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Name: nicole jones
[ Original Post ]
Recently my mother-in-law told me that she needs knee surgery. She is 65. The other day we went to visit her and when we opened the door there was black smoke filling the house from the floor the ceiling - and she was hobbling around looking for her dog!!! She had put something in the microwave for 20 MINUTES instead of SECONDS! My 7 year old nephew was also in the house, and scared. I got him outside and then my husband put out the microwave fire, and we cleaned up everything... but it was frightening to say the least. It could have been a mistake - but I honestly think she is going senile. I decided then that maybe we should move in with her.
She lives in a 6 bedroom house all by herself, and it is severly neglected. Her dog has torn things up and she is unable to clean. Her bed sheets had not been changed in a year because she can't manage. We used to live with her about a year ago, while we were waiting for an apartment to open up, and it wasn't so bad.
The problem is that my husband and I have been having money problems, and our whole family knows that. I'm afraid that if we move in there people will think we're mooching off her, or that we lost our apartment. I know that it is usually more traditional for the M.I.L to move in with US, but she wont sell her house. I don't know what to do. I really think that she shouldn't be alone though.
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Name: Julia | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 10:20 PM
Oh Nicole, yes move in if you can! Screw what other people will think! I hate it when Family memebrs just look at something like that and assume the worst! Why do that? It's a horrible way to live your life. What is so wrong with giving people the "benefit of the doubt" in situations like these? It drives me crazy!
Anyway, it realllllllly sounds like your MIL is in need of some serious aid! She obviously cannot take of herself anymore. You would be risking serious injury or even maybe death leaving her alone from what you described. If you cannot get her some assistance, then I would say move in! She is very lucky to have Family like you that would be willing to take on that extra resposibility. Please do not worry about what anyone else thinks or says, you guys know that you're doing this for the better interest of your MIL. Good luck and keep us posted. 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 12:15 AM
Nicole, Julia is absoultly write! Look at it this way you will be helping your mother in law and she will be help you. Dont worrie about the family, you dont see them steping up to the plate! I took care of my mother in law while she was sick with emphazima, it is not an easy thing to do. Good luck! do what is write for you and your mother in law. 

Name: Serina S | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 12:51 AM
I agree with the other ladies but I must add ..Have you asked her if she would want you too move back in?
If she does I hate to say the but trust me I have reason to say this ..if she passes away whose name is on the title of the house. If it is not you guys then I would have your names added. This happend to a friend of mine... Her whole family moved in with her Mom when she passed they had to get out because she left the house & all her money to her sister. They had no place to go & no money to go with.
Very sad th had to live in a shelter for 6 months unill they saved up for security and rent . ( they live in another state & did not want to come stay with me) Small apt.
Anyway Could you speek to your Mother inlaws family and let them know how she is. Tell them what you are planning and how they feel about it.
Most likley they would be happy that you are willing to help out.
Do not tell them about the title name change they might fight onver that ..ya never know.
You are suich a winderfulperson & I would hate to ahve aqnything bad happen so sorry if I am being over cautious. But better safe then sorry.
God bless you and yours 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 1:14 AM
Serina is correct, make sure you are not removed from the home if she were to pass away. Have all your ducks lined up first! 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 2:05 AM
I too agree with the others! 

Name: Lynne n | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 8:27 AM
You just need to think about one thing....you will soon have a new born baby!
Would you be able to cope with a new born and your mother in law who maybe or not losing her mind!
It will be hard enough work with a new born let alone a old lady who needs a lot of care! 


Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 8:18 PM
Hello Nicole, any more news on the move? 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 8:24 PM
Nope, I have to wait for a while. I have to stay where I am until I get my surgery. But I think it will depend on whether or not my husband can get her house cleaned out enough for us to move there and whether or not she agrees to leave us the house in her will. I will probably know by September if we're moving or not. 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 8:30 PM
Hopefully it will al work out for all of you. You will have to keep us informed. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 5:21 AM
I talked to my husband, and I think that at tax return time we are going to go ahead and buy the house from her. I am definitly going to let her know that she can either stay in the house, just like she is, and I wont touch any of her stuff (wall hangings, carpet, '70s grandma decor, etc.) ... or she can just take the money and buy a 1 story place where she can get around more easily. Her husband built that house 40 years ago - so I'm sure she would still be attached to it even if I owned it - until she dies I probably wouldn't re-decorate much or re-model. I am really happy about it though, because I adore the house. I don't know what I'm going to do with 6 bedrooms and only 2 kids though. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 5:21 AM
Maybe I'll have to talk my husband into 3 more kids to fill the spare rooms, lol. 

Name: Serina S | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 12:26 PM
Bless your hear t! You are such a kind & considerate person. I wish you all the luck in your move. Ya know you can make i room a study and another room a sewing \craft room & the other 2 guest rooms..just a thought?? Ya know if you get tight with money youcould always rent a room...
God BLess & may everthing for you all go smoothly! 

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