I’m 28 yrs old and have a 18 months baby boy with a man thats not married but in a 7 or more yrs relationship with 2 kids. When I started to see this man I knew he was in a relationship but according to friends they were having a lot of problems he wasn’t even living with her therefore we started to spend time together and I thought well its been a while meaning years (4) since I had sex so why not I’ll get my rocks off and enjoy good dinners and gifts why not but I fell for him HARD Wendy we were seeing each other for about 1 ½ to 2 years and it was great when I found out that I was pregnant I was 3 months already and didn’t want to terminate therefore I knew that I was in this alone because I jump in with both eyes open, at the same time I was hoping that in time he would care for my son but I don’t think so. And Wendy I’m PROUD because I ‘m able to pay my rent and other bills and my son has whatever he needs and I did it with out his help!!! Needless to say it was not EASY but I did it and continue to do it.
He made it loud and clear that he didn’t want no part in my child’s life but that he would provide when he could he refer to my son as your baby or your son. He won’t refer to him as his son. It hurts because I know he can and is a good father to his other kids why not my baby??? When my son was born he would come around and when my family was there he would act like he care such as carrying the baby but when they would leave he would hold my son as if he was a rag and tell me to take him. That hurt sooooo much and I could not take it anymore so I changed my number and cut friends off because I just didn’t want to deal with the he said she said and there was A LOT of that going around.
Anyway now I talk with one or two of those friends and he’s back and it was okay for the first few weeks then I cracked and we had sex now all this feeling are coming back and I don’t know how to handle it. His gives me money for the baby but I can’t help but to think about how I have to struggle to get my bills paid I work six days 10 hours a day and I’m constantly running for the bus to get my son to the sitter then I have to take another bus then a train to work when the day is over and I get home I’m soooo tried but my day is not over because I have to pick up the house feed and bathe my son and get ready to do the same thing over again the next day. Meanwhile he drives his girl drive and they live in a big house. I don’t know if I should even be upset about it or just ask him to step up and make my daily routine easier. Now I try to talk to him about my feelings but I can’t I would cry and I don’t want him to see me cry or to even know that I hurt the way I do.
What do I do about this, I think everyday of how can I love a man that hurts me so much and does not care for my son. How do I deal, the only thing I can think of is cut them off, but then I think that by doing so I’m just running from my feeling and fear. If I say something he may not provide $$$ but is it worth the pain. My son is worth the pain but I’m tired of crying. ↓
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