Hi, I'm Nurul. 20 this year. I'm from Singapore and I'm a Muslim. I have a little girl who is turning 2 years old this Apr 07. Well, a friend of mine suggest me to look up a forum for single mum who can share my side of story. I get pregnant at the age of 17. During that time, the dad of my baby was caught due to rioting and was sent to prison. I was still studying during that time too. Luckily, I managed to sit for my exams as nobody knows that I'm pregnant. After studying, I started working as a waitress. Life have been really hard on me that time. I was all alone. None of my family members knew that I'm pregnant all along. They just thought that I becoming more fatter. And imagine working as a waitress while 5 mths pregnant. I didn't let my parents know about my pregnancy cause my dad is really strict. And he ever tell me if I were to get pregnant, he will beat me up to death as being a Muslim, it's a shameful thing to get pregnant before marriage. So, I decided to keep mum about it. Working as a waitress is really tough for me. Standing for 8 hours, serving foods to customer with my bloated leg. But of course I get the special treatment from my manager and colleagues. They really treat me well, listen to my story. Well, I thought of giving birth secretly without my parents know about it and put up the baby for adoption. Everything was planned and I have even meet the parent-to-be for my baby. Check up was done and the baby is healthy. But the gender was keep unknown. Doctor told that my delivery date will be around May.
But on the wee hours of 9Apr05, I started having the contractions. I know that I'm going to give birth soon. But I just bear it. My mum woke up seeing my unbearable pain. She thought that it's just a stomach cramps and give me some medicine. The pain went away for a while. Told my mum that I need to go for a friend's birthday party and I won't be coming back home for a few days. She didn't allowed me as she saw how painful I was in the morning. So, I just stay in my room and went back to sleep. At arounnd 5pm, the pain started to come back. That's when I keep screaming. When to the toilet and sit at the toilet bowl for the whole time. Keep pushing and pushing when I feel that something is coming out. Stand up and sit down at the floor and give a 1 hard push. The baby come out. And it's a babygirl. She cried and my mum heard it. My mum keep banging at the toilet door for me to open it. I open and cry. She was shocked and so is my dad. I thought my dad gonna beat me up during that time but he didn't. They called the ambulance and I was sent to the hospital. At the hospital, I know my parents was heartache and didn't expect all this to happen. I told them about my intention to give up the baby for adoption. But they stopped me from doing that. They say that we (my parents and me) will bring up the baby. I'm like so shocked to hear that but at the same time I feel happy about the decision. Years passed. And I get to a relationship with this guy whom I've known since we were 14 years old. He give me encouraging words and give me the confident to start a relationship with him. So, we start a relationship. Then 1 day he told me that he can't accept my daughter and decided to break this relationship. Imagine how sad I am to hear that. Before we started in the relationship, I tell him to think twice whether he's really serious or not as I'm a single mum. He say yes but yet he give me this reason to break up our relationship. Is it wrong being a single mum? At least I don't go for ABORTION. I know my responsibility. My love life have been a failure since I become a single mum. Who should I blame? Myself or the baby? And there's also a time when I think how should I explain to my daughter that she's a child out of wedlock. I'm just so scared to face all this. You guys have any idea? ↓
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