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Name: Tonya
[ Original Post ]
Ok i cant stand it anymore , i need some major advise. My sister doesnt take care of her child , at all. Both of my children were un planned , but i love them like they were. she planned he son, took fertility drugs and all. She sleeps in to 1;oo in the afternoon. He just runns around caged up and dirty in his pig pen of a room. i go over there every other day to bath him and love on him, she does nothing. Im thinking about sueing her for custody,but im only 18 with two children of my own. my sister is 25 for god sake!!! should i call pertective services??? HELP if i do this , i dont know whats going to happen. Another day more drama. Im the peace maker
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Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 3:52 AM
I would call CPS if you really think that it's affecting the child's health. They are very picky about what they call "abuse" though, usually drug use is the only cause to pull a child out right away. They can invesitgate though, and if it's as bad as you say then I'm sure they will take the child. Relative custody is the first choice, and as long as their are no other relatives that are in a better position (that want the child) then they will give the child to you. Just make sure that you don't tell CPS that you want him until after the child has been taken out of the home - or else they will think twice about your claims. The custody process is a long one, and you will not be granted any type of permanent custody for years. Your sister will have the chance to clean up her act and get the child back for quite a while before the state will think about making anything permanent. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 4:52 AM
Tonya- Is it neglect or just laziness? From what you described it really does not sound serious enough to have her kids taken away from her. The chances of you actually getting them if you tried are pretty slim IMO. There has to be be proof, and the child has to be in a pretty bad environment for child services to step in. I've heard of a lot worse cases than this one described and nothing was done! How old is the child? Does she sleep in like that on a regular basis?

Nicole would know better than me being in the Law biz, so do not quote me on anything. This is what I would assume though. Good luck and bless your heart for going over and bathing, loving, and making sure the child is OK. Please keep it up until this is resolved! Take care. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 5:04 AM
Yah, I'm with you Julia... without an actual dirty UA, or bruises/broken arms/obvious malnuritment - it's extremely hard to prove abuse. It really depends on who they send from CPS, and how that persons attitude is. I've seen caseworkers take kids away for less, and some that left kids with obviously abusive parents (which unfortunatly I have to push for - since they are 9 times out of 10 my clients). It's kind of a crapshoot. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 5:09 AM
If you'd like I can give you the legal definition (to supplement my personal oppinion, and what I've seen) that will make it a little more clear - and possibly help you pinpoint something that actually is against the law. I have the definition of physical abuse right on hand (I'll post it next)... but there are a few other statutes concerning it I could look up. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 5:10 AM
Abuse is defined as:

(a) Throwing, kicking, burning, or cutting a child;

(b) Striking a child with a closed fist;

(c) Shaking a child under age three;

(d) Interfering with a child's breathing;

(e) Threatening a child with a deadly weapon;

(f) Doing any other act that is likely to cause and which does cause bodily harm greater than transient pain or minor temporary marks or which is injurious to the child's health, welfare and safety. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 5:13 AM
Oh, and that is RCW:388-15-009 (Revised Code of Washington)... but those statutes don't differ much from state to state. 


Name: Julia | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 5:58 AM
Nicole- You go girl! hehe 

Name: amy | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 12:00 PM
in a gage my ass no mother is that cruel get a life its all lies this! 

Name: tammie | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 1:10 PM
talk to your mother.try to do what you can to help her out....my older sister has 6 kids.......the first 4 are in a foster home and i can not get them because i waited to long (she moved 24 hours away so the state took them) but she didn't take care of her children either. Messy house no food in the fridge......dirty diapers smelling the house and laundry everywhere.....imagine the shows on tv that show hoarding yep thats her.....anyhow.....i would go over and clean the house and take grocery's over and bath the kids but that wasn't enough........when she moved her neighbor called cps and they took her kids......she has no rights to them at all......at the time i was also only 18 and i have not seen them kids in 11 years.....my oldest neice just turned 16 and i would love to see her drive and go to prom but i might never have the chance to see her again........so belive me do what you can and try to HELP your sister out if its that bad get the kids and your mother should be the one to do it cause she is older and has more rights. 

Name: tammie | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 1:15 PM
hey amy grow up!!! 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 3:14 PM
I agree with norah and julie. CPS does have a different view on what neglect and abuse is. I feel that my cousin is a terrible mother. She does absolutely nothing with her daughter who is going to be 3 in November, her diet consist of Mountain Dew, Chips, Cookies and anything else that is just junk. Infact, it's to the point now that her little girl won't eat anything that isn't junk food. CPS went in and investigated and find that she wasn't being abuse and that although her diet was crap she still was being feed. My cousin finally did get it for neglect because a neighbor caught her running across the street while her daughter was upstair (she was sleeping) and called CPS on her.

Maybe there is an underlaying issue here that isn't being seen. Is it possible that you sister is depressed? 

Name: Tonya | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 3:16 PM
well in the state of Georgia, not feeding , bathing, or properly maintaining a home for your child is neglect. Also if there are weird scars or markes of anykind that cant be exsplained, or hitting cursing and leaving the child to fend for itself is abuse. unfortunately she fits all catagories. I was at her house last night and i told her to give him a bath, so she did. five minutes into the bath i heard a loud thud, jason had fallen or something had happened, i whent in there she said he dropped his cup, ok i will give you that doubt i thought to myself. so then i camme back in to check on him agian , he had a big not on the side of his head , i mean it was big. And i was like , ok , what did i miss, she said he hit himself in the head with a plastic cup. umm, yeah , ok , like im going to belive that. so i stayed at her house another two or three hours to make sure he was ok and that she didnt put him to bed , because it could be a concusion. so i put him to bed myself ,then had a long discussion with her and her husband. her husband isnt the father , but he has one of his own with someone eltse and he is a good dad. i couldnt understand why he couldnt help me watch her with jason. i am going over there and calling like every day. my sister is older than me but eversince we were little , i have had to take care of her. i think she maybe slow so thats why i take time out of my very full schedule to make sure everything is well.
Another thing about this is , when she was pregnant with him she got into a realy bad car accident, so she got a large setttelment from that. She got about 1 hundred grand. Already its gone after six months of getting it, poof, gone.aAnd she bought nothing for her son, i mean my god he was in the accident too. she has eight car and bought a house. her new husband just sucked it away from her.
it makes me mad that her little boy didnt get the things that he deserves. i have been goig through this with her since she got pregnant with him. reminding her to go to the doctors, take her prenatals....DONT SMOKE!!!! its taking a toll on me. it feels like i have three kids , not two. so maybe i should just make him legaly mine, she wouldnt care anyways. so sad so sad. 

Name: Tonya | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 3:25 PM
he is eighteen months, has scars on the back of his ankels from when he was a baby because she left socks on him and the sock meshed with his skin. he cryed when i had to cut it out , but theni took him to the doctor because i got scared it could be infected. there is a scare above right eye, i have no idea what happened there. she doesnt vaccum and has untrained dogs in the house, so yeah poop every were. i myself am a very clean person, how could we be raise the same and turn out so different. my mother wont do anything , she is the one that has called child services on people all the time, when i was growing up we had a house full of children because my mom would take children in. i come from a family of five , butin truth i have nineteen brothers and sisters, because my mom took in so many kids. my family is all about takin care of what needs to be done, but i guess im the only one that sees my sis is not handling it well . 

Name: Tonya | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 3:26 PM
what the heck is amy tryin to say?? umm, ok. whatever 

Name: charla | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 4:28 PM
thats awful!!! you should probebly call maybe they will come out and just see for themselves, unfortunitly most of the time the system doesnt work as it should which is very sad only the kids are suffering!!!! 

Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 4:32 PM
First of all who is amy and who cares....ignore. Tonya I am nearly sick after reading all the posts. I want to cry. This poor child...Tonya in the end you must do what your heart tells you to do. Think carefully of couse....but if it feels that right...it likely is.

The only other thing I can think of to do....is to begin asking her if it would be ok...for him to come for an overnighter. Start slow...but in time its like more his home with you.....then where he is. Sounds like that would suit her just fine. Other than that ....I havent any other solutions.

Keep us posted Tonya.....and yeah....Bless your heart...for taking care of that child....as much as you already have. I am so ill about the sock thing....so ill. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 6:20 PM
What is a gage? I'm lost on that post??? 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 6:27 PM
After reading your other posts Tonya, now I would say that is abuse! You need to call. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 7:08 PM
I just have to add this... Lol, I love you to death Ethansmom, but you keep calling me Norah. Hehe.

Oh, and I will post the statues regarding neglect later today when I go to my office. I have them saved on my computer for easy access. 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 7:13 PM
I think I would call after what else you had said. I'm not sure if it is the same where you are, but where I live if CPS goes into a house and wants to remove the child, that parent can sign over temperary guardianship to a family member. 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 7:15 PM
Sorry about that Nicole. I am not sure why I am doing that. I think I am just typing away and instead of checking what I wrote I just post it. I blame it on my pregnancy...LOL. I've been such an airhead lately. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 7:17 PM
And me Julie. heehee. But it's ok because my given name is actually Jennifer! LOL. Poor ethansmom! 

Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 9:28 PM
I was begining to wonder who Norah was...figured I missed something new....again!LOLOL!!!!! Oh Ethansmom we feel for ya hon...we've been there....from here on out....I'll just sort of connect the dots heheheehahahahhah!!!!! 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 9:32 PM
I think there is a celebrity named Norah Jones... maybe that's why, lol. It kinda goes together. I actually like my name way better since I got married. Used to be Nicole Sher Shand.... why my mother felt the need to put more than one "Sh" in my name I'll never know! 

Name: Irene | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 11:12 PM
Oh Tonya, im soo soo sorry you are going through this and this poor neglected preciouschild is living it every day also,
I myself would take your nephew and raise him as your own, your sister obviously has troubles and something is not right, maybe ask her to take him for a couple of weeks so she can sort out her life?
im not sure what to say to you, all i can say is after reading all that you have said, i just feel sympathy and sickened by it,
ill be praying for your sister and your precious nephew and ofcourse for you hon,
im really very sorry, just do what your heart tells you to do,
its never easy to dob on family But in this case i think you need to!
please fill us in on whats happening,
in the mean time God bless you Tonya xx 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 11:55 PM
Tonya what a burden. i cant imagine how you cope. It does sound like depression though. I would call and get help. It sounds like your sister needs it as well. As for your mother she might have a hard time calling for help some Mothers think the comunty will look down on her if her child looks bad or cant cope. Like its a reflection on you mom. I know it isnt a good excuse but it happens. It you have the courage Id call. you will be doing both your nephew and sister a favor. Good luck sweetheart. 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 11:56 PM
Good grief I cant spell or type....geezzzz 

Name: homemommichele | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 12:15 AM
Tonya I believe in most states you can give an anonymous report to child services. That will help as far as the family harmony if they never know it is you. They will also probably first look to place him with family. They also will look into getting her help, making her take child care classes etc. I say definately do something! That poor baby, that part about the socks just made me cry and want to throw up. 

Name: Tonya | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 2:02 AM
ok everyone i called today. they said that i need her adress , so now i have to get that and call them back, i asked if i had to say my name , they said i did,so.... 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 2:06 AM
I forgot to add that part Tonya... I was going to let you know that before - that reports can't be made anonymously. And if it goes to court and you want the children (or possibly even if someone else is going to take them) you will have to testify against her. The acused, unfortunatly, has "the right to face her acuser". 

Name: Tonya | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 8:36 PM
dang 

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