Hello, guest
Name: lonna
[ Original Post ]
I have been a single parent for about five years now. I have never been married and my children have never had a father figure. I have recently met a man who I am attracted to, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I would like to pursue a relationship with him. should I involve him with my children, or should I wait it out a bit longer?
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Name: a | Date: Aug 10th, 2005 2:10 PM
Because you say "recently" I am assuming you have only just met this man. Because the relationship is stil quite new, I would suggest maybe introducing him to your children as your "friend". When you feel more secure and serious in the relationship, then he can get involved in your children's lives. All the best and good luck! 

Name: V | Date: Aug 11th, 2005 1:36 AM
I am not sure what your definition of recent is, but I would wait to get to know that person better just to make sure that the person is psychologically sound and does not demonstrate or portray a non healthy behavior that may be detrimental to your children. I am not sure how old your children are, but that could also make the difference as to what approach to use in introducing this person to your children. Nevertheless, just remember that you need to look for the benefit of your children, and no, I am not referring to materiality. Sometimes, inadvertently, it is easy to overlook that aspect when one has been lonely for a while simply because we are human, and we have different needs. I wish you luck. 

Name: preggers | Date: Aug 11th, 2005 10:50 PM
The fact that you said you want to "pursue" the relationship tells me that you really haven't started one just yet. I'd honestly wait until the relationship is very well established, and you do realize that this man is going to be a long term figure in your life....then introduce your children slowly. Talk to your children about him first...don't just take everyone out on a dinner date for a meeting...it will make things awkward for both your potential boyfriend and your children. You have to approach this very sensitively...there's no reason why you can't have a great relationship with this man nor why your children can't either....but it does take time. Remember that kids can be easily confused/hurt/jealous/angry....so be sensitive to their feelings/needs. Please be sure to reassure your kids that they always come first no matter what...don't put your relationship before them....if they have issues with this man, find out why....talk to them....if this guy is worth having around, he'll understand and be patient enough to stick around. Perhaps think about family counseling if you two decide to marry some day...for a soft transition. 

Name: elizabeth | Date: Aug 26th, 2005 7:44 AM
yes do wait a little longer, that would kind of be like throwing your children into water and expectint hem to be able to swim. See him a little more make sure he is the one. Did you seek God on whether or not this is your mate? Count the cost! Always let logic override your emotions for the children`s sake. Wait a little longer. 

Name: bigdaddy | Date: Oct 4th, 2005 10:46 AM
Please let me, VERY respectfully, offer an alternative opinion. Involve the guy. He needs to know who you are, and your kids need to be a part of your relationship. Carefully, carefully, as your kids should only know him as your friend and not your lover. Remember that your kids are your number one priority now, and no one, man/woman/child, can be allowed to come between you. Go to the zoo together. Let him see the kids at their best--and their worst. Play together. You will eventually see the best and worst in him, as well. If he can't handle "dating" with the kids and wants more from you, move on--he will not do your kids or you justice in the long run. On the other hand, if you ALL become friends after a number of outings, you can begin to conspire to have a real date after a while--and guess what? Your kids will be the first to assist. BUT caution: anytime you introduce a person into your family, guard your children like a pit bull bitch. Be completely open about personal safety, good secrets vs. bad secrets, and limits. 

Name: melanie | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 7:58 PM
i know where you are coming from my husband left when my 2 yr old was just 6 months. he has just met another person and I really dont want her to meet my little one untill i know it isnt a flash in the pan. the same goes for when i meet some one. i dont want to confuse him with lots of peole coming into our lives. once i know in my heart it is something special then i will introduce him to my son. i dont know if you will agree with this advice but I wish you good luck! 

Name: Laura | Date: Nov 16th, 2005 4:26 PM
Hi there,i am looking for the same sort of advice. It would all depend on how long you have known your boyfriend for. IF its a long term thing,and we are talking marriage here,or long term cohabiting,then yes,you should introduce him to your children. Pursue the relationship with him,see how it goes for say....6 months? And while you are getting to know him on a physical,mental and spiritual level....you will be able to "mention" Mommie's new friend to the kids,gradually talking about him more and more,so the kids can have a chance to get used to him. However,I definately would wait a while longer,to see if your new relationship will last,as there would be no point whatsoever to the kids getting used to a StepDad figure and then its all over. BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR NEW MAN,BTW!!!! 

Name: Tiffany | Date: Nov 17th, 2005 2:24 AM
Honestly, I would wait it out a little because you wouldn't want your children to get attached and for him to up and leave. That would only hurt them worse. For the interest of the kids....wait. 

Name: BETTY BOOP | Date: Dec 4th, 2005 3:19 AM

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