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I am a stay at home mom but not by choice. When my son was born I was supposed to return to work and my husband was supposed to say home. He then got a promotion with a pay increase and new hours 11AM-9PM and decided not to leave. When we talked about having a baby we talked about sharing the responsibilities. Because of his new hours he's never home and taking care of the baby is all on me. When he comes home he is too tired and he does nothing. I also do all the house work by myself. On the weekends he feels he's entitled to go fishing because he works all week. We only have one car so I'm home bound all the time. I'm always alone. If he does watch the baby he usually puts him in his crib until I get home. My big day out each week is going to the grocery store. I really miss work but his hours are nearly impossible to work around. I feel stuck in a rut and lied to. This isn't what we agreed upon. We have nobody to watch our child and I feel I deserve a day off too. I'm sorry but grocery shopping isn't all that glamorous! ↓
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| Name: Anne Marie | Date: Jul 8th, 2005 3:01 AM |
| I understand except we do not see my husband until two weeks are up and that is only for two days. then he is gone for another two weeks. when he comes home i want to walk out the door and enjoy me time but he calls every five minutes wondering when i am coming home. ↑ |
| Name: adel | Date: Jul 14th, 2005 8:17 PM |
| is there not a nursery or creche nearby you could leave baby so you can have some time to yourself. ↑ |
| Name: Gypsy | Date: Jul 15th, 2005 2:01 AM |
| We all have hard times at home with our kids. It is sour that your husbands job changed. With both of you workinjg it sounds like a nanny would make youe life more liveable and more what your planns were for when you gave birth to your son ↑ |
| Name: Anne-Marie | Date: Jul 15th, 2005 10:26 PM |
| Your hubby sounds like a selfish pig. I agree with Gypsy, get a job anyway and find a nanny or day centre look look after bubs for you. It will be worth the money plus you get 30% rebate, and at least you will get adult conversation and real down time from this lock up situation you are currrenlty forced into. ↑ |
| Name: loosing my mind | Date: Jul 16th, 2005 4:57 AM |
| i know how you feel i run my small painting company from home and i have 5 kids age 1 month,3years,6years,7years,and9years and two of them have add.i am so tired and stressed out. ↑ |
| Name: loosing my mind | Date: Jul 16th, 2005 5:02 AM |
| i had a vacation from my children the day last month when i went to the hospital to have my 5th baby and before that the day 3 years ago when i had the 4th and 6years ago when i had the 3rd and 7years ago when i had the 2nd and 9years ago before i had the 1st . that is the only times ieven asked someone to keep them for me. i really need a break i am so tired. ↑ |
| Name: heather | Date: Jul 16th, 2005 8:30 PM |
| exactly im 18 yrs old and im a stay at home mom i want to work but i have no car and no one to watch my kids he works 10 hrs a day and im stuck here in this house and when he comes home he doesnt feel he should have to do anything because he worked all day im pregante with my 3rd child and im scared i dont want to have this child because its bad enough that i already have 2 and no help i just want my day to go out and i dont even get time to my self when i go anywhere i have to take the kids and when i leave he calls ry 5 mins 2 ↑ |
| Name: carol anne | Date: Jul 23rd, 2005 12:47 AM |
you should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel- go out and do something just the two of you and discuss everything with him
but you should be happy that you get to raise your child, that you can stay at home,while your husband works- instead of both of you working and your kid being watched by a babysitter all the time- i mean, you need to be thankful for stuff like that and stop complaining- sure it's tough some times, but you're a parent- deal with it ↑ |
| Name: going batty | Date: Jul 25th, 2005 5:21 PM |
I think coming to a chat room and venting/looking for support from other mums in her same boat is "dealing with it"!! Sometimes knowing that you are not alone and that your feelings are valid is all you need to get you through. I don't think there is any reason to be so harsh Carol Anne!
Tia, just hang in there! You are not alone in your feelings...and they are valid feelings! We are entitled to how we actually feel. There is some very good advice in here. Feel free to "vent" whenever you need to. We are here for you. Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: key mom | Date: Jul 26th, 2005 12:32 AM |
| I dont time for my self in the last 5 years, my husbend tells me too but i feel guilty, if he tells me to get my self some new clothes i feel as im cheating my kids out of some thing so i dont do it. but mykids need me to take time for my self a couple of monthes ago i told everyone in the house i'm going out and your not going, i called my friend and we took $20 each and hit the casino and we were only gone three hour it felt so good. ↑ |
| Name: Janeice Wallers | Date: Jul 27th, 2005 12:58 AM |
| Well he cant help to be tired about his long work day hours. But on weekends what does fishing do for him besides getting a stinkin' fish? So onthe weekend try hiding your car keys and pretend to have no idea where they are and go "you were obviously the last one to USE them since you always have the car!" Then get the keys while he's helplessly searching for them and run out the door and go off to a friends house, or somewhere you wanted to try to get a chance to go to so you have a good time. Then call your husband a half hour later and say "Notice something?" hell notice alright! lol! and say this is what you do to me not th hiding keys part but driving off without asking if i have plans for today. then on sunday plan a vacation for a week with the kids and yur husband and hell forgive you and youll forgive him hell understand now and will ask if you had plans that weekend and help with the baby more often. ↑ |
| Name: Janeice Wallers | Date: Jul 27th, 2005 1:04 AM |
| Anne-Marie, I'm sorry to rudely point this out and not to embaress you or be mean but just to let you know saying that Tia's husband was a selfish pig was a little bit to mean to say to her. ↑ |
| Name: Mike | Date: Aug 10th, 2005 8:29 PM |
| My wife stays at home with our 5 children. She does an amazing job! Our situation isn't exactly like yours, but she found a great "rec-center" that has daycare for only $2/hr with a max of 2 hrs. She's gone swimming, working out, taken the older ones to activites. Check your county, maybe there's one for you! ↑ |
| Name: marie | Date: Aug 12th, 2005 2:50 AM |
| Going to a gym with childcare is a great way to get rid of stress and find a little time to yourself....You also get great adult conversation and feel better and have more energy. It is a win win situation. I found a gym that only charges 30 month with free childcare and pay month to month. Praying helps too, God can change your husbands heart and give you that contentment of staying at home. ↑ |
| Name: Pam | Date: Aug 12th, 2005 2:54 AM |
| My husband works from 6 am to 10 pm 3 days a week and then he works 2 to 10 the rest of the week. He is about to work 6 am tp 10 pm 4 days a week, but i deal with it. I understand u guys had the agreement, but who would be making most of the money you or him? U have to think about that. I don't not agree with him leaving u home with no transportation what if something happens? He needs to be more understanding and he needs to bond with the baby, cause if he doesn't the baby will not bond with him. He will later regret that. Like others said u really need to sit down and talk to him about it. ↑ |
| Name: Gwennie | Date: Sep 8th, 2005 5:35 AM |
| Oh Tia. I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Men can really be self centred, can't they? My advice would be to try and find other stay at home moms in your neighborhood who could do a weekly kid swap with you. My husband sounds a lot like yours and I have found that I need to take my mental and emotional health into my own hands and I got to know onw of the ladies from a local playgroup quite well. Now I take her two every Monday afternoon and she takes my two every Thursday afternoon. It works quite well and now that I am getting a break, I am enjoying my girls so much more! I hope you find this helpful.... ↑ |
| Name: Cirtus | Date: Sep 13th, 2005 5:44 PM |
| Name: Tia | Date: Sep 14th, 2005 4:52 PM |
| Well Citrus I am now expecting baby #2 and living in my own little world. I've kicked my husband out of our bed and make him sleep on the floor. It allows me to get a better nights sleep so I'm not so irritable. I now keep a detailed list of what my son eats, foods that may trigger unwanted behaviors, his skills that need improvement, areas he has improved on, and what we do together, what I observe, etc. I don't just sit here and watch my son all day. I am molding a healthy, functioning member of society. When I break things down for my husband I think he see's that there is more involved them just sitting in front of the TV. I also stopped cleaning all together. When there were no dishes in the cabinets I think my husband realized they just don't magically appear. I told him my only job was to watch our son. When he came home from work I would make him feed our son, change him, play with him. I said my shift was over. When he finally saw I don't get time off and how demanding and never ending my responsibilities are and he had to pick up the slack he begged me to help him. Did I mention I made him do all the grocery shopping. Our bill has increased an extra $30 a week and we have less food. I'm also with holding sex. Sundays are my time to visit family with no time limits. In the past two weeks my husband has broken out with hives from all the stress. Being pregnant has helped me be a bit more aggressive and demanding. I'll give him to the end of the month yet before I start pitching in. I need to make sure he really respects what I do. When I was in the military they broke us down to nothing so they could rebuild us into strong confident woman. I guess I'm just using the same approach. ↑ |
| Name: Melissa | Date: Sep 14th, 2005 5:42 PM |
| I'm so sorry that you're feeling down. I am a SAHM by choice, though some days I would love to go back to work. You really, *really* need to talk to your husband about how you're feeling. It is so important to have a supportive husband! It does get draining taking care of the baby all by yourself. I most definitely need time for myself and my husband is good about seeing that I get it. The way I see it is you both are working full time jobs, except with your job, you work overtime. Just because he works outside the home doesn't mean that he's working any harder than you and that he deserves more "breaks" than you. How would he like it if he had to be at his job 24/7....? I'm sure he'd get tired of it really fast, just as you probably get majorly burnt out taking care of the baby all by yourself 24/7. And it's not good for you or the baby in this situation. I hope you get some things resolved. Unfortunately, it's just going to get worse unless some things around your house change. Best of luck! ↑ |
| Name: Cirtus | Date: Sep 14th, 2005 5:46 PM |
Tia, I am so glad to hear that your feeling more impowered, visiting with your family and enjoying life.
Good plan with your son and his dite.
Do not let your self push your husband to far away.
I really respect your actions and I'll bet in the long run your husband does too. ↑ |
| Name: Tia | Date: Sep 14th, 2005 11:37 PM |
| Citrus do I sound like I'm pushing my hubby away? LOL. I'm playing hard to get. Ignoring his needs has made him want to be with me more. I give him a little bit of affection here and there like a tease. I am harsh on him right now but one thing I didn't mention is I keep praising him on what he's doing. He knows I appreciate his efforts. We argue, we joke. We're actually in the process of moving. We agreed once we get into the new house that there will be a change and a new found respect for eachother. He knows there is an end in sight. We are incredible friends and it's easy to take advantage of eachother after a while. I guess you could say we are redefining our roles. Sometimes you just need to walk in someone elses shoes to see their point of view. As power hungry as I am right now I am trying to keep it all in perspective. ↑ |
| Name: kkoz | Date: Sep 15th, 2005 2:14 AM |
| hi...I've been reading on your situation and I agree with what your doing. Sometimes these men need a taste of their own medicine and they realize what they are doing. I know this has nothing to do with your situation, but after I had my first son (9 yrs ago) my husband and I weren't married..just living together. It wasn't working for me. He was not ready to be mature and responsible yet. So after about a year and a half, I bought my own house and moved out. After only 6 months, he realized what it was like and we got married and ever since he's been pretty wonderful..for the most part. My point is sometimes men need a different view to make them realize and APPRECIATE you and your child...good luck! ↑ |
| Name: Debra | Date: Sep 17th, 2005 11:28 AM |
| see my reply under Isolated and Lonely dated 9/17/05 ↑ |
| Name: akachucks | Date: Jan 3rd, 2006 11:38 PM |
| I NEED TO WITH PEOPLE WHO WILL HELP ME ↑ |
| Name: bianca | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 2:17 AM |
| Oh my gosh, I completely understand. You never realize how good your situation is until you read about someones elses. i am a stay at home mother and i also have two stepsons. the one that lives with us is 13 and the one that visits on the weekend is 4. my newborn is 5 months today and if it werent for me taking the time to be thankful that i have a family and a little one that depends on me, i would explode of anxiety. i am 24 and my husand is 33, i moved from out of state to come here after i found out we were pregnant. my husband is self employeed but his duties require him to be gone all day somedays. (and did i mention that we also home school our 13 year old.) hes a good father but sometimes i think he forgets that there is a family behind work. we agreed that i wouldnt work and that took sometime to get use to. its nice to not be on somebodys clock but when youre home allday, walking around with baby fat, making sure the house is clean, teaching and trying to breast feed, you begin to feel like youre worthless to do anything else but that. my husband understands my roller coaster emotions but sometimes i have to remind him and let him know that i need a break. i dont want anyone to watch my baby but him, and even he will sometimes just sit the baby in the swing and work from home. when i walk i can feel my skin boiling because he thinks that since hes here that hes watching the kids. i can go on and on. my mind is racing now and i cant put everything in to place, but i do understand how you feel. communication is the key as long as you can talk without fighting. approach by telling you dont want to argue, you just need to vent and need someone to talk to. there are so many mothers in our position, we just need to find them and talk. ↑ |
| Name: sally | Date: Jan 5th, 2006 1:39 AM |
| If i was in your shoes i would be asking for another car. if he has been given a promotin with such long hours he should be able to afford 1 and that way you can get out at least even to the park or mall, i really feel for you. ↑ |
| Name: Stephanie Bush | Date: Jan 31st, 2006 6:24 PM |
| I am a stay at home mom with a baby. I was at home before I got pregnant and still am. we have one car but when the week is over (that if I didn't clean) (I clean but its never clean enough) he goes out but I have to take him. And I do every thing too. He has 2 jobs take the garbage out to the can to the road and pick them up out of the road and bring them up nope they sit there all week if I don't get them. ↑ |
| Name: jacinta | Date: May 20th, 2006 6:31 AM |
| can you ask your mum or mother in law for help? ↑ |
| Name: Tvresearcher19 | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 11:46 PM |
| Hey There! I know this is going to sound CRAZY but bear with me. I am a researcher for a new TV talk show called "The Greg Behrendt Show." Greg is awesome and we are doing a segment on 'manning up'. I think your story would fit into this category- but of course I'd have to learn more. Email me if interested! [email protected]. Greg may be able to help! ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 2:19 AM |
| Hey girls I email this poster...and laughed all the way through it. He cant have any really good idea what he is getting this Greg fellow into...hehehehehehe!!!!!! hhahahahahah!!!!! Oh sooo funny...wont be me girls on any tv show...but I couldnt stop laughing seeing a diffrent side of the whole thing. Told him to go to the new thread..."does anyone else feel........." something like that...he ought to get an earfull there..LOL! ↑ |
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