I was just wondering how all of you handle unsolicited advice from people, even strangers. I am currently Bf my 4 month old and everyone has been asking if I have started cereal or formula, when I am going to wean, etc. They feel the need to tell me that they started cereal at 4 months and their child began sleeping through the night, and blah , blah , blah. Also today at church the nursery worker told me I should be leaving my baby with other people so he is not so attached to me. (Not once has he made it through the whole time, they ALWAYS end up paging me because he gets upset). I really want to be like why should I give my child formula when I have something 10X better, easier and FREE, or tell them the AAP recommends exclusive BF for 6 months because giving solids too early leads to childhood obesity, diabetes and other health problems, and why should I pay to leave my child my someone else when no one can love him like I do and can give the absolute best care. AARRGG people drive me crazy, I really wish I had a snappy comment for them but all I ever do is say uh huh *roll eyes*. And my MIL asked a couple weeks ago if our son was rolling over I said no. She doubtfully looked at me and said really because most babies are by now, then like a week later he started rolling over and when my hubby told her she said "see I told you so".
So what do all of you say to those annoying people, who by the way are the same aggravating "belly rubbers" and "baby touchers"? ↓
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| Name: Julia | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 12:45 AM |
| I don't know, I think to some extent they are just trying to be helpful. I am sure their intentions are good. But I think recommending anything other than breast milk at that age is odd! I personally thought six months was when you introduced them to cereal? At least that was what I was told when I had my daughter 6 years ago. But to imply that formula or cereal should replace breast milk is ridiculous!! Regarding leaving the baby with someone else at church may not be a bad idea as long as it was for a short while at that age. Getting him or her use to being around other people is important. But if they have to page you back each time, then I agree, it's just not worth the hassle and maybe try again in a month or two. I know it can be frustrating and I do not blame you, but I also know that there are people out there that just feel they are helping, not knowing it is annoying you. In the future, I would just politely say, thank you for your advise, but I have a system down that really works well for us. They should get the hint. ;) ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 1:06 AM |
| I think they need to mind their own business. I don't care if they have raised 50 children and 100 grandchildren, you are the mom and know your child better than anyone. I just thank them for their input, tell them I'll keep it in mind, then do what I know is right for my child!! ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 1:14 AM |
Firewife, you sound very well informed and really in tune with your child and their routine. I think all moms whether they have little babies or grown children feel the need to pass on how they do/did things. It is something that unites us mothers....but to be honest a lot of what you get told is just hooey!!! Filter out anything you think is unreasonable. You will know what is best for your little one.
As for MIL.... I can't help you there. My husbands mom died when he was only 3 and his dad remarried when he was 5. His step mom was never very maternal so she knows very little about babies. Maybe I'm lucky but sometimes I could use some help (my mom lives in Canada and I live in Australia...I sure wish we lived closer to her because she is a wonderful mother). That is why this forum is so helpful. Goodluck and if you find that one snappy comeback let me know!!! ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 1:21 AM |
| Say, "I am his mother and this is what I feel is best". I know what you mean, everybody always thinks they are Mrs. Brady or something. What I hate the most is those people that don't even have kids, giving advise. You do what is right in your heart for your baby. YOU ARE HIS MOTHER, NO ONE ELSE. You can also say, "I feel this is best for MY baby right now", or "Every baby develops at his or her own rate, just ask the pediatrician!" ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 3:10 AM |
My mom is one of those ADVISE GIVER, she claims that she is just giving her opinion but to me I feel as if she is telling me what to do. Like with a walker, she wanted to buy my son a walker when he was younger and I told her "No, that they don't recommend walked for babies. I told that his doctor as well as several articles that I read say that it can cause issue with his hip bones or something like that." Right away she gets mad and starts yelling, "You turned out fine, there's nothing wrong with you." I hear the same thing with everything she tell me to do. So now I let her say what she wants and pretend that I don't even hear about it or I tell her that I didn't ask which can be mean but at the same time I look at it this way. Regardless of whether something is said or not we are going to argue.
I do feel that people are quick to give their opinions as they call them and I too hate it when someone give me advise what I didn't ask for it. If I didn't ask it's because I wasn't wondering if I could be doing something differently. If I ask I usually only looking to see if I can't find something that might work a little better. I usually just say "Thankx, I'll keep that in mind" and then walk away and forget about it ↑ |
| Name: katesmom | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 3:55 PM |
| Other people - its a daily struggle for me too to show some kindness yet ignore. In the 8 mnths that I have been a new mom I've listened to all of this advice/ judgement. At the end of the day though I listen to my heart (that sounds geeky right?). Despite the mountain of advice from stranger and family you are the only one who truly knows your baby. Development is so different from person to person, as it should be because we are unique individuals. I've done things not recommended by other people and my baby is healthy and happy. She began cereal earlier than 6 months, we practiced co-sleeping, she rolled over early - crawled later, didn't sleep through until recently - listen to your baby - somehow they seem to let you know when they are ready. And as for that advice on leaving your baby so they might be less attached? What is this person thinking - the first year is markedly about trust building namely with the babies parents. I'm going off here a little - you hit a sensitive spot!!! I struggle with this all the time and wish I had a better answer for you. Good luck ............... ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 3:59 PM |
I would juat make it very clear that he /she is your child and you are bringing them up and you will do it your way!
But thank them for their advice!
It really annoys me because every baby is different and will do things in their own time.You will find that were your baby will behind on something someone elses baby will be doing it and vice versa! ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 4:58 PM |
I have a friend who is a social worker, she works with single mother as well as low income families. Everytime that we would visit or talk to one another on the phone she was always like, "Are you doing this, it's very important that you do this." At 2 months my son was given a TBSP of cereal in his formula because of acid reflex (I didn't want to medicate so I was told by my son Peditrician to try this). I had mentioned it to my friend and she was, "You shouldn't do that. They don't recommend it because the nipple holes have to be bigger so that the ceral can fit through them and that can cause you baby to choke." I didn't decide to do this on my own, I was doing this under his doctors advice and second my son never choked. a TBSP of cereal to 4 to 6 ounce of formula fit fine through the nipples that we had. I actually got so fed up with her telling me what I should and should not be doing with my son that I turned around and said, "Emily, I am sorry to say this but I am your friend not your of your families. I am not here for you to tell me how to raise my son. Any advise you might have for me is more then welcome but do not tell me how to raise my son. It is true that I am a new mother, but just as every new mother I learn from my mistake and from things that seem to work. And I would never give or do anything to my son that I thought would hurt him in anyway." Although it was a little harsh on my part she did apologize and told me that sometimes she forgets.
Every child is different. What might work with one may not work for another. Some people just jump the gun and forget about this fact. ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 6:04 PM |
The beauty about "advice" is you do not have to take it, no biggie. ;)
Katesmom- I agree with you that the first year is important in attachement parenting, so please do not think I was stating otherwise. Leaving your baby at a nursery while at church is a little different. That's why they have them, so the parents can enjoy their service. Being away from baby for an hour is not a big deal and will not cause any less attachement? ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 6:06 PM |
| Last note- I just wanted to make sure it didn't sound like I thought your baby should not be attached to you! ;) ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 7:23 PM |
Oh firewife you crack me up....only because I hear myself in your post!!!! Listen....you do with your child what you believe is best. Mother knows. And then these aggravating "belly rubbers" LOL!...tell you what they think...just nicely say...."you raise your children your way...and I will raise my children my way" I so drives the point home. And further some of the belly rubbers dont even have kids!?!!!!! So theres one for you. If you ask then ok either disrguard or use it. Theres another...."did I ask?" Humm?
I am laughing cuz I remember the same thing and it drove me nuts...till I put on my thinking cap (after I found my mind) and then I used them. Nicely....but it shut them down. Thank goodness!
Good luck hon..
Maxie ↑ |
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