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I am 32 weeks pregnant . My boyfriend wants more than anything to be with me for my pregnancy and to raise our child. But every couple of weeks he drinks and does drugs and becomes convinced that I am cheating on him and I become scared of him. I have given him chance after chance to stop drinking and doing drugs, but eventually the same scenerio happens every couple of weeks. When he is sober, he is like a different person and it is hard for me not to believe that he can change. I need help and advice. He wants to eventually get married and live together but I am scared that this will never end. I don't want to raise children in that kind of environment. He makes me feel guilty for trying to leave him because I really love and care alot for him..also me and our baby are the only thing he has. I don't know if I can detach myself and be a single mother when he wants to be there for me and I love him so much. But I'm tired of being terrorized by this man when he is on drugs. ↓
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| Name: molly-may | Date: Sep 19th, 2006 6:17 PM |
| You have to scare him into thinking that if he doesn't change then you will leave. When he is sober, start packing your things, when he asks what are you doing then tell him you can't take it anymore. You may actually have to stay with a friend for a few days, but do it or he won't believe you. Tell him its drugs and drinking or its you and the baby.....he can't have both. You have to come right out and tell him there is no way that you are putting your child through that. Maybe once he realizes that you are dead serious then he will stop. This actually happened to my cousin, her husband was beating her all the time and he wouldn't change, then one day she packed up the car, it wasn't until then that he realized she was serious and he never touched her again. Good luck to you! ↑ |
| Name: Michelle18 | Date: Sep 20th, 2006 9:13 PM |
Hi, Ellen
I know somewhat of how you feel. Because, My Boyfriend does the same things. He always thinks I'm chating on him. He call the meanest names stupied, worthless,bitch,ect. Then after I cry and cry. He'll say sorry.But he does it over and over. I don't know what to do. Cause, I love him and sometimes he's nice. But, sometimes I think it would just be easier without him. In the long run we just have to do what's best for are myself and babies. ↑ |
| Name: lightheart | Date: Sep 21st, 2006 11:52 PM |
I'm about 30wks also. My relationship with my baby's father has been on again off again for the past 6 months. He also drinks and does drugs before I was decided to keep the baby I did the same. In our relationship prior to the ongoing splitting up he was emotionally abusive although I remember a couple of times he hit me - once was from behind. I loved him too but I was recently hit across the face with an open hand then pinned up against the wall several times by him after a drunken nonsense argument. I was eventually accused of cheating too.
I need to protect my choice to keep my baby and until he does something about his drinking and drug habit it's destroyed, in my eyes, any relationship he'll ever want with his baby. I don't know how old you are but although I'll always love him there's no way I'll put my baby in danger. Your baby should be safe! And your baby and yourself should be your only concern right now. ↑ |
| Name: Keira | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 9:41 PM |
| My ex wasn't on drugs but he hit me and I knew he was going to hit one of our children so one day my sister was round she saw him and I left him. We got divorced (I was pregenant at the time) and now I have ANOTHER lovely baby girl and am young free and single! LEAVE HIM! ↑ |
| Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Oct 8th, 2006 9:32 PM |
| Oh big woop you love him? do you love your child? How would you feel if you come home one day to your boyfriend in a drunk and high state beating the crap out of your child because it wouldnt stop screaming? Stop thinking about yourself and the fact you dont want to be single, put your child first. If he really loved you and this baby he wouldnt be going out getting so drunk and high that he would inflict any harm on either one of you. Emotionally or Physically. ↑ |
| Name: jplaw0821 | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 4:10 AM |
| My dad drank and beat my family until I was 12. My mom threatened divorce, but it wasn't until she left him that he opened his eyes. Though they are still divorced my dad is still sober and wishes he had done it much sooner because he now sees what he did. Loving you and the baby is great, but your well being and your child's is more important. Take care of yourself and that child's well being and if you need to, talk to someone. The chances of him just stopping are slim unless he truly realizes his actions and the consequences they are causing. Loving him is great, but love yourself enough to know it is not okay for him to hurt you. You deserve to be loved all the time. I would rather be a single mom than to be in a position where I know I will be hurt even if it is only every couple weeks. He has to want to change for himself. ↑ |
| Name: sarah | Date: Jan 30th, 2007 1:51 AM |
| i recently had the same issue. I am also pregnant and my boyfriend drinks and uses drugs. when hes sober he is the most loving person but when he drinks he is nuts. he has gave me bloody noses brused my face and choked me. I decided that i wasnt going to raise my child in a home like that (im from a broken home and i really didnt like that answer, but at least i can raise my son or daughter the right way) you should just think of your saftey and your unborn childs saftey and get out. let him have contact but you shouldnt get upset and worn down by someone like that, i found out im better than that and so is anyone in that kind of situation, hope this helped you ellen! :) ↑ |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Jan 30th, 2007 4:28 PM |
| my advice to you is leave him now for the sake of you and your child. I can understand that you love him or care about him but if he hasnt changed since you found out he was pregnant he never will. If he wants more than anything to be apart of this pregnancy and the upbringing of the child afterwards the drink and drugs would stop and he would actresponsible. Afriend of mine was killed by her abusive boyfriend becausehe also drank and done drugs. He baecame paranoid and very controlling. She was 24 and left behind 2 18 month old boys . They now have to grow up with no mother because of what their father done and no daddy because he was put away for 14yrs they also have to live with the memorys of what their dad done. They may have been only 18 months but they saw thier daddy hit their mum and eventually kill her. You can still let him be a part of your childs life if thats what you choose but for yours and your childs safety you dont have to. ↑ |
| Name: island222 | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 1:46 AM |
| I think you should put your foot down, he needs to clean up his act, for good, maybe rehab, if he is really into drugs, if not counseling at the very least... you do not need this type of stress in your pregnancy, if he continues, leave before he hurts you and your child..... ↑ |
| Name: super | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 2:16 AM |
i lost my baby i was 10 weeks i had a miscarriage. he does not drink when he smokes he goes to sleep his issue is control his pride. my ex-boyfriend/ baby daddy was a fighter when we first got together he would not punch me or anything like that he would push me or stand guard by the door so i could not leave the house or watch me all the time. he would sit in his car and watch my house if i would go any where he would follow me. i had some friends over oneday girls and somebody in the apartments told him they were guys and he kicked the door in.it got so bad i would park my car in some other apartments and walk home. i tried to spent the night at a girlfriends house and he came over there almost to kick the door down but i walked out outside. i said i loved him i cared about him. so i forgave him he said promised and promised and changed for a while. i was misarable. i wanted him around but i never knew when he would trip like i am living in fear. after 3 weeks of us fighting he stopped the fighting. we did not fight anymore . so i took him back and back. then i got pregnant the stalking got worse then he became controlling. i had to leave so i did and he found me crying and throwing that in my face he has nobody but me, we are a family he will be lost without me he will hurt his self if he cant be with me wanting to come back me being pregnant and and thinking i love him took him back. he left started doing wrong this has only been 3 weeks ago but this relationship has been going on for 3 years. he called his self mad and left 3 weeks ago i did not hear anything fromhim that whole time he did not call check on the baby. this friday i received a phone from the jail house i was him. i need you i am sorry please take me back. he has 10 months in the state jail. i am not glad he is in jail but this is a way to find myself and it is more stressful when your pregnant.
it is always easier said than done i think if he was not in jail i would have took him back i am now thinking about what is best for me and my lost baby. ↑ |
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