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| Name: Lauren | Date: Apr 13th, 2006 8:44 PM |
| Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy." "Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop!" "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness" "Bo Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!" "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?" "Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie." "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex." "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?" "Darn, there go the lights again...." "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em." "Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!" "Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing off my concentration." "What's this doing here?" "That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?" "I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses." "Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us." "Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?" "What do you mean, he wasn't in for a sex change?" "Anyone see where I left that scalpel?" "And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape." "Ok. Now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature." "This patient has already had some kids, right?" "Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?" "Don't worry. I think this is sharp enough." "FIRE! FIRE! Everybody get out NOW!" "Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!" ↑ |
| Name: Lauren | Date: Apr 13th, 2006 8:49 PM |
| You Know You're a Mother When ... You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal. You have time to shave only one leg at a time. You hide in the bathroom to be alone. Your kid throws-up and you catch it. Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating. As you cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!" You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything". ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 13th, 2006 9:35 PM |
| There was a little boy in the doctors office that must have recieved a shot because he was crying and not very happy. As his mom was helping him with his coat she asked him if he was o.k. and the little boy replied,"I mad an I stirsty"!! The boys mom and I looked at each other and it took everything we had to not burst out laughing in front of the boy but man was it funny!!Hope that made you laugh some! ↑ |
| Name: Debra | Date: Apr 13th, 2006 9:47 PM |
| Imagine the beach, a sunny day- the birds singing- the sun bronzing your body- Then imagine the kids getting knocked over by a wave and you running to stop them from going under, the birds relieving themselve on your towel, the sun giving you wrinkles- and yes the one cloud in the sky comes when you finally have a free moment to lay down and relax!! Sorry your having a stressful day Maxie! Its amazing how you try to stay positive and it can so quickly be doomed with the kids around.... Then.. imagine the kids say "Mommy we're ok, we're sorry we should have listened to you and not go in so deep- but Daddy woke from his nap and is taking us on a two hour hike so you can relax" He said he'll be right back because he's getting you a pina coloda- in the meanwhile let me put some oil on you mom- and Oh- by the way all my friends tell me your the prettiest mom they've ever seen! I hope look as good in a bikini like you do after 5 kids mom! Here mom here's a pillow and a good book you can read while we're gone so your not lonely. We love you mom! ↑ |
| Name: bonnie | Date: Apr 13th, 2006 9:50 PM |
| A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's right!!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until you change your attitude ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: Apr 14th, 2006 1:26 AM |
| I like that one Bonnie! ↑ |
| Name: Maxie | Date: Apr 14th, 2006 3:36 AM |
| Sorry girls...my blinkin computer is giving me grief thats why its taken so long to get back today. Lauren...I near wet myself laughing about the "mother." Cuz its true!!!!!!! Thanks guys many tylenol later an a rest when my husband got home helped. The laughs I just got were the topper!!!!! ↑ |
