Hello, guest
|
Name: l3itchyl3unny
[ Original Post ]
So im 32 weeks now....and im getting closer..obviously im going to be a single mum..but how do you guys cope seriously?

When i was younger i told myself i never wanted kids, i was too immature and selfish. And the fact im really not going to have any emotional support...all my friends around my age dont care..the father and i broke up after we found out i was pregnant...( we are in 2 completely differnt countries)
How do i explain to my son that he doesnt have a father? or that the dropkick just doesnt care..thats what really hurts the most..not that i wont have anyone...just him having to grow up without a dad.
People tell me, oh yea dont worry you will meet someone later on...well honestly its not the same and i doubt i ever will...ugh! i made a mess of things..if i could go back i would change so much :(
Your Name


captcha

Your Reply here


 
Name: saxton_emma | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 11:10 PM
i grew up without my dad for 14 years and to be hinest i wasnt that botheres i was happy enogh with just my mum, then i met my dad when i was 14 and he was a total ass.im a single parent to, my daughter whos 2 and im only 19 { well nearly 20} iv bin a single mum since i was 6 moth preg. i did worry about telllin her about her dad but i figure thats still a long time from now and when it comes to the day she does ask bout him i will tell her the truth about what happened. i also found out today that her dads new girlfriend is 10 weeks preg which isnt going to help.
i cope because i have to, im the only person my daughter has got and yer it is god damn hard but belive me it is so worth it... 

Name: saxton_emma | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 11:10 PM
wow my spelling in that first sentance is sooo bad... 

Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 12:14 AM
It does make sense emma..just right now all i can think about is that he isnt going to have a dad to come home to school from..and have that special bond. I feel so bad for him..its just really hard at the moment 

Name: saxton_emma | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 12:20 AM
he will have that special bond with YOU though, once you have your baby in your arms belive me all these worries will go and all you will care about is you and your baby. and you will be the only person he needs. 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 8:02 AM
Your cares and worries dont float out the window when you have the baby. A lot of women dont have INSTANT LOVE the first time they see their babies.
Dont make it sound like a scene out of "days of our lives" because a LOT of times its not like that.
The only thing that changes straight away is your priorities. Setting women up to feel like they have to LOVE their child and look at it and go all goo goo and gaa gaa over it, is a false misconception. You slowly learn to love your baby. Youve probably got so much going on in your head at the moment that loving the bub instantly is out of the question anyway!

Take one day at a time. Dont go worrying yourself with what to tell the baby or worrying about the father. One issue at a time.
Thats my advice anyway. And if your not worrying about the other stuff, there is more likelyhood you will have room to really explore your emotions, regarding the bub, and more chance you will enjoy it more. Sounds like you have good support too. Which is a good thing. 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 8:13 AM
And Bitchy......(I just HAD to come back and say more...lol)

When I had my child, 6.5 weeks early in the back of an ambulance by the side of the road, it was REALLY traumatic, I could not instantly fall in love with my baby because I was in shock, I was even thinking she might not make it, you know? You might have a long labour that really wears you out, and you just havent got the energy to try to muster up those emotions, if you havent, dont even try. Just try to relax and everything will just eventually flow. Dont try rush it. 


Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 8:15 AM
Really....sometimes I wonder what planet some of you gals come from 

Name: saxton_emma | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 9:27 AM
just because you had a bad experiance hiddy doesnt mean she will. bitchy had obviously got alot on her plate and im sure she doesnt want the extra worry that she wont have the feelings straight away.
i was just telling her how i felt and i had a pretty bad labour to and my daughter could of died. i was trying to help her feel better i never said she had to love her baby straight away... 

Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 10:01 AM
Well earlier during my pregnancy i was completly sure i wouldnt want him, i would take one look at him burst into tears feel absolutley nothing for this child and tell them to take him away. But where i sit right now im completley excited and cant wait for him to be here...i have the good and bad days but im not so worried anymore about not having that instant feeling, you know?
Anyway thanks for the advice i do apprieacte it, it does help me alot 

Name: saxton_emma | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 10:43 AM
i was really scared that i wouldnt feel anything but even after a tramatic labour then the nurse giving her to my mum instead of me. theres just not words to describe it. and even if you dont feel it straight away it will come to you. 

Name: Nicola | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 12:28 PM
I know you don't like me very much 13itchy and think i'm a liar but i just wanted to say this... You will be a great mum, as long as you love your child and can provide enough for him you will be happy together. I'm not saying it's going to be the easiest time of your life, but it will be one of the most enjoyable. My dad died when I was ten which hit me hard because I was a Daddy's girl. My little sister was only 2 and can't remember anything about her dad. I became her "mum" for a while because my mum was very very depressed and Rach needed some attention because she didn't understand what was going on around her. Hvaing no father has done her no harm. She's doing great and we are all very proud of her. I too had a long labour, it wasn't traumatic as such, but I was very very frightened and I didn't think I would keep mine. But when they showed me Poppy and allowed me to touch her skin I felt nothing but love, the same when Daisy came 23 minutes later. I have felt a different person since that day. When your son arrives you won't worry about that so much, you will almost forget he has no father and be thankful you have your baby to yoruself. Emotion support, my friends are "normal" teenagers and of course they don't have babies and aren't particularly fascinated by them. I would suggest joining a single mums support group. I joined a rape trust and a teenage parents one so I have the oppurtunity to speak with others from the same wavelength (is that the right word?!) Anyway, I hope things work out for you. 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 10:25 PM
My experience wasnt bad, it was traumatic.
Doesnt mean to say it wasnt worth it in the end, when things settled down.

You said, "once you have your baby in your arms belive me all these worries will go" its more truthful to say, just because YOU see the world through rose coloured glasses, doesnt mean everyone else will!

Its different for EVERY woman. Im just sick of these "instant bond" women, who think they are out of a kleenex commercial or something. HELL, HELLO! Something the size of a basketball has just popped out of your VAGINA! 

Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 10:39 PM
lmfao lovely!

man im so not looking forward to the birth :| 

Name: saxton_emma | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 10:43 PM
fyi i dont see the world through rose coloured glasses. 

Name: marija | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 3:16 AM
Hiddy
i had the worse birth ever with my 1st and as traumatic as it was... i bonded with my baby instantly...she made all the pain of those stitches being done fade, i looked at her and thought ..my god what a huge head, she looks like a frog and wheres the hair? But once that baby smell hit i just couldnt stop staring at her and thinking ...I gave her life. Not all women bond instantly but to say that all women who do are looking through rose coloured glasses....their are alot of us out their who can relate to those Kleenex ads

Lucky
i was a single mum of 2 for 6 years, i left the father when i was 3 mths pregnant with my second, i was worried about them not having a father/ dad but all i had to do was think about how much of a dickhead he was, and it was easy to think how much better off my kids were. My daughter never had a problem with it, my son did...he wanted a dad, everyone else had one. On the occassion that their bio dad visited..(twice at last count) my son attached himself badly to him which upset me alot as the father just waved goodbye and went about his life without thinking that a little boy was devastated. I think that you are in a better position than some, because you can move on without the hassels of a father lurking in the background, decisions are made by you and noone else. Do you have your father around to maybe fill some of the gaps?? My father and my son are very close as that was the only constant male figure in his life.
my kids are now 17 and 15 they have not suffered from not having their bio-dad in their life.
try not to worry too much, you are strong and will take whatever life throws at you and then some!! 

Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 3:21 AM
thanks, thats good advice.

No my dad really he is a dickhead too and i dont really want that kind of influence a fixed in my sons life.
Just that..when i was younger i never wanted kids..and then i decided if i did ever have kids i would have a house car, money and husband..just not how i wanted my life to turn out. I used to see all the single mums on welfare out there and feel sorry for them and said i would never turn out like them...HA! i was so wrong.
I just hope my son doesnt hate me because he dont have his father. 

Name: marija | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 3:38 AM
i know what you mean...i did the same thing all my family were married all had houses and the things that family life usually starts off with and here i was pregnant with a 18mth old living with my parents and on the single mothers pension. Not the way i envisioned my life....i was supposed to marry Prince Albert of Monaco and be a Princess with servants!!...Life throws curveballs and usually they hit me in the face but i have a hard head, i just got up and shook myself and thought yeah well that didnt hurt, im rambling sorry. Your son will not hate you so long as you give him love, throw him a crust and keep him warm ..how can he not love you...
Now ...when he gets to teen hood you can reevaluate that ' i hope he doesnt hate me because he has no father' .....because they hate everything!!! 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 7:28 AM
Birth might have been like that for you. Im glad it was! But its not always. A traumatic experience doesnt necessarily mean a bad one. All Im saying, is dont try and force feelings that are not there yet. 

Name: marija | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 12:29 AM
ive yet to see a good traumatic experience?!
What im trying to say also...is that those feelings are there (for most) instantly, yes there are some that dont bond instantly, but they are in the minority...any peak into a maternity ward can ascertain that 

Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 12:41 AM
A girl i used to work with here, who ended up getting some sort of toxic infection in hospital her fingers turned black and she lost BOTH her legs..she is now in full time care in brisbane..she already had 1 child and now the newborn..and im pretty dam sure thats a tramatic experience..she still had all her instant feelings etc.

I can understand what your saying hiddy...for the longest time there i was really concerned i would look at him and not want him..and some days i still feel the same. I just wish he was here already so those kind of feelings would go away.
it might be gullable..but fingers crossed 

Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 12:42 AM
Dont get me wrong either! i love this child so much already..and have done my best to set up a life for him..its just not the way i wanted to bring a child into this world. 

Name: marija | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 12:54 AM
13itchy you will be fine you are not alone withthese feelings your having, alot of mothers with partners go through them.
i personally loved being pregnant, because i could be fat and proud...not just fat!!
i would like to add as a precaution for all new mums..
if you have not bonded with your child by 2 weeks you must seek medical help, more than likely you will be suffering from post partum depression and it can have a terrible outcome for either mother or baby or both. 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:14 AM
marija,

I had a traumatic experience, moron. Birth in the back of an ambulance by the side of the road? HELLO!
And in the end, it turned out to be good, at the time it was hell. 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:15 AM
Im sure you probably had your baby with an epidural, or drugged up to the eyeballs too!

No painkillers here! 100% natural, and yes....the pain was traumatic too! 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:21 AM
whats marija short for? Marijuana?
Your on something! 

Name: marija | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:22 AM
yo hiddy
I WAS ANSWERING YOUR STATEMENT ...BIGGEST MORON!!
you said ....A traumatic experience doesnt necessarily mean a bad one...that is a moronic statement and you made it!! 

Name: marija | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:23 AM
yes hiddy it is 

Name: marija | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:30 AM
i didnt have painkillers of any sort and neither did i have a short trip in an ambulance it was 16hours of it
you know i wasnt being nasty to you, i was giving my opinion of your opinion...its called debating. But i now know you cannot debate someone with the brain of a pea, who would rather cause an arguement...for no better reason than they are bored. 

Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:42 AM
hiddy usually i laugh at everything you say, because you are so free and so somewhat make sense
but come on ! easy up ok? She was just giving her opion :D 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:49 AM
Also, you can have post partum before the baby is two weeks old. Miss EXPERT! 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 6:50 AM
If you have your baby and your freaking out..... talk to someone immediately.

Also, pre partum depression is big too. If your pre, your going to be post depressive. Some women even have to take antidepressants DURING the pregnancy. 

Copyright 2024© babycrowd.com. All rights reserved.
Contact Us | About Us | Browse Journals | Forums | Advertise With Us