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Some of you may have heard me talk about my mother, who is a very very sick woman, but I think she actually topped herself this time. Yesterday I called my her to tell her I'm pregnant but that I have a tumor that needs to be removed and it could complicate the pregnancy. I exlplained that I'd been having pretty intense pain from the growing tumor. Instead of concern or congratulations, you know what she said? "Well, if you think that tumor hurts then you'd just better have the surgery and let them abort the baby - you'll never be able to handle being pregnant." What would posess someone to say something like that!? Should I even call her again and keep her updated? ↓
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| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 4:13 PM |
Again Congradulation on your pregnancy. Sorry to hear that you mother is being so harsh and not more supportive.
Being who I am and feeling the no one has the right to make me feel bad but myself. Tell her who she made you feel. You come to her in a time of need and she let you down. That she hurt you with the harsh things that she said. And tell her that if she really feel this way then would she rather you not keep her updated at all. Or you can wait and let her some to you because unless she is truely a cold women she will eventually come around and ask why you haven't kept her updated. ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 4:43 PM |
I agree with Ethansmom0123!
Tell her how you feel.she had no right to speak to you like that! ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 5:03 PM |
Oh Nicole I am extatic for you.......wow wee!!!!!! I will be praying for you and baby you can be certain. I have read the other post too about your being pegers.....and the response to the other thread.
Like I thought......you just didnt strike me as a cluber.....you are far to grown up for that ...and the responsibilities you are taking on....wouldnt leave anyone the time for that. Be proud of yourself Nicole......you are an outstanding young lady. Who is getting it together....years in advance than most of us did. I support you from my heart....I do believe its a passing part of life....you just keep going.....and it will pass. I would love to give you a hug.......consider it done from soul to soul...LOL!
EthansMom is right.........but too, I dont believe I would call her. Just wait it out. When she comes round or does call, IF SOME.. other nasty comment comes your way....then GENTLY let her know how you feel. It is so difficult to control I do understand when there are feelings....emotions....concerns....history involved but honey...just state you beliefs....although, in a gentle tone...but firm at the same time.
When a woman is married (and I realized you are still young...but wise beyond your years) and is doing all that she can to build a good home environment and loving family......it is time for mother to respect and back away some. Though othen it can be difficult for them to accept this....and no acceptance will come without the foundation. When you do speak to her regarding the matter....you are laying the foundation of seperation between 'mommy' and your new life. Expressing you love her regardless....but its time for her to work on accepting your choices. Laying the foundation for the future.
Once said dear....excuse yourself....(you might have to fib here....but work with me) you need to tend to.....are expecting....have to......SO THAT, the arguement will not have time to manifest. All you want to accomplish is letting her know where you stand and how you feel without confrontation. If it heats before you get that chance.......DONT BITE!!!!!! Bite your lip...look down if you must, put on the thinking cap.......and find the excuse you need. Your aim was not to let that happen and if it is begun by mom ..... nip it in the bud.
This part of life is often neither pleasent for parent or child but so often needs doing. Then just leave it with her. Let what you have said sink in some. It may well be a while before it does...but just stand you ground same as before....and honey in time.. this too shall pass.
Again Nicole I am so happy for you.........and no doubts about it you are in our prayers.
love
Maxie ↑ |
| Name: mommyagain | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 7:00 PM |
| OMG Nicole. I think we may have more in common than we thought. I wasnt going to put this on here but since im not the only one with a crazy mom here it goes... last weekend my mom was put in a behavioral health unit (nut house) for trying to kill my stepfather with a baseball bat then trying to kill herself... yet doesnt understand why all her kids have given up on her. I have known for a long time that she is sick but this just topped it off. Trust me I understand your anger and you have every right. ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 8:34 PM |
| Join the club! My mother would have said something very similiar to that! My only advise, do not let her ruin your happiness during this wonderful time in your life! Do not allow it! She wins if you show her she is affecting you. That's what my mother loved anyway. Her mission was to keep us kids down and avoid any happiness in our lives. Once I finally realized this, I no longer allowed it and it drove her nuts! Avoid her if she is going to be negative during this stressful, but yet happy time in your lives. Good luck. ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 8:40 PM |
| Oh, and Nicole, we need to get together when I move up your way!! I think we would have A LOT to talk about!!! :) hehe ↑ |
| Name: Stacy | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 8:56 PM |
Nicole,
Don't dwell on your psychotic mother, tumors grow on negitive energy. Focus all you have on the little baby growing inside of you.
I would't go out of your way to keep your mom updated. And, when your mom calls (which she will) let her know what she did & how that made you feel. You may need to remind her that you are an adult, you love her & want her in your life, but if she continues to be negitive time with her will be minimal.
Nicole, you are truely wise beyond your years, I have faith your will do what's best for you & your growing family. ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 9:51 PM |
Thank you guys so much. It really helps to have supportive women to talk to. I've never really had many around. My mother is extremely anti-social, so relatives and family friends growing up never lasted long before she'd find a reason they were "evil" or "out to get her" and they'd disappear never to be heard from again. I think I agree that now I should give up and let her put in a little effort. She loves babies, so hopefully after I have mine she'll be civil enough to visit for christmas or something.
To Mommyagain - I completly empathize! When I was about 14 or 15 I had a boyfriend living with my mother and I, and while we were having dinner my mother flipped out. She started talking about an argument she'd had with the neighbor and then progressed to talking about restraining orders, and told us she wasn't leaving the house for fear they'd hassle her. She then pushed the couch in front of the door and started calling herself a "caged animal"... the neighbor she was talking about? a sweet 35 year old single mother of 4. Of course, the boyfriend got all freaked out, and I was embarassed. I ended up taking my mother to the court house to get the restraining order just to shut her up. it was horrible. I got a GED and quit school so that I could work full-time and afford my own place shortly after that, and sued her to get her parental rights terminated a couple months later. ↑ |
| Name: charla | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 10:18 PM |
| wow you have had a very eventfull life already at such a young age !!! i didnt realize all of these things you had gone trough . you keep your head up and continue tobe strong and youll do fine !!! ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 10:22 PM |
| Yup. But things have settled way down since I got married and moved away. Thank God. ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 9th, 2006 5:38 PM |
| I have a grandmother who I haven't talk to in about 7 or 8 years because when I worked at Walmart as a cashier she had come thru my aisle, asked me "if my dad was really as sick as everyone saying." I told her that I had no clue as to what she was talking about although I did and because I didn't give her the answer she wanted she went off saying, "Oh it must be that Father, Daughter bond. Why don't you do me a favor and tell you FATHER to just hurry up and die so we can start the new year without him in it." Pretty much it's everyone elses fault why she nolonger talks to them, it has nothing to do with the fact that she goes psychotic and calls you an outcast because you don't agree or do what she want you to do. Once a year I send her a picture of my family and that's all she get. I hear from people how she misses us and wishes that she could see us, and yet she has my address and my phone number and has never bothered to use it. I know this isn't necessarily the same thing but I do understand someone to how you feel. She'll come around I'm sure ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 12:30 AM |
Nicole,
I know you must be going through a lot right now. The hopes of becoming a new mom and worry of the unknown. I would just take what your mother said, "with a grain of salt" (as the old saying goes). She is your mother and she worries about her baby too. She knows your young and you can have more kids. Try not to worry so much about what she said, because you have more important things to deal with right now. Just take one day at a time and get lots of rest.. You don't need to add anymore stress on you and the baby right now. So, as hard as it may seem, just put it behind you. Sometimes people don't think before they speek, you are at a very emotional state right now. Just take care of yourself and pray that GOD will take care of the baby. ↑ |
| Name: mommyagain | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 12:35 AM |
| It is so humiliating ya know. I dont even know what to say other than that. Why cant these woman get some help instead of screwing up there children too. ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 1:06 AM |
| Some times I think women are jeleous of other women even if it's their own daughter. That's how my mother is. When I told her I was pregnant for the second time, I thought she would be excited but instead, she looked at my husband and said,"SHE BETTER WORK". What ever that is supose to mean (probably because she had to), now I am intentially not working (some of it is because of her, plus she doesn't help with daycare). I think she really wants my life to be as hard as hers was. I can't help I made better decisions than she did. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 22nd, 2006 11:26 PM |
nICOLE i HAVE A STORY TO TELL YOU THAT IS VERY PAINFUL FOR ME. 11 YEARS AGO WHEN i TOLD MY MOM i WAS PG SHE WAS SO UNSET. SHE TOLD ME : WELL YOU COULD HAVE A ABORTION. WHY WOULD I DO THAT MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED 3 YEARS AND TRIED TO GET PG FOR 2.
ALLS I CAN COME UP WITH IS THIS WAS MY 2ND MARRAGE AND MY OLDEST SON WAS 12. I GUESS SHE THOUGHT I DIDNT NEED ANYMORE KIDS. TO TOP THIS ALL OFF I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC AND SHE NEVER MISSES MASS. THEN I GOT PG 2 YEARS LATER WITH MY DAUGHTER AND SHE TOLD ME THE SAME THING. I THINK THIS IS TOTALY SELFISH TO TELL SOMEONE THAT IS HAPPY ABOUT HAVING A BABY TO ABORT.
I AM SO SORRY, I WOULD TELL YOU TO IGNOR BUT THATS HARD TO DO COMING FROM FAMILY. WE ARE HAPPY FOR YOU AND IF I WERE THERE I WOULD HUG YOU AND GO BABY SHOPPING
QUESTION THOUGH HOW OLD IS YOU HUBBY? ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 12:56 AM |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 1:35 AM |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 2:21 AM |
| BECAUSE, i THINK AGE HAD ALOT TO DO WITH MY MOM NOT WANTING ME TO HAVE ANYMORE KIDS. MY HUSBAND WAS OLDER THEN I. I WAS 26 WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER AND HE WAS 37. i THINK SHE THOUGHT WE WOULDN'T LAST.OR MAYBE WAS HOPING WE WOULDNT. BUT 2 KIDS AND 15 YEARS LATER WE HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 2:32 AM |
| Hi, Nicole wow! you are 18 and your husband is 36. That is a huge age diffrence. I am sorry I dont mean to stray off the subject at hand, but I couldnt help but notice. By the way I also offer you congradulations!! Hope fully you can work it out with mom. ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 3:33 AM |
| I don't think her problem is with my husband, it's definitly with me... and yes, I realize there is a 19 year age difference, but trust me, she isn't that type of woman - she couldn't care less if I was married to a 50 year old janitor. That was part of the reason I sued her and got her parental rights terminated. She wasn't being a mother, and never cared about things like that. ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 3:41 AM |
| Oh, and I am 17. Not 18 until November 1st... which I usually don't say - but I didn't want to sound like I can't count. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 4:42 AM |
| THATS THE BEAUTY OF THE FORUMS WE ALL TEND TO BE MORE OPEN MINDED. I WISH LIFE WAS AS EXCEPTING IN THE REAL WORLD. THERE WOULD DEFINATELY BE MORE HAPPINESS ↑ |
| Name: Melissa | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 4:43 AM |
| to nicole..... my boyfriend soon to be hubby, is also a lot older than me. guess we have that in common. do people ever ask if you are his daughter or wife? i have had that before and it makes me so mad. people can be rude. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 4:47 AM |
| MELISSA SOME DAY YOU WILL LOOK AT THAT AND WISH THEY STILL ASKED. i KNOW WHEN i WENT TO MY HUSBANDS CLASS REUNION ALL THE GUYS WERE ENVIOUSE. NOW NO ONE NOTICES.....DARNIT ANYWAY! ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 5:50 AM |
| Most of the time it's like Layne said... I used to model, and stuff like that... when I go to his work sometimes the waiters make jokes about me "leaving the old man". But people do comment. I've had one clerk at a store mistake me for his daughter. I let her keep talking on and on with him about how she had kids just like me - and then after he ran his card I stopped her and said "wait a minute - use mine" and when she handed the receipt she said Miss Jones. I just simply said "That's Mrs." and walked out. I was pretty pissed. These days nobody should assume. ↑ |
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