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I am having a bit of an issue with my husband of 7 months. We have a 4 month old daughter together. We have been arguing the past year about an affair I suspected he was having. the whole time he denied it, for the past year. He sent me an email yesterday, yes, and email, giving me full details as to what happened. he did cheat on me, and contracted hpv in the process. I dont know what to do. He says we werent married then, which we werent. But I was pregnant with our baby girl. I spoke to the girl, and she informed me that it was in fact just one time and that he had told her that we were broken up. I am angry and hurt, and im not feeling stable right now, mentally or in our relationship. It is the fact that he lied about it for a year, and married me knowing he was lying through his teeth!!!!!! This girl is nasty, I dont see why he did it. Yes we were having problems then, we had just found out i was expecting. He is the best father to our daughter, i couldnt ask for anything better. But it is the lying, he knows how important it is to me. I feel so betrayed. Plus this other girl is in my extended family. How should I react. Ive been lashing out, crying, throwing things, etc. any help would be greatly appreciated. I am considering divorce. this isnt the only lie, this one is just the icing on the cake. ↓
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| Name: VenusdiMilo | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 1:57 PM |
Hi Tara, I’m sorry you’re going through this and I don’t know what I would do if I were in your situation…I would be devastated. And I can’t imagine what it must be like having a 4 month old baby in the middle of this. Anyhow, I would advise you to see a counselor (your husband too) to make sure you go about this the right way. You don’t want to make harsh decisions right now because you’re not thinking clearly. Again, I am truly sorry and best of luck!!
Please keep us posted. ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 3:44 PM |
| I'm also very sorry that you have to deal with this. Just like venus mentioned I would see if your husband would go to counseling with you. I would hate to see you do something like divorce only for you to regret the what if. Right now you have alot on your plate, not only do you have a 4 month old which can take alot out on a new mother but your having to deal with this on top of that. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 5:15 PM |
Oh Tara....you poor thing. This makes me very sad. I too am so sorry that you have to experience this. Its not right...and with baby. Sent ya an email....are you seperated...or was this the easiest way for him to do it?
Not to go unmentioned.....hpv...is that herpies hon...or hiv? Either way....good grief. See what bothers me is when did he find out he had it.........I sure hope not when you were trying for baby or while you were pregnant I hope!!!!!? All of it is terrible...cant state that enough!
If your up to trying to mend the relationship.....do try counceling...but honey this is a decision you have to make. We are sooooo here for you.....so you can talk yourself through the decision making process.
Love
Maxie ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 5:38 PM |
This is mainly for Maxie who had asked if HPV was herpies. Sorry it's so long. Hope it answers your question. Or at least give you a little more info on the subject.
HPV is actually a name given to a group of virus that include more then 100 different strains and types, more then 30 of these are sexually transmitted and can effect the genital area of both men and women. Most people who are infected with HPV will have no symptoms and will eventually clear up on its own. "High Risk" Types which may cause an abnormal pap tests, may also lead to cancer of the cervix, vulva, vagina, anus or penis. Others are called "Low-Risk" types, these may cause mild pap test abnormalities or genital warts.
Approzimately 20 million people are currantly infected with HPV. At least 50 % of sexually active men and women acquire at some point in there lives. By age 50, at least 80% of women will have aquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year.
There is no "cure" for HPV infection, although in most women the infection goes away on its own. The treatments provided are directed to the changes in the skin or mucous membane cause by HPV infection, such as warts and pre-canceroud changes in the cervix. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 10:18 PM |
Ahhhhhh thank you Ethansmom.....for a minute I also that it was a typeo.....goes to show you what I know!LOL!
Thank you for that....so should I ever hear it again I know what it is and may not look or sound so stunned.
Much appreciated.
Maxie ↑ |
| Name: Tonya | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 3:01 AM |
| NOW YOU HAVE HPV. I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FROM CERVICAL CANCER DUE TO HPV FOR TWO YEARS NOW, SO PLEASE GET CHECKED BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. I WAS GETTING A PAP EVERY SIX MONTHS, AND STILL IT WAS TOO LATE. ↑ |
| Name: Tonya | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 3:05 AM |
| HPV ( HUMAN PAPALOMA VIRUS ) IT CAN BE GENITAL WARTS IN SOME CASES OR CERVICAL CANCER IN OTHERS. THERE ARE DIFFERENT STRAINS, IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW YOUR BODY HANDLES THE VIRUSE . IN EXSTREAM CASES( SUCH AS MINE) IT CAN LEAD TO AN EARLY HISTERECTOMY. I WAS TOLD I COULD NOT HAVE ANYOMORE CHILDREN AT THE AGE OF SEVENTEEN, I NOW HAVE A 4 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER. LIKE I SAID YOUR BODY HANDLES IT FOR YOU . MINE IS BETER, BUT SOME ARNT SO LUCKY. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF WOMEN LIVING TODAY WITH HPV AND DONT KNOW IT , THERE ARE NOT MANY ,IF ANY , SYMPTOMS. ↑ |
| Name: Tonya | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 3:14 AM |
| TRUST ME TARA , DIVORCE IS NOT THE KEY. I TOO JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND HAD BEEN LIEING TO ME WHEN I WAS PREGNANT. I FOUND EMAILS AND ECT. BUT BEING THE ADULT THAT I AM I DESCIDED NOT TO GIVE UP. SO JUST ASK YOURSELF THIS, DO YOU LOVE HIM, SINCE THAT TIME WERE HE CHEATED ON YOU , THEN STOPED, HAVE YOU BEEN HAPPY WITH HIM?? GOD DID NOT MAKE US PERFECT, BUT WE LEARN. WHAT DOESNT DESTROY YOU , WILL MAKE THE TWO OF YOU STRONGER. ATLEAST HE TOLD YOU. I HAD TO INVESTIGATE. BUT, THIS IS A GOOD POINT IN TIME TO SAY , OK , LETS CLEAN THE SLATE, I WILL FORGIVE , IF YOU FORGIVE . I WILL LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE NOW , NOT THAT HORRABLE PERSON YOU WERE THEN. BECAUSE IT WASNT LOVE HE HAD WITH HER, HE LOVED YOU. AND IT MUST HAVE BEEN EATING HIM UP INSUDE , SO THERE IT IS , HE TOLD YOU. YOU HAVE ALL THAT HE IS IN YOUR HANDS , HIS FAMILY , THIS IS A DEAL MAKER OR BREAKER, A GOOD OPPORTUNITY , TO START ALL OVER AND MAKE LOVIN' EACHOTHER NEW. I HAVE JUST REALIZED THIS IN THE PAST WEEK OR SO , SO HERE IS SOME HARD EARNED ADVISE I LEARNED , ↑ |
| Name: Tara | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 5:57 PM |
| Thank you all of you for your replies. i have spoken to the female and do now know it only happened one time. but it wasnt sex, he just gave her oral sex, she never touched him. that is both of their stories. but girls, i cant get the mental picture out of my head, i cant do it. i try to make love to him and i cant. she keeps flashing in my head. if he didnt have feelings for her, why would he do that? he was drinking, or so he says. she says the same thing, and that they never hung out since that has happened. i dont want to leave, i love him dearly, but i cant let him feel like he won. we had the perfect sexual relationship, there was nothing that i did wrong. why do you think he did this, and why did he lie about it for a year. the girl is his step mothers niece, and now his father and step mother wont speak to us since i told the girl she better never come around my husband again. im not overreacting. she has always wanted him. what should i do? our relationship now is perfect, except for when i get the mental picture in my head. how is counseling supposed to help? i cant get the picture out of my head ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 11:42 PM |
Tara My first husband had a affair over 20 years ago. We split due to the affair.I still have issues about it. I am married to another wonderful man. He is my rock. but still that affair sticks with me.
If you stay I really recomend counseling.
This is hard and I feel for you. I am so sorry. ↑ |
| Name: moshecathy | Date: Jul 27th, 2006 9:22 PM |
| well .. he did come out of the closet and told you sbout it eventually. i mean, maybe he should ask you what he can do for you to put his trust back. usually they have a mountain of lies to cover up for that one bad thing that they did and now that he's tols you the truth maybe it will be better. i mean does he actually lie about other stuff too or is it just stuff that has to do with the affair? it's hard for guys to tell the truth and i guess the fact that he came forward and actualy told you means something. what do u think? ↑ |
| Name: moshecathy | Date: Jul 27th, 2006 9:27 PM |
| Oh and the only way your marriage will work after an affair is if you are willing to completely forgive him. It may take time but unless it is something you are willing to forgive and kinda forget (just try not to mention it everyday or every time you argue) your marriage might not work out eventually because everytime this issue will come up, all the pain and sorrow will also come up. ive been through this but in a totally different situation. i was dating my husband back them when he lied to me about a bunch of stuff and there was another woman and even a child envolved. the truth finally came out and i ended up totally forgiving him with a promise that he will be totally honest with me. we've been married for 6 years now and he's the most honest and sincere and responsible husband ever. he said he couldnt stand hurting me again and he still shows me how sorry he is for what happened in the past. i dont show any anger or resentment towards him its now simply part of our past and nothing else. it took a lot of hardwork and prayers but it turned out good. ↑ |
| Name: Tara | Date: Jul 28th, 2006 12:41 AM |
| Thank you for all of your replies, but it want an "affair, we were not married then, and i know he hasnt cheated since we were married, im positive. We didnt even live together at the time this happened. I do love him, and we have the best relationship, i couldnt see dropping him over a piece of white trash like this girl, i couldnt do it. he says he was so embarassed that he didnt tell anyone(he was pretty drunk). all im saying is that i cant sleep with my husband without seeing her face. How do I fix that? He keeps buying me flowers, cards, etc. but i just throw them away. How do i heal without hurting him? ↑ |
| Name: moshecathy | Date: Jul 28th, 2006 1:57 AM |
| Mine happened before we got married too. But i somehow still call it an affair. Only time can heal you. It requires a lot of effort not only from him but for you to be willing to let go of what happened. Mine too was a one night stand but had a child because of that mistake. It was only hard when all the truth was coming out and the healing process doesnt even start until you've felt all your anger and pain ... but if you love your husband then you will find a way to stick with him and i guarantee it will all be better in the future. ↑ |
| Name: coffee mom | Date: Jul 28th, 2006 5:29 PM |
Tara, I am sooo very sorry! But I have to reply and unfortunately, it is against most of you. I was pregnant many years ago with my then fiance, he had an affair which caused me to miscarry due to an STD, which he accused me of the affair. AS IF!!!!
(I didn't know that was the reason until he later cofessed) I had to let him go. My wonderful husband of 15 years now and 2 beautiful kids later will never cheat on me.
We both believe that THE ONLY REASON FOR DIVORCE IS INFIDELITY! (or abuse) Once a liar, always a liar. What will happen next time he "drinks" and sees another woman? The excuse of being drunk is as lame and immature as they come. If that's the case, he has a drinking problem cuz he can't handle his actions while drinking. Children live by the actions of their parents, do you want your daughter growing up and having this happen to her, because mommy stayed with daddy? You are a strong woman. If you honestly believe that you can forgive him through counseling, then maybe its best for you to stay with him. But please consider your daughter in this situation. He might be a great dad, but does he have the character and values in which you want to raise your daughter? Sorry for the honesty, but he was wrong, and you have to live with HIS guilt. What kind of man is he that he e-mailed you? I wish you the best of luck, I wish I could give you a hug, or take your daughter for an hour so you two could just hash it out! BE STRONG! ↑ |
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