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Name: FrustratedLadyinMD
[ Original Post ]
I am so frustrated & at wits end! My 14-year old stepdaughter is with us for the summer (the second summer in a row). She lives full time in another state with her mother & spends the summer with us and long weekends throughout the year. I've read a ton & studied a lot about autism and asperger's & i'm so frustrated and confused. To me, she seems far more spoiled, lazy, and disobedient than she is autistic. She talks back, argues, lies, sneaks, and is often quite deceitful. When she's with her mom, she's allowed to eat what she wants, and basically do whatever she wants to do -- few rules and no structure. I know she needs structure, discipline, rules, and routine. I try my best to give it to her -- we send her to a special needs day camp each day where she swims and does a multitude of activities -- we try to keep her very busy. She's gained 30 lbs since she left us last summer because she eats crap all of the time -- she has no idea what food is on her plate unless it's a chicken tender, pizza or french fries. I'm so frustrated with this kid & it's causing major stress between my husband and me -- he's supportive of what I'm trying to do for his daughter, but in the end, blood is thicker than water & it's his baby...he still talks to her in the third person, "baby, daddy wants you to do...." -- unbelievable.
I just want to try to make the best of my summer & accept the fact that I cannot make a major difference in her life in 6 weeks -- last summer she lost almost 15 lbs with me -- we were on a good diet, exercised, etc. But it was all for nothing -- How do I determine what's autism, what's spoiled/lazy, and what's just teenager stuff. Any advice on how I can better cope would be great -- thank you.
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Name: aldam2 | Date: Jul 9th, 2008 9:04 AM
Hi, Im the mum of a 14year old who has aspergers syndrome, I can truly sympathise with you. I also find it very difficult to determine which is the autism and which is normal teenage behaviour!!!! I go to bed sometimes and feel really guilty because all ive done allday is nag her. But the nextday she does exactly the same things to annoy me I feel like im talking to myself she talks back, shouts, argues and has to have the last word no matter what!!! Its very frustrating!!!!

I too am divorced from my husband and sam goes every other weekend to stay with him and her stepmum. They have different rules there but we try to both be consistent with them. Sam is very manipulative and has caused lots of arguements between my husband and myself but we now all get on great and dont act on everything sam tells us!!! I recently put sam on a diet but after doing really well the first couple of weeks, she became a expert on what she can and cant have and mealtimes became a battle ground. She would eat the low fat healthy meal but then proceed to stuff herself with chocolate and rubbish behind my back!!!! Then if I caught her she insist she had enough POINTS left from her allowance.

Ive found we sam, that she hates doing anything around the house and will kick off if I ask her to do it. Therefore I just say something like fine leave it then I will do it and keep your pocket money or just remember when you want me to do something for you. She usually strops, sticks her nose in the air, but usually does what ive asked.

Hope this helps? and its not easy I know , but it sounds like you are a lovely person and your step daughter is very lucky to have you. You need the patience of a saint to deal with a autistic child/teenager. I have 4 kids altogether and have learned the hard way, that if sam isnt happy then none of us are. x 

Name: Victor Young | Date: Aug 14th, 2008 9:23 PM
You should try taking her to the mall and get to know her better and maybe all the walking at the my will keep her from being lazy and maybe all the shopping will keep her from eating so much. 

Name: Feel Your Pain | Date: Oct 2nd, 2010 8:56 PM
Wondering what ever happened with your stepdaughter and husband? I live with my boyfriend and his 16 year old autistic son for 6 months now. I feel the same way. My boyfriend spoils him rotton, let's him eat the worst possible junk every day and then blames me for not bonding with him, when his son is clearly manipulating him to cause problems with us. Everyone I know says run. I am very sad and confused. I try so very hard to make everyone happy. 

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