to.
He is Canadian and we both still live in the same house- but my visa expired and I decided that it's best for me to move back to Germany to my family. Even though I think it was the right decision, I'm worried about my sons development. He's 1 year old now and just the sweetest little boy you'll ever meet.
I always wanted him to grow up in a "normal" family and just feel loved and even though I love him more then anything, I'm afraid of failing him and not providing the family he needs.
I don't want him to grow up, thinking his dad doesn't love him and that I didn't do anything I could to prevent this situation.
I know his father loves him, but he is too focused on himself to take care of his son.
I have a good support system back in Germany- I'm not worried about that. But I don't know how to do this on my own.
I want him to have a male role model he can look up to. But my ex actually said that he doesn't think that a man my age would even think about dating me because I already have a kid.
I know that the dissension I made was the best for my son and I, but I am scared that I end up alone and helpless for the rest of my life. I just don't know what to do! ↓

Name: Crystal | Date: Sep 18th, 2013 6:37 PM

Don't worry about it. Your son's father is obviously self-centered. He is too worried about going out and smoking weed than spending time with his son and raising him properly. Don't worry about your son not having a strong male role model. You are all he needs right now. There have been thousands of single mothers who raised successful men and thousands of single fathers who raised successful daughters. I know exactly how youfeel. I just recently left my son's father because he, too, would rather smoke weed, hang out with everyone BUT me and his son, and recently, he started coming home with meth baggies and pipes. But when he raised his hand to me while I was breastfeeding my son, I knew it was time to move on. Un short, us women have carried our children inside us for 9 long months. We have a special bond with our children and we instinctively want the best for our little ones and sometimes we have to make hard decisions so our children have a bright future. So, don't worry about a role model for your son right now. He will be watching you. :) And if he asks someday where his dad is, tell him the truth--his dad wasn't ready to raise a child yet, but he still loves him very much. But because you live so far apart, its hard to visit him. And your baby daddy is wrong. I have several guy friends who wouldn't mind taking on the task of raising someone else's kids and enjoy every minute of it. So please don't be discouraged. Just be very careful about who you bring around your son. You don't want to bring a man into his life without making sure he won't end up like your baby daddy. Good luck. ↑

Name: Aspimom | Date: Feb 2nd, 2014 4:10 AM

I have been in a similar situation. 18, married, and in just over a year there was a wonderful baby boy. My husband suddenly was a teenager again, staying out all night and not helping out unless I made him. I made it 4 months before I moved back in with my mother. I went to collage and got an Associates Degree and worked a full time job. I had two boyfriends and my wedding was a week after my son's 3rd birthday. We were married for 11 years. There is no normal family anymore. Mixed families are very common.

Whatever you do it isn't forever. May God Bless you with your choice. ↑