I need some advice on what I am thinking about doing. I am a 36 year old single mother of 3 (girl 12, girl 14 and boy 18, all of whom live with me 100% of the time although son pays rent), I am 5 months pregnant (which I was told was impossible) and the baby's father and I have had a giant falling out (he is single, never married, and no kids). He tells me that if I don't give the baby up for adoption he is going to make my life miserable as "he will have his say in how she is raised". My question is this, my mom came up with an idea of how to deal with this matter and I want some other opinions. What if I give him full custody of the baby (after the first 8 months of course as I will be breastfeeding) and I just become the "weekend mom". Would this be wrong of me? If he "wants his say" on raising her (yes it is a girl) than should I not let him?
Tara ↓
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| Name: N/A | Date: Mar 24th, 2006 2:49 AM |
| are you giving him the baby so you dont have to deal with him or because you think he will take better care of the baby or do you not want to raise another child with three almost grown (which i can understand) im 20 and single and pregnant (and scared to death sometimes) i think a little girl will need more than a weekend mom but you would know better than i would since you have to... no matter what decision you make it will not be wrong of you... it would be wrong to make that decision for the WRONG reasons (i.e. just because you dont want to deal with him) he doesnt have to have full custody to have "his say" in raising her and he doesnt have to be a weekend dad... he just needs to grow up (a man whose aim is to make your life miserable because you wont give YOUR child up for adoption seems pretty immature) ↑ |
| Name: AA | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 2:42 AM |
| My opinion,for what its worth , is what is best for this little girl? not to be insulting but it sounds like your planning on useing her as punishment, If it were me (I am also a single mother)-I would think hard on this--do you really want this little girl because you love her and will always love her no matter who the father is, if not then adoption would be the best all around, but I would keep in mind that if he wants the baby gone, then you will not be able to count on his support,so you will be on your own, but have him put that in writing so he cant corrupt your attempt at parenting, but please dont use her for revenge, she has done nothing wrong, its to hard on children only having one parent as it is without regets. Good Luck on your choices ↑ |
| Name: joanna | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 5:58 AM |
Hi Tara
im not quite sure if u wana give ur baby girl up, but if he sed he will make ur life a living hell then dont u think u should be a full time mother to this baby born! maybe he was just scared and shocked. well lets hope he didnt know what to say and freaked out. i reckon any baby needs a 'full time mom' if possible. maybe let him be a weekend dad or maybe he'll come to trums with it when it becomes more real to him. i hope thos helps. i really hope u to get along and be a family. good luck! ↑ |
| Name: marie | Date: Apr 24th, 2006 10:36 PM |
| firstly you say that if you done give the baby up for adoption he will ake you life miserable, and secondly you say he has never been married or had kids. well the answer basically is dont give him the baby as he will never cope with it and will only end up giving it back thats if he takes it in the first place. If he wants a say in raising her then he should act like a man and help you no matter what. ↑ |
| Name: bec | Date: May 6th, 2006 1:55 PM |
| girlfriend. how on earth did u hook up with such a pig? i think he achieved the "will make your life miserable" part already. can it get any worse? your baby daughter deserves better than him and so do u for that matter! Am all for adoption for the right reason. What is it u dont think u can give to this baby that u havent given to the three u already have? obviously u have done a great job so far (son pays rent=u can teach responsibility) and i wonder why u are asking for advice because i get the feeling u know what u want. Do what u know in your heart is right. U know for yourself what that is....from bec.tasmania. single mother of two and stuggling to meet a man good enough to share my children with xx goodluck ↑ |
| Name: ??? | Date: May 21st, 2006 1:36 PM |
| Ok...what you decide to do is completly your choice and no one can take that away. But you have to know also that as the father he does have rights too....and yes he will prob. be a huge pain in the butt. If you want him out of your life then you have to get him to sign up his rights and if he won't do that then you'll have to live with him always being in your life and trying to tell you what you should be doing. Your have a lot of thinking to do and a choice to make.....I hope you do what is best for you and the baby. ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: May 21st, 2006 7:43 PM |
Hi, Tara...
This is only my opinion, but I have been a huge part of a little girl's life that was in the middle of a huge vicious cycle similar to the one you are describing, and the poor little girl has suffered horribly because of her parent's poor decisions. After much uprooting, upheavel, bickering, fighting, etc., she went to live with her father when she was two years old. He could really care less about her, but didn't want someone else raising her, so he took her. She suffers dearly without a Mommy to love and nurture her. Not saying that a single dad can't be absolutely wonderful and nurturing also, but from the sounds of this guy, it doesn't sound like he's really cut out to be that kind of a daddy. Like I said, just my opinion, but in general I think even children with the most loving, involved fathers, should have a mother figure in their life if at all possible, especially girls. Please put your daughter's life at the top of this question and make the best decision with *only* your daughter's best in mind! ↑ |
| Name: no name | Date: May 21st, 2006 8:47 PM |
| Giving him full custody so willingly,some mother you are! ↑ |
| Name: lorraine | Date: May 25th, 2006 1:38 PM |
| dont give him your baby keep it and let him be a weekend dad. i am a mum 2 i have a wee boy and he is 6 years old and i am 28 years old ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:21 PM |
I dont think that you should give up your baby to this man he is acting like spoiled child not only that it would not be fair on the baby to be with you for the first 8 months of her life and then (in her eyes) taken away from you!
Infact i cant believe that you are even considring this.
Dont be so selfish and think of your children before thinking of yourself! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: May 25th, 2006 6:14 PM |
| After 8 months if you could still so willingly give her up,then you must not have much emotion as a mother. There's no way on Gods green earth I could ever surrender my baby to anyone for any reason.Maybe since your other kids are so much older it is that you are burned out on raising kids and really don't like the thought of having to start all over with another one?I guess if you can do that with a clear consience go ahead and be a weekend mother but only if you truly believe your baby would be better off because afterall it is her life that is most important. ↑ |
| Name: sare | Date: Jul 13th, 2006 9:17 PM |
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