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Name: koz
[ Original Post ]
I had my 4th baby in March and I only worked part time before that. I am a nurse. I have scheduled myself since then and have been cancelled lately. The problem is I have had a lot of time and spent a ton of money on shopping. We did have my daughters baptism and sons bday party, so that was expensive. My point is how do you get back on track and stop spending money you don't have? Weve used my tax return to pay a lot of bills now thats almost gone. I am thinking of trading in my car for something else, but I don't know how much that would save. Any suggestions would help! I think I have a shopping problem!!
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Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 1:45 AM
Hello Koz and welcome. That is tough.. but you must stop! Espiecally if it is directely affecting your family...or will. Not so easy to do especially if it is a compulsive thing. But how about try....staying away from the department store and the high ticket stuff....and to help ease the compulsion....and easier on the pocketbook.....try garage saleing. Oh,.. it is so much fun! Be very selective and think about the suggested price and barter....dicker ya know. Selective is the key though. You can end up dragging junk home you really do not need. But if you find something in excellent condition and its pennies compared to the stores....and you can either actually use it or need it........ok. I have bought presents for my kids for birthday and Christmas these things are still in the box. Not a crumpled sad sorry looking box with something equally suspect inside......NO....nice things and sooooooooo cheep. I just put them in mommys hiding spots until the time arrives. I am done and saved toooooonnnnnnss.of money and had fun doing it. I dont by crap....or broken stuff.....the good stuff is out there. You just make a day of it ....have some fun....get a outstanding deal and all......well within most folks budgets.

Just a thought...take care. 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:17 AM
maxie this is true. you can stop spending It is hard and yes you will feel the withdrawl at first. about a year ago we had to take a second morgage out because of bad spending habits. now if we do not watch our p's and q's we will loose our house. we do not have the money to waste. Once you get past the beginning stages of not spending yo can get real good at it. even pride yourself in saving and being wise about the spending.
Do you know my kids apreciate when i due buy for them now. Its like thankyou mommy instead of give me. all the time. we go fishing and on picnics and do free quality time together. It has almost been a blessing to have this happen to us because when it is all about money and spending you arent really cunnecting with your family. your filling the void with the stuff. Give it a try I promice if you really put your heart into it you will know what I am saying is true. just remember it will be a challange. and you will feel the pain at first. Then again No pain no gain. Good luck 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:25 AM
I was a compulsive shopper and on occassion I catch myself spending money that could be used for something else. It's actually very hard not to just go out and spend the money. For awhiled I actually had to stop going to department stores or I went with my husband. Now I kind of trust myself to go alone although it can be difficult if I see something that I think is so cute and would love to have. I actually now go into a store and bring along a list and I will only buy what is on my list. I don't look around unless I have some extra cash to spend because this is where I run into trouble. I do however get carried away with birthday parties still so I actually put money aside each payday for that so when it's time to plan and pay I only have to worry that I don't go over what I have put away. 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:33 AM
thank you guys...it's gteat to know others have been in similar situations!! I completely agree with everything you guys have said!! What upsets me is before i got married and had kids i was such a good spender. i wouldn't spend any money and i was sooo good with my money...now i'm careless and totally opposite and it really frustrates me! thanks again for the support...i appreciate it!!! 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:37 AM
sorry about the misspells...my baby is on my lap....layne your right about connecting with your family...that makes sense..the kids get so much crap they don't even appreciate it anymore! and that makes me sad! do you guys stay at home or work??? if i didn't have all these dang credit card bills we'd be in good shape! 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:40 AM
I dont spend on my self its the kids and wanting them to have the best. thinking it was making them happy to give them the latest strawberry shortcake doll or star wars figure they dont have. But think about it the manufacturers have a good plan. they say eveything is collectable and wil retire if you dont get it you will be out of luck because it will only be around for a limited time. How clever are they!!!! 


Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:47 AM
Hey Kos....oh honey I work....just dont go out of the house in the fourdoor ya know...LOL! SAHM with tons to do I am...how about you? 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:48 AM
Koz- and they will not like it at first. I bet it took michael the longest to get over it. I stopped taking them to the stores. I still dont take them. It is just to difficult they see the things they want and they just dont understand we cant spend. and when we do spend it is a huge treat. We only eat out once a week. and no more treats at the pool. They can eat at home before. even a week ago we went to a town near by (i knew we where taking our trip to wallnut Grove. so I was saving ) I packed a lunch PBJ's and chips and filled water bottles at home and we ate in the car. instead of McDonalds. It all adds up and when we do go everyone appreciates the treat even me and the husband. 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:51 AM
I am a SAHM. but will be looking soon as the kids go back to school. 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:51 AM
the manufacturers are clever!! my sons 9th bday is tomorrow and i hate worryting about how we are gonna pay for stuff...he wants to go bowling(i hate bowling) and for dinner. I'll be like on the episode of friends getting just a side salad for dinner... i just am going to try really hard to not spend!!! I hate that sick to my stomach feeling looking at my bank statement!!Then I think back to did i really need that candle when i have a million already?? Or did my kids really need the bath and body shampoo??? They don't care!! I spend a lot of money on things for my house...such as yankee candles and things like that. and like you said stuff for the kids...when you have 4 they always need something..not to mention the diapers, wipes, ect...it all adds up! 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:56 AM
me again- But even if i do work I want a future for my kids. collage. I was waisting there future on crap.we took a loanout for the credit cards and now they are off limits. 

Name: Stacy | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 2:59 AM
Koz,
What about picking up some 1/2 shifts or shifts in another area. Usually you can spread the word around, people you work with will try & help out with a part of a shift when they can.
There is also going per diem at a different facillity.

As for spending I'm right there with you. Except I think I'm spending because I'm not happy with my husband, & it's my way to get even... hit him where it hurts... the wallet.

I hope things get better. 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:00 AM
i know i was gonna cut up some of the credit cards and just keep one for emergencies. i think a lot of the problem is since i'm home more since my daughter was born i have more free time so i just take off and shop to get out of the house. my hubby works nights so i try to get out of the house every now and then so he can get some sleep. i know what you mean...when it's time for them to go to college, they will appreciate some help with the tuiiton rather than all the crap they have now!! They have so many toys, they don't even know what to do!!! 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:03 AM
stacy..sorry to hear about your hubby situation...like i said it's relieving to know others are in the same boat or have been there...sometimes you feel your the only one! My sister husband just got promoted to captain of the chicago police dept, so they are doing well financially. He's looking at buying a cottage up in michagain and he's trying to get us to look also. I'd love to do that but i just want to tell him i'm trying to figure out how to pay my house payment let alone a second house!!! Some people don't understand! 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:05 AM
i had a party for katie this year. she invited the girls in her class. 7 girls.(small town) next year we a skipping the party with class mates and having just family. Michael will get the friends party if he wishes. They get a option either big gift or big party small gift.
he isnt the social butterfly that kate is.But I stopped going bowling and skatting or movies to much money whne you take a bunch of kids. Id do a movie and one friend though 2 tops.They dont see the lose though they are becoming used to the change. they are happy with less. Kids really do adjust it just takes time. sorry girls this has been a life change in our house and It really has set us free and i wish you all to know how happier you can be if you break the cycle. 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:09 AM
tomorrow it's just my hubby and my 5 year old son and my 9 year old going. it will be nice...grandma is watching my 3 year old terror and the baby so it will give me some much needed time with the older 2! i wish things weren't so difficutlt but only i can make a change! with all of your support and success stories, it's really encouraging! Thanks! 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:14 AM
Sounds like you should search for a new nursing job where you won't be cancelled. I wouldn't think it would be a problem since nurses are in such high demand these days.By the way,it's not how much you make that counts,it's how much you save! You should let these(tough) times be a wake up call and reorganize your finances and start putting a good chunk of money away so that when you are old enough to retire,you CAN comfortably.Some people who make good money go out and buy the best of everything and then cry when they come upon tough times and have little or no money to get them through!.......Gee,I wonder why!? My advice?......Live simple and on less and put as much of your good paycheck away as you can so when (tough) times appear,you're not so worried!!! 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:22 AM
I found that I actually shopped more when I was upset about something or my husband mad me mad. Mainly when my husband made me mad because I knew that it made him mad so it made me feel better. They actually say compulsive shopper/spender are usually found to have some form of anxiety. 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:22 AM
it's just been recently I've been getting cancelled. i love where i work but i also feel guilty leaving my kids. i feel nursing should be put on hold so i can be a full time mom..even though i was only working 8-16 hrs a week before the baby was born. but that still seems like too much esp since i'm breastfeeding her. maybe cuz she's my last baby i want to spend every second i can with her to cherish these memories, since i will never have a baby again..kinda makes me said that part of my life is over 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:25 AM
hmmm...now you have me thinking...is there more to my liking to shop than i thought??? my hubby is so laid back cuz he doesn't do the bills so he doesn't know what bills are overdue or anything...he said he'd take over the bills for me to get me to relax a little but i think that would make me more nervous cuz i have done the bills since weve been married and since i've been on my own which has been 11 years! 

Name: homemommichele | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:33 AM
I can so relate to you!! I hated working after kids. I worked 12 hour nights (I am an RN and did NICU) and pumping at work a pain in the butt. I used to work nights after my first was born and sleep with his naps during the day only so I wouldn't miss anything! After the second it was a different job in a different state and I couldn't get nights. I hated leaving 12 hour days, coming home and only seeing the baby for night feedings and the older one for a few minutes before he went to bed. Then my dh got sick and I had to come home for good. We are broker now but I am happier than I have ever been.

As for money spending, kids are expensive aren't they!! Esp after you weren't working. It's silly disability for mat leave pays you about 60% of your salary, plus you have to pay for your benifits! Like you would ever go without health insurance with a new baby!! With my first one I was really picky, people offered me stuff and I was like "no, my baby will not get used hand me downs he'll get his own stuff". With the second he got his brothers stuff plus anything else that is offered. You know what he doesn't give a hoot, and I am Home!! It is amazing all the things we think we need, and lets be honest nothing is as fun as shopping for a baby!! But as long as they are clothed, fed and warm and dry, that is all they need (then there's the cost of diapers...)! 

Name: homemommichele | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:35 AM
Btw I fully understand being "cancelled" too!! I prayed for that when I had the babies since I wanted to be home with them, but then it's a shock when you get your paycheck and your vacation and sick hours to use are gone!! So I'm sure you Love it when they cancel you, but then it's like "okay, now what!!" 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:40 AM
i also did the 12 hour 7pm to 7am nights...i'm an oncology nurse. this was when my now 9 yr old was a baby and i'd nap when he did too. how easy it was then,huh?? i thought it was hard back then. nothing is funner than shopping for my baby esp since i have a girl after 3 boys!!! there are some adorable things out there...she does not need any more clothes but some things i just cant resist! but as others have said i need to make a list and stick to it. when i go to target for just diapers i come home with diapers and $100 more worth of stuff!! 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:45 AM
homemommichele: You hit the nail on the head with that one. I got sooo excited when i'd hear the phone ring in the morning but when you get your paycheck, it's a shock...today i was pissed cuz they forgot to call me so i was like 10 miniutes from work this morning and they called my cell phone to say they didn't need me.. I live 45 minutes from my work so i was kinda mad!!! esp with gas prices... i dont know how they are where you live but here they are awful! 

Name: Denise | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 3:52 AM
koz, I know what you mean about being cancelled off. I am also a nurse. I used to work full-time third shift in labor and delivery. I felt like they used me by calling me off all the time. Once I became pregnant last year, we sold our house and paid off all of our credit cards, cars, and second mortgage. Even though everything seems fine for now, we had to use our taxes just so that I can stay home a little longer. Now, my husband informed me that I have to at least pick up one day a week of work. I usually don't spend money, because of many years of nursing school debt. However, now I find myself wanting the need to spend. Usually it is on the kids but I did spend one-hundred dollars on EBAY the other day. By the way, I had my second baby in March too. 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 4:04 AM
congrats denise..what do you have?? is your baby sleeping thru the night??? mine refuses to sleep...she gets up every day at 3am...it's getting old! 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 4:05 AM
denise i think it's when you have no money is when you find yourself wanting to spend more..why is that? 

Name: Denise | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 4:15 AM
I had my second son. He is asleep by 10:30 and he wakes up at 6:00 am. But, he is teething and cries all day long. Is your baby teething yet? About spending, I mainly do it because I get bored. 

Name: Denise | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 4:18 AM
I think it is a lifestyle or habit in which we get used to. For example, I spend more money now than when I had kids. I guess a part of it is because we think we can make up for it as nurses. Plus, the more kids we have, the more people we have to buy for. 

Name: Denise | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 4:20 AM
Sorry, I am getting tired, I meant to say, I spend more money now than before I had kids. 

Name: koz | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 4:21 AM
how do you get him to sleep??? i am jealous!!! 4 straight hours to me is good!! i think she is teething cuz she drools like crazy and sucks on her shirt but i dont see anything popping thru yet... i agree with being bored. like i mentioned earlier i am home more and have more time to go places. i am not one to sit home 

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